AN: ok so I had this idea...when did this become a comedy series? I don't know but I find myself writing these at work lol ?|°° so let's do this. I love Weird Al, and he has a song making fun of TMZ it's called TMZ. Listened to this while I was trying to write a smut scene for Laxus v the Bikini. How would people feel if I posted some of that and asked for feedback on here by the way? Let me know if y'all would be down. Based on what y'all think it may give Laxus v the Bikini a much smuttier ending... Anyways so basically this is a rant by Laxus on Sorcerer Weekly. Enjoy? Maybe I'll gain back cred for the last chapter.
Celestial Virgo and Tell 87 appreciate the reviews and yes celestial virgo I made the men super Savage.
Lucy was sitting at the bar, flipping through the latest Sorcerer Weekly's newest edition. Laxus came up behind her and gave her a peck on the cheek. He was going to ask what she was doing. But saw the magazine. He hated that entire magazine. They were trash in his opinion. Lucy saw him roll his eyes.
"What's your problem?" She asked her boyfriend.
"That!" He said motioning to the magazine. Lucy laughed, she knew he hated the magazine but not exactly why.
"Why do you hate it so much?"
"Jason is like a parasite. So are all reporters at that magazine."
Lucy laughed, "you laugh but you've never had yourself exposed on there before."
"They can't be that bad? What did they do to you?" She laughed.
Laxus rubbed his face with his hands, "my entire life, I've been hounded by them because of who my grandfather was. Every move I made was watched and put on blast. I'm still pissed over the time they snapped photos of me after I got my tattoo and published it. Big head line, "Laxus Dreyar becomes more hunky after chest tattoo!"
Lucy laughed, "well I have to agree, the chest tattoo was very hot. I remember seeing that edition. My dad was so pissed at the fact I had blood dripping down my nose that he threw it in the fireplace and told me to not even think about it. I would be married off to some old fat dude before I ever got that."
Laxus laughed, "and look where you are today," he grinned perversely.
"Yep I get to lick that tattoo anytime I want now." She winked. "But still they can't be that bad!"
Mira Jane hearing the conversation at that bar chuckled but had to agree with Laxus, sometimes they got out of hand and she worked for them.
"They can get pretty out of hand Lucy I have to agree with Laxus on that." She said handing over a milkshake. Lucy gave her a look questioning the milkshake.
"On the house for letting me join the conversation." She said simply. Lucy nodded.
"But you work for them!" Lucy protested.
"I do but doesn't mean I appreciate when they try to capture every wardrobe fail I have. Why do you think I wear long dresses now."
"THANK YOU!" Laxus practically screamed. "By the way beer please." Mira nodded and went to grab a beer.
At that moment the Thunder Legion walked in.
"Hey boss man, and Mrs. Bossman!" Lucy smiled and waved.
"What are y'all talking about?" Evergreen asked.
"The horror that is Sorcerer Weekly." Laxus said drinking a beer.
Evergreen shuddered.
"You too!?"
Ever grimaced. "I've had my own encounters we all have. You haven't?"
Lucy shook her head. "No-"
"But weren't you rich?"
"I thought the rich and famous were all exposed on there."
Lucy shook her head. "My father was not a wizard though," Lucy said. "Besides I was expected to be on my best behavior out in public. I never had any problems that arose or wardrobe malfunctions. I was an heiress and I had to be perfect."
"God how did you not go insane?" Bickslow shuddered thinking about it.
"Well I ran away didn't I?" She laughed.
"Does everyone in the guild hate them?" She asked. At that moment her team walked over.
"Do we hate who?" Gray asked.
"Sorcerer Weekly?"
Gray shuddered. Lucy laughed. "What did they do to you?"
"Rather not talk about it."
Lucy looked to Erza and Natsu who looked down, "we've all had our let's just say fun times with them. I've got nothing against them personally, just the way they go after some of us is ridiculous is all." She said. "I'll read the latest edition every now and then but for a while I was pretty mad."
Lucy was confused. "What happened?" Erza looked sheepish.
"Babe I'll put it to you like this... you become sort of famous wizard..A minor celebrity. And it only makes sense the world would be obsessed with every single thing you do. They're running 'round with their camcorders in the night. They're lurking patiently and hoping that they just might see something real embarrassing you do."
He pointed to Mira Jane, "Freed help me out here with something." Freed sighed and made a rune in the air that acted like a mini television.
"The bad hair day and sweat-stained t-shirts, that's the story that they are gonna feature." He said and all of a sudden a very unflattering picture of Mira popped up. It was an older cover Lucy vaguely remembered. She was in sweats and a old tee. She was grocery shopping.
Lucy winced, Mira looked very angry in it. Mira shook her head. "I remember that it was right after I was labeled a sex icon of this generation. And a reporter from the magazine was hunting me down asking questions when I was trying to grocery shop to feed Elfman and Lisanna. I was so angry!" She laughed.
"With exclusive pics of your flabby behind," Laxus said. At that moment a picture of his grandfather in a swimsuit popped up, "Guild Master On Vacation!" The headline read. Lucy winced again. That wasn't cute.
"You think you're all alone-But that's right when you'll find a bunch of paparazzi popping out of nowhere! Cameras in your face! And then suddenly! You're on Sorcerer Weekly!"
"Following you, when you're walking down the street. And asking stupid questions while you're trying to eat-" it then showed another cover page of Laxus walking down the street with Bickslow they both looked stunned and caught off guard. Both were trying to eat a sandwich it seemed. "Who's The New Man In Laxus's Life?" Is what it read. She cringed.
"So you cover your face. Thinking to yourself..Hey, isn't this creepy?" Bickslow took a sip of his drink. "The most annoying part was going to bars afterwards- people thought I was gay."
"Ok, but I thought y'all were in a relationship though when I first met- I wasn't even sure if Laxus was straight based off you guys weird relationship and with Freed-"
Laxus stopped her there. "No- just no." Lucy shut up and drank her shake.
"Where was I? Oh yeah! And they're out there praying you'll have a big meltdown!" He gestured wildly with his hands. "And take them on a little car chase, Through this whole town!" He said glaring at Macao. Lucy was confused. She looked back at the tv like thing to see another story. This one said "Fairy Tail Wizard Has Meltdown After Divorce." It showed Macao in a car with no pants on...Lucy cringed again.
"They'll be there with you, when you're going to jail!" Laxus said annoyed. Another story popped up. It was Laxus getting arrested, he looked to be about 18, "Laxus Dreyar Arrested! After A Drunk Brawl!" Lucy cringed again, but put her hand on Laxus's hand. He squeezed it. But continued.
"First on the scene, for every wardrobe fail!" This time Lucy saw a much more recent story. It depicted Mira Jane at the water park during the grand magic games whenever her top was taken by Jenny.
"That was SO wrong of her!" Lucy lamented.
Mira chuckled darkly, "it's ok! I got my payback." She smiled evilly.
"You just picked up some transvestite, Seconds later It's up on the website!" Lucy was stunned at this who picked up some transvestite? She looked around to see Bickslow looking everywhere but at them. She looked at him then the screen, it was of Bickslow and it looked like a girl-
"Swear to God! Thought she was a woman!" He defended when Gray gave him a look of pity.
"Would have fooled me too man." Gray said.
"Get a Vegas wedding. A quickie divorce. And they'll be sneaking in. Snapping pictures, of course!" Lucy's eyes widen, who had-
She stopped when she saw another headline. It was Evergreen shit faced. "Fairy Mage And Not So Fairy Wedding." And then another story, "This Fairy Doesn't Get A Happily Ever After."
"And if they ever catch you picking your nose!" Lucy looked at the tv it showed Natsu. He was picking his nose. "Dragon Hunting For Treasure?" Lucy winced. Gross, she looked at Natsu who was looking at the ground embarrassed.
"Or storming down the street," this time it showed Gray naked running from some muscular dude, "On a drunken spree! You're on Sorcerer Weekly!" Lucy raised an eyebrow at Gray who coughed nervously.
"Stalking you, just waiting by a front door." Again it showed a picture of Laxus who looked like he was trying to bring a woman home. "New Woman In The Thunder God's Life?"
"Trailing you through security," this time it showed Mira walking casually going through the train station security. She had sun glasses on and jeans and a tee.
"Caught This Wizard Saint Tier Nominee Picking Up Dog Poop!" It showed Erza picking up dog poop. She blushed. "I was helping a friend take care of her dog." She explained..
"Is That A Baby Bump?" Another headline read but it was of Juvia as she was walking around in the rain.
"I pronounce you guilty, of leaving the house while being fat," another article read of Jenny from Blue Pegasus. Lucy gasped. That was horrible.
"Look Who's Drinking Coffee!" Another photo read but of Erza.
Everything celebrities do is fascinating!
"Oh, let me tell you, It's getting to the point Where a famous person can't even get a D.U.I. or go on a racist rant! Those guys are all around So you really shouldn't dare-go to every club in town if you've lost your underwear!"
Bickslow put his head in his hands. "Dude I told you that in strict confidence." Everyone looked at him bewildered. Laxus just continued...
"Seems that every single time, a star decides to shave their head," this time it showed Freed when he cut his hair. "Or ram their car into a tree," it showed Erza now with her magic mobile totaled. "They're on Sorcerer Weekly."
"If they catch you peeing in the bushes," it showed a picture of Makarov looking drunk and stunned. "Later on, that night well, I guarantee you're on Sorcerer Weekly! Every single celebrity wizard knows they're gonna be on Sorcerer Weekly! Now do you understand why I hate them?"
Lucy nodded. Taking a sip of her drink. That was intense. Is all she thought...
Minor corrections have been made on April 1, 2020 if I didn't catch everything I'm sorry it was midnight and I'm tired
