Chapter 7 Online Advertising

Roy groaned as he got up. He scanned over the area. Actually, was he even in an area? It was so dark that he couldn't tell.

"Oh man, it's darker in here than a room where the lights are turned off!" Roy said. "Where am I?"

Roy took two steps forward, and heard something that scared the living daylights out of him. It was someone saying his name!

"Roy."

"AHHHH!" Roy screamed. "There's a ghost in here!"

"No Roy, I'm not a ghost; I'm Ludwig."

"AHHH! It's a ghost that sounds like Ludwig!"

Suddenly, the room was filled with a glowing blue light. Roy looked forward and could see Ludwig standing five footsteps in front of him, and his fist was glowing with blue fire.

"No, you idiot; there is no ghost!"

Roy breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh thank goodness Ludwig; you scared it away."

Ludwig rolled his eyes, but Roy did not know the reason why. Just before Ludwig could open his mouth to say something, the lights came on. It took a minute for Roy's eyes to adjust, but once they did, he could see that he was in a studio.

"Hello, hello, hello!" Roy heard a voice call out. He turned and saw a Koopa troopa with a yellow shell approaching them. He was smiling like a dog, and he was wearing a baseball cap that had the word "director" printed on the front.

"We are so glad that you guys are here," he said, his smile causing Roy to be creeped out. Ludwig also looked like he was going to lose his lunch.

"Why do you want to see us?" he asked.

"Because," the Koopa troopa said. "You guys are the perfect candidates to be spokespeople for our company."

Roy was confused.

"Your company?" he asked.

The Koopa troopa nodded, his teeth practically sparkling under the light that was coming from the ceiling.

"Yep. Our company is the Sophisticated Corporation Using Measures that are Brilliant, Abstract, and Genius."

Ludwig snickered. Roy turned toward him and saw that he was doing his best to keep a bout of giggles held in.

"What's so funny?" Roy asked his brother.

Ludwig approached Roy and whispered into his ear:

"That is an acronym. It spells 'SCUMBAG.'"

Roy was still confused.

"How can Sophisticated Corporation Using Measures that are Brilliant, Abstract, and Genius spell Scumbag? Those aren't letters in the alphabet!"

Ludwig stared at Roy in complete bafflement. Then he facepalmed.

"Why do I even bother?" he asked.

Roy felt a pang of sympathy for his older brother. He did not like seeing him in a state of frustration. He patted Ludwig on the back, all the while the grin had not fallen from the trooper's face.

"Our company has been developing a new hair removal system, and our advertising experts believe that you two would be the perfect spokes koopas for the product."

Roy perked up. A spokes koopa! That sounded awesome! Spokes koopas got to appear in online advertisements, and sometimes even on TV! That meant that Roy would be famous!

"Cool!" Roy exclaimed. "Count me in!"

Ludwig, on the other hand, looked a little hesitant.

"I don't know about this…"

"Come on; it's easy!" said the director. "I'll you guys to do is read off of the teleprompter."

Ludwig's hesitance still didn't clear up.

"I don't know…"

"We can give you money!" said the koopa troopa.

"I'm in. Let's do this," said Ludwig. The Koopa troopa laughed heartily.

"Awesome!" he said. "Okay you two, get behind the desk while I get behind the camera!"

Roy and Ludwig did as they were told. Roy could feel his excitement growing and growing; he was going to be famous!

"Okay!" The Koopa troopa said once he was sitting down. He directed his attention toward the camera woman. "You ready, Natalie?"

"Ready, Herbert," said the camera woman.

"Okay," the troopa as he sat back in his director's chair. "Take one!"

Roy smiled brightly into the camera. By his side, he could tell that Ludwig was doing the same.

"Hi!" said Ludwig. "We're the Koopa twins!"

There was a moment of silence. Then Ludwig let out a breath.

"Okay, cut," he said.

The director angrily got out of his chair and stormed over to Ludwig.

"Ludwig, you can't say 'cut' because you're not directing."

"You made Roy and me twins?" Ludwig asked.

"Yeah, what's the problem with that?"

"Oh, I don't know; maybe it has something to do with the fact that it's not true?"

"Dude, this is the internet!" said the troopa. "People don't come here for truth; they come here to escape the monotony of their lives by indulging themselves in a virtual world of vapid stupidity. Now come on; let's go! TAKE TWO!"

The Koopa troopa went back to sit in his seat. Ludwig let out another breath before smiling at the camera again.

"Hi!" he said. "We're the Koopa twins! Do you notice anything different about us? That's right. One of us has a lot of hair, and the other, has no hair!"

"And the ladies love it," said Roy. "And if you want to have a shiny pink head like mine, you've gotta take care of yourself, which is why we are introducing an all new hair removal system!"

Roy started rummaging around under the table. As he did, he heard Ludwig say:

"For those of you at home worrying about us, it's okay. We're twins."

Roy came back up to the table, and in his hands he had a bucket of margarine and a butter knife.

"Oh ho, this will be good," Roy said with a smile. "Classic hair removal system. Okay, Ludwig."

"Mmm?"

"Do you like toast?"

Silence. Ludwig looked toward the camera with a look that screamed "where is he going with this?"

"Sure?" Ludwig finally said. He sounded a little scared.

"Well, I like toast too," said Roy. "And as all the toast eaters at home know toast...has hair!"

Ludwig gawked at Roy.

"Huh!?" he asked.

"And in order to get rid of the toast hair you've gotta butter it, like so. Ludwig, will you allow me to butter your head?"

Now Ludwig looked angry.

"Absolutely not!"

Roy sighed.

"Come on, dude, we're getting paid."

Ludwig cast one look at the director, who was smiling at them. Then he sighed and leaned forward, allowing Roy to slather the disgusting margarine all over his head. Once he was done, Roy turned toward the camera with a smile.

"Okay," he said. "Once the head is sufficiently buttered, all you gotta do…" Roy grabbed a hold of Ludwig's hair…"is rip the hair off!"

Roy gave a tug, causing the entire left half of Ludwig's hair to come clean off. Ludwig put his hand to his head.

"OWWWW! Son of a chomp!" Ludwig cried.

Roy stared at Ludwig's hair in shock for a second, for he had not been expecting it to come off. Then he remembered that the camera was still rolling and looked forward with a smile.

"As you can see from this demonstration, this method has been proven to get results," he said.

Ludwig gripped the side of his head, all the while groaning. Roy could see Natalie turn to Herbert.

"Should we stop this?" she whispered to him.

"No, keep going; I want to see how this ends!" Herbert whispered back. Roy took that as a ticket to continue.

"And that's all the time we have for today, folks. Ludwig, are there any messages you want to close us out with?"

"MY SCALP IS BURNING!"

Roy turned toward the camera and smiled.

"And I'm Roy. And remember everybody; butter is good on toast, and on heads!"

"And cut!" Herbert said. He got up from his chair and approached the Koopalings. "That was brilliant, you guys!"

Roy turned to Ludwig, who was still gripping the side of his head.

"Ludwig, are you alright? I am so sorry!"

Ludwig groaned.

"However much these guys are paying me, it's not enough."

"Oh, don't worry about your hair," Herbert said. "It'll grow back." He chuckled. "Probably before the end of this story."

Ludwig glared at Herbert. Then Herbert clapped his hands together.

"Well, thanks a lot, you two!" He said. He took them by the hand and started to lead them toward them toward the exit. "We really appreciate you guys helping us."

Herbert led them out into the hallway. Once he was done, he said "Okay, bye!" and closed the door. Roy turned toward Ludwig.

"Wait a second. They didn't give us any money!"

Ludwig turned back toward the door. He tried to turn the handle, but the door was locked. He closed his eyes in frustration.

"You mean to tell me I lost half my hair and I didn't even get paid!?"

"Yeah, I know it stinks, dude," said Roy. "But there's nothing we can do about it!"

"Oh, yes there is!"

Ludwig's hand glowed bright with blue fire. He was about to blow the door down when Roy got in front of him.

"Woah, dude, don't!" he said. "It's not worth it!"

Ludwig sighed.

"You're right. We've wasted enough time here."

"Yeah," Roy said with a grin. "Let's go find Larry!"