Hello everyone. Happy April, and may it not be the apocalypse that we've all been expecting. Fingers crossed.


Thor watched his brother crumble like it was happening in slow motion. He blinked, uncomprehending, Loki's words still swirling in his head. Even surging forward to catch him felt like moving under water, done completely on auto-pilot. Thinking, for those few agonizingly long heart-beats, was impossible.

Loki had been smiling.

He'd suffered horrible things, been subjected to the worst crimes recognized in the known universe. But he'd been smiling; not one of the sharp, biting (bordering on deranged) smiles that Thor had seen far too much of over the last decade, but a true, gentle Loki-smile that he hadn't seen nearly enough of in more than a century. His baby brother had been smiling and everything was going to be okay so why—

Reality snapped back into focus as Loki's dead weight settled against his chest. The air blasted out of his lungs like he'd been struck in the gut. Cold clamped around his insides, around his heart. He slid to the ground, still cradling his brother against his chest. Loki's head lolled against his shoulder, completely limp. His face was colorless, his breathing so shallow that Thor could barely see it.

No, was all he could think, his stomach sinking and his heart clogging in his throat. Please, please, no.

"Loki," he croaked. No response. Black spots started to dance in the periphery of Thor's vision as he tried and failed to get air into his lungs. "Loki. Loki!"

He gripped Loki's shoulders, shaking him. His brother's head continued to roll, snapping back and forth.

"Thor, stop. Stop!" Tony raced over, yanking on the bigger man's arm. "You've got to put him down. You're going to hurt him."

Thor froze, immediately crushing Loki back to his chest. His heart raced with the impotent desire to run runrun. "What's wrong with him?" he asked instead.

Tony glanced down at Loki, swallowing down his own swell of panic. He looked back at the others, helplessly working his jaw. Sam joined them, crouching by Thor's opposite side. Tony cleared his throat, forcing his voice to work. "I don't know, buddy. I don't know. Just let Sam take a look at him. We'll help him, I promise."

Thor hesitated, holding his brother closer. This was the only way he could even tell Loki was still breathing; he couldn't just let him go. What if Loki slipped away (again) while he was just sitting there, watching—

"He's right, Thor," Sam nudged. "Please."

Thor exhaled a shaky breath, then slowly stretched Loki out on his back. Sam dashed forward quickly checking the unconscious man's vitals. Shallow breathing, faint erratic pulse, noticeable drop in body temperature. Not good, he thought, fighting to keep his composure as Thor continued to radiate anxiety at his side. He tapped Loki's face, begging for some kind of reaction.

"Loki, can you hear me? Come one, man, talk to me." He froze, adjusting his hands to Loki's throat. He swore, "I lost it. I lost his pulse."

"Loki," Thor croaked. His throat closed up, his heart battered against his rib cage. He reached a trembling hand toward his brother. Tony and the others likewise edged closer.

"Get back," Sam snapped, waving them off. "Everyone stay back! We need medical in here, right now. Tell them we need defibrillators, adrenaline — just get a damn doctor in here! Someone go now!"

There was a beat of stillness, and then the Avengers jumped into action. Steve turned on his heels and raced for the door. Tony turned to the Guardians and nudged them back, which they did with no complaint, hovering by the far wall.

And Natasha went to Thor. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, murmuring in his ear. He remained imobile on his knees, staring wide eyed and unblinking at his brother's still body.

Sam ignored them all. He still couldn't find the barest flutter of a pulse and when he checked Loki's breathing, he found nothing. Muttering a curse, fighting down dread, he tilted Loki's head back and started CPR.

"Come on, Loki," he muttered between breaths. "Come on. Don't do this, man. Don't do this."

Okoye rushed in, sparing a curious glance at the empty doorway. She surveyed the room, the damaged walls, and then zeroed in on the crowd. "Are we under attack? Should we prepare our troops?"

"No," Sam said. "And unless you're here with the doctor, get the hell out."

Okoye hesitated, then stepped aside as Steve ran back in, a pair of Wakandan's right behind him. Bracing himself against the wall as he caught his breath, Steve waved the two medics over.

It was then that Hela finally moved out of the shadows, motioning them back.

"Hold that," she said coolly. "Move aside."

Seeing her coming, Thor snapped out of his haze. He nudged Natasha aside, moving to intercept his sister. It didn't matter that they were supposed to be on good terms. Right now all he saw was the woman who'd snatched out his eye making a beeline for his helpless brother.

Lightening stirred in his veins, crackled in his voice. "Keep away from him."

Hela stared at him, face blank of emotion, for a beat. Then she swatted him aside like a fly. He smacked into the far wall, too winded to get back up. She turned her gaze to the group of humans hovered around Loki. The two medics scampered back without further direction. Sam hesitated.

"We can't help him if you don't let us," he said.

"I'm the only one who can help him. Trust me."

Sam hovered for a moment longer, looked back to the useless effects of his efforts, and then moved back. She nodded to him in quiet acknowledgment. Kneeling by Loki's side, she placed two fingers on his forehead, just as Thor got his feet back under him.

Loki's eyes shot open as he sucked in a surprised breath. Blinking blearily he glanced around the room, slowly focusing as he looked between Hela and Thor. Taking in his brother's rumpled state and the way his aggressive body language was aimed at Hela, he rolled his eyes with a tired sigh.

"I take my eyes off of you two for five seconds," he muttered.

Tony snorted a relieved laugh and made his way back over. "You okay there, Lokes?" he asked, squeezing Loki's shoulder.

Loki wrinkled his nose. "Don't call me that."

"Yeah, I'm not digging it, either. I'll come up with something better." He helped Loki slowly sit up. "You gave us a real scare, buddy."

"What happened?"

"You passed out," Sam explained. He pulled out a penlight, examined Loki's pupils. "Your heart stopped for a minute. Are you feeling any more lightheadedness, any pain in your chest?"

Loki scowled at the light and waved Sam's prodding away. A troubled expression suddenly flashed over his face and he directed a questioning look over to Hela. She responded with a pained wince.

"I'm sorry, darling. We're out of time."

Loki closed his eyes for a moment, then nodded.

Thor cautiously made his way over, sending Hela a suspicious side-glance. He examined his brother, relief and renewed anxiety running sickening circles in his gut.

"Loki," he demanded. "What. Is. Going on?"

Loki nodded again, slowly getting to his feet. "Okay. All right," he said, taking a deep breath. "I promise I'll explain. But first, there are some things I need to pass on to safer hands."

Thor's eyes went wide. "Loki — "

"Thor. Just, let me do this first. Please."

He flicked his hand, and the holo-table righted itself. With a shimmer of green light, a tiny flame appeared in his cupped hand. Solemnly, he held the flame up for Thor to see.

"This is what's left of the Eternal Flame. It's one of the oldest relics in the universe, under Asgard's care for all of our father's reign. It's for you to look after now." He produced a waxed candle and set the flame onto the wick. "Might be handy, when we rebuild Asgard."

Placing the candle on the table, he twirled his wrist, conjuring another green shimmer of magic. This time, a golden apple settled in his palm.

"From Idunn's tree. Some of our oldest legends say it's the key to Asgardian's longevity. It's either that, or a really nice paper weight. Either way," he turned, placing the apple next to the Eternal Candle, "familiarity is going to be important for our people over these next few years. Planting a new tree, when you find somewhere to settle, will bring them comfort. It'll be a good first step in building our new home."

Thor nodded, a gentle look of awe on his face as he studied the treasures. Then his expression twisted into a scowl as Loki summoned another object, stumbling back this time as it settled in his arms. He hefted a wooden crate onto the table, filled to the brim with dusty scrolls, yellowed by time.

"Those are the ancient texts from Father's private collection," Thor said.

"That they are. They cover the earliest of Asgard's history, ancient spells, architecture. The most important foundations for who we are as a people. I grabbed the most valuable scrolls that I could find."

"Those weren't even in the vault. Just how many souvenir stops did you make on the way to save our people?"

"Oh, please Thor, don't be so dramatic. I've been gathering most of these for years, on the off chance that you decided to come back." He smirked for a fleeting moment while Thor just rolled his eyes.

Then his expression sobered as he summoned a small, pale blue cube. All of the irritation and reluctant humor abruptly drained out of Thor's expression.

"I've been negotiating with the new King of Jotunheim for the better part of the last two years. We finally came to an agreement for a weregild. A way for them to repair the damage done to Jotunheim, by me and by our father. I was supposed to deliver this when...well, there were some distractions that came up, recently. This is the heart of their world; they've been dying without it." He placed the Casket on the table. "I need to count on you to give it back to them."

"Buddy, this is looking a lot like the kind of thing you'd set aside for your last will and testament," Tony said uneasily.

Loki swallowed nervously, but said nothing to the contrary. Tony's stomach dropped.

"It's just, um… the thing is," Loki cut himself off with an irritated huff. "When I said Hela brought me back to life, I might have been...a little overly-simplistic."

"No." Bile rose in Thor's throat, choking the word off with a whimper. He closed his eyes, shaking his head. "No, no."

"It's nothing to be distressed at, brother," Loki said in a rush. He managed a weak attempt at a reassuring smile, ducking his head to find Thor's eyeline. "It's nothing bad; just more complicated than I originally let on. Hela did give me life. It's just, she could only give me new life. Reincarnation."

"So, that kid I saw, in New York. That was…" Tony trailed off.

"The new me," Loki grudgingly muttered.

"A child?" Thor asked dully.

"A teenage... girl." Lips thinned in annoyance, he shot a look over to Hela. She answered with a lazy shrug.

"Luck of the draw, darling."

"I'm sure."

"Hang on. I'm not an expert, but doesn't being reincarnated mean that you come back as, you know, a baby?" Tony asked.

"We bent the rules a little. For a little while, anyway. She let me superimpose my old consciousness over the new one, for a short time." He winced, swaying a little under a sudden wave of exhaustion. Waving off several pairs of helping hands, he straightened again. "Between the battle and shape-shifting into this form, I've burnt through that allotted time. Now it's time to start over."

Silence choked the room. A half smile tugged at the corner of Loki's mouth as he surveyed the faces around him.

"There's no need to look so horrified about it," he said. "This isn't a bad thing. I agreed to do this. I know what I'm getting into. It's what I want." He took a steadying breath, then turned on his heels. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd rather do this in private."

He paused, looked over his shoulder. "Thor, come with me. Please?"

Thor hesitated, then followed him.

"I'm sorry, man," Quill said as they passed. "I'm just, I'm really sorry."

Loki studied him for a beat, then smiled and patted the other man's shoulder. He hovered in the doorway, glancing from face to face. His throat bobbed nervously.

"Thank you," he finally said. "For...just, thank you."

Then he and Thor slipped out of the room, leaving silent in their wake.

X

Thor remained utterly quiet as he trailed behind his brother. Loki resisted the urge to hunch his shoulders. A very quiet Thor was a Thor who was either very troubled and thinking it over, or very angry. Or, as was typically more likely for most of their lives, the first one was transitioning into the second.

They rounded the corner for privacy, and came face to face with a very nervous Peter Parker. The teenager twisted his hands, eyes darting between Loki and the ground. He chewed nervously on his bottom lip, color blooming in his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," he finally burst out. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I know that's really really rude. I was just trying to find Mr. Stark because Ms. Potts is here and Mr. Stark needs to talk to her because she's really freaked out even though she's trying not to show it. So I came to find him but everyone was talking and I didn't want to interrupt so I tried to wait but I've got super-hearing so I heard everything even though I wasn't trying to and I know I should have left but then room exploded and I didn't know what to do—"

"Peter, breathe," Loki ordered. Oddly enough, the boy's rapid babbling had been very soothing, and any annoyance he might have felt over the intrusion was immediately snuffed out. "It's all right. Breathe."

Peter obediently sucked in air. The blush in his face grew darker and spread down to his neck. He angled his eyes so he was looking up at Loki's face, expression sorrowful.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," he said. Tears swam in his eyes, and they obviously weren't talking about the unintentional eavesdropping anymore. He hesitated, dragging his teeth over his bottom lip again. "Would it be weird if I gave you a hug?"

Suppressed laughter and tears clogged in Loki's throat. "I don't think so."

Another beat. "Would you like one?"

Still biting back laughter, Loki made a gesture that was halfway between a nod and a shrug. Peter leaned into his chest, wrapping an arm around his abdomen. Loki hesitantly returned the gesture, closing his eyes as he soaked in the contact. It had been so long since he accepted touch without suspecting an underlying intent to hurt. Even the years he'd spent with Sigunn hadn't been enough to soothe the damage from Sanctuary.

He took a soothing breath, leaned into the embrace. Looking over Peter's head, he winced at Thor's increasingly troubled, crumbling expression.

"I need a moment with my brother," he said, drawing away. "Go deliver your message. And maybe keep your super-ears to yourself."

Peter smiled sheepishly, nodding. "Okay." He looked between the two of them, brow furrowed in concern. "Okay," he said again, a little less certain. Loki nudged him along, and Peter finally made his way down the hall.

"I really like that boy," Loki muttered, watching him go with a small grin.

"What are we doing?"

Loki slowly turned to his brother. He sounded more dazed than angry, so that was a good start. "Finally found your voice, did you?"

"Loki, what are we doing? Why are we just … standing out here waiting for, for… when we should be—" Thor's voice cut away with a choked breath. "No. No, I'm going back in there, and Hela is going to do whatever it takes to fix this."

Loki shifted to block him. "I can't even imagine the multitudes of laws in the universe she broke to do this for me," he pointed out. "If she could do anything else, she would have, Thor."

"Obviously not," Thor snapped. "Because this, this is not enough." The anger suddenly drained out of his expression. "Dammit, Loki. I just got you back."

Loki winced. "This really doesn't have to be such a tragedy, brother. It'll still be me. It'll just be me with more room to grow. A chance to make better choices. To do things better this time."

"You don't need to start over to do that. Loki, you can build from where you are right now; you're doing great right now. You don't need to rebuild from nothing to make better choices."

"You think I don't know that? That I don't understand what I'll be losing?" He pressed his lips into a thin line. "There's a roomful of people down there, who have been kinder and more considerate to me than I had any reason to expect. Who... could be my friends, if we gave it time. And I haven't had many of those. Or any of those, not really. In my life."

"Loki—"
"I was happy that way. Really" he quickly assured. "Thor, I don't know if you've noticed this, but I have an unpleasant personality. I am prickly and distant. And smug, and superior, and I have a tendency to stab people who annoy me, which is pretty much everyone."

Thor snorted, fighting back a round of choked laughter. And failed. "I did notice that."

Loki shoved him, even as he had to laugh along. Still smiling a little, he thought it over. "I'd like to be friends with them. Stark for sure, oddly enough. And it's doubly odd, because you're friends with them, and I usually find your friends more insufferable than the general population."

He grinned again, but the smile refused to hold. He slumped, humor abruptly draining away. "I have someone...I have a woman, I — Sigunn and I could have been something. And now we'll never know for sure." He swallowed. "I don't want to lose that. I don't want to give up what I'm just starting to find. But, at the same time...I want a new beginning, Thor. I'm so—" He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I choose to trade Earth. To give Thanos Earth, so I could get away. I made the decision to trade lives, possibly the lives of the entire planet, for my own. And I didn't even think twice about it."

"Loki, that isn't—"

"It didn't bother me. It still doesn't bother me." He bit his lip, shaking his head. "I don't like that about me, Thor. I acted like I did, tried to convince myself that I did. If that's who you are, you might as well just have fun with it. But I'm so tired of the way I am. I want to do better. I want to be better."

He slowly slid to the floor, bracing himself against the wall. Thor hovered, uselessly clenching his fists, anxiety still coming off him in ways. Then he joined Loki on the floor. They sat in silence, shoulders touching.

""Besides, this is the way things are, so I might as well make the most of it." He conjured up a weak smile that immediately started to tremble. "There are things that I want to forget, Thor. Many of them, I just went over in excruciating detail. I, I need to —" Loki closed his eyes, folding himself so his head brushed his knees.

"I'm scared," he admitted. "I've committed to this, and I want it, but I'm terrified. Those are emotions completely antithetical, and I can't get one to eclipse the other, which leaves me in quite a mess, so can we just —"

"Okay," Thor interrupted. "It's okay, Loki. I'm here. I'm right here."

His hand hover over the back of Loki's neck, trembling, afraid to touch. His fingers finally settled, feather light, on the base of his neck. Loki shivered, but leaned into the touch.

"You better not forget everything," Thor said after a moment, voice strained. "I've still got a lot of stuff that I want to yell at you for, and it just won't be as satisfying if you don't remember what I'm mad about."

Loki sat up, muffling a laugh behind his hand. Their eyes met, and they both broke down into fits of uncontrollable laughter.

"Oh, I have no doubt you'll have a multitude of things to yell about over the next few millennium," he said when he got his breath back. "I'm your problem now, and yours alone; and I've a feeling I'm going to be a very troublesome charge. Uncle Thor."

Thor cringed. "Ugh, don't do that. Ever again."

Loki chuckled again, leaning into Thor's side. He nuzzled at his brother's shoulder, ignoring the odd look he could feel being directed at the top of his head.

"I love you," he said abruptly. Thor jolted. The shoulder under Loki's cheek went rigid, then started to quake.

"We didn't say that, nearly enough, before," he continued, nuzzling again. "Mostly because our family is a mess of repressed emotions and couldn't open up about anything, literally if our lives depended on it. But we're going to be better about that, this time around. And I'm starting right now. I love you. I'd follow you to the end of the universe. And I have, on a couple of occasions. And there is nothing that could ever change that. You are my brother and I love you, and we're going to be okay. This is going to be okay."

Thor draped a shaking arm around Loki's shoulder, drawing him close. His voice cracked. "Damn right. Of course we will. Our father didn't raise quitters, and we will make this be okay. We will."

Loki hummed, shifting so his ear rested over Thor's heartbeat. He closed his eyes with a relaxed sigh. It was a good, strong heartbeat.

He curled so he was settled a little more comfortably, drowsy now. It felt like he was floating, tethered only by that steady beat. Tension slowly slipped out of his limbs, fear easing. Darkness started to creep at the edges of his vision. He swayed, breathing becoming laborious.

"Loki!"

He half-heartedly patted Thor's arm, his own arm feeling impossibly heavy. "Shhh, it's okay. It's okay, it's fast now," he whispered. Thor shifted, like he wanted to pull away. To march back and find a battle to face head on. His heart started to race. Loki held him in place.

"Just stay," he said. "Please just stay with me. Please."

Thor shuddered, still struggling to get up. Then he slumped, pulling Loki close. "Of course," he promised. "I'm here. Always."

Warm, feeling totally safe, Loki went boneless with a sigh. He let the sound of Thor's heartbeat — steady, strong, unceasing— carry him away.

Bump, bump.

Time suspended. Minutes, years, centuries, all blended together. The roots of his childhood remained intact; he remembered his mother's glowing smile when he performed his first feat of magic, his father's stern but loving presence and the overwhelming desire to impress him. And the times when he'd succeeded, when his father had looked at him with unmistakable pride. Times Loki hadn't allowed himself to see before.

He remembered growing up with Thor. Friendship, frustration, adventure, inadequacy. Love. Always love, even when things were at their worst.

Bump, bump.

Woven into those roots were important names of the present, maybe even the future. Hela — mother, different from the one Loki had grown up with, but a loving presence nonetheless. The Avengers. Tony. Tony was funny, and nice, and so was Peter. Loki liked them.

Bump, bump.

There were memories of pain and heartbreak and loss, but they were distant and inconsequential as a hazy dream. The fear that was so all-consuming just a few moments ago drained away. There was nothing to fear, and nothing but wonder ahead.

When the fog cleared, Thor's face was the first thing that came into focus. His (her) shoulders were in Thor's lap now, and he was supporting her head with one suddenly massive hand. And he was crying. He was trying to hide it, but his whole chest heaved with choked sobs and his hand shook as he stroked her hair. A stray tear splattered on her forehead.

Well, that wouldn't do at all.

She brushed a finger over his cheek, swiping away the tear. Thor jolted and finally looked down at her, staring in mute terror.

"Stop being such a cry baby, Thor," she chided. "I told you everything was going to be okay." She grinned. "You're going to give me the wrong impression, here. Don't you trust me?"

Though she didn't know it, it was the kind of smile Thor had just feared — as he felt his brother go limp and slip away — that he would never see again. Shock blanked his face, and for a moment he could only gap. Then his expression crumbled and he yanked Loki to his chest, burying his nose in the crown of her head. Loki froze, panicked that she'd launched him into full blown hysterics. Scrambling for words, she patted his back.

Thor's shoulders started to hitch with big, sobbing breaths. Loki's heart dropped.

"Thor, I didn't mean—"

He hushed her. There were tears on his cheeks as he finally pulled back. And also the biggest, sunniest of smiles.

"You are... just such a, brat," he laughed.

An answering grin tugged on Loki's lips. "Well, I had to make sure you had some way to recognize me."

Another laugh leaped out of Thor's throat, and he crushed her back into his arms. She snuggled into his chest, resting her head back over his heart. Warm, safe, and loved.

Bump, bump, bump.