Chapter 19: Hopeless
A/N: Hello all! I do apologize for the lack of updates. It was tough 2019 and the beginning of 2020 has been difficult as well. With the current COVID-19 pandemic, my anxiety has been throw the rough making it tough for me to concentrate and write. I will be doing my best to update Rebirth as much as possible as we are nearing the halfway point of the story. I also plan to work on my other fanfics in between this shelter-in-place order. Thank you to all of my wonderful readers. Your reviews help motivate me to continue writing and become a better writer. Please stay safe and stay at home if you can! Also, happy belated New Year and congrats to Rebirth for hitting its 5th anniversary!
An uneasy silence befell the two as Byakuya watched Sakura bargain with the vendor. Her ability to charm each stall owner was mesmerizing as she easily managed to procure the best groceries at a decent price. The sound of laughter ringing in the air momentarily caught his attention as to any outside observer, it would appear Sakura was merrily chatting away, but he could see the tension in her shoulders and the slight tremor in her hands. The prior conversation still played in his mind as he released a sigh. Although he would receive an explanation for the events earlier, the visible stress that radiated from Sakura had him reconsidering his desire to hear her story. A small frown tugged on his lips as he watched Sakura drop the apple she was holding, causing the neatly stacked tower to tumble and decorate the ground. He quickly approached the remorseful woman who was profusely apologizing for her actions.
"Gomen!" Sakura crouched down to gather the scattered fruit. She could hear the shopkeeper clucking her tongue as she worked on rectifying her mistake. Silently, Sakura cursed herself as her façade was slowly wearing away. She was willing to keep her end of the bargain but memories of that night and time released a surge of anxiety that she had vainly fought to overcome. Glaring at her shaking hand, she forced herself to calm down, oblivious to the man standing behind her.
"I believe it is time for us to return, Imōto." A hand filled her vision as Sakura glanced up at the man. Mildly relieved, she smiled at him before placing her own in his. With graceful ease, Byakuya lifted her up, surprising her when he left his hand in her own. "We will take the bruised ones with us. I do apologize for my little sister. It has been a long day."
Sakura watched as a faint blush blossomed on the older woman's face as she shyly received the money from Byakuya. If she was not preoccupied with her worries, she would've teased the man. Sakura softly apologized once more before moving to retrieve her groceries. Her actions were halted by Byakuya who had quickly grabbed the bags, freeing her hand from his grasp. Pausing he quirked an eyebrow at her as waited for her to guide him back to her apartment. He could sense the older woman's infatuation and wished to swiftly disappear before she attempted to ask for anything else.
"One more stop before we head back. How well can you hold your liquor?" A slight smirk twisted her lips as Sakura crossed her arms. She was challenging him. Not one to back down, he easily replied, "Well enough." His answer seemed to please the woman as she nodded her head. "Follow me."
Not even waiting for his response, Byakuya watched as the woman disappeared within the throng of vendors. Annoyed that she no longer possessed her odd coloring which made it easier to spot her in a crowd, Byakuya kept a trained eye on her disappearing form as he promptly followed suit. Their trek was shorter than he expected, however, the alley Sakura had chosen to walk into had him on edge as the dimly lit corridors increased the possibility of being attacked. Curious as to where she was leading him, Byakuya surveyed his surroundings. The forage that littered the path appeared healthy and vibrant, but the dim lighting could easily mislead his perceptions. Wooden panels from the various building successfully obscured the pathway while emphasizing the secretive nature of their unknown destination. It wasn't until a faint, peeling, black sign appeared with the kanji for sake written in bold red strokes that appeared to be flaking away. A warm light emerged behind the thin bamboo screens, illuminating the slight silhouette of an aged man who seemed to be hunched over a counter. Intrigued, he watched as Sakura approached the screen doors, before slightly tapping against her knuckles against the wooden frame.
"Morimoto-san?" A slight shuffling could be heard as a gruff voice told the two to enter. Sakura smiled at Byakuya as she slid the screen door open. The sight that awaited him was one he did not expect as large black pots of sake littered the entryway. Each one was labeled with different times and dates, intriguing Byakuya as he entered the crowded room.
"Not many know about this place. Are you Sakura or Shizune?" The gruff voice belonged to the elderly male who was hunched over a large pot. A small sake dish was poised in his hand as he sipped the liquid before frowning and jotting down notes in his withered notebook.
"Neither, but I am a friend of Sakura. She told me about how Tsunade's favorite sake was made locally in Konohana by a man named Morimoto-san." A hoarse cackle filled the room, as said man turned to face them. His gray kimono appeared worn but well taken care of as he placed the sake dish next to his notebook. Folding his arms in his kimono, he approached the duo as his shrewd black eyes appraised the two.
"She is my best customer although she usually sends Sakura or Shizune to restock whenever she was running low. Unfortunately, Sakura passed away and even then, Shizune has barely come by to restock for Tsunade. It makes me think she has finally decided to quit." Stroking his graying beard, he paused in his musings as he contemplated his thoughts. Sakura was slightly surprised at the thought of Tsunade limiting her consumption of sake as the memory of the sake bottles littering her desk, filled her mind.
"What was your name again?"
"Ahh, gomen. My name is Inori and this is my ni-san, Byakuya. We were visiting Konohana to pay our respects to Sakura. I also wanted to visit the different places she told me about."
Morimoto eyed the girl, trying to discover any hint of deception. There appeared to be none as he could sense how genuine her words were. Scratching his gray stricken hair, he sighed as he replied, "Yes, her birthday is on Friday. Her loss is one that we will mourn for quite some time."
Turning from the two, he disappeared behind a dark room, surprising the pair as they could hear pots clanking against one another. It wasn't long before the man reappeared with a large sake jug. Faded kanji littered a torn white piece of paper clinging to the well-wrapped lid. Placing it before the two, Morimoto smiled sadly.
"I made this particular brew for Sakura. Even named it after her since she developed her own fondness for sake. I was going to give it to her that night as it had finally finished its fermentation process, but…" His words trailed off and Sakura recalled a faint memory of Morimoto's promise to craft a brew that she would enjoy. A small smile appeared as she was touched at the man's ability to fulfill his promise.
"Since you claim to know her and not many know of my location, I believe Sakura wouldn't mind me giving it to you. Take it to her grave and have a drink with her. Maybe share one with that black-haired man that is always there."
The mention of a black-haired male had Sakura tensing. Frowning, Sakura bowed her head in thanks as she reached for the jug of sake. Glancing at Byakuya, she motioned for him to leave as she softly bid farewell to the solemn man who was already returning to work on his pot of sake. Sliding the screen door shut, she murmured the directions to her apartment as any conversation between the two was momentarily postponed by thoughts of the mysterious man.
The shuffling of groceries echoed in the empty apartment which was cleaner than when they had first arrived. Already moving to put away the different groceries, Byakuya was surprised when Sakura joined him. Their journey home was silent, as she was occupied with thoughts of the enigmatic man that Morimoto had mentioned. The conversation regarding her desire to die was once again deferred, slightly irritating him as his patience was slowly wearing away. The two efficiently completed their task in a matter of minutes, allowing Byakuya to finally ask Sakura to fulfill her end of their agreement. However, it appeared unnecessary as she automatically reached for the sake dishes before walking over to the small sofa that occupied the living room. Grasping the special brew that Minamoto had prepared, she placed the two dishes between them before pouring out the clear liquid. The subtle fragrance of peach and cherry blossoms was enticing and contradicted the usually odorless brew. Lifting the dish, she took a sip as the refreshing, yet slightly sweet taste overrode the traditionally bitter aftertaste that she associated with sake. Savoring the drink, she was surprised to see Byakuya cross his arms, blatantly ignoring the offering.
Withholding the urge to roll her eyes, Sakura sighed before finishing her drink. Placing the empty dish before her, she gestured for him to join her on the small sofa that occupied her living room. Sakura was already refilling her sake dish as she felt the slight strain on the sofa as Byakuya joined her.
Maintaining a respectable distance from the woman, Byakuya waited for her to proceed as she took another sip of her sake.
"As you already figured out, Ino was correct. I did want to die. My decision to step in between those idiots appeared to be noble but it was rooted in selfishness." A slight sneer twisted her lips as she closed her eyes. Memories of the pain and that night filled her mind, as the phantom-like recollections grasped at her heart, reigniting the aching feeling that thrummed throughout her chest. Sakura took a deep breath in an attempt to regulate her heartbeat as she could feel her pulse thundering. Vainly, she forced herself to concentrate on the clear liquid as her pained reflection stared back at her.
"Although we already have an agreement in place, I have a favor to ask you before I continue."
Already intrigued as he could see the visceral reactions caused by whatever trauma in her past returning, he easily acquiesced. Slowly, green eyes met gray as she softly said, "Please promise me to never repeat this tale to anyone."
Momentarily surprised by her request, Byakuya was ready to reassure her as he never thought about retelling her shared stories to anyone. But his attempted reassurance was halted by the faint memory of Shunsui's words.
"Anything that may appear suspicious or may be used to blacken her character must be relayed to me. I do not want to give the other captains more reasons to be distrustful of Sakura. We would not be able to handle another coup."
Byakuya had a duty to not only Shunsui, but the entire Gotei as Aizen's betrayal fractured the initial trust every captain held for their counterparts. However, as he observed the woman who was patiently waiting to see if he would agree, a part of him knew whatever she may reveal to him, would remain between the two of them. Unless he deemed it pertinent to the safety of Soul Society. Of course, Sakura did not need to know about that. Facing the female once more, he murmured his own affirmation.
"I agree."
Pleased by his answer, Sakura smiled in response before bracing herself. "You already know about Inori and you've asked me about Itachi as well." Pausing, Sakura could feel Byakuya's narrowed gaze at the mention of the man. Already expecting his reactions, she pushed the sake dish towards him. "Drink. I find that sake helps wash away the unpleasant aftertaste from a bad story."
Quirking an eyebrow at her command, he reached for the dish. Slowly, Byakuya savored the taste as its subtle flavor impressed him. Leaning back, Sakura filled her cup for the third time, enjoying the slight buzz and numbing sensation that quieted her raging emotions.
"Itachi was my lover. After Inori's death and my return to Konohana, I decided to seek him out for comfort. It was a deviation from our routine as we usually planned when we would meet, but my emotions were too volatile to be left alone. You see, my initiation into ANBU was dependent on the annihilation of a village that was planning to revolt. It was successful, but there was one survivor. My captain at that time forced me to handle him, even though it was not my mistake." Clutching her hands, she could still feel the weight of the kunai. Sakura blinked back the tears as the faint cries of the boy echoed in her mind. She can still recall the moment he realized his fate. The shift in tone…the constant pleas…
Sakura shut her eyes, as her tight grip on the dish caused a slight crack to appear in the fragile porcelain. She bit out her next words. "He was young, maybe six or seven. He found us and came crying to me, asking for help. My orders were to leave no survivors and to past this test, I was tasked with killing the child. If I failed, I would be disqualified from ANBU."
Byakuya noted the hidden pain behind her words as Sakura finished her sake. He already knew the outcome. A part of him was abhorred at her captain for forcing Sakura to clean up another's mistake. However, a larger part of him appeared to retract in disappointment at thought of Sakura killing an innocent. Killing was part of a Shinigami's duties but their victims were mindless individuals lost to their own madness. What Sakura did…
"It was unforgivable, that I know. But that was my life. For as many lives I have taken, I have also saved twice as many." The defensive reminder seemed to shake Byakuya from his thoughts as he focused his attention on the girl. A cold gleam entered her eye as she dared the man to challenge her. It appeared she was used to the judgment as her green eyes guarded her thoughts, however, Byakuya recognized that her biggest critic appeared to be herself. Quietly, he waited for her to continue.
The lack of response caused Sakura to minutely relax her grip on the sake dish. She was used to the judgment she received for her chosen profession. It was the main reason behind the countless arguments she had with her parents. They never could understand why she had chosen to become a kunoichi. They were overjoyed when they had heard of her success in the hospitals. It was a chance for their daughter to finally be the civilian child they always wanted. Briefly, she glanced at the framed photo of parents she had pushed aside for the sake dishes. Her eyes traced the large smile that was characteristic of her father and the serious glint in her mother's eyes. She had disappointed them, that much she knew. Maybe if she had listened to her parents, she would not have ended up so broken.
Realizing she was lost in her musings, Sakura continued. "I succeeded but fell into a depressive state. These were common for me after my first failed seduction mission. I thought I had recovered, but that day showed me my mental state was still fragile." Ruffling her hair, she narrowed her eyes as she briefly recalled her task. She almost did not notice the slight tension in the man's shoulders at the mention of her seduction assignment.
"I will spare you the details from that operation…" Reaching to refill her sake dish, Sakura was halted by Byakuya's strong grip wrapped around her hand. Irritated, she glared at the man who was stopping her from continuing her alcohol-induced buzz.
A serious expression darkened his features as he softly commanded, "Tell me."
Green eyes searched gray eyes as she was confused by his request. Perplexed, she asked him, "Why?"
"This agreement between us is to understand each other's past. All of it. If you do not shy away from yours, I will not shy away from mine." There was a promise in his statement, as for the first time, Sakura could see Byakuya's own hidden pain from his past. It temporarily silenced her before she slowly agreed to his request.
"Very well." Withdrawing her hand, Sakura cradled her sake dish as she reclined against the sofa. "At the age of 18/19, kunoichi are expected to complete their first seduction assignment. It is expected that one would lose their virginity. Ultimately, it is a rite of passage that no one is exempted from. Although Tsunade did try to delay my mission, by my 19th birthday, the elders had caught on to her intentions. They said it was a misuse of power and a blatant display of favoritism. If she did not send me out on a seduction operation, I would be stripped of my rank as a kunoichi." Sakura recalled the look of pure anger on Tsunade's face. She was ready to take on all the elders, jeopardizing her position as Hokage. After all, her shishou always said that assignment was dated and unnecessary. But Sakura was not willing to allow Tsunade to lose her title as Hokage. If the elders removed Tsunade from the position, Danzō would've taken over and that was something she would never allow.
Pursing her lips, Sakura continued. "Unfortunately, this assignment went wrong as my target identified me as a Konoha nin. My backup was drugged, and I was raped…countless times by multiple men. By the time Kakashi woke up from his drug-induced state, it was already too late."
The phantom sensation of grubby hands grabbing at her made her shiver in disgust. She knew the consequences of her occupation, but she realized after that night, no knowledge could ever amount to the experience of being helpless and subjected to another man's sexual desire.
"Are they still alive?" The deadly calm tone that Byakuya used surprised Sakura as she faced the man beside her. His face was stoic, any emotion tightly locked behind his steel-gray eyes that appeared to glimmer with controlled rage.
"No. Although Kakashi never forgave himself for that night. It took a while for me to recover. I thought I had moved past that event, but I still have lapses where the memories come back, and I'm transported to that moment."
Her most recent attack was before her fight against Zaraki. She knew stress was a trigger and although manageable at times, it was a part of her past that she must eventually accept if not overcome.
"My first ANBU assignment caused the attacks to start up again. They were more frequent. I thought being able to maintain my façade would help ensure I did not break down, but it was just prolonged until I finally broke and was forced to deal with myself. Luckily, Ino was there along with Fenikkusu." Although her powers appeared to be dulled while in the gigai, she could feel the warmth of her zanpakutō comforting her at the mention of his name.
Byakuya could feel a surge of sympathy well within him. It overrode the disappointment he had felt when she first told her ANBU story. However, the fact that her zanpakutō spoke to her before she had become a shinigami surprised him. It was odd, unheard of really, and something he would need to do further research once he returned to Soul Society. For now, his focus was on Sakura. As she continued her story, he redirected his attention, holding on to every word.
"Since that breakdown, I had thoughts…thinking about ending everything to stop the pain. I was becoming a burden to my friends and I could no longer function. There were days where I could pass off being normal. Some days it was easier to forget my pain. Other days, it was to the point where I was looking for some sort of relief. Luckily, Itachi was also there to help." The sound of his name falling from her lips caused her to tremble. Once again, she was assaulted with reminiscences of her past, both good and bad. However, the memory of Itachi's betrayal was the one that always cut deep as it reopened her emotional wounds that were symbolized by the physical scar he had given her that night.
She could feel the faint thrum of pain echoing from her back. Automatically, she moved to grip her back, but Sakura knew it was merely a phantom pain as the scar had healed long ago. But, no matter what she did, the faint aches always seemed to return.
"Are you injured?" She could feel Byakuya hovering beside her. His scent lingered around her, as she suddenly felt herself relax. Slowly, she released her grip on her back as she felt the aches begin to fade. Glancing up at the man who was near her being, Sakura could feel the slight flush in her cheeks as the two made eye contact. The concern in his gray eyes warmed her more than she would like to admit. Softly she murmured, "I'm alright."
Byakuya was unconvinced. He watched her immediately reach for her back at the mention of Itachi's name. At first, he believed it to be one of her recent injuries during her last battle, but an image of the long scar he had caught a glimpse of that night flashed in his mind. That scar seemed to be healed, but it could've been aggravated during her fight against the adjuchas. Concerned, he moved to check on her but was stopped by the soft flush in her cheeks and slightly reddened green eyes. At that moment, he felt a strong desire to wrap the petite woman in his arms, but the desire was quelled by her reassurance that she was not in any pain. Reality set in as Byakuya realized his attempted actions. Frowning as he believed it was the alcohol responsible for his lowered guard, he retreated from the woman, ensuring there was a good distance between the two of them.
Sakura noted his reaction but decided to continue as she also realized their precarious situation. "Itachi relieved a lot of my nightmares. He was there when I pushed myself to the brink and he helped me become an ANBU operative. There was a point where I really felt I was better and for a couple of years everything seemed okay. But then, Inori died and the night I sought out Itachi was the same night where I reached my breaking point." Tears seem to glimmer in her eyes as she sipped on the sake. By now she had lost count of how many cups she had, but the dulled sensations allowed her to press on with her tale.
"I was a fool in love. I did not realize Itachi was playing me. While we were together, a man named Madara found us. He praised Itachi for succeeding in seducing me to obtain the whereabouts of Naruto's location. I was an expendable pawn in their scheme. Madara commanded Itachi to kill me…and he did." She could feel the wet streaks against her cheeks. Her tears were unstoppable now, but the relief that came from expressing her pain made it seem worth it. Even if the man she was confessing to, was the last person she had expected.
"Itachi left me to bleed out in our hideout. His mistake, as I managed to heal myself, but he did succeed in killing any confidence and faith I had worked on building up. I was forced to return to Konoha, and I told Tsunade about my folly. I was berated. Luckily, Naruto was safe. Madara had been attempting to capture Naruto for the longest time and if he had succeeded that night, I would be held responsible. But that guilt never came, however, I had to live silently with my shame. A week passed and I managed to maintain my façade, but each day was a trial. I felt nothing. I threw myself into my ANBU missions. I grew colder and defensive. I no longer trusted anyone…not even myself. Tsunade was the only one who knew about my relationship with Itachi. I couldn't discuss it with anyone, but I kept stupidly yearning to confront the man. To see if he lied about everything. I was obsessive even, but then word came of his death and any chance I had at closure was gone."
Aishiteru Sakura…
The meaningless words pierced her heart as they echoed in her mind. Her eyes hurt from her countless tears. She knew at this very moment; she was vulnerable, and it was a sensation she did not enjoy. Not even daring to look up at the man, she continued. "After that, I was lost. Hollow. Empty. I felt worthless. For days I took on any assignment that Tsunade received. No one was able to stop me. I did not care how stained my hands were becoming. Killing was an affirmation of my worth. But then, I found myself presented with another opportunity. I was sent out on a mission with two others. As we were returning, I felt my former teammates' chakra nearby. I hadn't realized Naruto was still attempting to bring Sasuke home. It was a stupid request I made when I was younger. But there they were, out in the field. Battered, bloodied. Both were preparing their final attacks. It was as if I was transported back to when I was 12. The civilian girl who had no real chakra or skills. Left behind by her team members and sensei. I knew then, this was my chance to finally be freed from all those years of trying to step out of their shadows. And to atone for my mistake with Itachi. So, I jumped between them. The rest is, as you know."
She moved to pour herself another cup but was surprised to find it empty. Blinking through her tears, she sighed as she forced herself up from her seat. The room seemed to spin as she felt herself stumble, overestimating her alcohol tolerance while in a gigai. Moving to catch herself on the coffee table, she was stopped by brisk arms wrapping around her. Unwilling to look up for the fear of judgment in his eyes, she vainly attempted to break herself away from Byakuya's grasp.
"Sakura." The sound of her name stopped her struggle as the pink-haired woman finally met his gaze. There was no pity in his eyes. Nor was there any sympathy or belittlement. Rather, it was sympathy and respect. Confused and rather dulled by the amount of alcohol she consumed; she was surprised when she felt Byakuya brush away the tears that blurred her vision.
"Do not be ashamed of your past when your ability to be here now is due to your own strength."
His words warmed her more than she would've ever thought. Momentarily lost for words, she found herself leaning against his sturdy chest as she felt his arms tighten around her. Softly, Sakura whispered, "Arigato, Byakuya" before she gently broke free from his grasp.
Turning away from the man, Sakura shakily reminded the black-haired male, "I believe tomorrow it will be your turn." The slight teasing tone belied her demeanor as Byakuya watched the woman disappear down the hallway. He waited for her to disappear behind her room door before glancing at his hands. A frown pulled at his lips as he was faced with a new realization.
He was hopelessly falling for the woman.
Groggily, the black-haired man forced himself to wake as the sake he drank last night left him with a pounding headache. Contrary to its subtle taste, the alcohol content was enough to render anyone with a low enough tolerance, unconscious. It spoke volumes about Sakura's ability to hold her liquor as he lost track of how many cups she consumed last night.
"Arigato, Byakuya."
Just the thought of her name immediately conjured the image from the previous night. Tear-stained cheeks, mused hair, and glistening eyes. She was vulnerable and at that moment, he could not deny the overwhelming compassion and attraction he had for it. He realized there was no turning back, but as he watched her disappear down the hallway, he could feel the heavy weight of Hisana's hands stopping him from following her. Instead, he had returned to his room and allowed himself to wallow in his newfound feelings and loyalty to his dead wife. Briefly, Byakuya glanced at the window as slivers of the rising sun alerted him to the new day. Deciding it best to allow his gigai to rest, he reached for the candylike pill. Swallowing the capsule, Byakuya was momentarily perturbed by the odd sensation as he returned to his normal form. Glancing down at his slumbering gigai, he was pleased to see it was not inhibited by one of the annoying personalities that were typical of Urahara's creations.
Adjusting his favored hairpieces and securing his zanpakutō, he moved towards the door as the pounding headache he had hoped to get rid of, reappeared. Already plotting to remedy his ailment, Byakuya gently closed his room door. Briefly, his eyes flitted towards Sakura's door which was still closed. Deciding it best to let her rest, he moved towards the kitchen. Quietly, he rummaged through the cabinets in the hopes of discovering anything to remedy his current predicament. Finding none, Byakuya closed his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose to relieve the pain. Maybe if he woke Sakura up, she could heal him, or at the very least minimize the pounding sensation. Torn between his desire for relief and allowing Sakura to rest, he almost missed the slight flash of movement outside the kitchen window.
Alerted by the unknown presence, Byakuya examined the empty courtyard which was blanketed by the slight glow of the rising sun. Gray eyes scanned the scattered trees and seemingly vacant enclosure as he searched for whatever was responsible for disrupting the still scenery. A flicker of pink caught his eye, causing him to minutely relax as he realized it was Sakura. Intrigued by her early presence, he observed the pink-haired female who appeared to be panting for breath as she temporarily halted her actions. Gray eyes lingered over the woman as she readjusted her loosened obi before releasing her tumbling locks. A tumble of pink strands cascaded across her back as she slowly shifted into a new stance. Arms poised above her, he watched her begin to perform a traditional Jinta Mai. Each movement was deliberate as he found himself become mesmerized by the petite woman. Languidly, she spun, allowing her hair to brush over her features as each of her poises highlighted her femininity. Although he was accustomed to witnessing many geishas perform their favored dances, never had he found himself as entranced until now.
Bright green eyes met gray as Sakura finished her performance. Minutely surprised by her unexpected audience, she lowered her hands, gently crossing her arms as she tilted her head at the silent observer. The sound of footsteps surprised her as an old neighbor appeared on his balcony. Unwilling to explain her presence once more, she quickly moved towards her apartment.
Finding her disappearance odd, Byakuya watched another figure appear, slowly beginning their daily chores but oblivious to what had passed. Quirking a brow, his eyes widened as he realized, Sakura was not aware of her invisibility to Ningen when she was in her shinigami form. A slight smile played on his lips as he heard the door open.
"I'm surprised you are up early." Her light tone was mixed with confusion as she noted the bemused expression on the man's face. Mildly concerned he was not over the alcoholic high of last night, she reclined against the door as she crossed her arms.
Noticing the slightly concerned expression, Byakuya allowed his smile to fall, although internally he was still chuckling at the woman's quick departure. "The sun is up. We do not have much time to waste."
The reminder had Sakura straightening as a frown twisted her lips. She had become a little too lax in her return to Konoha that she had almost forgotten the reason behind their mission.
"You seek closure…"
Fenikkusu's voice echoed in her mind, causing her frown to deepen. There was no closure left for her, rather she was forced to see the repercussion of her actions. After their conversation last night, Sakura allowed herself to revisit the moment she had made her decision. She wondered if it was the correct move, but she knew there would never be a good justification for her choice. She had given up. Rather than pushing through, she succumbed to her emotions, revealing how weak she truly was. A part of her knew the guilt she felt when seeing her shishou and friends suffer for her actions would never fade. But, as an image of Byakuya flashed in her mind, Sakura realized if she had not stepped in between Naruto and Sasuke, she would've never met the 6th division captain.
It was telling, as her feelings for the man were slowly growing. Last night only seemed to accelerate her burgeoning emotions. It was a dangerous game she was playing as she could feel a faint pain radiating from her back. Was she ready to allow herself to fall in love again?
Sakura examined the taller male as the sunlight seemed to reflect off his silver hairpieces, highlighting his strong jaw and aristocratic features. His gray eyes appeared to glimmer with a warmth that belied their first interaction, hinting at another side of the man that she was only getting to know. No matter what she tried to tell herself, she knew that was already falling for the man. It was a blessing and a damn curse.
Pushing herself off the door, Sakura straightened her stance as she slowly began to retie her loose locks. "Tell me Byakuya, what is the likelihood of us being seen in our current form?"
Not at all surprised by her question, Byakuya easily replied, "Unless they can sense reiatsu, Ningen cannot see us." There were a few exceptions such as Kurosaki and his friends, but the likelihood of Sakura's comrades being able to sense them was very slim.
"That is reassuring. I would like for us to visit the Uchiha compound. Theoretically, it has been abandoned, but since Sasuke is now residing in the village, I believe he is dwelling in the compound. The location of the archives from what I recall is somewhere in the main manor." Satisfied with her tight bun, Sakura glanced at Byakuya to see if he had any objections. Save for his trademark frown which appeared to be a little more predominant than usual, he did not disagree with her plan. A slight frown twisted her lips as she watched the stoic male approach the door. Stepping before him, Sakura blocked his attempt to leave the apartment.
Mildly annoyed by the woman's intervention, a black brow rose as he narrowed his eyes at the female. Not even phased, Sakura's hands began to glow a pale green as she scanned the man for any signs of discomfort. Already suspecting what was causing his irritation, she placed her hands against his temple. The warmth of her chakra was slowly easing the tension behind his eyes. The pulsating headache that he hoped to quell with medicine slowly faded as he felt his shoulders relax.
"Next time you have a headache, you can just ask me to heal you." Gray eyes glanced down at the pink-haired female who was concentrating on relieving his headache. Surprised by her ability to detect his discomfort, he merely acquiesced his head in response before replying, "Arigato, Sakura."
A soft smile twisted her lips as she murmured, "Anytime, Byakuya."
Silence surrounded the lone figure. Although a few months had passed, his compound remained the same: empty, isolated, and haunted by the ghosts of his ancestors and relatives. Reclining against the opened screen door, black eyes flitted across the old tree stumps. Sasuke easily recalled Itachi constantly perfecting his aim on the faded targets that decorated each stump. It was also the location where his brother took the time to teach him how to throw a shuriken.
"Remember Otōto, the trick to throwing them is not strength. Rather it is your ability to control your wrist." Demonstrating his explanation, Itachi raised his hand and swiftly flung the shuriken, expertly hitting his mark.
"Let me try ni-san!" Itachi easily complied as he stepped aside. Patiently he waited for Sasuke to mimic his actions. The shuriken did not go far as a frown marred Sasuke's expression. His eyes began to water, but he was surprised when he felt his brother's hand on his shoulder. Looking up at his older brother, a soft smile colored his expression.
"Good job, Sasuke. That was further than my first try at your age. Let's try again."
A soft thud resonated in the empty grounds as Sasuke deftly hit his mark. The memories of his brother haunted him. When he had been allowed to return to the Uchiha compound, Sasuke quickly sought out the archives. It took him a few days before he found the hidden passage that led to the underground room that contained the Uchiha records. The history of the Uchiha clan and their treasures was perfectly preserved in the secret chamber. Each file meticulously labeled and organized but covered with a thick layer of dust. When he had found the journal detailing the night of the massacre, Sasuke was forced to accept the truth. His brother was never a murderer, rather a martyr for Konoha.
The pent-up anger and hatred that he had for Konoha after Itachi's death was immediately replaced with guilt. He was a fool. Everything Itachi had worked for and attempted to prevent would've come undone if Sasuke had followed through with his original plan.
Closing his eyes, Sasuke tried to block out the memories of Itachi. His final words and fond gesture still conjured tears in his eyes, but Sasuke was not fond of displaying his emotions. Especially in front of his newfound guard dogs. Briefly, his dark eyes narrowed as he could pinpoint each of the ANBU operatives' locations. His return to Konoha was allotted under the condition he remained under surveillance until he was no longer deemed a threat. It was an irritating demand, but he had agreed. Muttering a sigh, the black-haired male moved to retrieve the shuriken. Pulling the deadly star from the target, Sasuke glanced at his reflection n the glinted steel before stowing the weapon away.
He did not understand his decision to stay in Konohana. After he had confirmed the truth behind the massacre, Sasuke was ready to leave. He had lost his family, his brother, and Sakura. A fleeting image of his former teammate filled his mind. Sasuke was forced to cope with another death, once again caused by his own hands. He never understood Sakura's interest in him. He had always viewed her as a nuisance. She was weak, unskilled, and annoying. He recalled telling her so on quite a few occasions, but she always found a way back to him. Forgave him even after he attempted to kill her. She was a nuisance, but her death made him realize her presence meant more to him than he would like to admit. Having a person waiting for his return, ready to forgive him for his stupidity was something he never knew he wanted until it was taken from him. By his own hands.
"Tch." Irritated by his train of thought, Sasuke moved towards the compound. The sound of approaching footsteps alerted him to another's presence, although the chakra he sensed belonged to someone he was not in the mood to see.
"Oi, Teme. Open up." The rambunctious tone of his blonde-haired teammate caused a frown to appear but Sasuke could not deny the slight pleasure he gained from seeing his former teammate. After all, the emptiness of the compound was a continued reminder of how alone he was. Reaching the screen door, Sasuke slid the door open as he replied, "What is it Dobe?"
"I brought you food." A white bag filled his vision as the sight of ramen caused his frown to deepen. It was never his favorite dish, but he had joined Naruto on quite a few occasions whenever he wished to visit Ichiraku's shop. "Come on, let's eat."
Not even waiting for Sasuke's response, Naruto strolled into the manor, further irritating Sasuke as he slid the screen door shut. He followed his lively teammate who was nonsensically rattling on about a past mission. Already retrieving the bowls for his unexpected meal, Sasuke sat down across his former teammate who was already unpacking and preparing the ramen. If he had not become a ninja, Sasuke thought Naruto would've been a perfect apprentice for Ichiraku. An image of Naruto working the stand caused a slight smile to twist his lips, surprising said male who was already done setting up their meal.
"Don't smile Teme. I might think you are sick or something." Immediately his smile was replaced with a frown as Sasuke glared at the blonde. Not even acknowledging Sasuke's expression, Naruto began to dig into his meal. He had not eaten all day and he was looking forward to this lunch.
The pair began to eat in silence. It had become a routine they had. Naruto would drop by every day at random times with food offerings. He would then begin to tell him about a mission he returned from or provide a daily report about Konoha. Sasuke was never really interested, but he tolerated Naruto's ramblings. He was the only source of information he had regarding Konoha's current affairs. However, Naruto's sudden calm was abnormal. Mildly perturbed, Sasuke stirred the aromatic broth as he used his chopsticks to retrieve some of the noodles. Ready to take the first bite, he was stopped by Naruto's serious tone.
"They are holding a ceremony for Sakura's birthday on Friday."
Sakura's birthday? Sasuke did not even realize her birthday was coming up. Frowning at the news, he took a bite of his noodles before returning his chopsticks to the bowl. It seems his knowledge of his deceased teammate was very limited.
"I'm planning to attend…I think Tsunade would allow you to go if you wanted to." His words trailed off, resulting in Sasuke looking up at the solemn male. His bowl was already empty, which was expected. However, the slight desperate gleam in his eye hinted that his comment was more a request rather than a suggestion. Suddenly losing his appetite, Sasuke pushed his bowl of ramen towards Naruto.
Blue eyes brightened at the sight of the ramen, but he refrained from indulging his appetite. He wanted to hear Sasuke's response.
Unwilling to continue the staring contest, Sasuke rose from his seat and turned away from his former teammate. Grabbing a glass, he began to fill it with water as he slowly replied, "I'll consider it."
Typically, Naruto would accept Sasuke's vague answers, but after Ino's confrontation last night, Naruto knew it was important for both of them to be there. "Come on Sasuke. It's for Sakura. After what she did, it's the least you could do."
"I didn't ask her to step in." His cold tone caused Naruto to freeze at the severity, but his anger began to ignite at his friend's response. Stepping forward, he grabbed Sasuke's shirt, forcing his teammate to face him. Slowly, Sasuke's eyes began to bleed red, as the familiar tomoe appeared. Unperturbed, Naruto growled out, "I didn't either, but if it wasn't for her, we both would be heavily injured or worse, dead."
Red eyes glared at the man, as Sasuke sneered. "It would've been preferable compared to my current predicament." Roughly, he shoved Naruto's hand away, freeing his now disheveled collar from the blonde's grasp.
"It's only temporary Sasuke." The reminder was met with a scoff. Deciding it best to change his approach, Naruto quietly muttered, "You visit her grave every day. How would attending the festival be any different?"
Sasuke froze at Naruto's words. How did he know about his visits? His cold veneer disappeared as the remaining Uchiha focused his gaze on the abandoned bowls of ramen. The first night he had made the request, Sasuke did not think it would be granted. After all, many knew about his feelings towards the woman, but surprisingly, Tsunade agreed. When he was standing before Sakura's grave, he did not know how to react. He was apathetic. Indifferent even. But he still found himself integrating these visits into his daily routine. He could not understand why he did what he did, but a part of him felt like it was the right thing to do. Soon, he looked forward to the visits and started recalling his memories of the girl. Slowly, the image of her battered body was replaced with memories of their youth. Yes, he still considered her annoying at times, but he dared to admit that he missed her. However, that admission only heightened his guilt.
Clenching his fists, Sasuke forced himself to relax. Quietly, he replied, "What I do in my own time is not of your concern."
"It is when it relates to Sakura." Crossing his arms, Naruto stared at Sasuke who demonstrating more emotion than usual. He may not realize it, but Naruto could tell that he cared about their teammate. Even if he did not want to admit. Releasing a sigh, the blond relented, "Just think about it. I know Sakura would've wanted you there."
Having said his piece, Naruto returned to his bowl of ramen. The slurping noises from the noodles echoed in the house as Sasuke wrestled with his conflicted emotions. Deciding it best to retreat, he murmured, "Clean up when you are done."
"Hai, hai."
Naruto's lackluster response irritated him, but he had other matters to consider. Walking past the living room, he briefly glanced at the old clock. Realizing it was almost time for his daily visit, Sasuke sighed as he made his way back to his room. He needed to be alone and visiting her grave would be a good opportunity to think over Naruto's words. Already preparing for his trip, Sasuke was unaware of the two pairs of eyes following him as he disappeared down the corridor.
