Chapter Twelve – Hours after leaving the bunker

With helmets now firmly on, the group left the bunker. Three rovers drove up the ramp, unsure of what exactly they would see once outside. Clarke, Bellamy, and Octavia's rover was in the lead position.

"Ouch!" Clarke exclaimed reflexively as soon as the blinding sunlight hit her face. The Second Dawn bunker hadn't been dim, but she had forgotten the feel of a blaze of sunlight. She reached for and pulled down the sun visor to make the glare manageable. She gripped the steering wheel tightly.

Bellamy held the compass and maps that would guide them to the other bunker.

Clarke drove slowly and cautiously. As her eyes adjusted, she took in the landscape. Dust, dirt, and beige were the words that popped into her head. Nothing but dust, dirt, and the color beige. Even the sky was tinged with that color, and the clouds themselves looked muted and dirty. Wind blew steadily but it did not howl.

"No colors," Octavia murmured, echoing Clarke's thoughts. "No trees, nothing green. Nothing but beige."

"This was a forest before," Bellamy added somberly, and Clarke remembered that initial trek that she, Bellamy, and Jaha had made through all the greenery when they'd first found the bunker. It felt like years, instead of months, had passed since then.

"No wildlife," Clarke sad. "No more birds or insects." Her voice was steady as she said the words, but it did not mirror the emotions she felt inside. Clarke would never be described as sentimental. Very few of her people were; sentimentalism brought you nothing but pain or even death. Before leaving the bunker, she'd had a pretty good guess of what the outside would look like. But looking at it now made her feel like someone had shoved dirt in her mouth and buried her alive under layers of sand. The planet was utterly destroyed.

Bellamy wordlessly reached for her hand and held it as she continued to slowly drive forward into the unknown. Though their hands were covered with the bulky gloves, she appreciated the gesture anyway and gave him a squeeze. She remembered how it had been that night, when they first found the Second Dawn bunker and Jaha had met with the elders, leaving Clarke and Bellamy sitting alone inside the rover. He had reached for her hand then too. She and Bellamy had been aligned then and were aligned now. They had faced Praimfaya and made heart-wrenching decisions, and Clarke knew they could handle anything now.

"At least the ground is even," Clarke said after a while of driving. She glanced in the rear view mirror periodically, ensuring the other two rovers remained in sight. "If it stays like this we might be able to drive all the way to the other bunker without a problem."

"The other bunker," Octavia commented. "You mean – what did Miller call it? – Bellarke?" she managed the unfamiliar word. All three of the rover's occupants chuckled.

"Please tell me we're not really calling it that," Clarke said flatly, tamping down a smile.

"Wouldn't be fair to Raven," Bellamy added. "She's done as much or more than we have, and we don't have a prayer of making the new place livable without her." He paused, and then said, "What if we ask Raven to name it? Or maybe we suggest that we name the place Sinclair? He was her mentor, we all loved him – and the name honors someone who is dead and gone."

"If we want to honor the dead," Octavia began, "then why not name the bunker after Lincoln? Or David Miller? Or any of our parents for that matter?"

Clarke liked that they were discussing this. If nothing else, it took their minds off of the utter – even obscene – destruction surrounding them. The loss of life that she didn't even want to try to calculate.

"Let's just call it the same name as our old camp," Bellamy suggested. "Arkadia II. Simple, easy, doesn't favor any one person."

"I like that," Clarke said.

Octavia snorted, "I never was part of the Ark or Arkadia." She then shook her head and added, "But I don't really care what we call the place."

A few more moments of silence passed. Dust continued to hit the rover, making lots of loud plink sounds. Clarke felt that her mouth was already dry and she wished she could take off her helmet for a swig of water. The group would have to limit the number of water-breaks and anything else that involved removing their helmets. The anti-radiation drugs they'd taken could only do so much.

Clarke replayed Octavia's words and spoke again. "We never decided who will take over as head farmer once Monty leaves," she said.

"Yeah. None of us are botanists or farmers," Bellamy responded.

"Monty is one of a kind for sure," Clarke said with a small smile.

"I can do it," Octavia spoke up.

Out of the corner of her eye, Clarke saw Bellamy turn to Octavia in surprise. "I'd like to be in charge of something," Octavia explained. "You two are leaders, Raven's the engineer, the others are healers – well, except Miller; I don't know what his thing will be. But we won't have much need for a warrior, and I really want to own something." Octavia spoke the words with as much passion as Clarke had heard in her voice since before Praimfaya.

"I think that's a great idea, O," Bellamy said, and Clarke was touched by the warmth in his voice. "Definitely a change of pace, going from a warrior to a farmer. But if you're up for it, why not?"

"I agree," Clarke added.


The rover that Miller drove was third in the caravan, and he tightly gripped the steering wheel to ensure that Raven and Monty's vehicle always remained within his visual range. Jackson sat next to Miller up front, while Niylah and Anne sat in the back among the many supplies. Niylah softly but freely sobbed at the destruction that surrounded them. Her helmet prevented her from being able to wipe away her tears or blow her nose. Anne sat next to her silently, an arm around her shoulders.

Miller saw Jackson occasionally crane his head around to look at them, asking them how they were. Miller silently compared the two couples. He and Jackson had both been born on the Ark and had hit the ground for different reasons and at different times. Niylah had been born on the ground, Anne under the ground. And now here all four of them were, in this post-apocalyptic, ugly landscape. Once Niylah stopped crying, Miller could hear her quietly telling Anne what the world had looked like. ("Yes, just like the painting inside your room," Niylah would say. "Bushes and trees – and birds and deer. Streams with blue water. It was all so much more than a painting could show," and a new round of tears began).

"How are you doing, Nate?" Jackson asked quietly. Niylah and Anne's murmurs in the background were somehow both pleasant and disconcerting. Mostly disconcerting, Miller decided.

"You know, just fine," Miller said, trademark smile on his face. "Driving through a post-apocalyptic shit-scape with my boyfriend, leaving the bunker where my dad got shot and killed."

He'd been hoping that Jackson would follow in suit with the flippant tone he'd set. But then he chided himself that he should have known better.

"I was wondering," Jackson began, his voice sounding tentative, "do you want to talk about-"

"No!" Miller responded. Exasperated, he'd lost count at the number of times Jackson had asked him something similar since the day they'd been released from prison.

"I just thought that you -"

"Jackson, stop it!" Miller barked. "Just stop asking me how I feel and if I want to talk about my dad dying. Okay?"

"Sorry," Jackson said quietly. He placed his arms around himself, giving himself a hug.

The rover went very quiet and remained so.


After several hours, the caravan stopped to take a break so they could attend to physical matters including food and drink. They cautiously removed their helmets, and as the minutes passed by, it seemed that the anti-radiation drugs were working well for now. No one suffered any serious ill-effects though Bellamy seemed to be developing a rash, which Jackson said was likely caused by the anti-radiation drugs and not the radiation itself.

With their helmets briefly off, the group smelled an acrid tang in the air. It was metallic and disquieting. They chewed the sandwiches they'd packed largely in silence. Although they'd been driving through the wasteland for hours, it still was eerie. "A nightmare," Niylah said at one point, out of the blue. "I want my home back." No one had anything comforting to say to that. Her girlfriend Anne seemed to be in a continual state of disbelief and only managed to take a few bites of the food.

The group took their bathroom breaks in pairs, wandering away from the rovers. As Miller and Jackson stepped away for theirs, Miller knew he'd been too harsh with Jackson and wanted to say something. But any words got stuck in his throat like the peanut butter in the sandwich he'd just finished. He told himself that this wasn't the best time anyway. Miller glanced at Jackson a few times, but Jackson barely looked in his direction at all. They returned to the rovers in silence.

"Okay, helmets back on everyone," Clarke said. "Let's keep going. My best guess is that we're five or six hours from Polis."

They piled back inside their rovers and continued on. Slowly the landscape began to change. Eventually rubble joined the omnipresent dust and dirt. Outlines and frames of buildings came into view. An overturned wagon could be spotted in the distance, and if one looked hard enough, one could see human remains near it. They continued to make their way into what had been Polis. Eventually the rubble took over and the ground became rocky and uneven. Several large holes and depressions began to appear, which they had to slowly drive around. No amount of dodging or circuitous routes enabled the rovers to pass. It was time to get out and walk.

"Shouldn't be too long of a walk," Clarke said, as the group gathered what they could. "We're almost there. Stay close and don't wander out of anyone's eyesight." They gathered up their belongings from the rovers, feeling a bit like packhorses. Fortunately they'd brought a cart, enabling them to take the larger, heavier items.

Clarke carefully watched Raven. The engineer's jaw was set firmly. Clarke knew she wouldn't ask for help, but she hoped that Raven would at least take one of the lighter bundles. Clarke exhaled when she saw Raven do just that. Clarke also had a few contingency plans in mind, though she knew Raven wouldn't like any of them.

Bellamy and Miller carried guns at Clarke's orders though the group was aware that it was probably unnecessary. No one could've survived this. As they trod on, the only sounds they heard were the wind and their boots crunching over rubble.

The silence of the group's journey was suddenly broken by a sharp, brutal snap and Monty letting out an agonizing cry of pain as he keeled over, clutching his leg. Clarke took in the scene before her in horror realizing Monty had stepped in a bear trap that had been hidden under a layer of dust and rubble.

Bellamy supported Monty's weight as he watched Clarke take out the key Cadogan had given her. The bunker was exactly where the maps indicated it would be, and they were ready to open the door.

Monty's ankle had, of course, been patched up by Jackson. Bellamy repaired his suit best he could. The group had avoided any other injuries on their way to the bunker – but even one injury was frightening. Monty couldn't walk or stand on his own, and he wouldn't even be able to drive back to the Second Dawn bunker as it was his right ankle that had been wounded. But, Bellamy reminded himself, that was a problem they'd need to deal with later. First they had to get the door to the bunker open.

Raven pointed out something that made her uneasy. "Look where the entrance is," she said. Polis's tower loomed precariously over the bunker entrance, the tower having miraculously survived Praimfaya. "Looks like it could collapse any minute," Raven murmured. She took another glance at Monty, Bellamy observed. He knew that Raven had more than an inkling of what Monty was going through with his injury right now.

"One issue at a time," Clarke said. "We need to get the bunker open. And besides," she added, clutching the key Cadogan had given, "we can't do much about a shaky-looking tower anyway."

Bellamy watched her as she fit the key in and tugged on the hatch. Last time they'd come to an underground bunker, they had expected no one to be inside and instead had encountered the Second Dawn. This time they were again expecting no one to be inside. Would they be surprised again?

The opening gave way, and Bellamy and Clarke peered downwards. He blinked. Nothing but darkness below. "Good thing we brought so many flashlights," he said as he shined his light. A staircase.

The group slowly descended the stairs, with Bellamy awkwardly supporting Monty's weight. He could feel Monty tensing up at certain moments but the younger man mostly kept quiet about his pain.

"Uh, anybody home?" Miller called out, perhaps Bellamy thought, jokingly. The place was silent and dark as a tomb.

Bellamy remembered that Clarke had told him many times that she considered him to be brave. He wasn't sure that he could agree with that, but she would remind him of things he'd done that she admired, such as when he'd infiltrated Mount Weather. Right now his heart was racing in an unpleasant manner, and he felt a droplet of sweat trickle down the side of his face. The bunker was pitch dark and – according to the blueprints - huge. Although he knew it was unlikely that any living soul other than their small group of people were here, the thought of being inside a dark and unknown place was disquieting to say the least. He took a breath and reminded himself of Mount Weather. He had stuck to the task at hand even when he'd been afraid and even when things had gone horribly awry.

And then he turned to look at Clarke. She gave him a reassuring nod. Just having her by his side made him feel safe and comfortable.

"Let's get to engineering," Raven said. "I've got a lot of work to do to get the lights on – not to mention we need to finish sealing this place so we can take these damn suits off."

"Right," Clarke said, shining her flashlight on her blueprints and then looking up. "It should be this way," she pointed.

Bellamy reached to support Monty and they hobbled along with the others.


The group walked together to engineering, staying in close formation. Jackson would have admitted to anyone that he was terrified and sad, had anyone had asked. Being inside this dark unknown was frightening. Monty had stepped inside a bear trap outside – who knew what dangers lurked inside here?

Jackson heard Anne begin to hyperventilate and so he took a step in her direction, but Niylah was already at her girlfriend's side and murmuring reassuring words. Anne's breathing started to return to normal. Jackson's relief gave way to a wave of jealousy but he brushed it away. 'Yeah, Nathan was short with me earlier today,' he said to himself as he walked with the group. 'I need to be patient with him. I have been pestering him too much to open up and talk. He wants space, and it's time I listen to what he wants.'

Jackson's fear and worry eventually evolved into boredom. They reached engineering, and Raven and Monty got to work. The others didn't have much else to do other than strategically hold flashlights and to help Monty stand and move when needed. So that's what Jackson spent his next few hours doing. His arms started to get tired and he desperately wished he could remove his helmet to drink more water, but all his efforts – and everyone else's – needed to be centered on getting Raven and Monty what they needed to do their job.

And they did it. After several hours and more than a few curses from Raven, the bunker achieved life support and lighting.

"You two are incredible," Jackson murmured appreciatively at Raven and Monty. He and the others began to remove their hazmat suits, glad to be rid of them. They reached for their canteens so they could finally quench their thirst.

"Next stop – the hydrofarm," Clarke said. "Let's reassemble there and have Monty get to work." She paused to ask Monty how he was doing, and have Jackson take another look at his wound. When Monty confirmed that he felt well enough, Clarke continued, "While Monty's working his magic in the farm, I want Bellamy, Miller, and myself to do a sweep of the bunker. Now that we can see without the flashlights." She paused, "And Octavia, work closely with Monty since you'll be in charge of the hydrofarm when Monty's gone."

Jackson watched Monty and the others nod at Clarke's orders. He was not thrilled with what he'd seen when reexamining the wound a few minutes ago. He wondered how Monty would return to the Second Dawn bunker. There was no way he'd be able to get back there without assistance since he couldn't walk or drive. It was his right leg that was wounded. Besides, with that injury it would be just plain dangerous for him to set out alone.

Jackson took off his gloves and turned to look at his partner. Miller briefly met his eyes before looking down. There was a lot in that glance, Jackson deduced. Regret, sadness, maybe a hint of relief too. Jackson took a step closer to him, and Miller put his hand on Jackson's shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. Then it was time for Miller to carry out his orders.


The day had been long and exhausting but productive. Clarke, Bellamy, and Miller's sweep confirmed what they all guessed: there was no one else down here and never had been. Whatever had happened to the group who had set out for this bunker 52 years ago, clearly they had never reached it. With the hydrofarm and the algae farm off to a decent start, the group realized they needed rest before undertaking anything else. They ate the last of the packed sandwiches and turned in for the night.

"I guess we can each have our own room!" Raven joked. She added, frowning, "Thank god I won't have to listen to all these couples having sex."

Indeed, this bunker was as large as the one they'd just left. It had multiple levels and hundreds of bedrooms. Clarke estimated that with enough supplies it could have housed 1,000 people. That fact was just another heartbreak the group would have to file away – 1,000 grounders could have survived Praimfaya here but hadn't been given the chance. Indra, Roan, and all their grounder friends and allies were gone, and once again it was just another loss in the rearview mirror.

Clarke and Bellamy settled into the room they claimed as their own. It contained bedframes for four bunk beds. They pushed two of them together to make a double bed and wearily unpacked the bedding supplies they had brought. Too tired to do much else, Clarke removed her boots and pants, and settled under the covers with Bellamy.

"This is good," Clarke murmured as she and Bellamy lay side by side on their backs. Her shoulders were bothering her from all the carrying she'd done today, so she didn't want to lie on her side. "Just having you to sleep next to." She thought of those who were now each trying to sleep inside an empty room. You got used to having a loved one next to you, and it just made the night feel better, easier.

"Same. I'm a lucky guy," Bellamy replied.

He was quiet after that. Clarke lay next to him and listened to his breathing. It was steady and comforting – and after a bit, it clearly indicated that Bellamy had fallen asleep. As Clarke lay there with the minutes eventually giving way to an hour, she was grateful for the fact that Bellamy, at least, was able to lose consciousness. It seemed like once again Clarke would be forced to experience what she'd experienced so many times since the day she'd been thrown into the sky box – feeling utterly exhausted but unable to sleep.

The day had gone as well as could be expected, she reminded herself, despite Monty's injury and Raven's ongoing challenges with her pain and her leg. Compared to most of her days on the ground, Clarke had to acknowledge that this had been one of the more successful ones. The bunker's engineering system was functioning thanks to Raven, and Monty was sure that the both farms would work too.

And yet. Clarke wouldn't see her mother again for four and a half years. She didn't like the idea of being separated from Monty and the rest of Skaikru either.

Something else. Something else continued to poke at her. Something else was keeping her from slumber.

Bellamy. Would Bellamy have to be the one to take Monty back to the Second Dawn bunker? The idea made her stomach turn.

Clarke mined through the facts inside her head. Monty couldn't walk or drive, but he had to go back; it was part of the deal with the Second Dawn. And besides that fact, Clarke knew he wanted to be back with his girlfriend and his best friend. Octavia didn't want to set foot anywhere near the Second Dawn bunker again, not to mention the fact that Bellamy would never allow it now that she finally seemed to be in a good place. Octavia wasn't one to complain or feel sorry for herself, but surely seeing evidence of the devastation that her beloved grounders had faced must have been heart-wrenching for her. There was no need to make her undergo it again during another trip. Raven would have no interest in returning to the Second Dawn bunker either, and besides that they needed her mechanical and engineering skills here to make sure all life-sustaining systems remained operational. Not to mention the fact that the Second Dawn men had been absolutely horrible to Raven, undercutting and downgrading her with every interaction. So neither Octavia nor Raven was a candidate to take Monty back.

And as for the other four members of their party, well, it was much safer to keep them all here now that the Second Dawn knew they were all "queers". There was always the risk that the Second Dawn could change their minds at any time and decide to toss them into those horrid prison cells for the rest of their lives. Going back to that bunker would be dangerous or even life-threatening for Miller, Jackson, Niylah, and Anne.

And as for Clarke herself? Couldn't she take Monty back? 'I could,' Clarke answered herself as the hours meandered by. 'They don't know that I'm what they call 'queer'. But I already said goodbye to my mom, and it would probably hurt to see her again for a few minutes and then say goodbye again. And my people are here and I'm their leader.'

Could Monty just stay here until he was able to walk or drive again? No, Clarke decided. From her own medical experience, she knew it would be at least three weeks and possibly much longer. The wound was a deep one. Monty would be eager to get back to Harper and Jasper, who would both be worried sick over him. The Second Dawn wouldn't know why it was taking Monty so long to return either. What if they took it as a sign that they'd reneged on their deal and decided to retaliate against Skaikru as a consequence? It wasn't out of the realm of possibility to think that Abby, as Clarke's mother, might suffer some of that retaliation. No, Monty needed to go back as soon as he was done setting up the farms.

At some point, Clarke felt a subtle shift inside the room. Bellamy turned over and the rhythm of his breathing was broken. She suspected that he was awake, and her suspicion was confirmed when he whispered, "Are you asleep?"

"No," she whispered back, though there was no reason to keep her voice down. It was a bit disquieting to realize that one could start to yell inside this bunker and there was no guarantee that any of its people would hear. Clarke made another mental note to ask Raven to start working on comms. No, she shook her head – no need to remind her; that was surely already on Raven's radar.

"Something bothering you?" Bellamy asked gently. "Or, you know, just the general horror of spending the day driving through a nuclear apocalypse?" he sighed.

They chuckled at his remark, and Clarke said, "I'm glad I can laugh about this with you."

"What else can we do? We knew it was coming but it was still…awful to look at." He paused. "And awful to get inside this bunker and realize that 1,000 grounders could've been saved."

"I had the same thought myself as soon as we opened the door," Clarke admitted. "We should have…" she let her voice trail off. There were so many "should haves", always so many, and it wouldn't do any good to rehash them now.

Bellamy was silent for a few moments. He turned to lie on his side, to face her. "I had another thought before I went to bed," he admitted. "Getting Monty back to the Second Dawn bunker."

"I know," Clarke said. "He can't drive and he can't walk without help. One of us has to take him back."

"Me. It has to be me."

Clarke was quiet, so Bellamy continued, "When I was doing my sweep, I ran through all the other possibilities. I'm pretty much the only one. Unless – well, unless you wanted to see your mom again, but I'm thinking that another goodbye would just be more painful for you both." He added, "And we know that the elders don't listen to anything that women have to say, so I'd have better luck smoothing things over with them, if it comes to that."

"We must be psychically linked," Clarke said, shaking her head with a wry smile. Her head was stuffy and throbbing due to lack of sleep, but knowing that she and Bellamy were on the same page somehow wiped much of the pain away. "I've spent half the night thinking about this."

"And what do you think?" he asked.

"Pretty much came to the same conclusion as you. I mean, I could go along with you but it seems excessive and I feel like I'm needed more here."

"Right." Bellamy paused. "Look, the trip here was easy. Other than one bear trap. I'll watch where I'm stepping. But…it will be fine. Compared to Mount Weather…"

He let his voice trail off and Clarke shook her head. "I was thinking about that too," she admitted. She turned onto her side to face him, despite her sore shoulder. "I sent you into Mount Weather. It wasn't easy then, but now…now that we're together…"

"I know. We-"

"I love you, Bellamy."

Clarke wasn't sure why she'd chosen this time to say the words to him. They'd had a million other opportunities during the past weeks and months as she'd become more and more confident of her feelings. But somehow now had seemed like the right time. Perhaps, she mused silently, she'd let her heart make the decision instead of her head.

"I love you too, Clarke." He reached a hand to stroke the side of her face. "I'm so lucky to be here with you."

"We're both lucky," Clarke murmured. She reached her arms for him and relaxed into the embrace. This, she thought, was the best part. Just pulling his warm body against hers and feeling their love pulsing in the room. There was no need for sex – though they could have it if they wanted. There was no need for any more words – though if Clarke needed to talk or chatter or even just vent, she knew she could. There was just the pure elation of being able to fully be yourself with someone who accepted you the same way.

And now she had to say goodbye to him. True, it would only be for a few days. One day for Bellamy to get Monty to the Second Dawn bunker and one for him to return. Mount Weather popped into Clarke's head again. He'd gone in there alone after the plan with Lincoln had failed, he'd survived being hung upside down and pumped for blood, he'd succeeded in a seemingly-impossible mission. This one would be far, far easier.


Jackson examined Monty's wound again and then wearily retired to the room that he and Miller had selected. He was glad that Miller had done the work of setting up their room: pushing two beds together to make one, and making the bed. The bed which Miller himself was already laying in. Miller had thoughtfully left the overhead lights on for Jackson.

Like everyone else in Skaikru, neither Jackson nor Miller had much in the way of personal effects. But Jackson had one item that had made it down from the Ark with him and over to the Second Dawn bunker and now to this bunker: a necklace which had belonged to his beloved mother. Its beads were of a faded, blue glass and its clasp no longer held, but he still touched it occasionally. Miller had wanted to bring something with him that reminded him of his father, but the Sergeant hadn't had much by way of personal items either. After his dad had died, Nathan had gone through his backpack and found a card that he'd made for his dad as a child. The Sergeant had kept it all those years. Miller chose that as his item to bring to the new bunker.

Jackson looked and saw both items had been lovingly placed atop the side table next to their bed. Jackson unceremoniously removed his clothing, shut off the overhead lights, and got inside the bed next to his partner.

"How's Monty's injury?" Miller asked.

"It could've been a lot worse," Jackson replied, arranging the covers around himself. This bunker was cooler than the Second Dawn's. "It will heal if he stays off of it. But he won't be walking without assistance for a while."

Jackson then turned onto his side, his back to Miller. It was the position they usually slept in. Miller inched closer to him so they could spoon. He tentatively placed an arm around Jackson.

"I'm sorry."

Miller spoke the words against the back of Jackson's neck. The words came out straightforward but chagrined.

"I'm the one who should be sorry," Jackson said insistently. "I've been pressuring you to talk, and I think you've been trying to tell me that you're not ready to talk about it yet. I'm sorry for pushing you on it."

Miller was quiet for a bit. "I have been horrible since he died though. And that's not cool."

"I wouldn't say 'horrible'. Just normal." Jackson took a breath. "I told you, it's okay. We both need to give you time."

Miller grunted his assent. He added, "I'll try to be less grumpy in the meantime."

"You don't have to. I need to give you space to just feel what you're feeling."

Jackson relaxed against Miller. He meant what he'd said. He knew that Miller needed time, and he planned to be patient and to give it, and to stop insisting that Miller open up. Besides, this was what Jackson had craved back on the Ark after he and first boyfriend had broken up, and certainly every night since the Ark went down. Having a strong, loving man with his arms about him. A man who loved him and wanted to do better for him.

"I feel bad for being so grumpy with you," Miller continued. "And I should. But those Second Dawn idiots? They never made me feel bad for loving you. They can call it sick or against their religion all they want, but I never felt at all ashamed. I'm really proud that you chose me to be your man."

"I feel the same, Nate. I love you."


The next day was a flurry of activity, mostly for Monty. He set up both farms, and went over every aspect of them with Octavia and the others. Before leaving the Second Dawn bunker, he'd written up pages and pages of meticulous instructions. He went through them again with Octavia, Raven, and anyone else who would listen, adding just a few notes here and there.

Jackson, Niylah, and Anne set up med bay. When the members of the group weren't helping Monty walk or stand, they tended to just walk around their new home, marveling at its size. Raven created a schedule to train everyone else in the field of engineering, promising "I'm gonna make each one of you my apprentice."

Anne had cooked dinner for everyone, beans and rice flavored with a tiny sprinkle of dried garlic. The nine people sat together at one table inside the vast mess hall as they ate.

"Might be bland but it still beats the nutrition cubes we ate on the Ark," Raven said.

"And some of the crap we ate on the ground," Miller added, placing his spoon down. "Bellamy, remember the time we hunted and ate that animal? Still don't know what it was called. But it had the worst meat ever."

Bellamy shook his head. "That stringy, dry crap that we could barely get down. I would've traded it all for two months of nothing but nutrition cubes." He then scratched at the rash that was still bothering him, despite the disproving look from Clarke. She'd been reminding him not to scratch.

"Yeah, and after we'd spent all damn day hunting that beast!" Miller said with a guffaw, though he and Bellamy both looked a bit pleased at the memory of their successful – if unappetizing - hunt.

"So I'm thinking," Monty began, glancing down at his bowl and then back up again, "that we leave at first light tomorrow. If that's okay with everyone." He didn't need to state the obvious. Even a few days away from Harper was hurting him far worse than the effects of the bear trap.

Clarke looked at Octavia. Clarke herself had sat in on almost every session with Monty today but the farms would be Octavia's responsibility. (And Clarke had taken a brief nap as well – several days with little sleep had finally caught up with her).

"I'm ready," Octavia said firmly.

"You wrote a damn book, Monty," Raven said, smiling and shaking her head. "I think you answered every possible question in there." She added, "And once we get comms up in both bunkers, then we can radio you with any questions."

Clarke and Bellamy exchanged a look and nodded. They didn't want to bid farewell to Monty but they also didn't want to jeopardize the safety of their remaining Skaikru members, or keep him apart from Harper any longer than need be. The two of them could easily put themselves in Monty and Harper's shoes, empathizing with how agonizing the separation must be.

"That works for me," Bellamy said. "We'll be much more careful where we step this time."

"Too soon, Bellamy," Monty said, smiling and shaking his head. "Too soon."


When Clarke had left the Second Dawn bunker, she and her mother had bid farewell in private. And she and Bellamy would keep their goodbye in private as well. They made love that night for as long as they could. At times it was slow and sorrowful, at other times passionate and almost frenetic. Bellamy was determined to touch, kiss, and lick almost every inch of Clarke's body, trying to savor and remember her.

While Clarke was bathing, Bellamy located the piece of chalk he'd packed. Paper and writing implements took up valuable space inside their backpacks but they'd found room for them. Bellamy used the chalk to write a message to Clarke on the wall of their room, behind their side table. He left the side table just slightly askew so it wouldn't catch Clarke's attention right away but there was, he figured, a good chance she'd notice it during one of the days he was away and read it then.

As he was getting dressed, she entered their room and rummaged around her backpack. "Here," she said, handing him a piece of paper. "I drew this yesterday when Monty was going over something for the hundredth time. Just a drawing for you to give to my mom."

Bellamy took it with a nod. He swallowed. This moment would be hard, he knew.

"It's just two days," Clarke said. But she wasn't smiling, and Bellamy saw her eyes looking as agonized as he felt.

"Two days," he repeated. "We've both gone on missions that were way, way more dangerous."

"Right. This is nothing. No Azgeda. No Mountain Men. No AI zombies trying to recruit you." It looked like Clarke was trying to get the words out with a laugh, but she couldn't muster one – and neither could he.

Despite his words, Bellamy still felt agony at the impending separation and he knew she did too. He looked into her beautiful eyes and saw a hint of wetness. His heart ached and he pulled her into a hug.

"I love you so much, Clarke," he said, his voice like a ripped bandage. He touched his hand to the back of her neck, just loving the feel of her wavy hair against his fingers. Loving the warmth of her body and wondering how he would manage even two days without it.

"I love you too," she said, squeezing him tightly.

As Bellamy continued to embrace her, he was torn between not wanting the moment to end but knowing it was already a bit later in the day than Monty had wanted to depart. Holding Clarke, he suspected that she felt the same way.

"Why does it feel," Clarke said softly, "that in a world where we've had to make hard decisions and do hard things that this is one of the hardest?"

"It is," he responded. "It truly is."

There was a soft knock at their door. "Hey brother," Octavia began from the other side. "Monty's too nice to tell you that it's past first light now. But we don't want you guys driving at night so – time to go!"

"Copy that!" he called out. Bellamy looked at Clarke one more time. Her face, her eyes, the loving way she gazed at him. He didn't want to leave. But it was time. They stepped together, their kiss long and lingering. His eyes closed, his lips locked with Clarke's, Bellamy couldn't decide if the moment was painful or exquisite.

Then it was time for him to grab his pack and go. He and Octavia – and the others - had already said goodbye in private, earlier. Brother and sister walked down the corridor in silence towards the exit.

As Bellamy hoisted Monty out of the bunker, the two men began their trek back towards the rovers. The wind was stronger today and louder, with a disturbing wail. Bellamy turned his head to look back one last time. Polis's tower continued to loom above the bunker's entrance. It still looked as if nothing more than a tap might send the tower tumbling down. He shook his head. Maybe it was just a trick of the eyes.


The trip back to the Second Dawn bunker was blessedly uneventful other than the howling, relentless wind. When they reached the bunker, Bellamy and Monty banged on the door as Monty had been instructed to. For a few minutes they stood there as nothing happened, but finally the door was opened and they stepped inside, making sure to secure the door behind them. Harper, Jasper, and three elders greeted the duo. Monty hugged his girlfriend and his best friend warmly, both of whom were dismayed at seeing his injury.

Bellamy reached to shake Monty's hand, to bid him and his other two friends farewell. But one of the elders said, "Don't be in such a rush, Bellamy. Why don't you come in, get out of that hazmat suit, have some dinner and something to drink? You can stay the night here if you want. Your room is still yours."

Bellamy and Monty had discussed this during their trip. Perhaps because Bellamy had seen the disgusting prison cell where the Second Dawn had held Miller, he just didn't want to spend any more time inside their bunker than necessary. The bunker felt ominous and even alien to him – a fact which Monty said he understood. But standing inside the bunker now, Bellamy knew he was utterly exhausted, and the prospect of spending the night inside the rover, trying to sleep while wearing a hazmat suit and breathing its stale air was painful. He hadn't slept well the past few nights, and he'd need to be awake and alert in order to make the trek – alone - back to Clarke. Bone-tired now, he wasn't sure he could do it. Bellamy was also hungry and thirsty. The notion of having one last "real" meal – as opposed to the container of cold beans he'd brought with him – was enticing. And although it seemed unlikely that anyone or anything had survived Praimfaya, if they had then Bellamy would be safer spending the night inside the Second Dawn bunker instead of the rover. Additionally, he had Clarke's note for Abby, and he really wanted to give it to her in person. There was also that rash he'd had since taking the anti-radiation drugs. They had nothing at the other bunker to treat it, but likely Abby could treat it here. It had been relentless with its itchiness and pain during the entire trip.

So he nodded, taking the elder up on his offer. It would turn out to be one of the worst mistakes he'd ever made in his entire life.


"We're keeping you here, Bellamy Blake."

It had taken Bellamy a while to fall asleep inside his old room in the Second Dawn bunker, the absence of Clarke gnawing at him. But once he'd lost consciousness, he slept the sleep of the dead. Unbeknownst to him, he'd slept a full ten hours without pause. Whoever had been on laundry duty since Bellamy and the others had departed had not yet changed the sheets inside his room, so they pleasantly carried Clarke's scent on them which helped keep Bellamy content and asleep for so long.

So it took him a while to register that John and Andrew Cadogan, father and son, were now standing inside his room. Andrew held a gun though he wasn't pointing it at Bellamy. John held a nightstick.

Bellamy bolted upwards, blinking and trying to make sense of the words that John Cadogan had just uttered.

"What? Why? And where's Kane?" Bellamy managed.

John answered the second of the three questions. "We changed our minds," he said simply. "Letting you all go was a mistake. As no doubt you Skaikru people guessed, we need to expand our gene pool. Since the moment your group walked out the door, we've been having regrets. So we're sorry Bellamy, but we're not letting you leave here."

"Yeah, well you're gonna have to make me stay!" Bellamy exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "And what about our binding contract?"

"We can make you do what we need you to do. And we're going to just need to put some aspects of the contract aside," John replied casually but firmly. His nightstick was at the ready, and his son clutched his firearm. "Your rover has been dissembled. And – with the help of your Jaha - our engineers have figured out all of Monty's tricks, so he won't be able to pull a stunt like he did last time. They learned what he did and how to stop it." John paused and added, "I guess we're not so stupid after all."

"I never said you were stupid," Bellamy said, seething and trying desperately to get his brain in gear. Where was Kane? Did he know about this? And was Jaha really helping the Second Dawn? Well, Bellamy wouldn't put that passed the former chancellor. He then paused and let his anger get the best of him, "Well, maybe I did."

The younger Cadogan shook his head. "Such disrespect. Skaikru is going to learn manners and behave the way we want you to, and dress the way we want you too, even if we have to throw half of Skaikru into those prison cells. The cells we never should have let your queers out of in the first place."

The elder Cadogan added with a smile, "And that we could easily put you in if you prove to be uncooperative." He paused. "I know you wanted to get back to your girlfriend and your sister, but that's no longer an option. You will stay here and marry one of our young women. For now, we're going to leave you locked in your room until we're sure you've calmed down. Just be glad we're not locking you in one of our prison cells."

With that, both Cadogans left the room before Bellamy could charge at them. It wouldn't have mattered if he had. Three more armed Second Dawn men were standing outside ready to defend their leaders.

Bellamy sat back down on his bed stunned, wishing more than anything that this whole thing was just a nightmare.

The hours slowly meandered by from there, leaving Bellamy alone with his fear, sadness, and anger. But also with his resolve. He would find a way back to Clarke and Octavia. Sooner or later they would realize that he was taking too long to return, and they along with Raven would come up with a plan. And sooner or later, Bellamy would be allowed to talk to Kane to find out what had happened here and how to change it. He just had to muster every ounce of patience he could to make it through the interminable hours inside this room.

THE END

But you know I won't leave it like that! The sequel is already outlined out, so if you want more, make some noise, let me know.

I want to thank my beta testers. They did a phenomenal job of nudging me to make the story better while offering praise when it was deserved. Thank you!

Thank you also to everyone who left a review. They really help motivate me.

I love to talk about The 100, Bellarke, Mackson, and all the background ships in this fic too, so contact me anytime. My Tumblr is JemLeoFan