During Volume 11 Chapter 5 and 6
I fastened on a simple purple apron imprinted with a single cat paw. I was not the only one. All around me, the girls had worn their own choice of aprons. Yuigahama chose a pink one, with just a few neat frills at the straps. Miura had one that was decidedly red, as bright as a rose, perhaps for the occasion. Isshiki's light-blue apron was about as simple mine, yet it was well-worn, probably from its age but more likely from repeated usage. Even Ebina brought one along, its fresh orange colour a match for her energy (of the wrong kind, to be sure). Isshiki had brought along generic extras that were naught but white, but it seemed that they were unneeded. The fact that almost everyone chose to bring their own apron spoke to their seriousness in learning from this event.
Isshiki approached the centre of the room and faced the rest of us. She was intending to give the opening speech.
"Welcome, welcome. I'm sure you're all excited to make some nice treats today. You'll all be learning from the best, from Yukinoshita-senpai to Haru-san-senpai. The only rule here is to have fun."
Isshiki's eyes panned the audience as she spoke. She was getting quite used to handling announcements. Her eyes briefly met with mine.
"How hard you go at it is completely up to you… but please keep in mind what you're here for! It's practice for Valentine's Day after all! Think of how the person on the receiving end will respond to your efforts…"
Isshiki trailed off bashfully, though it was hard to tell whether it was genuine or acted. Perking back up, Isshiki ended with a simple send-off.
"Gooooood luck!"
It was a succinct, yet positive speech with some lines for encouragement. There was no need to make a big deal about it, since everyone understood their purpose for being here. Even Isshiki herself seemed a bit more serious about all of this than usual.
Indeed, Valentine's Day was certainly a day to stir up passions. Just like any other special day, it would be easy to become swept away in its atmosphere.
Anyway, I didn't mind helping everyone out, but there were enough experienced people to go around. For now, at least, I started helping Miura.
"Um, please take care of me," spoke Miura with a small bow.
"Likewise," I responded.
I was a little baffled at her politeness. It was just a month ago that she and I were still at each other's throats, though admittedly, the enmity came more from her end. With all that had happened, she became a little meeker. No, maybe she was always like this, but that that stormy front she raised in front of me had disappeared.
I suppose I had Hikigaya to thank for this. It was because he chose to step forward, to do what he had decided to do to fulfill Miura's request that her impression of us improved to the point where we could finally speak cordially with each other.
"Let's start, Yukinon!" said a pumped-up Yuigahama.
I nodded and began with my explanations, "First is to cut up the chocolate, then melt them over boiling water. Although, it slightly differs depending on what you want to make, but this step is necessary in any case."
Miura tilted her head and said, "Just that?"
"…Well, this is the basics. Although I might say that, the following steps after this are very important as well."
Easy never meant unimportant. The fundamentals were the roots upon which progress grew from. Messing up the basics would ruin the dish from the get-go, regardless of how well you performed later.
On the table in front of us was a chopping board with a slab of chocolate sitting on top. Melting it as is was inefficient. From chemistry and physics, we knew that increasing the surface area of the material sped up all manners of processes and reactions
I grabbed hold of a nearby santoku knife and began chopping up the slab to thin slices. I made sure to pay attention to my posture and go slower than usual to let Miura and hopefully Yuigahama learn from observation. After cutting up roughly half of the slab, I passed the knife to Miura.
"Eeeeh, any advice about this part?" said Miura in rare hesitation.
"None in particular. It's as easy as it looks. But please, don't try to match my speed if you're not used to it because you'll hurt yourself," I said, looking at Yuigahama instead of Miura.
Yuigahama tilted her head. It seemed like she had already forgotten about all of the cuts she sustained from occasions past. I hoped that she wasn't the kind of person who was unable to learn from pain. Now, I was incredibly worried about letting her wield a knife today.
Nervously, Miura began slicing up the chocolate. Her unsteadiness and hesitation in following through caused her to crush up some of the chocolates into fine particles while forming unshapely slices. Yet, her confidence grew as she progressed. Chop by chop, her slices became more uniform as she finished up the slab.
"Hmm… Isn't this super easy?" proudly spoke Miura with a grin, "How's that?"
"So naïve, Yumiko!" shouted Yuigahama.
"You're so naïve," I spoke with a scornful smile.
Taken aback, Miura spoke, "Huh? How hard could it be?"
"The hard part starts now!" explained Yuigahama, with more enthusiasm than was necessary, "Warming something up is not just about putting it in hot water. You have to do it like gwa- gwa- something like that."
Miura had a troubled smile, no doubt having not understood a single thing, yet being considerate about friend's usual lack of intelligence. Of course, Yuigahama misunderstood that smile entirely and repeatedly nodded to herself in satisfaction.
Ah, my temple was already throbbing. Let's not keep Miura in the dark.
"If you just let the melted chocolate harden like this, the white fats will rise to the surface, making it unsightly and affecting the taste," I explained, "Furthermore, the next steps in the process will take a lot more effort."
Miura nodded in understanding. Her previous grin was subdued. She put down the knife and turned towards me.
"Hmm. I see. …Then, what's next?"
While her words would seem to carry disinterest to an outsider, the glint in her eyes showed the curiosity of a cat. Indeed, her attitude was not that of indifference but of the humbleness of a student.
"For now, we will just start with the mixing and tempering," I said, "After this, the work that is to be done will be different depending on what you want to make. Well, there's quite a bit of people here, so let's just go with baking a chocolate gateau."
Gateau was merely the French word for cake. For better or for worse, using a foreign word makes it sound fancier, thus we think of cake interleaved and topped with plenty of icing, as well as bright fruits and berries.
"Chocolate gateau! Isn't that like something made by shops?" asked Yuigahama.
"It's not really that difficult…" I said with a conflicted expression.
The more beautiful cakes you see in a patisserie was beyond our scope. Chocolate gateau could definitely be made more simply, yet still be garnished thoughtfully. I believed that the home-made aspect would have a stronger impact for Valentine's Day than something looking overly professional.
"I will use black chocolate, while Miura-san and Yuigahama can just use whatever you like."
I preferred the unsweetened chocolates high in cocoa content, which not only packs more chocolate punch, but allows me to fine-tune its sweetness. Though, for beginners like Miura and Yuigahama, they may opt for something that they're more comfortable with, like semisweet chocolate, which is very versatile.
Yuigahama gazed at me with sparkling eyes. Miura looked completely comfortable being here and learning from me, with hardly a misgiving. The two of them were so eager that I couldn't help but let slip a smile.
Yuigahama headed off to a free table to begin her work. Yuigahama was, at least, familiar with the steps up to the end of the melting part. At least, I hope she was, after having bragged about how difficult it was to Miura.
Miura glanced at the chopped-up chocolate.
"I don't know too much about the different types of chocolate, but this one is fine, no?"
I replied, "Indeed, I don't see why not. Though, you should chop them up further so that they become little pieces, like chocolate chips."
"Hmm, okay."
I watched her wield the knife more fearlessly. She finely diced the chocolate with slightly greater speed than before. The pieces were uneven, but that was not relevant, since they would all be melted anyway.
While Miura was chopping, I filled a saucepan with water from the tap. I transferred it to the stove and put the heat on the highest setting, intending to let it reach a boil.
After I had finished that, I turned back to Miura. All of the chocolate was now in bits and pieces.
"Hmm, this is not so bad at all," murmured Miura, "Actually, it's kind've fun."
The sides of her mouth with faintly upturned. Her eyes were brimming with purpose. Somehow, she exuded an almost motherly aura.
"It's a late start, but you have the aptitude," I spoke, "It's going to become a lost art, with all of the convenience stores around."
Miura looked at me with bewilderment, as if she had seen something bizarre.
"Huh, what are you saying? Totally off-base."
I could only respond with a wry smile. I could hardly blame her. Hikigaya's bad habit of convoluted analogies and diatribes was rubbing off onto me.
"It's not like I have completely never stepped foot into a kitchen before," said Miura with a pout, "But… when did you start?"
"That's like trying to answer when you first started speaking fluent Japanese. It just happened early on with something simple, and I've just continued to do more and more from then on," I replied.
"Huh… And for what reason?"
"Reason?"
I thought back to the past. Being a daughter to an influential family, I've had several talents drilled into me, without any of my input. Such troublesome things were done, as I now realize, for the sake of maturing me. Cooking was just one of the many talents.
"Like I said, it just happened, really," I responded matter-of-factly, "If you insist, the only thing that I can say was that my mother provided the motivation initially. It's just a natural part of my life."
Miura disgruntledly spoke, "What the heck, that's so vague. I have a real reason like, you know, V-Valentine's Day chocolates, so…"
Miura briefly glanced over at Hayama, who was standing along the walls of the room, currently striking up a conversation with Tobe. Tobe bellowed out laughter, at which Hayama shrugged in indifference.
"I'm kind've jealous, you know," said Miura with a sigh.
"If it's about that, I've already told you that there's nothing going on, even if we knew each other from back then," I said coldly.
The pot of water reached a rolling boil. I turned the heat down several notches. The violent bubbling in the pot slowed to a simmer. I placed a metal bowl on top of the table and motioned for Miura to transfer the chocolate pieces into it. Complying, she lifted up the cutting board and carefully tilted it over the bowl, letting some of it roll down while pushing other pieces with her knife.
"I know. That's not what I'm talking about," spoke Miura, "I just wish I had been able to do all this in the first place. Like, if I could do it, I would have the confidence… or something."
I grabbed hold of the hand that was clasping the knife. She looked at me in confusion.
"Ah, stop. Leave about half of it. We'll add the rest later."
I transferred the metal bowl of chocolates over to the top of the pot, completely covering it with the bottom of the bowl. Heat from the steam transferred to the bowl, heating up the chocolate. I passed Miura a rubber spatula.
"Here, take this. Now, you want to continuously stir the chocolate until it fully melts."
"Sure. Got it."
Miura took the spatula from me and began stirring the chocolate, some of which had already liquified. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead as she worked at it.
Her diligence was in stark contrast to her earlier pessimistic words. No, maybe it was through diving into the job and getting preoccupied that she was tolerating something. Something like that was not unfamiliar to me.
I looked over towards Hikigaya. He didn't seem to have noticed me. While he had nothing to do, he was carefully observing every table. While he appeared diffident, past experience showed that if push came to shove, then he would absolutely do what he needed to do. In that sense, he was like a watchful sentinel.
We once drifted so far apart because I couldn't stand — and couldn't watch — him perform those terrible methods. At that time, I had also spurred myself to action. Eventually, I had also gone too far, just like him, although in a subtly different direction. I had wanted to prove something, but I ended up contorting the request. In the end, all that I had done was throw myself into work so that I wouldn't have to see something that I hated.
"It looks fully melted now. Let's not heat it up any further and take the bowl off the heat — but remember your oven gloves," I spoke to Miura.
She put on the gloves, then transported the metal bowl back onto the table.
"Add in the rest of the pieces bit by bit, letting everything melt. Naturally, you will end up cooling the chocolate in the process. If it gets too stiff, put it back on the heat for a few seconds."
Hikigaya eventually did put somewhat of a damper on his methods. Without needing to hold heavy feelings, his reliability seemed to increase severalfold.
The one who didn't change was myself. Offering encyclopedic knowledge like a robot was all I could do. Yet, lately, I've started thinking that it was okay, as long as we all offered some of the pieces to the puzzle and as long as we were all pursuing the same thing. As long as nothing changes, then…
"Uh, Yukinoshita-san? You're spacing out," said Miura in exasperation.
I shook myself out of my stupor and said, "Sorry. It looks like you're done. The next step is to add flavouring to the chocolate. Sugar, cream, things like that. The proportions are up to you; use your tongue to figure what suits your tastes. You can refer to the recipe if you're stuck. It's probably not hard, but…"
I glanced at Yuigahama's table and frowned. A few strange ingredients were on her table. Furthermore, her entire carton of heavy cream was empty. Compared to her, I think Miura should have little trouble.
"Well, you've been doing fine so far, so I'm entrusting you to your palate."
Miura gave me a sneer and spoke, "Are you sure about that? You don't think I could come up with something even more delicious than you?"
I brushed aside my hair and crossed my arms as I responded, "Don't get ahead of yourself. Given the extent of your abilities, you would ruin things if you tried to overtake me."
"Hmm, is that so?" said Miura, looking unconvinced, "You were looking a little weak in the knees for a moment, but I guess your tongue's as sharp as ever."
Miura reached for the tub of sugar, ending that train of thought.
I needed to get started on my chocolates as well. I headed off to a nearby table, one that was close enough for me to keep one eye on Miura. Everyone else had already started. I spotted Isshiki whipping her egg whites into a foam. Hikigaya was making his way towards her, perhaps to lend her a hand.
From close by the table, I withdrew a block of dark chocolate. I placed it on a cutting board and got busy, with a long blade in hand, chopping it into fine pieces. My motions were practiced and precise. It was something I had gotten used to. What I had struggled to do in the beginning, I had, with time, become able to perform that same task with ease.
If only everything could improve over time like that. Giving myself a wry smile, I pushed the chocolate off the cutting board onto a metal bowl. I began boiling a pot of water. I wondered if I taught the steps to Miura correctly. When I really thought about it, I became conscious of the fact that it would have been more efficient to begin boiling the water before I began cutting up the chocolate. How strange. I could only notice that after teaching someone, after casting a reflection of myself upon someone else.
I tapped my foot as I waited for the pot to boil. With nothing to do, naturally my attention drifted elsewhere. My eyes, scanning the room, happened upon Isshiki's table again.
Isshiki's arm was outstretched in front of Hikigaya's face. She held a silver spoon. The feeding end of it was lodged in Hikigaya's mouth. His eyes were widened in great surprise, and his cheeks were faintly flushed. Isshiki's other hand cradled her bowl of melted chocolate.
The hand holding the spoon gradually withdrew from Hikigaya's mouth. A thick, brown-coloured thread of saliva dragged from its end, being pulled taut until it severed.
"Senpai, this sort of sweet thing, do you hate it?"
Isshiki spoke those words with a sugary voice, provocatively holding up the slimy spoon coated with the evidence of her mischief. Her eyes, somewhat upturned to peek at her taller senpai, was expectant for an equally sweet response.
"… I don't really hate it," mumbled Hikigaya.
His face showed a mixture of bewilderment and embarrassment. Yet, he didn't avert his eyes from Isshiki. Far from it, he sighed as if spellbound, letting himself be opened to whatever Isshiki would do or say to him next.
I peeled my eyes away from the two. I placed the metal bowl in the boiling pot of water and stirred the chocolate vigorously. Irritation filled me. A sensation like a pile of needles being accumulated filled my chest. There was something painful. There was a sweetness out there that elicited that kind of reaction from him, and that made me uneasy.
With the chocolate fully melted, I removed it from the pot. I looked down at the dark-brown liquid. I had considered overcoming the bitterness of the dark chocolate with a proportion of sugar that was in a small of excess of what I would normally put in, for there was someone who enjoyed consuming things that were saccharine to the extreme.
Lifting up my face, my sight once again met with Hikigaya. Staring at Isshiki's back, which retreated in the direction of Hayama, Hikigaya absentmindedly scraped a splotch of chocolate off his cheek onto his finger. He gently inserted that finger into his mouth as if kissing it.
My irritation escalated up a level. Without thinking, I grabbed the bowl of melted, unsweetened chocolate, as raw as can be, and a metal spoon. I stampeded over to Hikigaya, mixing the chocolate in the bowl with the spoon several times, constantly knocking metal on metal.
"…Come to think of it, Hikigaya-kun is in charge of tasting. Because you have been useless up until now, I have completely forgotten about you. By all means, won't you come over here and give your opinion on this as well?"
I thrust out the spoon, now covered in dark chocolate. I had the sense not to immediately thrust it into Hikigaya's mouth and therefore not completely overwrite the taste of what was in there before.
Hikigaya stared at the spoon with a look of disgust.
"Your cocoa content is over 90%. It will definitely be very bitter…" muttered Hikigaya.
Staring directly at him, I urged him to give the bitterness a try. Hikigaya shook his head in refusal. I thrust the spoon in front of his face again, taking a single step forward. In response, he backed up one step in rejection.
In a sense, bitterness should have been nothing unusual to Hikigaya. He and I, as well as Yuigahama, have been sipping tea in the clubroom all this time, after all. He could stand to finally gain an appreciation for the experience of bitter things. At the very least, he could do it just once before indulging in tooth-rotting desserts later tonight.
Hikigaya and I continued to be locked into our staring contest, otherwise being as still as statues. Hikigaya's eyebrows twitched in exasperation.
…I was being irrational. Even so, it would be difficult for me to suddenly break things off and pretended that nothing had happened. As I was contemplating about how to make Hikigaya give in and put an end to my shamelessness, Yuigahama suddenly appeared between us.
"Ah, how's mine!? What about mine!?" cried out Yuigahama.
I retracted my arm as Yuigahama shoved her entire bowl in front of Hikigaya. In it was something barely resembling chocolate. It was definitely brown, but it was much fainter than expected. Evidence of unmixed cream or milk, as well as patches of sugar, lined the sides of the bowl.
"I think that Hikki will probably enjoy this," said Yuigahama with enthusiasm.
I frowned. Rather than chocolate, what was in her bowl resembled MAX COFFEE. The sickening sweetness would be on point, and maybe it would taste so distantly from chocolate that it might even be closer to MAX COFFEE as well.
Hikigaya's eyes darted back and forth between my bowl and Yuigahama's. There was a bit of indecisiveness mixed in his expression, but he looked more fearful than anything else. He was unable to make a decision, and his mouth flapped open in protest.
"W-Wait just a moment?"
As he was saying that, the door was suddenly thrust open. The three of us turned to meet our violent, probably uninvited guest.
"Tsk, even the air is full of the sweet fragrance…" said that person with deep displeasure.
She stomped over in our direction, as if she had a bone to pick. That person was Hiratsuka Shizuka-sensei. Naturally, I was stunned to see her so crudely insult the atmosphere as the first thing to do. Though it was consistent with her personality, there was definitely a grudge embedded somewhere.
I asked her, "That- Hiratsuka-sensei, why are you here?"
"Huh? Ah, because I heard Isshiki's reports. So, I decided to come down here and take a look," said Hiratsuka with an accompanying sigh.
Her clear reluctance in coming here spoke to her desire in shirking work, something that was also consistent with her personality. She was not exactly the greatest role model. Though, I had to be fair. Being a good role model probably only required that the role model be relatively better than the one looking for a life lesson. As the supervisor to a club of misfits, we could hardly complain.
She did a quick glance around the room, then paid full attention to us. Her eyes caught sight of the bowls in our hands as if she had just noticed. With that, she chuckled.
"I forgot to say that chocolates are not allowed to be brought into school," said Hiratsuka-sensei heartily.
Confused at her lighthearted tone, I asked, "There's such a rule?"
Surely, she must have seen countless chocolate-flavoured confections being consumed on campus, yet she had never batted an eye.
"There's no such rule, but it's still banned," spoke Hiratsuka-sensei, in all of her unreasonableness, "It's not related to schoolwork, and it's also very troublesome, very annoying. Why do you think I supported the abolishment of obligatory chocolate in the staffroom? Although it will be quite a bother, students should feel the same pain as well. Because love and feelings can only grow stronger from obstacles in their path!"
She gave us a full-toothed grin, while nodding to herself, likely having thought that she had said something good.
Hiratsuka-sensei was among a group of professionals, so a ban of obligatory chocolates there was acceptable. However, students are not held to the same standards, having an alternate set of expectations. It could even be said that immature students were expected to partake in frivolousness, to let loose while they still could, for such rambunctiousness was no longer appropriate once they reached adulthood. I disagreed with her. Now was certainly a good time to exchange Valentine's Day chocolates, if not the best time.
Hiratsuka-sensei assured, "Anyway, no matter what, I will take a one-day leave on the day of the entrance examinations. Just kidding."
Hiratsuka-sensei smiled gently. Her tranquility suggested that she had buried a hatchet, or perhaps some chocolates.
She turned to Yuigahama and me, giving a final eyeing of what was in our hands.
"Well, do your best~" tenderly spoke Hiratsuka-sensei.
Yuigahama shyly smiled while slumping her head down. I turned my head away from it all, meeting my gaze with the wall.
The two of us had a realization. It had not struck us before because we had been so busy helping the others with similar concerns. No, was that really true? Perhaps we had averted our eyes on purpose.
Mustering up the courage and honing your cooking skills, that was the easy part. The difficult part was the consequences.
A deeply bitter raw mixture and a creamy, sugary lump — undoubtedly, Valentine's chocolates had a recipient.
Hiratsuka-sensei patted our heads at the same time, as if nudging us forward towards the consequences.
"Oh, Kawasaki. You made it in time," spoke Yuigahama in delight, "I haven't seen Keika in quite a while."
The tall girl named Kawasaki Saki wore a jet-black apron, giving her a cool air. Yet that feeling was spoiled with awkwardness as she was glancing around anxiously. It appeared that she had arrived late. Hikigaya, who had been speaking to her, gave us looks that plead for our help.
Kawasaki was bent down, grasping the shoulders of a girl half her height. That similar, yet much cuter face was undoubtedly that of Kawasaki Keika, her younger sister. She wore a cherry-red apron with a single polka dot bow on one of the straps. Her given name was beautifully embroidered on the place over her heart. It was, surprisingly, the most elegant apron out of all of us.
Yuigahama made her way over to Keika and began patting her head. Keika's twin pigtails danced like fairies.
Unconsciously, I had closed the distance between me and Keika. My hand reached out before I realized what I was doing. Was it really okay to be touching a kid I barely knew? My hand floated in the air in my hesitation.
I regretted not simply going for it. She was so cute, and I wanted to make her narrow her eyes and rub my fingers with her face like a kitten.
"That... Today, I look forward to working with your..."
Kawasaki tried to greet Yuigahama and me, but she was unable to form words, looking quite flustered. Perhaps she was bad at dealing with a large amount of people like I was.
As if picking up the slack, Keika straightened her back and bowed down in front of us with a perfect angle.
"Please take care of me."
Keika displayed such splendid mannerisms despite her young age. I couldn't help but form a pleased smile to match her attitude. I squatted down to match her height and spoke to her.
"I look forward to working with you as well. Well then, what sort of candy do you want to make?"
Keika look towards her older sister, probably seeking for permission. Kawasaki nodded affirmatively.
"Kei-chan, what kind of sweets do you want to ask?" Kawasaki asked.
Keika seemed oddly stupefied for a moment. Perhaps she was not used to simply being given something with no strings attached. She was well-disciplined. However, she was certainly smart enough to not let this chance go to waste. With a grin as wide as a rainbow, Keika shouted but one word.
"Eel!"
"O-Oh... I see..." muttered Hikigaya in astonishment.
"Sorry, our family had eel previously, and she really liked it," shyly spoke Kawasaki.
Eel was something that was as special as chocolate. The sauce used for it certainly had a nice sweetness to it. The nice flakiness with a light taste devoid of all fishiness meshed so well with that sweet and savoury tare sauce. Its deliciousness holds up so well that it only needs to be placed on a bed of rice, which would soak up the dripping sauces and juices, allowing you to experience every last bit of the eel.
But for Valentine's Day, how about something that was a bit atypical yet was still easy to make? Eel pie came to mind. It's a classic English dish going as far back as the medieval times. It should be easy enough, though I was not accustomed to preparing eel. I would have to look it up.
I was thinking aloud, and it seemed that Hikigaya had heard me.
"Oh, can that pie really be made through normal means?" he asked.
"Yes."
I turned to Kawasaki and suggested, "If you don't mind, want to give it a try?"
"N-No need for that!" refused Kawasaki, "Just teach her something that any kid could make."
"Alright then."
If eel was out, which was a bit of a shame, then there was that idea that we came across in Isshiki's references. There was one particular kind of chocolate that was both easy to make and highly customizable, something especially desirable to children who have wide imaginations.
"Then something like a chocolate truffle, I guess," I spoke, "Let me go collect some additional ingredients."
Leaving everyone behind, I walked over to the pile of boxes at the front of the room. I grabbed an empty box and filled it first with semisweet chocolate, cream, and vanilla. I also grabbed a variety of extra toppings for the coating, such as coconut shavings and sprinkles.
I dropped the box off at a nearby table. I made my way back to the others. Yuigahama and Keika were laughing about something together. Hikigaya was standing off to the side, wryly smiling. Kawasaki was still nervously fidgeting.
I spoke to them, "Kawasaki-san, Keika-san, shall we begin?"
Kawasaki nodded and nudged Keika along, which turned out to be an unnecessary motion as she bounced along towards me. Yuigahama gave the three of us a warm smile before heading back to her station. Hikigaya looked a little bit lost while simply standing there. Maybe he had run out of things to do.
I beckoned Kawasaki and Keika over to their cooking table. Keika had as much energy as a pile of sugar, but she showed enough restraint to not be doing random things in a kitchen-like environment with so many dangers. I appreciated that. She was very cute.
I began explaining, "Truffles are basically balls of ganache with an outer layer of toppings. Ganache is made of cream and chocolate, along with flavourings if you desire. It really is that simple."
It's quite amazing how something so simple yields that thick, yet satisfying and comfortable chew that smoothly sends your teeth right through. Really, the hardest part about it all was doing it neatly enough to look professional.
"Ga-na-shu?" said Keika in confusion.
I bent down to Keika's eye level and said, "Don't worry about it. Just think of it as very yummy chocolate."
"Yummy chocolate!"
Keika grew even more excited than before. Her twin pigtails bounced up and down. Seeing that, Kawasaki smiled with satisfaction.
I spoke to Kawasaki, "I'll have you chop up the chocolate. Presumably, she isn't ready for something like that, right? Chop it up finely because we're going to melt it."
"Got it," said Kawasaki as she nodded.
I laid out a block of semisweet chocolate on the cutting board, just like the situation with Miura. Kawasaki bore a decently long knife and rapidly transformed the chocolate into thin slices, then to fine pieces in no time. Her skill was very real. In the meantime, I heated up the heavy cream in a pot.
"We'll use that chocolate for the ganache. Push it over there for now. Chop up some more chocolate and transfer both portions into separate bowls. We'll use one of them later on to coat the outside of the ganache," I directed.
"Sure. No problem," said Kawasaki matter-of-factly.
The rapid tapping of knife-on-board filled our ears once again. Keika looked up at me with her mouth forming an inverted V.
"My turn when?" she asked.
"Very soon. You'll be doing a very important task," I responded with a smile.
The cream started bubbling. I shut off the heat. Kawasaki had finished cutting up all of the chocolate as well.
The table was a little tall. I brought over a short stool and asked Keika to step onto it. Her height became a little higher than mine. She looked slightly downward at me and gave me her signature smile. Honestly, it felt a little imposing, in the good sense, like a blinding beacon. She didn't seem like it normally, but she had the same sense of impressiveness as her sister, albeit with a slightly different touch. I had seen that side of her as well during that play we held.
I gave Keika a spatula. Then, I moved over one of the bowls of chocolate to the front of her.
"We're going to add some vanilla to the chocolate, then I'm going to pour this hot cream in. I want you to stir it," I told her.
As I said the word "hot", I briefly glanced at Kawasaki. She nodded. It seemed like she understood to keep Keika from getting hurt.
I instructed Kawasaki to put in half a teaspoon of the vanilla. Then, I carefully tilted the pot of hot cream over the bowl. The bits of chocolate were suspended in the white cream that was barely tinted brown.
"It doesn't look so appetizing right now," said Kawasaki with a frown.
Keika agreed with her with a vehement nod.
"Please be patient," I optimistically spoke, "Keika-san, please stir it around. It looks like that right now, but it will definitely transform into something pleasing."
Keika inserted the spatula into the mixture and, with both of her hands, stirred carefully but rapidly. The white cream turned browner and browner. Before long, something entirely different occurred. Large brown lumps trailed the spatula, which seemed to expand and absorb the cream. Keika slowed down her pace due to the increasing thickness of the mixture. Eventually, the liquid cream had completely disappeared, being replaced with a slick, glossy, viscous ganache. As Keika lifted the spatula up from the bowl, chocolate slowly peeled away from it, landing back in the bowl. It looked so appetizing that it was hard to resist sampling some immediately.
I grinned triumphantly and spoke, "It's now worthy of being served as a Valentine's Day treat, no?"
"I-Indeed," muttered Kawasaki.
"Wooooow..."
Keika's eyes were shining. It was understandable. She had, by her own hands, elicited a change that was so abrupt yet so wonderful. Something so ugly had become something so beautiful.
"...I think I've changed my perspective on this a bit," murmured Kawasaki, "It's not a waste of money. Actually, the cost is so little isn't it. But you can make something like that..."
"As I remember, I believe that you are the type to be concerned about money, no? But there's financial cost of making things nice isn't high at all. Nor does it have to be hard."
I looked towards Keika's apron. With its customizations, it was clear that most of it was forged by Kawasaki's own hands. She probably already understood what I had said, but it was difficult to apply the same concepts across boundaries. It was easy to become so focused on doing something for one circumstance that you forget that it could be applicable to other circumstances.
"When they eat this, they'll be very happy!" beamed Keika.
Turning to me, Keika continued, "It's good chocolate! Your boyfriend will be very happy!"
"U-Um, y-yes indeed..."
Her words came out of nowhere, and I could only blink in surprise. I considered denying her outright, but her glittering eyes dissuaded me.
"K-Kei-chan!? Um, sorry, Yukinoshita-san, she always seems to be picking up strange things these days," said Kawasaki in apology.
I shook my head to demonstrate that I thought nothing of it. Even so, my cheeks felt heated. Children were so sporadic. I tried to steer my thoughts in a more logical direction.
"A-Anyway, it has to cool down and be a bit stiffer before we can work on it further," I spoke as I picked up the bowl, "Let's put it in the fridge in the meantime."
Keika gave me a full smile. She was completely enjoying all of this. She didn't hesitate about her own abilities or was nervous around so many older strangers, even as she hopped from one extreme to the next. It could be chalked up to a child's inability to overthink and stumble over their own thoughts. Even so, her attitudes and reactions, free of the conditions and thorns of us older folk, could be said to truly be genuine.
The evening had advanced with ferocity. Everyone was fully focused on their cooking. As I had walked around giving advice, I was rather impressed with everyone's efforts. The beginners, such as the Kawasakis, turned their sincerity into strength, in which the extra effort and care resulted in products that somehow were both sufficiently presentable yet still had that homemade air from minor imperfections. The veterans, such as Isshiki, were on another level, where it surprised me how they managed to craft such exquisite desserts from the given supplies.
We were at the point where decorating the treats or slightly refining their shapes was all that was left. I was currently watching over Miura and Yuigahama as they were handling their creations. Miura used her chocolate to make cookie dough and was busy molding it into heart shapes. Whatever Yuigahama had chosen to make, she was still at the stage of trying to get her batter taste just right.
What the two of them were doing wasn't hard enough for me to hover over them like an eagle. Even so, I stubbornly performed my duty so that I wouldn't have to deal with a certain troublesome existence.
"Yukino-chan, what are you making? Let your Onee-chan have a taste~"
Standing nearby, cradling a cup of tea, was my older sister Haruno. She had finished much faster than the others and had nothing else to do than to pester me. I spoke nothing in response to her.
Pouting, Haruno spoke with a sharper tone, "Hey, Yukino-chan, can you hear me?"
Hayama Hayato walked up to her and gave her his usual smile to smooth things over.
"Haruno-san, Yukinoshita-san is still quite busy," he spoke gently.
Haruno gave him her own brand of smile, one that was friendly enough to make you think that she had taken your words into consideration. Even so, she did not move an inch and returned her eyes to me. Because she was facing away from Hayama, she did not see him sigh with frustration. Yet, he had not done so quietly enough for her to not have heard him. She did not react to that simply because he did not offer her entertainment.
Since everyone was doing fine, I should get working on my own treats. I picked up a measuring spoon.
"Excuse me, are there still spare chocolate cutters?"
Hikigaya had appeared next to me with an annoyed look, with his hands in his pockets. He was, of course, the type to always be antisocial, but his forward slouch seemed even more acute than usual.
"There's still some over there," I said, pointing to the table across from me, "You may take those if you need them."
"Oh, thanks."
However, the voice that responded was neither subdued nor deep. Rather, it was hyperactive and feminine. Having been in the blind spot behind Hikigaya, that girl from Kaihin Sogo High with the bob cut hair popped out.
"You're welcome" became stuck in my throat. At the appearance of this vexing girl, so out of place with her foreign uniform, I couldn't help but narrow my eyes. I could sense Yuigahama behind me stopping what she was doing and turning in this direction as well.
That girl, Orimoto, looked at the cookie cutters with a curious expression. She then turned back to Hikigaya.
"…Come to think of it, have I ever given some chocolate to Hikigaya?" naturally asked Orimoto.
The spoon in my hand fell back down to the table with metallic clangs. My jaws slackened in utter surprise, and I held my hands over my mouth, as if keeping something in. I gawked at Hikigaya, looking for confirmation.
I was not the only one to hold so much surprise. Kawasaki looked at him as if he was some sort of alien being. Yuigahama looked away entirely, fidgeting with her hands wildly. Isshiki peered from a distance, holding her breath. Even further away, Tamanawa coughed several times and muttered strange noises while pretending he was contemplating about something.
The idea that Hikigaya had received chocolates from this girl was so dissonant, so incompatible with my perception of reality, that it felt like my stomach would turn upside down. I felt that same uncomfortable, nauseous feeling as when I'm being packed in a large crowd of people.
Hikigaya answered her with a stretched-straight mouth, "No… probably never."
Orimoto heartily laughed and spoke, "I see, haha. I'll give you some this year, then."
Hikigaya widened his eyes in surprise, probably having expected some alternative answer. He tensed his shoulders.
"Eh, no, a, that's…"
He fumbled about, unable to give a coherent response. It was clear that he was shaken to his very core.
"Then, remember to come eat it when I'm done," said Orimoto, with complete naturalness.
With her business here done, Orimoto waltzed over to the other table, retrieving the cookie cutters. She then retreated to the other end of the room, in the direction of a grumbling Tamanawa.
I glanced back at Hikigaya. He heaved a deep, yet somehow happy sigh that seemed to expel some ghosts from within him. His shoulders relaxed as if some great burden was released.
At the relieved Hikigaya, I should have felt the usual urge to tease him about it, to mock him for overreacting at the fact that he was receiving chocolate. Yet, I could only feel helpless. My legs hopelessly trembled.
"Come to think of it, Hayato received some chocolate from Yukino-chan some time ago, right?"
Haruno's boisterous voice reverberated throughout the room. Her face was turned towards Hayama Hayato, apparently engaging in conversation. Yet, her expression was full of mischief. Her eyes were narrowed like knives.
Miura, who was still working nearby, and I simultaneously gasped. From farther away, Isshiki incoherently yelped.
My head became completely blank for several seconds.
I fearfully turned my head towards Hikigaya. He was staring at Haruno incredulously, with his mouth half-open. He looked like he could not believe what he was hearing.
We caught a glance of each other, but we broke off quickly. I hung my head.
Whereas I felt nauseated before, now I felt like several needles were stabbing into my skin. No, it felt like I had stuck them there myself, and Haruno had brought them back to view. There were things that had occurred in past, mere historical facts, yet their resurrection was haunting me much more than I expected.
Nobody could utter a word in response as everyone else continued staring at Haruno wide-eyed.
"Ah, that's true," said Hayama with a nod, "That's probably during elementary school or so. Haruno-san received some as well."
Hayama's answer was perfect. He diverted from the issue by introducing the possibility of something safer. His smile was magnanimous.
I felt a little relieved, but only for a moment. That relief turned into self-disgust as I realized that I had approved of him showing off that sickening smile whose sole purpose was to keep harmony. His smile was a continuous, pretentious lie, for in forming it, he would be never be able to say what he truly thought.
Both Miura and Isshiki sighed with great relief.
On the other hand, Haruno looked disappointed. She almost appeared sick. She broke away from her and walked in my direction. At Haruno's back, where she could not see, Hayama watched it retreat from him with a distant look.
Standing in front with me, with one hand on her hip, Haruno asked, "Then, Yukino-chan, who are you planning to give this to?"
She had a devilish grin, far more malicious than anything that the merely impish Isshiki could have made. She pointed down at the table full of utensils.
"…This has nothing to do with Nee-san," I coldly replied.
"Eh, you're not going to give it to anyone?" she said with exaggerated discontentment, her voice being raised by a pitch.
"Of course not," I responded, "There's absolutely no reason for me to do that."
I stated the obvious. Let's say I did make her chocolate, perhaps out of obligation from blood ties. The truth was, this person was completely incapable of simply receiving it with gratitude like an ordinary person. Her abject sense of enjoyment would absolutely take over, and she would use it as an excuse to inflict pain and misery around her.
How she acted back then and how she would act today, there was no reason for them to be different.
I was convinced. Yet, her inability to process normal affection was also shown by another thing.
"Not to mention that I have never received chocolates from Nee-san even until today," I added.
"Hm, that's indeed true," she spoke bitterly.
Of course, her tone carried nary a hint of remorse. There was only a sense of a lost opportunity, as if she had overlooked something funny.
"Well, Yukino-chan says she wouldn't be giving me any, so she definitely won't be doing so. She has never lied after all," said Haruno with a shrug.
Nearby, I could hear Hikigaya let out an "Ah".
Then, Haruno glared at me. Her eyes were like permafrost.
"But there are still times when she wouldn't say the truth."
Her accusatory words felt like flying icicles digging into my skin. I shivered.
Haruno was not lying. There was a time where I flung truths around thoughtlessly and stubbornly. If there was a problem to be solved, I had thought that best solution was simply aligning the threads, adding in the missing components, regardless if I had to force them to fit. It felt like ages ago. Yet, that reality had only been a few months ago.
I could never forget that momentary glance at Hikigaya's eyes back then in September. There was brokenness, but there was also unmistakable disdain and bleak disappointment. But that glance was truly transient as he overtook me, turning his back to me, his retreating figure oozing with loathing.
I knew the reason. I rained down thousands of truths, populating the pool, only so that my own truths would blend in and be veiled. I would not speak. Because I didn't speak, he showed me that look.
Not finding the right time, not having the courage, I had thought that I had made strides. Even so, Haruno seemed repulsed as she looked at me.
"You didn't say that you were not going to give it to anyone. That means you are indeed going to give it to someone."
I had no words to give her, because it was none of her business. I only twitched an eyebrow.
"Well, there's only so many people you could give chocolates to," she surmised.
She was looking at me like an insect. There may have been so many people in her own circle that she could give chocolates to, not that I would know their identities. Even so, I had ideas of my own, but she failed to provide a valid reason for inquiring.
"Ridiculous. Say whatever you want," I muttered with contempt.
What little interest I had in conversing with her was lost. I resumed the last of my work. Seeing that, my sister had enough sense to relocate herself elsewhere where she could find some better entertainment.
Suddenly, the noise level of the room increased. It wasn't that it became ear-splittingly loud. Rather, it had resumed its normal levels. I did not even notice that the noise had died down at some point.
I let out a deep sigh while moving around some equipment. My mind was in disarray, even as I relaxed my shoulders.
Why, I wondered, did the week leading up to this year's Valentine's Day made me feel so agitated?
Given the purpose of Valentine's Day, Haruno's words echoed in me again. There were only a few people that I would go out of my way to make treats for. There were even less with regards to the male gender.
To whom I would choose to give gifts, it was obvious to those who knew me.
Even so, Haruno's words were still ringing in my head. Then, the act in giving, there was some significance. Perhaps she was testing my will.
In the midst of my thoughts, I absentmindedly knocked over an empty metal bowl. It fell to the ground with a great clang, bringing the eyes of even Kaihin Sogo High in my direction. It spun around before rolling in, surprisingly, Hikigaya's direction.
"S-Sorry."
Ah, my face was burning up. I really didn't screw up like this too often.
I bent down and reached out to the bowl. I felt a face come within close proximity of mine. Looking forward, it was Hikigaya. He was also bent down, with his hand outstretched. We froze, wondering what to do.
Seconds later, I became self-conscious of our close distance. I hurriedly withdrew my hand and held it close to my chest.
"That…"
Hikigaya started to say something, but he shut himself up. He awkwardly looked to the side, shuffled backwards and his hands fell away. I was grateful but a little sorry for his hesitation because it helped me think a little straighter. I hurriedly reached my hand out again.
But I was still not completely in my right mind. My grip was ashamedly weak, and I let go of the bowl again. It clanged as it hit the ground and began rolling. It clanged some more as it collided with random objects. There was endless clanging, endless noise.
Eventually, the noise stopped. It was only during the quietness that I noticed my chest thumping as if I had run a marathon.
I stood up. The first thing that met my sight was that same metal bowl rotating in the air. It was no longer making any noise, but it was still in motion. The one who kept it in motion was Yuigahama, who was spinning the bowl around her finger.
"Hehe, Yukinon, you still have quite a ways to go. My handling of metal bowls and other cooking utensils is top-notch."
She laughed with excessive haughtiness to seem more convincing. Seeing that, I broke into a smile. The awkwardness disappeared line a clearing fog.
"No, apart from this, it's everything else that you're fatally flawed in," said Hikigaya in a wry smile.
With a troubled smile, I could not help but agree, "That is indeed so."
With gratitude, I extended my arm to receive back the bowl. Yuigahama carefully handed it back to me, and I grasped it with a tinge more strength and stability than before. For some reason, after I had taken it, Yuigahama examined her palm carefully.
I turned back to my table. I noticed that many eyes were, again, pointed in my direction, no doubt due to my needless actions. Across the room, Orimoto had a look of concern, one that was unashamedly significant, despite being an outsider. That was not enough to bother me, not when compared to my sister's face. My sister's eyes bore holes at me, as if she had seen something genuinely repugnant. Her frown was deliberate, almost to the point of puckering her lips.
I couldn't look straight at that expression, for it was all too familiar.
A blast of heat rushed out of the oven as Miura slowly lowered the door. Her mitted hands reached out for the metal sheet inside. As she withdrew it, a wonderfully-shaped chocolate gateau emerged. The top was not completely uneven, and none of it spilled out. It had a simple appearance, but the visual aspect was but one of a human's set of senses. The deep and rich aroma of chocolate wafted out, filling our olfactory senses with delight.
Miura showed her work to me, full of anxiety. Yuigahama was no less worried, showing concern for her friend.
"It looks fine to me," I spoke to Miura with a smile, "I think it's been done quite beautifully."
With my praise, Miura breathed a sigh of relief. A great wave of satisfaction washed over her face. She held a smile that was dazzling with satisfaction. Such hearty goodness augmented her natural beauty, and I could say, undeniably, that Miura Yumiko was very cute.
"Yumiko is amazing!" cried Yuigahama.
Yuigahama lightly hugged Miura's back, so as to not startle her, with that wonderful-looking cake in her hands. Miura's ecstasy softened somewhat as she twisted over towards Yuigahama.
"Yeah. Thank you, Yui," she kindly spoke
With her body still in that position, Miura shifted only her eyes in my direction.
"Yu-Yukinoshita-san as well," she said, flush with embarrassment.
"I haven't tasted it yet, so I can't really comment much," I said, "But for now, it seems to be a pass."
The words that I spoke to others was as harsh as usual. It was difficult to change one's habits this late into the game. Even so, I spoke those words as I looked past Miura and Yuigahama, where Hayama Hayato was standing. Because I spoke as usual, Miura understood that it was not quite over yet.
"Yumiko."
Yuigahama gently patted her shoulders, with much the same spirit as a coach pushing his player along. Miura nodded to her. With apron, oven mitts and all still equipped, Miura firmly held the oven sheet with the chocolate gateau and slowly, but deliberately, stepped towards Hayama.
Once in front of him, she twisted around uncomfortably. She was couldn't meet his eyes. Even so, she delivered her request word-by-word.
"H-Hayato… This, could you help me… to taste it?"
Hayama, seemingly acting as refreshing as usual, spoke with tranquility, "Of course. If you think I am suited for this."
He wore a smile, but I did not find it disgusting this time. He seemed glad, almost excited.
Although I no longer knew Hayama, anyone could tell that there wasn't any of that sort of passion that Miura would have been looking for. Despite that, the reactions elicited were not entirely to-the-template, I believed. If Miura had managed to bore a crack, then it was sufficing to say that our mission was accomplished.
"Um, how do I put it, do I just nick off a piece or…?"
Hayama's smile subtly gained some cracks of concern. He was wondering how, exactly, should he sample the chocolate gateau.
"Ah, um…"
Miura's mouth flapped open and closed without being able to give a clear answer. Her face slowly turned beet red. Sighing, I grabbed withdrew a clean knife from our stash — one of the last ones. Then, I stepped towards Miura.
"Let me extend to you a last courtesy," I offered to Miura, "It would shame me, your teacher, otherwise."
Seeing me with the knife, Miura understood my intentions. She held her cake out to me. I carefully made straight, diametric cuts through the centre of the chocolate gateau, four in total. Eight slices were liberated, small enough for one to hold. I nodded towards Miura, and she wordlessly nodded back in gratitude. I withdrew once more.
Once at a suitable distance, I glanced back at the two. With cake in hand, Hayama seemed positively astonished as he chewed. With her final hurdle cleared, Miura, at last, was truly relieved of all of her tension. Hayama spoke something to her, and she giggled contentedly, truly enamoured.
The spectacle went interrupted. Isshiki, a rival who had not yet given up, sat on the sidelines, with Hikigaya for some reason, bidding her turn. She had a frown as she peeked at Miura, but it was obvious that it was rather forced. As she spoke to Hikigaya, accidental smiles leaked out here and there.
Of course, not everyone was out of the ring due to consideration.
In the corner of my eye was my sister Haruno, who was chatting away with various people from both schools. She was certainly acting elated, deep in her conversations. Yet, she never once spared a single glance toward Hayama Hayato.
"Uuuuu, Yukinon, please help me one more time!"
I was in the middle of washing up some of the dishes. I had not yet taken off my apron, the presence of which was like the on switch for my cooking state of mind, so I was still in the mood for offering assistance.
Yuigahama skipped towards me with a bowl in her hands. In it was nothing more than melted chocolate.
"I-I think I finally got this to taste the way that I like it so, Yukinon, can you help me out for the rest?" pleaded Yuigahama.
Around us, the others were beginning to wind down to a standstill, opting to sit back, relax, and enjoy their treats. The frequent clanging of metal spoon-on-metal bowl was absent. Yuigahama was the last one, and she still had not put her confections in the oven.
"Yes, but we must be quick," I replied, "I'll moni- I mean, teach you every step of the way so that we can get this done before…"
I glanced at the clock on the wall. The time was cutting into the evening, encroaching on dinner time.
"Before ten o'clock."
"Y-Yukinon, I'm not going to take THAT long, okay!" grumbled Yuigahama.
I followed her to her cooking station. A few eyes followed us, since we were the odd ones still cooking.
I had no idea what she had planned on making in the end, but I suggested to her that we stick with something simple and quick, like chocolate cookies.
Yuigahama put a finger on her lip and thought aloud, "Hmm, that does seem simple, but is it way too simple? How about we—"
"No. I believe that leaving out the frills makes one more prudent and efficient, as well as reduces the likelihood of regret," I interrupted.
Taken aback, Yuigahama cried out, "W-What!? You didn't have to put it like that!"
I shook my head and placed both of my hands on her shoulders before speaking, "Please, think of the ones who will eat your cookies at the end. I beg of you."
"Think of the ones…?"
Suddenly, Yuigahama grew meek and looked to the side while blushing. Knowing her, she got caught on an alternative interpretation of my words, though she wasn't necessarily wrong to think of it like that.
Seeing her like that gave me greater resolve to see this through properly with Yuigahama. That was definitely the proper thing to do, and I have never hesitated to be there for Yuigahama. It was the same as always, between the two— no, three of us.
If there was one thing that was different, one thing that wasn't shared, was, after the baking was finished, that there would be a one-directional giving of the cookies.
I shook off that thought. There was nothing wrong with that at all. In fact, I should be supportive at this time, more than ever.
"Now, let's get started before it really does get that late," I said in encouragement.
I obtained an empty metal bowl. I asked Yuigahama to measure an appropriate amount of sugar. I quickly cut up a block of butter into slices and deposited into the bowl. Yuigahama tossed the sugar in the bowl.
"Hold on a second," I spoke.
I briskly marched across the room to where the pile of boxes was and grabbed what I needed. I made my way back to Yuigahama, and she greeted me with a look of inquiry.
"Here, use this to mix up the butter and egg until it's smooth," I said to Yuigahama, passing to her the object in my hands.
"An electric mixer?"
I nodded. Though Yuigahama was still poor at cooking on the practical level, the theoretical side should have been built up somewhat after spending so much time with me. My guess was correct. She managed to plug in the mixer and start working on the butter and sugar, loud whirring sounds filling the air. For speed and efficiency, a tool of such power was necessary. Although, it was a little too efficient. Bits of butter flew out from the side of the bowl. Some even landed on my cheek.
"Done! What's next?"
Yuigahama was full of vigour. She pumped herself up, mixer still in hand, causing her to unintentionally emphasize her bust, so large that it formed visible contours even with that apron over her front.
Putting aside one of the few aspects of Yuigahama that I was envious of, I snatched the mixer away from her.
"You won't be needing this next. We'll be beating in eggs, combining the flour and other things separately, then pouring all of the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients. Too much mixing will toughen up the cookies at the end, so I'm taking this away."
Yuigahama gazed at the electric mixer with longing. The power trip must've gotten to her, but I wish she could learn to differentiate between heavy and gentle with regards to cooking. She was already so good at doing that in other areas of life.
I made the Yuigahama measure out the dry ingredients, as ostensibly easy as that sounded. Meanwhile, I poured the melted chocolate into the butter and sugar, as well as beating some eggs into it. A bit of vanilla was added, sealing the deal. I heard some grunts of consternation close by, but Yuigahama managed to do her job. Now, if only she could have gotten a little less flour everywhere, that would've been better.
"Yukinon, I think I have a good feeling about this one!" said Yuigahama as she presented her bowl to me, "I think he— we'll all enjoy it this time."
I looked down at the bowl of white powder on white powder. Unfortunately, I wasn't omniscient, so I couldn't tell if this was done correctly at a glance, but life was not without its gambles.
"Yes, if everything else goes well, anyway," I said with a wry smile.
I felt a little sorry, but I passed to Yuigahama a small fork instead of a big whisk. She would be mixing everything together with that. I feared she might over-mix if she used a whisk. She seemed to not have detected my intentions. Fully focused, she mixed the dry ingredients until the white on top of the white was even more homogeneous.
I poured the brown liquid mixture into the bowl. She vigorously mixed everything together, sweat beads forming on her forehead. Eventually, everything became blended and lumpy, though I still had to stop Yuigahama from over-mixing.
Yuigahama decided to sample some of the cookie dough. An instant smile spread across her lips.
"Yum! Yeah, this'll really turn out good this time," she spoke with cheer.
I wryly smiled and said, "You seem to be confident. You know what to do next, right? I'll leave shaping them up to you. My only suggestion is that you make them a bit smaller, so that baking doesn't take too long."
Yuigahama nodded. She decided to use heart-shape molds, as typical as that was, not that it would detract from the quality.
I watched Yuigahama carefully spoon in just enough cookie dough into the molds, then manually even out the dough and remove the excess. By following the correct procedures, it seemed that even Yuigahama could make something with her hands.
Yuigahama, Miura, Isshiki, and everyone else had put in so much effort. It was because they had someone to give it to, a reason to work so hard. Valentine's Day, as trivial as such a day was, provided that push, but regardless of that, it was by their own strengths that they bore fruit.
I continued looking after Yuigahama as she worked. Fatigue was starting to set in, to the point where I felt a little light-headed.
On the cleared kitchen table, the water in a kettle had just reached a rolling boil. I shut off the gas burner. I poured the heated water into a tea pot filled with tea leaves of the kind that we most often made tea from in the club room.
I set up three paper cups as I waited for the tea to steep. It was nostalgic. In the beginning, paper cups were mostly used by us, as wasteful as they were. But over time, those flimsy cups were replaced by three sturdy mugs that always sat together on a desk when their owners were away.
Having waited enough minutes, I slowly poured the red tea into each of the three cups. Hazy steam rose from the cups. The deep redness of the liquid somehow seemed appropriate for the occasion, even though it was just the usual.
In addition to the three cups, I had gathered three chairs. I sat down on one of them. I sampled some of the red tea that I had just prepared. Its fragrant aroma rejuvenated my body and warmed my core. I leaned back on my chair, somewhat lazily.
It had been a long day. There was so much that ran through our minds, so many delectable confections that we had created, and so many mistakes that caught us off-guard.
But it was more than enough. I was satisfied. Any more would be asking for too much.
Just like in the club room, I sat alone, sipping tea, awaiting the arrival of the other two. Just like everyday, Hikigaya appeared with predictable timing, his slouched form belying his discipline. If there was a difference, then it would be that his expression showed greater fatigue than usual.
Seeing him walk towards me, I greeted him, "Ara, seems like you worked hard."
"I didn't do anything worthy of that," he said with a shrug.
Contrary to his nonchalance, he all but collapsed onto his chair, leaning his back on it. I sat up straight and promptly pushed a cup of tea in his direction.
"Is that so? Contrary to what you say, you seem to be pretty busy."
He looked faintly surprised and said, "Busy?"
He did seem quite ragged. Although we mainly worked separately, I could imagine that he had been keeping a close eye on everyone throughout the night. In his own way, just like always, he had provided his support, even if he believed that he hadn't physically done much. I knew how difficult that was.
I nodded and said, "Seems like you can get some rest at last."
I brought my cup of tea to my lips once more, revelling in its aroma. Hikigaya, too, slowly sipped his tea. He sighed in relief, his fatigue visibly draining away.
He said to me, "You worked hard as well."
When he praised me, the rest of my lethargy released like a broken dam. My work had been finished for a while, but hearing that made me feel the brunt of the weariness that I had unknowingly been ignoring. Because of that, it took me a moment to respond.
"Yes. That's correct. I really worked hard."
I slowly craned my neck backwards. Yuigahama was walking towards us, holding a tray of freshly-baked cookies. In the end, she had proved to be quite the handful, as I desperately streamlined my directions to avoid any issues. Holding so much of my attention hostage was very draining.
When Yuigahama arrived at our table, she thrust the cookies in front of Hikigaya.
"Hikki, try this!" she requested.
The heart-shaped cookies had no obvious imperfections. The unevenness and cracks on the top of the cookies were within expectation, even adding to the authenticity. A quick sniff revealed no burnt smell, only a chocolatey fragrance that no one could possibly detest.
Despite that, Hikigaya was conspicuously nervous. His frown was not his typical, default one but one that was concerned for his own well-being. He seemed to be looking in horror at the ordinary-looking cookies. He even gulped.
In response to that, Yuigahama was shaken. Her trembling eyes longed for Hikigaya to take a bite, yet they were simultaneously full of uneasiness.
"…Alright, let's eat," said Hikigaya.
He took a deep breath and, for some reason, rolled up his sleeves. He extended his shaky hand towards a cookie, with a face that seemed like he was about to cry.
I shook my head at such an exaggerated display.
"You seem to be making some sort of tragic resolution, but it's going to be alright," I reassured, "I more or less helped her with it."
"…What, well then, I'm relieved."
Hikigaya sighed, putting a hand on his chest. He was acting as if he had narrowly escaped a disaster. Unfortunately, it was hard to blame him, the past history of our rookie pâtissier.
"I think I just heard something horrible!?" cried an incredulous Yuigahama.
Without a second thought, Hikigaya swiftly grabbed a cookie and took a bite. With his eyes closed, in deep examination, he chewed several times before audibly swallowing. He was still for several seconds. When he re-opened his dead-fish eyes, they looked a little less dead, even emitting a tiny bit of healthiness.
"Amazing," Hikigaya spoke in wondrous revelation, "It's actually edible."
"What do you mean by 'edible'… Cookies are naturally edible. In fact, it's meant to be eaten," complained Yuigahama.
She puffed up her cheeks, clearly dissatisfied.
On the other hand, I was quite satisfied that she could finally make something that you could safely put in your mouth.
"That is to be expected," I said proudly, "After all, I did monitor her carefully for each important step of making the cookie."
"That's called monitoring!?" Yuigahama shouted, "I thought that was just you teaching me normally."
Yes, I was glad. It had taken a whole year, but Yuigahama had finally reached a point where being she could handle it with a lot of hand holding. If it was her a year ago, she would definitely put in something wrong when you looked away from a moment. She made sufficient progress in time for Valentine's Day.
I took to transferring the cookies from the tray to a plate, inspecting each one closely. Even with some cookies being smaller than others or some being slightly darker, you would not think of gagging and vomiting from the visual appearance.
"Doesn't seem to have much problems."
I looked at Hikigaya with a thankful smile.
"There also seems to be nothing wrong with the taste, so I shall eat a little as well."
Hikigaya groaned and said dispiritedly, "So what you mean is that I was testing for poison…"
"Don't keep talking about it being poisoned! I want to eat it as well," said Yuigahama in desperation.
I chuckled softly. I would never tire of our interactions. Teasing Hikigaya, always seeing him become annoyed, and always troubling Yuigahama to the point of outbursts, they things that gave my life colour.
With the cookies piled on the plate, the three of us dug in.
I sampled a cookie. The texture had a delightful chew. Surprisingly, there was nothing like extreme sweetness or an unknown flavour. It was slightly less sweet than what I was used to, but because of that, the chocolatey flavour was more pronounced. It had the feeling of being more chocolate than cookie.
"…Delicious," muttered Yuigahama.
She was staring in wonder at the half-eaten cookie in her hands, no doubt thinking that its quality exceeded her own expectations. I wordlessly nodded in agreement. She turned her head over towards me, her eyelashes flapping up and down as she shyly laughed. Her pupils, but not her head, shifted in Hikigaya's direction, such that he wouldn't notice.
I understood. Without a doubt, he was the person that she most wanted to delight with her cookies.
I smiled back at her in reassurance, because her victory would also be my victory. Filling herself with confidence, Yuigahama abruptly turned her entire body towards Hikigaya.
"It's tasty, right? Right?" she asked.
Without a care in the world, Hikigaya replied, "Didn't I say that it tasted normal?"
What a mediocre response. His usual nonchalance, feigned or not, was a stumbling block this time.
"Ordinary…" muttered Yuigahama in dejection.
"Normal?"
He tried using a different word, but he didn't get it. Yuigahama shoulders dropped.
I glared accusingly at Hikigaya. He was perplexed, but I wouldn't let this pass like the usual, because Yuigahama's efforts were greater than usual today.
Scratching his head, he awkwardly added, "Ah, eh. Well that… that is, the cookies are super delicious… Thank you for them."
His words had as much sincerity as he could muster, which is to say, they had insufficient sincerity. But because we've been together for a long time, we could tell that it was the highest form of praise he was capable of. As evidence, Yuigahama placed hands on her cheeks and showed a gleeful, endearing smile.
Yuigahama energetically reacted, "Yeah!"
Rewarding him, I refilled his cup of tea. From the corner of my eye, I could see Hikigaya relaxing his own shoulders and contentment spreading on his face.
I was happy that Yuigahama had reached a milestone, furthering her own desires. I was no less glad that Hikigaya was able to properly enjoy all of this.
I placed down the tea pot and deliberately faced away from the other two. I placed a hand on my mouth, and there was indeed a smile, that my lips were turned up.
But that was it. My cheeks weren't lifted and neither were my eyes particularly active. It was not a Duchenne smile.
Hearing Hikigaya praise Yuigahama should have filled the three of us with joy. Yet, there I did not feel a sort of elatedness that superseded the usual. I only felt the plain satisfaction from fulfilling objectives.
I, too, had made treats tonight. Yet, every single bit of it had been given to the event's participants, to provide an example as part of their learning. I had planned on setting aside some treats to give to the two of them, but there had been more demand than I had expected.
I wonder what kind of smile I would make if I had made just a few more treats.
The tapping of high-heels could be heard approaching us, as if on cue. I turned around to meet our visitor, a person who had decided to intrude on us. I was unsurprised to see who it was, because there was only one person in my life who was abusing her good specs to bother me. I stood up.
"Nee-san, what's the matter?"
With a low voice, I questioned that person, my older sister Haruno. Yet, she ignored me this time. Walking past me, she focused on someone else. The person she wanted to drill at this moment was Hikigaya. He stood from his chair as she approached, his face turning a bit white.
"This is Hikigaya-kun's genuine thing?" icily spoke my sister.
"Ah…"
He immediately averted his eyes, hoping my sister would lose interest. Unfortunately, with a few more taps of her heels, she chose to draw closer, as if cutting off his escape route.
"Is spending time like this what you meant by the genuine thing?"
Her tone of voice was not only dripping with criticism, but there was also a sense of disillusionment, as if she could barely trust what came out of her own mouth.
"…I don't know," blankly muttered Hikigaya.
His mouth hung open in shock. His legs were trembling, becoming more unsteady than I've ever seen him.
It was because of her utter denial. Our elder, as malicious as she was, was assumed to hold insight. And that older person, whom we, if nothing else, at least trusted in her experiences and knowledge, pulled the rug out from under Hikigaya.
I did not keep still. Yuigahama also stood up.
I confronted her, "Nee-san, what are you trying to do?"
Yuigahama tried to say something, "That- that's right, thi-th-that…"
However, Hikigaya raised his hand to stop us. Some colour returned to his face, though there was no sign of confidence. The two of us simultaneously fell silent. At that, my sister looked even less pleased.
"Is that it? …I thought you weren't this sort of person," she muttered.
She closed the gap between herself and Hikigaya almost completely. Her body was less than a foot away from his, far within Hikigaya's personal space. He was affixed to the spot, but I knew that it was not out of courage. No, he was simply taking the punishment.
"Are you really that boring?"
Haruno malevolently narrowed her eyes until they were but slits. Her sporadic personality led her to categorize people to boring things and playthings. But if that plaything was to turn out to be boring all along, her temper would surely flare like a blue flame.
Hikigaya, this time, had not done anything as crushingly drastic as what he did for the test of courage, the cultural festival, the bamboo forest, or the student council presidential election. Yuigahama and I surely took comfort in this, not being strained under the tension of wrongness, not being horrified at the fallout. We took such comfort, yet my sister felt nothing but boredom.
Putting on a wry smile, Hikigaya pulled out a joke, "If I was that interesting, I would have already become the class popularity king."
Haruno laughed, holding her stomach. Her whole body shook as if she was laughing with the whole of her body.
She whimsically spoke, "That's something that I like about you."
The joy that transiently flashed on her face was like a maiden catching sight of a forgotten lover. That cynical joke that Hikigaya pulled from the depths was enjoyed by one who constantly looked down into the depths. Yet, while still holding onto a smile, her joy morphed back to animosity.
She stepped back from Hikigaya, but no breathing room was given. Instead, she took a look at all three of us, casting her shroud over us as a whole.
"However, you are all so boring currently," said Haruno.
We stiffened. She looked straight at me.
"I… kind've prefer the Yukino-chan of the past," she wistfully added.
I hung my head, my vision becoming obscured by my long strands of black hair draping over my eyes.
The me of the past, of just one short year ago, would not necessarily have hated Valentine's Day. That would be going too far. Rather, she would have thought little of it, being mostly uninvolved, for she had no one to give chocolates to anyway. People around her would have annoyed her with their antics, but she could at least forgive them for fooling around for just one day.
But the Yukinoshita Yukino of today? I was practically engaging in the frolicking. I found satisfaction from helping those who engaged in Valentine's Day activities, who put in enormous effort. That had led me to put in a lot of effort as well.
That's when I had a realization. There was something that showed itself because the opportunity came, even though I was supposed to already have been satisfied.
There were many things different, most of all was the relationship the three of us held. That was what should have been enough. Having gone through so much together, as club colleagues, we surely had built something. That something must have been trust, because we came to expect certain things out of one another.
"That is not trust, but something more unforgivable, more awful."
As if reading my thoughts, Haruno spoke that final line, dashing away my conclusion. She spared no room for rebuttal. Soon, her footsteps began clicking away, in the opposite direction.
Then, there was emptiness.
What we were looking for was not guaranteed to be something shining. We knew from the start that it could be as difficult to swallow as sour grapes. That's why I realized that we had been dancing around it, occasionally prodding it, being blasted back by it, and retreating to a safe zone. That's why, I valued the pleasant everyday, because it let me look away until things unrelentingly advanced to a point where I was unable to look away any longer.
There were those around me, whom I shamelessly felt a connection with, because it was like a mirror image.
There was my sister, Yukinoshita Haruno, who was so used to toying with people, that she had felt no hesitation in forcing us to swallow those sour grapes.
Finally, there was us, who continued to be mistaken, even for something like trust.
People saw each other off, for the event had concluded. The numerous participants waved goodbye to each other as each of them retreated into the night, whether alone or in groups. Yet, even those remaining groups would eventually have to bid farewell to each other to separately return to their own homes.
The three of us had seen off Totsuka Saika, Shiromeguri Meguri, and several others. The Kaihin Sogo students had been seen off by our own student council on a high note, and it was likely that we would see them again soon. That bob-haired girl had, in particular, courteously waved goodbye to us three. Hikigaya had a show of discontent, but he seemed to have accepted something, at least with regard to that girl only.
The end of the event was convenient for us, as the dulled and calmed atmosphere acted as a mask for our sullenness.
The only people who were left now were us and Isshiki's student council. We kept our hands busy, helping Isshiki clean up. We kept ourselves preoccupied, so much so that Isshiki came over to us with slight concern.
"The student council will take care of the rest, so you don't have to worry about the rest," she spoke, smiling in earnest.
"Because, I'm sure you all must be especially tired tonight" was Isshiki's unspoken words, withheld on purpose. I'm sure this girl had seen what had transpired, because she was nowhere near clueless. At the very least, she could see more things than me.
"Oh… but I still want to help out to the end," said Yuigahama.
"Yes. There's no need to be so considerate towards us," I spoke with a nod.
Having found our words unexpected, Isshiki looked bewilderedly at Hikigaya, seeking confirmation. His reply was a simple nod accompanied by a poker face.
Isshiki thought about something for a moment, with conflict crossing her eyes. But she quickly substituted that with her usual cute, impish smile.
"Is that so? Then, I will be taking you up on your word," she happily replied.
She turned around and went back to where she was before, arms swinging at her side. I felt sorry for Isshiki and would likely continue to feel sorry. She was constantly being caught in our crossfire, and there would probably never be an end in sight for her, so long as she continued to associate with us.
We said we would do Isshiki a favour, but in actuality, she was the one providing us with a favour. She consorted with us in our hopeless delaying.
And so, we washed dishes. The dish in my hand had become more reflectively clean than the plates in my own house. Our hands moved automatically, and minutes passed by dully.
At the tail end, we gathered up all off the garbage, the numerous bags that were full to bursting. Yuigahama and I lugged along garbage bags toward the compactor, but Hikigaya wordlessly grabbed hold of them from us. Free of the burden, we simply followed him to the compactor as he effortlessly held a total of three bags. He tossed them in, and there were several metallic clunks that made Yuigahama jump a little.
With that, there was nothing left to do.
We meandered to the front of the community centre. Isshiki and the student council members stood around, having finished everything else. The only thing left was for us to regroup.
I approached Isshiki, and she gave me a quick bow. When her head was raised back up, a clear look of exhaustion was on her face, and she could barely manage to make herself look as cute as usual. Though, that might be an exaggeration. Even stripped of her energy, her natural face was charming enough.
Isshiki thanked the three of us, and at last, the student council members entirely dispersed. The only people left standing around was ourselves.
There was no more reason to be standing around in the cold of the night. I made one final check of my baggage but saw that all was in place.
I told the other two, "Let's go."
Hikigaya nodded. While I was turned around, he had gotten his bicycle. He pushed it along, preparing to leap onto it. However, Yuigahama suddenly grabbed onto the back of the bike. Feeling that faint resistance, Hikigaya stopped and turned his head backwards.
"What?" he curtly asked.
"I-I was thinking, let's go have dinner?"
Hikigaya and I looked at each other in confusion. We hadn't made any plans after the event, and it didn't seem like Hikigaya knew what was happening either.
"What should we do?" I asked, directing my question to the two, "It's already quite late."
"Then then, since I am going to stay overnight at Yukinon's place, how about we eat something nearby?"
"Tonight… You just decided that on your own, didn't you…" I said with a sigh.
Yuigahama came over to my apartment so much that it was practically her second home by now. She sure was treating it as such. I brought a palm to my forehead in a show of annoyance.
"I-Is that alright with you? I can't?" she sheepishly asked.
Yuigahama caught on, but she chose to give me puppy eyes. It looked like my approach was flawed, or maybe I was too soft. It seemed I had no choice.
"I don't really mind…" I spoke.
"Woohoo!" cried Yuigahama, "Then, let's go!"
She was jumping up and down on the spot, making it even more difficult to show any reluctance. She knew how to handle me too well. Was I really so simple?
Then, Yuigahama ceased her celebrations and turned to Hikigaya. She played with her hair bun, showing considerably more restraint.
"Hikki… what about you?" she asked.
Whether from embarrassment or from adjusting her approach, there was a slight bit of pain her tone from cautious optimism. Faced with that, Hikigaya looked troubled. Knowing him, he would always try to have a reason to refuse, no matter what. Yet, like with me, he also seemed to find it difficult to refuse.
Scratching his head, Hikigaya crudely replied, "I'll go as well, since I'm hungry anyway. How about we gather by the station?"
Yuigahama and I would be taking the train as part of the journey. Hikigaya, of course, had that option as well. However, he did have his bike. It would let him save some yen and some awkwardness from lugging a bike onto a train if he were to pedal away as an alternative. Plus, he was not averse to having some time alone to recover his mental stores. If nothing else, we were similar in that regard.
Yuigahama nodded her head and said "Yeah!"
Hikigaya nodded in return. He pulled his bike along ahead of me and Yuigahama, before sweeping his body over the seat. As he pedalled, his form retreated further and further away.
We stood where we were, staring at that shrinking and shrinking form until it completely disappeared. Then, Yuigahama took the first step in the direction of the train station, before I followed after her.
The time of night had reached the point where adults were returning from work. Because of that, the lines were long, and the trains were packed.
In spite of that, Yuigahama and I managed to secure seats on the train. I rested my weary bottom on the seat. Likewise, Yuigahama sat beside me in close proximity. The ends of our shoulders touched, and, occasionally, our knees would lightly knock into each other.
I glanced outside the window. Buildings close to us flew by quickly, and one could barely have enough time to see through their windows. The distant buildings were steadier, and their grounded lights were like replacement stars on the other end of the night sky. The sight of those distant buildings was not completely still, and sooner or later, even they disappeared. The only one constant in that background was the sky, so infinitely far away that it appeared the same to me, no matter how many kilometres we travelled.
The two of us made various small talk while we were walking. It was as if the activity of our lips was tied to the activity of our legs. After boarding, however, scant few words were exchanged. I looked to my left at Yuigahama. She was not asleep. Rather, her eyes were staring blankly straight, focusing on something intangibly far away.
I uncomfortably shifted my body. I was not one to particularly mind making conversations, but I was unable to stand the silence.
"It was quite tiring," I tried speaking.
"Yeah," muttered Yuigahama, "Everything was great. You know, everyone and all."
Though Yuigahama was not one for details, she was, nonetheless, usually verbose. Yet, she lapsed back into silence.
However, I could hardly even blame her, because not "everything" was great. With nothing else to do, not even walking, it would be hard not to think back to what my older sister left us with.
Laughing together, spending time with each other, getting to know each other, those were not abnormal things. Even so, for all of this to be denied by her, for it to be labelled as something awful, I was, yet, unable to reject her words.
"Hey, Yukinon," spoke Yuigahama.
I turned my eyes to her. She stared straight at me, fully serious.
"About earlier, were you angry?"
I responded, "What are you talking about?"
Though I had asked for clarification, in reality, I had little doubts about what she was referring to. Yuigahama realized it too, for she wordlessly stared straight at me, demanding me for a proper answer.
"I… I wasn't."
Suddenly, Yuigahama chuckled softly and said, "Of course not, hehe."
She may have laughed, but her normal, balloon-like energy was not present. Rather, that laugh was bitter, the same kind that one would make at something pointless.
I had no other words to respond with, and we fell back into silence.
When Yuigahama and I exited the train station, Hikigaya was already waiting for us in front of the gate, sitting on his bike. The way he was positioned, it looked as if he was waiting to pick us up and give us a ride. But that thought was silly. His bike clearly had only one seat.
"Yo," he curtly greeted us.
His eyes drifted to the large bag that I was holding. It was the baggage from the event.
"That looks annoying to carry around," he mentioned.
"Indeed," I said, firming up my grip, "Why don't we stop by my place first, so I can drop it off?"
Yuigahama nodded her head and said "Sure!"
We began walking to my apartment complex. Yuigahama was at my side, and she occasionally spoke some words to me. Hikigaya followed from behind at a small distance, dragging his bike along.
"I wonder, what should we eat tonight?" I asked the two.
"I dunno, maybe some ramen?" suggested Hikigaya.
Yuigahama made a conflicted expression and said, "Uh, ramen? That's a little… I mean, Hikki, think of who's going to be coming with you!"
I shook my head and spoke, "No, I don't particularly mind."
"I didn't expect that from Yukinon!" yelled Yuigahama.
Hikigaya muttered, "Well, if Yukinoshita doesn't have a problem, then it's settled, right?"
From the last time I had ramen with Hiratsuka-sensei and Hikigaya, I was overwhelmed by the intensity of the noodles. It was heavy. The noodles picked up every bit of that thick and fatty broth. Even so, the intense umami of every slurp and the steam that rose into your face as you ate was quite exhilarating. Being absorbed by the bowl, I could understand why a boy like Hikigaya would enjoy it so much.
After saying those words, we, again, fell back into silence, with nothing to listen to but our footsteps and the turning of wheels. The silence, being contrasted by those brief crescendos of conversation, felt especially empty.
At last, we arrived in front of my apartment complex. As we were about to step onto the crosswalk, something caught my eye.
It was a black luxury car, the same one that belonged to our family. It was in pristine condition. There were no scratches of any sort, not even at its front. But that was obvious. It had gotten several rounds of maintenance over two years.
Both Hikigaya and Yuigahama gazed at that car in shock.
The back-passenger door opened, and a woman stepped out. Her black hair was tied back in a bun, and her traditional clothing suited her so well that no one would believe that it was out of place. Her footsteps were full of grace. Yet, on such a beauty, was a downtrodden face, one that was so picturesquely bittersweet that it would stir up the same sadness in the hearts of onlookers.
Giving me such a look of disappointment was none other than my own mother.
"Mother… What are you doing here?" I asked, barely able to gasp out my words.
"I heard from Haruno about your future education path. I came here to talk to you regarding that."
She paused for a moment, taking the time to walk closer to me, her presence growing tenfold with every step.
"Yukino, what are you doing outside so late at night?"
Instead of answering my mother, I averted my entire face. On my mother's visage was undoubtedly a grave look of concern.
"I thought that you weren't the type of kid who would do something like this," she spoke accusingly.
I shot my eyes towards my mother in bewilderment. I was not used to being treated like a delinquent. I was sure she knew that. The sense of wrongness drove into my chest like needles, denying all that I had done. I wanted to say something, to tell her that there was meaning, but I could only bite my lip and avert my sight again.
"I trusted in you, so I gave you freedom, but… No, this is my responsibility, my own failure."
Her voice was filled with anguish, as if she had been betrayed. It brought me guilt. But this woman, who had everything in her grasp, was absolutely utilizing it with an agenda, absolutely wanting me to stick one-hundred percent to the path she had laid out for me.
"Was it my fault?" she pondered aloud.
Though her words provoked guilt, she internalized the majority of that guilt. By making it hers, she was in control. I could say nothing. Her act was too flawless, too impenetrable.
However, it was Yuigahama who was able to eke out some words.
"Um, today, there was an event by the student council, and because of that, she was helping out until it got so late…"
"Is that so? You were walking her home, then? Thank you," my mother spoke with gratitude.
She smiled, seeming happy for a moment, but there was to be no misunderstanding. That smile turned strained before she spoke her next words.
"However, it's already quite late now, and your family members must be worried about you. What do you think?"
There was not a trace of enmity in her words. Even so, they were extremely distant. She made it clear that she did not embrace Yuigahama's act. She laid it down as part of the baggage of words that seemed to point at something unrelated. It was so political, so carefully calculated, that I could not help but shiver.
Haruno as well but more so my mother, they had a talent for handling human beings that was abnormally strong, yet I had inherited none of that ability.
Yuigahama had no more responses. Not even Hikigaya could get anything through.
My mother walked up to my front and placed her right hand on my shoulder. There wasn't much strength in that grip, but it made my shoulders tense all the same.
"I hope that you are able to become yourself, to live a life of your own," my mother spoke, her voice tinged with sorrow, "However, I am afraid that you would walk the wrong path. From here on, what do you want to do?"
Having been told so explicitly that my life was wrong, that my life was not lived as she had expected, her question to me was moot. If what I did was wrong to her, then I was only allowed to do what was right to her. That left me with a very narrow range of choices, if not one choice.
However, my mother was not being entirely unreasonable. For more than two years, both her and my plan was for me to take the sciences. I had changed my mind, now wanting to take liberal arts. I had not spoken to her about it, even though years of expectation were in discord.
"…I will explain it properly, so could you please go back for now?"
I couldn't let her trouble Hikigaya and Yuigahama any longer. Even more so, I couldn't let them be worried about me.
I did not have any answers. I was postponing things, turning a blind eye again. To not answer expectations was surely a violation of trust.
"Is that so… If that's what you say…"
My mother seemed perplexed, probably having expected me to acquiesce right away. However, she let me have this faint bit of resistance, not for me to think of countermeasures, but to let enough time pass that I would come to accept it, regretfully or not.
Then, she looked past me at Hikigaya and Yuigahama. There was still worry in her eyes, but she looked at them like strangers. Every one of her actions tonight regarded those two as outsiders.
"It's time for me to go back as well, since she's already safely back home," said Hikigaya.
There was no way that we could continue our plans after this, to stay out even later. My mother would definitely catch wind of it, and I could never defy her will.
I walked with my mother towards the black car, until we were at a distance from the other two. Before she stepped back into the car, she turned back to me once more.
"I hope those two aren't being a bad influence for you, because of all the differences," she said with concern.
I shook my head and said, "Nothing of the sort. And I will absolutely explain everything, so you don't have to worry."
As I gazed at my mother, I felt dizzy. Too many things had occurred today, and my energy reserves were at its bottom. My mother suddenly appearing consumed the remaining scraps. I must have looked haggard. I had no idea how my mother interpreted my weary appearance, but she looked even more uneased.
The door closed, and the car began to pick up speed. As it began leaving, I could spot my mother staring at Hikigaya, monitoring him.
The relationship between the three of us could not be so easily described by us, yet my sister had labelled it as something consisting of something horrible disguised as trust. I could begin to understand. It was something different, but the relationship between myself and my mother was surely not trust, even if she had agreed to leave me be for the time being.
The car had long since left. I turned towards Hikigaya and Yuigahama. There but a few metres between us, but my mother's words prevented me from taking a single step towards them. I could only wave farewell at Yuigahama's distressed face and Hikigaya's pained expression.
Finally, I turned my back to the road. I advanced towards the entrance of the complex.
I had no answer for Haruno. She liked me better when I was more headstrong, more disinterested in the circumstances of others. She hated the me who had begun to look at others, at the expense of all that she had valued of me.
I had no answer for my mother. I would have to give her something resembling an answer in the future, because I had already made a promise with her. When that happens, there would be no way that she would accept a response like that. It would be horrible for her. In turn, she would double down on things that are horrible for me.
I had no answer for Yuigahama. She always pushed us to do something, and I always tried to support her in return. She had expectations of her own, but I never knew if I was fully meeting them. I never even had the courage to ask what she wanted of me.
And, I had no answer for Hikigaya. How could I? He would always be ahead, out of reach, supplying an answer that I had not attained. Even if I did nothing— no, whether or not I could reach an answer on my own, he would pull one out by force.
Not having to do anything was comfortable. Standing still was so tempting. That was why it was so awful.
