Asami
I wasn't expecting a call from Korra, nor the opportunity to pick her up. Yet here I am, pulling into her neighborhood, which is much further than mine.
I've never been on this side of town, because I never had a reason to before. But now, I plan to get familiar with it, so I can arrive here quicker.
It's a Saturday, and there aren't many kids out in the street playing, compared to where I live. But there are folks sitting out on their porch. And Boy, are they starring at me. I put on a friendly smile, but they still look back at me confused.
I finally get to her house,and opt to park on the side of the street. I don't want to take up a driveway space, when I'm just picking her up. Once parked, I pull out my makeup kit to retouch up my lipstick.
As I check the rear mirror, I'm startled when I see someone with a wolf mask in the mirror view. "RAWR!" the wolf boy says, before rushing to the driver side of my vehicle.
He takes off his mask,and gives me a giant smile."Did I scare you, Asami?" Fredrick asks. I take my hand off my heart and chuckle a little.
"You certainly did, Fredrick. You should consider acting. You certainly have the looks."
He blushes, then sighs. "There aren't many colored actors that make it to Hollywoodland." He replies, dropping his mask to the ground.
"Well, why don't you be the first one? Maybe you can be in horror films or maybe a spy one!?"
"That would be awesome! I'll give it some thought. You here to see my sister?" He asks.
"I actually am. You think you could get her.."
Before I could finish my question, he opens my car door, then leads me to his front door. I feel quite rude walking into someone's home without a proper invitation, but this child can really move quickly.
"Korra, I brought your friend for you!" He yells, before letting go of my wrist and racing off to his room, where I'm left with their mother starring at me from across the kitchen.
"Hello." I shyly say.
The woman looks just as confused as the folks I drove pass on the way here, but she quickly puts on a smile. "Hello, you must be Asami."
"Yes, Ma'am. Pleasure to finally meet you. Sorry to just walk in like this."
She chuckles, and I'm not sure if it's due to her being polite or just how uncomfortable all of this is.
"It's alright, Child. You were dragged in here against your own freewill, by my wild son. Would you like something to drink?"
Not wanting to offend her, I say yes and walk into the kitchen while she pulls out a pitcher of what looks to be sweet tea. The whole place smells heavenly, and I think the fresh cinnamon rolls have something to do with it.
When she hands me the glass, she watches as I drink it.
I know Korra doesn't get this attentive quality from her. And I'm quite glad, because I wouldn't know how to act.
"Please excuse me for starring. You're just so…beautiful."
"Thank you, Ma'am." I reply, hopeful that will get her to stop staring, but it doesn't.
"I've never seen someone with your hair before, it's lovely."
My heart starts to race a little, because I feel like I'm being interrogated with her eyes. I bet she can tell when someone's lying too. I wonder if Korra is aware of her affects, or this is something I'm just picking up on?
Just when I think she's about to say something else, Korra steps out. "Everything okay?" She asks, looking straight at her mother and not me.
Her mother quickly blushes, then gives her child a nod. "Of course, Baby. I should be asking you that. It took you forever to get ready."
"I know. I had to find my notes." She replies, moving past me to get an apple from the fridge. "Korra, that is no lunch." Her mother scolds.
"I'm not really hungry right now, Mama." She argues.
"You said that at breakfast too. I've never seen you eat so little. You take after your father, you eat none stop."
I find myself laughing at such comment. "That explains why there are so many cinnamon rolls, it's to satisfy Korra's hunger." I tease, which even gets her mother to laugh.
"That is really funny, Asami. If they weren't for the church's bake sale, I know my pumpkin would've eaten half a dozen of these by now."
After that comment, Korra snatches one roll off the pan, and stuffs it into her mouth.
"Happy now?" She asks.
"Don't talk with your mouthful, it's very unladylike. Don't you agree, Asami?" Her mother asks, putting both attention from the Wilson ladies, on to me.
I want to agree with her mother, because I want to be in her good graces. But the amused playful look in Korra's eyes, makes me want to take her side. Ultimately, I've to go with science on this one.
"I think choking is always an unattractive look. Maybe you should focus on simply chewing." I reply, and Korra rolls her eyes before picking up another roll and giving her mother a hug.
"We'll be back soon, Mama."
"Alright. Girls you two be safe." She tells us, before we walk out the house.
With the door shut behind us, Korra hands me the other roll.
"Thank you. It's nice to finally get a chance to taste your mother's baking. Given how you gave the cookies away." I tease, while heading to the car.
"I'll have you know, these are far better than her cookies. So, it's a win for you either way." She says, with a smile while opening my car door.
Korra
I guess my thoughts couldn't out run my stomach, because I'm just now starting to get hungry.
"Are you okay?" Asami, asks tearing her eyes off the road briefly to look over at me.
"Yep! Just getting over the Halloween fun." I joke.
"Bible study was fun, I'm guessing?" She asks.
"You can say that." I reply, while looking out the window at the passing abandoned stores, that my mind pretends I raided to fill my hunger.
"You want to know something funny?" She asks.
"Sure."
"What teen goes to bible study on Halloween, in the dead of night?"
Even though this is a question, I see a small smile on her face. This attitude of her's, gets me to smile too.
"Um. Teens who love the Lord, that is." I defend, playfully.
"Okay. But the first time we studied together, you mentioned to me how you dreaded going to church."
When she brings this fact up, I'm not sure whether to be impressed she remembered or frightened.
Before I could reply, my stomach growls. And this time, I'm sure she heard it.
"Is my car going bad or is that you?" She asks, as we approach a street light.
"It's not your car, it's me. I didn't each too much today." I reply, honestly.
"Do you want to stop to get something to eat?" She asks.
"No, It's alright. I'll just drink some water when we get to your place."
"Can't do. You took all the water trying to save my father's lemonade."
How did she know? Does she have eyes everywhere? Maybe she is my mother.
"I'm just pulling your leg, Korra. You can have anything you want at my place. But I really don't have anything to cook there. How about we stop at a McDonalds or something?"
"That would be nice, but I don't have any money on me right now."
"Don't worry about it, I've it covered."
"No, Asami! That's too much to ask for. You already drove across town to pick me up." I argue.
"The bus fare you use to visit me, makes us even. And take it as a late birthday gift."
When she puts it that way, I give her a nod of approval. Because let's be honest, my brain isn't functional when I'm hungry. And if we want to finish our project today, we need all the energy we can get.
We pull into a carhop I've never been to. And just by the looks of disgust from the people when we pulled up, I know this place won't serve me. Not to mention the giant sign that reads 'No Colored' near the call button, as another hint.
I start to feel sick to my stomach again.
"I'm not hungry, actually." I state.
Asami runs her fingers through her hair, and sighs.
"I didn't know Jim Crow laws were active at this place. This must be new, because I tend to only eat at places that aren't like this."
"I bet." I reply.
"Korra."
"It's fine, Asami. Can we just get out of here?" I ask.
She backs out, and we begin to drive in silence.
I don't mind the lack of sound. No music or talking can disguise how much I'm thinking right now. I'm not sure how far we are from her house, because I don't know this area too well.
But she pulls into a grocery store lot, and gets out of the car.
"Do you mind waiting here? I won't be too long, I need to grab some things."
"Sure. Take your time." I reply, as I slouch down into the passenger seat, to rest my eyes for a bit. I feel her eyes lingering on me for a while, but then she walks off.
Last night really got to me. So much, I could barely sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw death starring back at me.
I'm not just talking about being faced to face with a Klan member, but that feeling of fear. Yes, I got away. But now, everything feels like a warning. Telling me, I was lucky this time. But next time, I might not be. And that thought, is quite unsettling.
Losing my appetite, isn't good either. Because my parents will start to be suspicious on my lack of food consumption. And if I tell them why, who knows how they'll react.
I saw how they were, when they thought we were lost, this will destroy them. I can't do that to them again.
I'm supposed to be reassuring them I'm safe, not the opposite.
And I certainly can't be afraid of every white person I see, all because I'm afraid they might be under a robe too. That's why I avoided taking the bus today.
I wished I didn't go out last night.
Asami
I nearly drove out of town, to find a place that would serve the both of us. We are nowhere near my house, and to pull into a place that had the exact thing I was avoiding ,is terrible.
The whole law is stupid in the first place, but I feel even worse for giving her another reminder of that. She was just comfortable enough to ride along side with me. Now, this might prevent her from hanging out with me outside of school again.
This project is going to be over soon, and I don't want to lose her as a friend.
I start putting various fruits, snacks, drinks, bread, and anything that I think she might like inside my cart. I'm not exactly sure what she enjoys to eat. But the fact her mother stressed she could eat anything, is a good sign I'm not too far off in my guesses.
There is a nice little area around here, where my father used to take me for picnics. You've to walk through a forest, but there is this beautiful lake. And if you sit at the right angle, you can see the water glistening in the sunlight. And it looks like they're crystals inside.
As I continue loading my cart like a mad woman, I see a beautiful bouquet of lilies, that remind me of the dress Korra wore, when I first set eyes on her.
I touch the petals, and they blossomed probably this morning.
"They're beautiful aren't they?" The florist states.
"Yes, Ma'am. They're quite lovely. How much are they?"
The woman smiles, then steps from around the counter. "I haven't priced them yet, given they were just brought this morning. But for you, I can do 12 cents."
"That is so generous of you. Thank You!"
"You're welcome, Sweetie. Girls love flowers."
I nearly had to fight the bagger to give me the right to push my own groceries out the store. I know it's their job, but I'm an able bodied woman. Also, I don't need some 15 year old boy, trying to whoa me by lifting a gallon of milk into my vehicle.
When I reach my car, I see Korra resting her head against her window and it's a beautiful site to see. She's not asleep, but her eyes are closed.
I pull out the flowers from the brown bag first, and make my way over to her window.
"Surprise." I state excitedly. And when she opens her eyes, she gives me a huge smile. "Are these for me?"
"I guess you can say that."
"Thank you, they're wonderful." She says, while bringing them to her nose.
I'm really proud of myself for getting them, because just seeing her reaction to them, makes me feel 10x better. I know I can't replace what happened earlier, but at least I could put a smile on her face now.
"Those are 'some'things?" Korra says, getting out the car to look at the cart.
"Well. You said you were hungry. And I didn't know what you liked so…I bought the whole store."
She laughs, and picks up the bags of chips. "I don't think anyone needed salted and unsalted pretzels."
"I didn't know if you were the salty type!?" I reply, now feeling embarrassed for doing too much. But when I feel her arms around me, I'm caught off guard.
"Thank you. I really appreciate all of this." She says, while still holding me. And once again, it takes me awhile, but I return the hug.
"Let me help you put all this in the car. Actually, we might need another car." She teases, letting go and lifting two heavy bags with ease into the backseat.
A bagger could never be her.
Korra was a bit hesitant when I told her about the plan to study outside, but after some convincing and reassurance, we're now set up right near the lake. I thought her mother was kidding when she mentioned her daughter's appetite, but this girl really does eat a lot.
I'm still on my ham and cheese sandwich and she opened almost everything already. I'm not offended at all, I would hate for all this food to go to waste. But this girl is a monster.
"Okay. So far we have fear being the main lesson of the novel." I start off.
"Mmhm."
"I wrote a list of some of my fears, in hopes that can inspire some more ideas. Mind if I share them?" I ask.
"Sure."
She puts down her glass of pop, and gives me her full attention which just makes me more nervous.
I don't have to worry about my classmates watching when we present this Thursday, because all Korra and I've to do is tell the class one aspect of symbolism we both agreed on together. The other hard work we did, is being turned in for just our teacher to look over.
However, something about telling this remarkable girl what I'm fearful of, is quite pointless. Especially when all I want to put on the list is 'You'.
I stand up, as my one audience member gives me her full attention.
"1. Caterpillars." I start.
"Caterpillars!? Why?"
"They're creepy, and they've no eyes."
Korra starts laughing. "So, if something has no eyes, it's scary? And I'm pretty sure they can see. They just rely on their other senses more."
"No! It's just..I don't know how they see."
"So? You're afraid of not knowing how something works?"
Leave it to her to make everything sound bigger than what it is. I'm afraid of those little bugs, because they're creepy and that's just that.
"2. I'm afraid of being smashed under a car."
"What?!"
"My father works with cars and he's always under them. Sometimes I help him. Not as much as I did as a kid. But, I'm afraid of the jack giving out, and crushing me."
Korra nods. "Okay. That's worthy to be be fearful about."
"What about you? What do you fear?" I ask, sitting back down, now losing interests in my own list.
She starts collecting her trash, then puts it into a nice organized pile. I appreciate that, we must protect our environment or we won't have any left. She pretends to think long and hard on it. She has gotten a lot more playful compared to when we first started talking.
"I can't think of any."
"Are you serious? You aren't afraid of anything?"
She shakes her head no. "Nope. A lot of things we fear have explanations. If we know what we fear, we should just avoid it. Cause and Effect."
"But what about conquering fears? We shouldn't just ignore them." I defend.
"And how can you conquer getting crushed by a car? You can hold a caterpillar, Asami. But you can't get smashed and say 'Hey, I'm no longer scared."
"No. I most certainly can't. But putting myself under more cars, can reassure me. That's a way I can conquer such fear."
The water currents start picking up, and you can hear them slam into the rocks.
Something I figured out along time ago, is when you're having a conversation with Korra. She speaks in a manner where she turns your statements into a question within yourself. It's almost like, you're not defending your words, but you're answering yourself as a response.
I'm not sure if she does this on purpose or she's not aware of it, but that's just something I picked up on.
"You can't avoid your fears all the time, because you can be fearful of something you never knew. Or frightened by something, you once handled fine before. What about those cases of PTSD? Where you can't control or justify it's just a fear? What's your answer to that?"
This time, she's quiet. There is no psychological amused counter response, and I'm proud. It means what I said, finally hit her.
"What your reply now, huh?" I ask, happily.
She looks down at her leg, and it's like she doesn't even hear me talking to her. She's completely in her own little world. Holding the same look, when I asked if she was okay in the car earlier.
Korra
Is this what I'm feeling? Fear? Did last night leave me with a trauma I may have to carry throughout my life? I don't feel like I'm spiraling out of control. I'm anxious, but that could be because it happened just a few hours ago. Also, I didn't really sleep too well. So, it really could be the lack of sleep that's causing me to be on the edge? Yeah. That makes a lot more sense, I just need to give it some time.
I start to become more relaxed. And when I'm aware again, I notice Asami right in front of me. Touching my ankle which is a few inches away from my hand on my leg.
"Can I see it?"
"See what?" I ask, confused.
"The bandage you've been covering with your hand the whole day. Your mother may have not noticed, but I did."
I slowly lift my hand away, and she stares at the white fabric with grave detail. I knew she wanted to see it, but I wasn't expecting her to start unwrapping it. An action, I allow her to do. It still stings, so I bite down onto my tongue, as I feel the healing skin and blood cling to the fabric of the cloth, as she pulls it off delicately.
The feeling of crisp air hitting my leg, tells me the bandage is off. I still have no idea what the damage looks like. I didn't have the stomach to check fully, when I dressed it last night. A part of me, wanted it to be just a nightmare. But now that I know it's not, do I've the strength to look?
I wished I was a caterpillar right now, the lack of eyes would be useful.
"You didn't go to Bible study last night." She says, while hot tears run down my cheek.
"No. I didn't." I answer, with my attention still on the sky above me.
Was this God's punishment? Was my constant lying and lack of appreciation for everything I was given, a test? I didn't ask to be some type of martyr to this place. What is it here that I've to accept? Why is this town affecting me so much? What is my role in all of this?
"Korra. What did you do?" She ask, now hearing her own sadness if not fear.
I don't say anything, but finally gain the courage to look at my leg.
There is a long graze across my knee, and I'm hopeful it doesn't scar. Asami traces the mark with her finger, and it doesn't sting like I thought it would compared to the cloth previously on it.
It's strange, because whenever I'm surrounded by pain she doesn't try to fix it. She simply works with it. And even such negative feeling, accepts her company. Allowing her to work or do whatever she needs to do, and everything just feels okay for awhile.
"I wished I called you sooner. I wished I didn't dwell on calling you, because this would've never happened." She says mainly to herself.
"What are you talking about, Asami. You didn't do this to me."
"No, but I might've. I can't keep avoiding and running from my fears, Korra. Because when I do, bad things like this happens." She looks at me with tears in her eyes too. And when I feel her whole hand rest onto my wound, and her other on the side of my face. I'm gifted with a pair of lips, I've never felt so accustomed to. I find my hand touching her face, as I return the action. Not even the pressure of her hand as she leans more into me, causes my cut any pain.
When we pull away, I notice how the water behind her glistens, as if her eyes were the crystals in the teal water too. That's not the only thing I take notice of, regarding her eyes. They look more free now. Free as the small currents behind us. And if fear was what held them captive before, I'm glad they're liberated.
"I saw your friend Suki last night."
