So, being in quarantine is proving shockingly good for my creative juices! I hope you enjoy this chapter and weird turn this story has taken. Please drop a review, they fuel me to write more!
We were on the border between France and Germany, near the Maginot Line in a territory taken by the Allies a few weeks prior. Steve spent the next few days in a daze, responding on half heartedly when spoken to. I was not in much better of a state. I overheard a conversation on the second day between Bucky and Morita, we were stuck, they said. The last Hydra base had been taken but they had yet to receive orders to move on in order to avoid hindering troop movements further down the line. Stark and Agent Carter would be heading back to England, Stark had only wanted to check in on the Cap's gear. And the WASP girl, no idea what to do with her.
I listened intently to all the conversations around me. The Commandos were restless, ready to take on their next target. The other soldiers on the base gave them a wide berth and spoke in hushed tones about the infamous Howling Commandos. Steve was given a new uniform after a clumsy explanation of how his original had been 'destroyed'. I was given a pair fatigues, white undershirt, and a jacket, my own clothes having been soaked through with mud. My arrival was originally met with suspicion, particularly from Bucky. But as the days wore on, the Commandos grew used to my presence. Perhaps in another time they would have examined me closer. After all, our cover story made almost no sense. But, it seemed that in war, the suspicious was passable so long as there was no immediate threat.
I stuck close to Steve, but never felt further away from him. We barely spoke since we suddenly arrived in the past. In fact, I was pretty sure he was avoiding me. So instead, I soaked in everything I could. Despite myself, I couldn't help but think that this was every historian's dream. It was one thing to study the past, and quite another to live it. What struck me most was the stink. Something that none of the sources I ever read had bothered to note down about the war was the ever present stench of blood, metal, sweat, and platoons of unwashed men. I observed the soldiers taking meticulous care of their weapons and writing letters that may or may not have ever made it home. The base was a constant flutter of activity with everyone having a job to do.
Nearly a week passed before Steve spoke to me alone. I was sitting in the window of the brick cottage that the Commandos had claimed as their barracks watching a soccer game that broke out between two groups of soldiers. Steve leaned against the window frame and peered out at the game.
"You know it's thanks to the war that soccer starts getting played in the States regularly?" I didn't look up at him, but wanted to fill the silence between us.
"Most guys have never heard of it." A small smiled graced Steve's lips when I hazarded a glance to him. His Brooklyn accent was getting thicker the longer we stayed here. "We have a plan." Steve's 'Captain' voice grated on my ears, but I looked up hopefully.
"You think you know a way back? Could Stark fly us to Egypt?"
"No, Luce." Steve was suddenly...concerned? Irritated? Angry? I had no idea, I hadn't been able to get a read on him since our arrival. "Not 'we'" He motioned between the two of us. "I meant the Commandos. I...we...shit. Lucy, I don't know what to do." He slumped down the wall until he was sitting on the floor with his head in his hands. I slid down next to him and tentatively put my hand on his knee.
"Please?" I spoke barely above a whisper, afraid that we might be overheard or that I would start crying. "Please tell me what is going on with you."
With a heavy sigh Steve leaned back against the wall. "I'm lost, Lucy. I don't know what this is or why or how we're here. Are we really even here, or is this some kind of trick? And this mission? The plan that Commandos have come up with. It's the one where we jump on the train and Bucky...you know how it ends."
I nodded. "Bucky falls and is found by Hydra."
"What if I can stop it?" Steve's voice was quiet, but I heard the smallest bit of hope in it. "Now that I know how we get separated I can keep him from falling and save him from seventy years of torture."
"You don't if that's how this works though." I squeezed his knee, trying to show support. "You might not be able to change the past."
"Isn't it my responsibility to at least try?" Steve finally looked me in the eye. His blues were swimming with questions.
I didn't see how it could work. Something in my gut told me that we couldn't change the past, or if we could, that the consequences would be dire. I just couldn't bring myself to tell the Steve my feelings. I was saved a response by Bucky himself bursting into the room and announcing that it was supper time. Steve easily jumped to his feet and held out a hand to help me up. I accepted and couldn't help the lingering way I looked at him, wanting to pull him in for an embrace, but Bucky's presence stopped me. After all, Steve and I supposedly just met. I also noticed the not so friendly way Bucky eyed me as we left the room.
Dinner with the Commandos reminded me so much of my family it hurt. Tonight was especially raucous as they fired themselves up for their mission tomorrow. I couldn't help but keep my eyes on Bucky for most of the meal. He was loud and hyper, joking with Dernier and telling stories of home back in Brooklyn. It was unsettling to see him like that, so carefree, completely unaware that this was his last night of freedom. After tomorrow, he would be experimented on, tortured, and brainwashed. I understood why Steve wanted to save him, but I just didn't think it was possible. The thought of Steve having to relive watching Bucky fall made me sick to my stomach and I quickly escaped to some fresh air outside.
I looked up at the stars and wrapped my arms around my middle, suddenly overcome with homesickness. Even though I was with Steve, nothing about this felt right. I didn't understand most of what the guys were talking about, the food tasted wrong, the air smelled strange, the clothes didn't fit, I simply didn't belong here. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be with my brothers and sister, I wanted to drink coffee with my mom.
"Hey Irish." Bucky's thick accent broke me out of my revery. He came up behind me smoking a cigarette with a cocky grin. "You left pretty quick back there."
I turned back towards the cottage. Someone had found a radio and the sounds of big band were drifting into the night. "I wasn't feeling well all of a sudden."
Bucky suddenly looked concerned. "You alright?"
"Ya, just homesick I think." Over the past week I had learned that this Bucky was just as perceptive as the Bucky I knew in the future. It was pointless to try and lie to him.
"You got a man back in Chicago you thinking about?" Bucky took a long drag from his cigarette and then crushed the butt under his toe.
I smiled inwardly, all week he had been trying to trip me up in subtle ways, making quick references to the origin story I had told. "No. I mean, well, I have a man. But he's not in Chicago." I hesitated, unsure of how much to say. "He's in the army."
"I heard you say something about Egypt to Steve, that where he's fighting?"
Rather than respond I simply hummed and nodded my head, afraid that he would see a lie on my face if I spoke.
"You know," Bucky persisted. "This...aloofness doesn't exactly help the rumors about you."
I finally looked him full in the face, suddenly intrigued. "What rumors?"
He slid his cocky grin back on, the one he undoubtedly used on all the girls - and maybe some guys - back in New York. "The ones that say you're a German spy. That you...seduced Steve and tricked him into bringing you on base."
I snorted. "Do you really think he's that gullible?"
Bucky chuckled as well. "I think Stevie's not used to any girl giving him the time of day. He wouldn't know what to do if he were being seduced. But I don't think you're a spy, I also don't think you've got a man in the army. You're probably not lying about Chicago, you talk through your nose like this guy I was in basic with."
"So if I'm not a spy, what am I? And why am I lying about my boyfriend?"
Bucky kicked a rock and bit his lower lip in thought. "I don't know what you are, Irish. I think you have secrets I'm never gonna know. And I know you're lying about your guy because I see the way you look at Steve."
He had me pegged, for sure. I just nodded again and looked back up at the sky, the feeling of not belonging continued to grow. My gut clenched when I wondered what had happened to Roddy after he hung up on me. Were he and Bucky together? Where was Sam? I had to find a way to get back but didn't even know where to start.
"Hey." I nearly jumped when Bucky tapped me on the shoulder, I was so caught up in my own thoughts. "You sure you're alright?"
I closed my eyes and tried to think of how I could simplify what I was feeling. "I just really want to go home."
"C'mere." Bucky suddenly grabbed one of my hands and pulled me close to him. I was struck by how willing he was to touch me, the Bucky I knew kept everyone at arm's length unless he was fighting them.
"What are you doing?"
"What?" I could hear laughter in his voice. "You don't know what dancing is?"
I realized that's exactly what we were doing. He put one hand on the small of my back and placed my hand he wasn't holding on his shoulder. He lead me through some easy, slow steps in rhythm with the song playing on the radio. I chanced a look up at his face, he had a mischievous glint in his eye.
"You're trying to distract me." I stated as he spun me then firmly took hold of my lower back again.
"I've been told I can be distracting. You're not feeling homesick anymore, right?"
I nodded. It was the truth, Bucky had easily made me forget all of my concerns, even if it was just for a few minutes. At the same time, it made me sad to see his easy style. Once again I compared the Bucky I was with now to the Bucky I knew in the future.
Bucky position me so one hand was wrapped around my waist and twirled me away from him into the suddenly open arms of Steve who had just walked out of the cottage. "Nice one, Barnes." Steve smiled and kept me in his arms. We locked eyes and I knew we were both feeling the deja vu of the moment.
"Lucy." Steve stepped away from me resolutely. "Agent Carter said you can go back to London with her tomorrow."
"Do you think that's a good idea?" I asked him, trying to be as coded as possible.
"I think it's your best chance of finding a way home." Steve looked at me pointedly. "Besides, we all have a train to catch tomorrow that you don't want to be on."
I nodded, still unsure if he was doing the right thing. "Be careful tomorrow." I walked back to Bucky and gave him a hug and kissed his cheek. I leaned back so he could see my face but kept my hands on his shoulders, "Both of you." I told him seriously, "Be safe tomorrow, please?"
