I
t's was only when I woke up the next morning that I realised it had all been another bad dream that held no claim to reality. Edward had been different, apologetic and sincere, dressed in clothes fit for a Duke or Earl.
I had looked meek and poor in comparison, with little substantial clothing or fluent speech, however much I tried to appear as noble. Was he supposed to be Asholme? Was I really imagining myself as Arrious?
I had felt somehow equal, maybe even a better half of the Edward who had bowed down to greet me, taking my hand like a queen as I basked in the morning light.
Turning on my side, I bunched up the sheets and squeezed out the thoughts. Then it hit me. The force. The change in Edward's expression. The way he was devouring my weakness with each eager kiss that chewed and bit at my lips, breaking skin and making it bleed with an itch for him to taste me all over again. I recalled Jake being injured, watching, yet distant throughout my cries for help.
I feared Edward. I didn't trust his instincts or his limits. He snarled and snapped like a fiendish animal that had no conscience. I still recalled the electric charge from his teeth sinking into me as I burned alive, until I could see nothing but his puce turning eyes.
I was embarrassed to have lost my self-control, to have hit out at the people who had turned up to reassure me it was over. That it was just a dream, a closed abyss in my mind.
I threw back the sheets and sat up. There were dots of blood on my shirt. But it wasn't mine. I checked myself for scars. I remembered Edward yelling at me to lie still, my hands reaching up so scratch him across the face; speckles of blood had squirted in my face.
It was his. I must have hurt him. But where? His eye? He was holding his left eye as he left the room. It was all coming back to me.
I had to see him. Apologise and explain. But what would I say? Could I tell him what I had dreamed and what he did? Would he believe me? Would he even care?
There was so much I needed to think about. So many questions I had of my own. I shouldn't have come here. I should never have listened to my stupid inner voice reassuring me it was the right move in the right direction. It was the complete opposite. .
I picked up the phone and dialled The Kove. Bellla would know what to say.
"Hello."
A voice broke off, returning with chopped speech.
"Bellla is that you?"
"Ye...how…eee…well...you are."
"Bellla I can't hear you. It must be a bad connection."
"What…se...en... do then…es da…p."
I stood and walked around the room, hoping to reduce the static.
"I don't understand," I replied wishing I hadn't called. My finger was set to press cancel when I heard his voice.
"Hello."
"Hey, Bella how's it going?"
It was Mike. Sounding happy about by something that didn't concern me.
"Hi Mike. Just wanted to call. See how you're coping without me." MIKE was the last person I was prepared to confide in.
"Great, well let's see. Miss Jeepal's been asking about you.
"She has?'
"Yeah. And Mr Dodgson says you still owe him fifty dollars for losing his order last Thanksgiving"
"But I've already refunded him."
"Looks like he wants a re-payment, from your pocket."
"Tell him he can kiss my ass."
"Will do." He laughed, rustling some papers.
All this talk of tedious work was actually calming me.
"Is Billy ok?"
"Um, ye-ah."
"What do you mean ye-ah? Are you hiding something? Is he ill? I've gotta get back!"
"Hold your reign's sweet thing."
"Sweet thing?!"
"You're right.' He chuckled. 'You ain't so sweet"
"Will you just get on with it?"
"Get on with what?"
"Telling me about Bellla. Look, just put him on the phone."
"He ain't here. You just missed him." He crunched on some food.
"Where has he gone?"
"Not sure, don't keep tabs."
"Right."
"Right."
Silence.
"You have me." He paused 'If that's means anything to you.'
"I guess so."
"Thanks."
"Why aren't you working anyway?"
"Be-cause I'm talking to you"
"Then why are you eating right now"
"I'm on an extended break."
"Extended as in without Jared knowing?"
"That's the one."
"Back stabbing jerk."
"Run away Ho-Bo."
I laughed, genuinely. It felt good, and I realised something. I missed T. I missed him so much.
"I'm sorry I left in a hurry without saying goodbye to you."
"So-kay I'd had enough of you anyway'
"Oh really?'
Silence.
'What do you think?' He gulped.
'I think Marsha will be keeping you too busy to even notice'
'That's what you think,' he mumbled.
'I do,' I mumbled back.
'Well she ain't even here. She's in San Diego with her folks.'
'Oh.'
'Yeah. Oh.' He mocked.
'She'll be back before you know it.'
"Hmmm suppose.'
'You don't sound that worried.'
'I'm not. In fact I have a confession to make.'
'What's that?'
'Marsha's a nut.'
'You've only just realised?'
'No. I'm only just admitting it.'
'You poor baby,' I cooed.
He began to gurgle. 'I need a new toy.'
'So buy one'
'Not that kind. The type that pays me.'
'So be a gigolo.'
'Let me rephrase. I want to be a toy boy. You know, for an older woman with class as well as plenty of cash. Like your great aunt.'
'I didn't realise you were such a gold-digging idiot.'
'I'm not. I'm just bored. Plus the extra cash would really help'
I heard the door chime.
'Is that Bellla?'
I heard him drop something. The phone was set down as he swore under his breath.
'Hello.' Bang, bang, bang.
'MIKE get back here.'
'Whoops. Sorry.' He gasped as if short of breath. 'Had a bit of an accident with a bottle of vintage red wine and my K-Swiss.'
The phone bleeped and his voice was dampened by the popping sounds in the background.
'MIKE. What are you doing?'
Bleep, bleep bleep.
"MIKE." The line buzzed then clicked to an end.
I threw my phone on the bed and stomped into the bathroom to splash my face. A moment ago I had everything back. It was normal, just the way it had been. Now I was trapped, witnessing my own decline into a state of isolation, with friends and family miles from where I had turned and left.
I brushed aimlessly at my teeth and gums, even my lips to destroy the remains of an imaginary kiss.
Back in my room, my hair wouldn't sit how I wanted it, so I scrunched it up into a messed up bun that screamed dysfunctional trash. I didn't care. I didn't even apply any make-up.
Life could really suck sometimes.
