Don't Know How Much Is Left of Him
- "When I pleaded my Lord to help you, I also pleaded for Sarevok," Jelena explained. "He said that Sarevok's fate is out of the hands of any individual god. That he has a role on a grand scale of events in Toril, but not the way he thinks. He didn't know anything more specific, and it is possible that even Ao doesn't. That's all - I have no idea if he will be destroyed, or what will happen."
- "I... I don't know how much is left of him. When you died, he... shattered," Winski said, painfully thinking that he had truly done his best to accelerate this development.
- "Oh, I know. He was little more than a vessel for rage of a vengeful, dead and evil god. He was always very clever... when it came to something other than his own feelings, passions and motivations." Jelena smiled ruefully.
- "But was he destroyed then? I assume he is dead by now," said Winski anxiously. Their surroundings were lush, trees and bushes abundant with ripe berries and fruit, but he barely noticed this or the beauty. There was just the darkness and anxiety of the underground passage near the entrance of the Undercity. He lay dying, stabbed by his beloved son turned monster again.
- "He is dead, yes. I assume he is somewhere in the Underworld. Abyss, I guess, since that is the former home of that infernal bastard of a phantom that spawned him," said Jelena. "But there is something that can give us both hope. You saw his plunge into the depths of madness - it may prevent you from seeing clearly. But there is much in him that is Sarevok. Not Bhaal, not divinity - just the things that made him our son, who in better circumstances could have grown to be a good and great man. He has amazing strength of character and willpower, proud and passionate as he is. He has no cowardice and he never stops trying. I can feel these things in him even now. Not many could have stood the suffering he is going through and not been broken."
- "Same could have been said of his youth," said Winski. "Can you tell what he is thinking, how he is feeling?"
- "Oh no, nothing that specific. I only can catch his emotions, and then only when he is thinking about me, pleading strength from me. But I suppose he still believes in his foolish goals - all the strength and cunning he has must have been concentrated on not breaking and dissolving. And in times like that one cannot reflect too much, doubt or change their outlooks. I hope... I hope we will be able to communicate with him one day. I hope he will see that there are much better goals... that evil and cruel people like Reiltar must not be fought by becoming as callous as them, only stronger."
- "How must they be fought then, Jelena?" asked Winski, genuinely puzzled.
- "By defending those they would harm. By doing one's own best to set a good example. I know it doesn't always work, but it is important to believe and try..."
- "I find it hard to think that way. It is not logically neat - it leaves a vague and undefined area where you just have to hope for the best," Winski frowned.
- "That is where faith comes in," Jelena said. "Not necessarily a faith to a god, though they may represent something important you believe in. But faith into something that you hold in greater importance than your own life, something that you believe must exist. For me this something is compassion, mercy and kindness, represented by my reverence for Ilmater."
- "This again is hard for me. I have been used to thinking that only things that can be logically deduced have inherent value. Because only they are true in any sense of the word. However, what I felt for Sarevok was the first clue that it isn't all there is..."
- "Well, you believe that knowledge is important. You believe that people should fulfill their potential. You despise wanton cruelty and pettiness. These are all values and matters of faith."
Winski nodded, and they both were quiet for a long while, thinking.
Winski stood up and picked a few round, red-cheeked apples. The dusk started to set in, but the night was still warm. In the distance he could spot a group of folks setting a logfire with a lot of enthusiasm and less organisation.
He sat next to Jelena, offering an apple to her. She thanked him and laughed softly.
- "What?" Winski snuggled next to her, embracing her shoulders.
- "Just a silly little thing... I met a soul from a strange land from some other dimension here. They have a legend of a first woman and man. If I recall right it was the woman who picked an apple, and offered it to him. This was a very bad thing and they were banished from the happiness they lived in."
- "Hm. Must have been quite a shortage of apples."
- "Oh no, on the contrary. They had an abundance of apple trees, but there was this one and only they were not allowed to touch. The god who had created them and the place in the first place had specifically forbidden them."
- "And these two were... humans?" asked Winski incredulously.
- "Right."
- "What a moronic god. If they were humans he might as well have hung a sign on the tree saying "Go ahead and eat". Why didn't he just put the tree someplace they had no access to?"
Jelena shrugged, and they both shook their heads, thinking that whatever faults their gods had they at least were more rational than this one.
- "Winski? Do you feel anger? For Sarevok?"
Winski was quiet for a moment, searching his soul.
- "Amazingly, no. I always thought he might kill me one day - after all it was perfectly consistent with the philosophy I had encouraged him with. And when he did, I was just a bit... taken aback. When I realised I was going to die, that my life and my goals were over... I just hoped I could save him and felt again the love. So strong... and I wished that I could change the way things had gone wrong. If I saw him again, I would just want to hold him..." his voice quavered, and he angrily wiped the tear away.
Jelena held his hand.
- "Perhaps we could go meet those folks at the logfire?"
