AVAS POV
There was a dull throb in my side and a constant beeping coming from somewhere near me. That high pitched little squeak worsened the headache I somehow had. I tried opening my eyes but it was so bright they shut almost immediately. Getting my eyes used to the light, I opened them fully and saw a white ceiling. Where the hell was I. The beeping got faster as I started to panic. Then I saw Jay sleeping in the chair beside me and I calmed down and the beeping slowed.
'Jay' I whispered. He didn't move so I tried leaning over to poke him. Mistake. It hurt like hell. My cry of 'ow' woke Jay up though.
'Hey. How are you feeling,' Jay asked.
'Like shit', I said.
'Language'.
'Why didn't you tell me you got shot.'
'It wasn't important. And you never asked.'
'You told Matt and Voight.'
'They asked'
'I want you to be able to tell me stuff. I don't know what to ask, you have to tell me.'
'Well, i don't want to talk about it.'
'You are definitely my sister. I hate talking about my feelings and stuff too. However it helps. As much as you don't want to do it, it's better for you.'
'Oh well.' I just rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, ignoring the huge pain it caused to move. I didn't want to have this conversation. I didn't want to talk about what happened. That made it more real. I don't care if talking would have stopped the nightmares or the flashbacks, I could deal with those, I just wouldn't sleep. I hated this so much. I wish none of it ever happened but I know I can't change it and I have to live with the consequences. I tried not thinking about it, but trying to ignore it just brought it further forward in my mind. Just the thought of telling Jay made me tear up and I tried to push it back down. If I cried, it would show Jay I couldn't deal with and he would make me talk about it. I realised these tears were coming out and I couldn't stop them.
As they started rolling down my face I moved my hand slightly to wipe them away, but Jay noticed.
It's ok, you don't have to talk about it now,' He was trying to comfort me but I didn't want it.
'Please get out,' I half cried.
'Ava..'
'Just leave me alone.' I was now openly crying and I just didn't care. I didn't care about anything.
He got up and left, closing the door behind him. I sobbed into the pillow. I guess I was only just starting to process everything. And I was not enjoying it. I didn't want to process it. I wanted to push it deep down and never ever think about it ever again.
Too bad that wasn't going to happen.
