Chapter 17
Ivypool
Finally, they reached the lake!
Ivypool couldn't sleep. The barn was unfamiliar to her: she only passed this place on full moons, she had never stayed before.
There were way too many cats snoring. It was just too much to handle. Especially with the recent developments in her life.
Cutting off Hawkfrost was worth it – she had never felt so calm before. Whenever she saw him, she could ignore him, avoid him, she didn't have to pretend being okay with him. No more energy spent on him uselessly!
On the flip side, now she had the time to think about the situation she was in. How did she even get here? Swallowtail claimed they were friends – who was the cat she was talking about?
Ivypool wasn't sure how to act around her. Sure, she did have an excuse for being weird, but... She had the feeling Swallowtail was hoping for that other cat, whoever she had been, to resurface and take over her place. It felt like Swallowtail was treating someone else nicely, not her.
Swallowtail told her some of the things they had supposedly done together. Most of the stories had been about their time as apprentices. Some adventures, mischief... the way she talked about it made Ivypool feel hollow inside.
She never had the privilege of just being an apprentice. It had always been about survival.
Ivypool couldn't stay here any longer. She got up and left the barn as quietly as possible.
She didn't dare go too far away, though. She noticed Squirrelflight, who had gotten her official warrior name upon their arrival.
Ivypool approached her, sitting down. "How's it going?"
Squirrelflight whipped around. "StarClan, you scared me."
"You tired?"
"No... At least, not yet. Can't sleep?"
"No. This place is too unfamiliar. I have a lot on my mind."
Ivypool gazed into the distance. She was supposed to feel home now... Those trees were ThunderClan trees, yet-
"What's on your mind?" Squirrelflight sat down next to her, following her gaze.
Ivypool chuckled helplessly. "If I knew, I would be sleeping now."
"Talk to me, then." Squirrelflight's voice was strangely calming. "This might be our last chance to do so."
She was right, but Ivypool didn't know here to start. Maybe she should go backwards.
"So... I spoke to Swallowtail."
"To whom?"
"She's a clanmate. She said a lot of cats were wary around Hawkfrost because he had become more violent and ruthless over the past couple moons."
Squirrelflight tilted her head. "I suppose he had forgotten how to behave like a living cat."
Ivypool chuckled. "He sure did."
She didn't have anything to say. Her mind was blank. Thankfully, Squirrelflight had something to say:
"Brambleclaw and I spoke," she meowed. "We were wondering if you knew anything about... well, all of this."
Ivypool twitched an ear. "Why would I? No, I don't know a thing."
"Does Hawkfrost know anything?"
"Bold of you to assume he'd tell me."
"I thought the two of you were..." Squirrelflight's voice became lightly teasing. "...well-acquainted."
Ivypool burned under her pelt. "It was just a joke! We're not-"
"It's okay," Squirrelflight interrupted. "I knew."
Ivypool relaxed, but only a little bit. "Why didn't you call me out on it?"
Squirrelflight shrugged. "I was way too tired to start anything. Regarding the original topic: we don't know anything, either."
Ivypool nodded. "Then... I suppose it's settled? There's no way back?"
"We can't know yet." Squirrelflight shook her head. "But it is strange... I was wondering why StarClan didn't send us a sign. Why do they hesitate?"
Ivypool didn't have a response for that. She never thought StarClan would help them.
"I told Hawkfrost we weren't friends anymore."
Squirrelflight's whiskers twitched. "You've been friends?"
"We pretended to be. The Clan thinks we are best friends, we didn't have a choice." Ivypool stared at her paws.
"Then why did you...?"
Ivypool's heart started pounding in a way that hurt her chest. "He has become unbearable, I just couldn't take it anymore!"
Ivypool heard Squirrelflight reacting, but she couldn't understand the words. She was flooded with memories, she stood in the Dark Forest, then in the field, Hollyleaf was laying on the ground, the apprentice was falling down the cliff, Hawkfrost was sleeping next to him, Hollyleaf is dying, Hawkfrost wants to kill her-
"Ivypool? Ivypool! Can you hear me?"
Ivypool is yanked back into the present. Squirrelflight has stood up and nudged her shoulder. Her face was full of concern. Ivypool blinked at her.
How could she explain? How...?
"I'm okay," she blurted.
"You're very clearly not."
Ivypool avoided her gaze. "So what?"
"Don't be like that," Squirrelflight muttered. She sounded more tired than annoyed. "I want to help, Ivypool. What's wrong?"
Ivypool didn't reply for a long time. So long that Squirrelflight went back to gazing out into the distance. But Ivypool just didn't know how to tell her. It was something she couldn't even formulate herself. She had these feelings, these memories, but she couldn't understand them, much less explain them.
"Squirrelflight, I..."
"Yes?" Her tone was encouraging.
Ivypool sighed. "I'm sorry. I don't know how to talk about it. I-I just can't. I'm sorry."
She didn't dare look at her.
"That's okay," Squirrelflight murmured.
Silence.
"Do you think we can find a way back?" Ivypool asked after some time.
Squirrelflight sighed. "I'm not sure. But I suspect that if we want to, then all four us will be needed. And that is a problem."
Ivypool frowned. "What is a problem?"
"Hawkfrost is a problem. Or the problem, rather."
Ivypool's breath caught. She was right. Hawkfrost would never agree to any plan the three of them made. Not after Ivypool abandoned him.
She shouldn't have. She should have forgiven him. She could have endured him, and yet she didn't. How could she? How could she be so selfish?
Squirrelflight shifted in her place. "He wouldn't go back," she said, lowering her voice, "Bramblesta- Brambleclaw suspects that he may attempt to… fix his mistakes."
"But that's... good, isn't it?"
"Good? How could it be good?!"
Ivypool shook her head. "I don't understand. What could he do?"
Squirrelflight stared at her, wide-eyed. "You don't..." She seemed to realize something. "Of course. You don't know. No one knows."
"What are you talking about?"
Squirrelflight swallowed. She looked around, leaned closer, and whispered: "Before Hawkfrost died, he attempted to murder Firestar to make Brambleclaw leader."
Ivypool's heart leaped. "How?"
"We don't know. But Brambleclaw made the right choice and ended it then and there. He thinks that know that Hawkfrost knows that he won't betray him, he will kill Firestar himself."
Ivypool's mouth hung open. "But Hawkfrost told me..."
It was a lie. Of course it had been a lie. How couldn't she see? How could she believe him when he had said that Brambleclaw's reason to end his life hadn't been righteous?
How could she believe that he deputy, her leader could be corrupt? How could she take Hawkfrost's word over his?
"What did he tell you?"
Ivypool shut her eyes. "It's irrelevant. How can we stop him?"
Squirrelflight sighed. "I don't know. You are closest to him... or were. Our borders won't meet anymore, so I don't think we will be able to communicate much."
Ivypool hummed. "You know... maybe we won't have to stop Hawkfrost at all."
"What do you mean?"
"I told you: a lot of cats are vary of him. I don't think he is aware of it, but if he knew that his reputation was on the line..."
"...then he wouldn't attempt anything drastic," Squirrelflight finished, eyes gleaming. "That could actually work!"
Ivypool nodded. "Yes, it could. I'll consider how to tell him about it."
Squirrelflight sighed. "One problem solved. On another note... I thought about asking someone for help. For figuring this thing out, I mean."
Ivypool's whiskers twitched. "Who? There's just the four of us."
"Well, yes, but I was thinking about my sister."
"Leafpool?"
"Leafpaw."
"Oh." Leafpool was younger than her now!
"Maybe she can ask StarClan for guidance," Squirrelflight explained.
Ivypool didn't voice her doubts. "Alright. Be careful, though..."
"I will be! Of course I will be. I'll only tell her as much as needed. I won't talk about you or Hawkfrost."
Ivypool nodded. "I see."
"Maybe you could ask Mothwing to do the same."
Ivypool frowned. "I'm not too sure about it. We don't know each other so much."
"Then get to know her. We need to gather as much information as we can."
"Yeah, sure," Ivypool muttered.
Not like she wasn't familiar with spying.
"Great."
Ivypool shivered. "I think I'll go back to sleep. I'm getting cold."
Squirrelflight nodded. "It was nice talking to you."
"With you too."
Ivypool walked back to the barn. She slumped into her nest – she was tired. She squirmed in her place a little, but unfortunately, she couldn't get more comfortable.
She kept turning her head and body. This was the worst – she was exhausted, but her mind refused to shut up.
She spotted Hawkfrost sleeping a little farther away. He had his back to her.
Ivypool twitched an ear and stared at him.
He had lied to her. Not just now, but every single time. And she had believed him.
As she thought about her time in the Dark Forest, a horrible thought crossed her mind: what if Hawkfrost wasn't the only one? What if Tigerstar or Mapleshade remembered the Great Battle, too?
Ivypool shifted her gaze upwards. It didn't matter. It shouldn't matter. If all went well, they will be back before they even notice.
Or will they be? They have been here for moons, and nothing had happened. No sign, nothing.
Ivypool squirmed and turned on her stomach. What if they couldn't go back at all? Squirrelflight, Brambleclaw and Hawkfrost could relive their lives – but Ivypool? What was she going to do? How could she pretend to be someone else for the rest of her life?
She almost laughed out loud by the thought. As if that was something new.
But the question still stood: what if there was no way back?
Ivypool closed her eyes, sighing.
There had to be one.
There had to be one.
A/N Hey guys, here with a new update. I just want to say that I'm still working on this fic, even if my update schedule might not make it seem so. Thank you for reading my story, for leaving reviews, and for being patient with me :)
