22/03/2020 Author's Note: Hi all, so I think I finally have my head around how I'm going to write The Battle of Five Armies for this fanfic... I think. One thing I have definitely learnt from writing this fic is, battles are hard and I don't enjoy writing them.
Anyway, this chapter is sort of a mix between the being the calm before the storm and the beginning of the end.
I hope you enjoy
Chapter Twenty-Two
It was a wave of nausea that stirred Bilbo from her slumber the following morning.
She rolled gently onto her back, eyes squeezed shut and forced herself to take several deep breaths to try and ease the churning sensation within her gut.
Once she was certain she would not throw up, she moved slowly into a seated position in her makeshift bed, one hand pressed firmly across her mouth as she did so, just in case.
"Are you well, Dear Heart?" Cautiously, she turned her head in the direction Thorin had spoken from, where he stood just a little ways away, having just finished getting dressed, his expression troubled.
She started to nod, only to find the motion made her head spin.
She squeezed her eye shut once more and pressed her other hand to her forehead.
She felt a large, warm hand come to rest upon her left knee.
"Would food help?" He asked as she continued to simply sit there, hand still pressed to her mouth, her other having moved to wrap around her queasy belly, the spinning in her head only just starting to settle from her lack of movement. However, the mention of food only made her stomach roll once more and for to bile to rise up on her throat.
"No," She groaned weakly from behind her hand.
Thorin lifted a hand to gently press against her warm cheek, carefully tilting her head so that he might get a better look at her pale face.
"A hobbit turning down food? Middle-Earth must be nearing its end." He said tenderly as he inspected her face.
"It's not so drastic as all that," She muttered, "I think my poor belly has simply had its fill of nerves and gruel."
"Are you nervous?"
"No Thorin, of course not." She grumbled dryly, "I am perfectly fine with the idea of an immense orc army marching against Erebor to reign death and destruction upon us all."
"You will be safe." He said as he pressed his forehead against hers, "Erebor is a fortress. It will stand strong against any attack."
"The food won't." She whispered past white lips, "We will starve long before the Orcs leave from not being able to breach Erebor's walls."
"Not if we meet them in battle."
"And that's what I'm scared of." She squeezed her eyes shut as terror pulled at her heart.
"You will not be…"
"You will be! You, and the rest of the company will be! Along with Gandalf, Bard and so many others! You will all meet Azog and his Army in battle and…" her words were lost to a pathetic little sob as she wrapped her hands around her face.
"Dear Heart," Thorin's weatherworn fingers gently pried her hands away from her face, "I wish…" he paused as he turned her hands gently over in his, rubbing his thumbs against the back of her hands.
"I wish that I could tell you with all confidence that we will win this battle. That we will all survive it and come away unharmed. But I cannot lie to you. Not when you – though you have never been in battle such as the one coming – you understand the stakes. But if we do not fight, if we stay within the safety of Erebor's walls, we will, as you said, starve before we can wait the Orcs out. We have no other choice than to take up arms against them."
"I know." Bilbo whispered as she stared at their joined hands with a frighten heart. "But I do not have to like it. Or to feel less scared for those I love."
He bent over their joined hands and pressed a warm kiss to her knuckles.
"There is nothing quite so terrible, as the wait before battle." He said softly, "for there is no cure, none at all, except for battle itself where the waiting is ripped from you and you are left with nothing but the fight for your life and the lives of those you must protect."
"And I imagine that the waiting, for those left behind during the battle, the feeling only intensifies. The not knowing if those fighting will live or die; will return to you unharmed." Bilbo mumbled, as she tighten her hold upon their joined hands, "I don't want to be left behind. I'm so tired of being alone."
"I have to be there, I have to lead our army." Thorin whispered as he leant his forehead against hers.
Bilbo squeezed hers eyes shut once more.
"I know."
"And when we win," Bilbo opened her eyes to stare into his rich blue gaze, at the determination that burn brightly within his eyes, "I swear to you, on my life and my kingdom, you will never be left behind again. You are not alone, not now, nor ever again."
She sniffed, and gently extracted one of her hands from his, to rub her nose, feeling incredibly moved by his words, though they also invocated a sense that she had been both rather silly and selfish with her own words.
"I am being rather silly, aren't I? And possibly selfish too. Asking for answers to questions that you cannot provide, because the answers have not yet come to pass."
"There is nothing wrong with wanting to hear reassurance to your fears." Thorin replied gently, running a fond hand down the side of her face, "You have never been faced with battle, not like this. What you are feeling now is neither silly nor selfish. Your feelings are real and they are valid. I just wish I could ease them better. I can only ask that you try and not let your worries fester inside your head, as I know they can do."
"Worried I will become hysterical?" She teased lightly, trying to hide that she too was rather concerned about where her mind might get to in the coming days.
"No," Thorin said gently, "rather I think you will go and find a dark corner to sit in during the battle, and worry yourself sick. And when we win, it will not matter, for you will have imagined every possible way we could have been hurt or killed that you will suffer from battle dreams for years to come."
At Bilbo's scowl, Thorin pressed a soft kiss upon her nose, "I know you. And I believe I am beginning to understand that mind of yours. You will try and hide it, because you hate to think you are a burden to anyone, and all the while the worry and fear will grow. Even after all has been proven well, your mind will not let go of the possibility that it may not have been."
Bilbo bit down hard upon her lower lip, her mind twisting in on itself at his words.
He thinks you are weak, that your mind is as feeble as your father's, a dark little voice hissed from deep within her and a swell of panic started to grow.
"You're tearing my words apart aren't you?" She heard Thorin sigh, his warm voice pulling her from well of worry she had started to feel herself fall into.
"Sorry." She mumbled, blushing hotly.
Thorin shook his head.
"I am not nearly so good at this as you are." He rumbled, looking apologetic and regretful.
"No, you are," Bilbo spluttered hastily, "It's only… listen," She took a deep, steading breath, "I spent so much time hiding, in the Shire. Hiding how much I would fester and worry over things, for fear that might be construed as a sign that I would one day become like Papa and you… we've known each for half a year – and a good chunk of that time was spent you seemingly not liking me a great deal… oh don't pull that face!" She poked him hard in his muscular chest when he grimaced at her words, "you know perfectly well how you acted during those early months! – and you can read me better than most, including my own family!"
"One could say," Thorin replied somewhat dryly as he caught hold of the hand still prodding his chest, "that it is my duty to read your emotions better than most, so that I might take better care of you."
Now it was Bilbo's turn to pull a face.
"You're not referring to the 'M' word are you?" She asked, cringing only a little while Thorin rolled his eyes.
"Yes, but even if we do not marry and instead, remained simply as we are, it would still be considered my duty to understand and care for you, as your partner."
"Still ridiculous that you can do so after just half a year!" She muttered, cheeks still hot.
"And the same can be said about you. You read me better than some of my closest friends and advisors who I have known all of my life. You are the only one who can truly pull me from the grips of the gold sickness."
Bilbo pressed her face into her hands, flustered and unsure of how to respond to that.
Again, she heard Thorin let out a small sigh of fond exasperation before he was pulling her carefully into his arms.
She let out a little squeak of surprise before relaxing, curling into his warm embrace.
"We should go down for breakfast." He said after a time, "Are you feeling like you might be able to eat something now?" The concern for her was painted all over his handsome face.
She shrugged, though the churning sensation in her belly had eased some, as had her dizziness, though she still felt exhausted right to her bones.
"I don't think I will throw up now if I eat anything, but I'm not particularly enthused by the prospect of eating oats… again." She felt surge of guilt stir inside of her at her grumbling, but given Thorin's only grimace at the thought of oats again for breakfast, she was able to sooth the guilt back a little. She was tired, grumpy and scared of what was to come in the following days.
"Shall we?" Thorin asked, holding out his arm for her to take.
She smiled tiredly as she took his arm, learning heavily against his side as Brena fluttered awkwardly to land upon her shoulder.
"We shall." She replied as she rested her head against his shoulder as he led her out of their room and down into the busy entrance hall, where preparation for war were already long underway.
888
Bilbo spent much of her morning helping to sort through the food provisions that had been supplied by both the dwarves of the Iron Hills and the folk of Dale (provided by the wood elves "generosity").
The task, however, was completed far sooner than desire and Bilbo found another reason to hope that Iron Hills Army would be arriving well before the Orcs Army did.
Once the task was complete she went in search of Gandalf.
She was of no use to the dwarves, in their preparation for war and to make Erebor siege-proof, though they found enough aid with the refugees of Lake-Town, who for the time being at least, had set aside their grievances against the dwarves.
She did not think she would be of much use to Gandalf either but when she found him leaving Erebor for the ruins of Dale to meet with the wood elves and their king, he made no objections to her joining him.
She didn't know how Kathra had heard of her leaving Erebor, but the moment she stepped outside of the great mountain, there was the dwarf warrior at her side.
"Does the King know you are leaving with the Wizard?" Kathra asked her tone low and clipped, her disapproval visible when Bilbo hesitated.
"I do not believe it will be a very long venture." Bilbo replied, trying not to think too hard on how her leaving might make Thorin (and the others) worry. "Will it Gandalf?"
"No," Gandalf replied, his tone grim, "I do not believe it will be."
Bilbo nodded and forced herself to smile reassuringly at Kathra.
"I just need some fresh air." She added, for further reassurance that she wasn't turning tail and running, "I'm not used to staying so long underground and I need to see sunlight, even when," She stared up at the cloud filled sky, "the Sun is quite hidden from view."
Kathra gave her a short nod and Bilbo could see the Dwarf Warrior still did not approve of her leaving, but she made no move to stop her and instead, fell into a respectful pace behind her.
"Why has he stayed?" Bilbo asked Gandalf after several long minutes of walking down the once main road that led from one city to the other. "Thranduil, I mean. He made it clear that he had no interest in helping with the coming war, and yet… there he is still, with his army, in Dale."
"That, my dear girl, is the very reason we are going to him now." Gandalf replied with a tired smile. "It may be as simple as he merely wishes to observe the alliance between the dwarves and humans, to see if it will benefit him to try and build his own alliance upon. Or," Gandalf looked grimly towards the grey sky, "he does believe that there is a threat and he cannot, in good conscious, leave us to fight it on our own."
"If that is the case," Bilbo huffed, "why not come forth and say so! Why stay in Dale? He must know that when the Orcs come, Dale will be the first place they will attack! Because it is vulnerable, being in ruins already."
"Pride." Was the answer she received, though not from Gandalf but instead from Katha who nodded at Bilbo's incredulous expression.
"Pride?" Bilbo stuttered in disbelief, "but that is madness! He could be putting his whole army at risk by remaining where he is."
"Indeed." Gandalf agreed, "My hope is our talk with him in the coming hour, we will be able to convince him to move his army to Erebor and have his archers station along the ridges. We may even be able to go further and have him send out scouts to see where our enemies are and set up look-out posts."
"You hope for a great deal Wizard." Kathra commented, "the Elf King may believe he has done enough with simply allowing his army to remain in Dale, believing that the Orcs' focus will instead be directed entirely upon Erebor, allowing his army to flank. That is, if he decides to fight at all, when the times comes." Kathra added coolly, her dark eyes flashing.
Bilbo wondered if she was remembering too how, sixty years ago, Thranduil had turned his back upon the dire needs of dwarves and humans alike, in the face of Smaug's desolation.
Bilbo bit down upon her lower lip and clasped her hands in front of her.
8 8 8
As it turned out, whatever reason Thranduil had for remaining in Dale, he had no desire to share with them, leaving Gandalf growling with frustration as he stormed out of Thranduil's tent.
Bilbo made to follow him, but something inside of her paused as she looked back the elf king.
"You will not leave, and you will not come to the mountain to combined forces with Thorin. Why? What keeps you here? You have your jewels. You can leave. No one truly believes you will help in this fight, so why do you remain?"
The elf king looked back at her, his pale blue eyes reflecting all his thousands of years, all that pain and suffering, the longing for something that was now unreachable except in death itself.
"You do not know what to do, do you?" Bilbo continued softly, a strange ache in her chest building as she stared at Thranduil, "You're torn, aren't you? Between wanting to return to your woodland halls and shutting the whole world out, and staying, doing what is right, being a part of this world and helping where you did not help before, sixty years …"
Her words were cut off the by the deafening sound of a horn being blown. Thranduil's face immediately became closed as he moved out of his tent, Bilbo trotting after him, heart racing as Brena made worried little noises upon her shoulder in fright.
"What was that?" she squeaked as she and Thranduil came to stand with Gandalf who was looking up with a frown up at ruin fortress of Ravenhill.
"What is that?" She added as she pointed at a large, ugly contraption that now stood upon the top of the old, ruin fortress. That had certainly not been there before!
"It's a command post." Kathra said from her side, her voice hard, "use by commanders to coordinate their army via visual signals."
"And I'm guessing," Bilbo said through white lips, "that that command post does not belong to us."
"No." Kathra replied before catching a hold of Bilbo's elbow, "Come, we must leave. Return to the mountain before it is too late…"
The terrible horn was blown again, echoing off the stones of city and mountain alike, deafening all who heard it, and filling them with unspeakable dread.
Bilbo, hands clapped over her ears, stared up at the old fortress, her heart stopping as she spotted a tall, white shape standing there, beneath the flags of his signally device.
The great white Orc, Azog had returned.
And with him, a great army made up of all manner of terrible creatures.
Bilbo watched in horror as his army marched in legions over the hilltops from the south, their numbers vast and beyond reckoning.
Around her, she could hear Thranduil giving orders to his elves, who immediately leapt upon the walls, their bows drawn and ready.
And from the mountain, she could hear horns also being blown, answering Azog's war challenge with vengeance.
"Bilbo." She turned to Gandalf who had come to stand by her, his blue eyes blazing. "Stay with me. Do not leave my side, not even for a moment. I have led you into this peril and I shall lead you out of it."
Bilbo could only nod mutely, grasping Sting tightly as she stood between Gandalf and Kathra and watched as the Azog's army descended upon them.
Thorin, I…
Author's Note: So it begins.
The end of this fic is so near and yet so far. I'm still not a hundred percent sure how I want it to end. I have three options in my head currently;
Option one, I follow the book and movie, and Thorin dies (still tossing up on whether I stay completely true to the book and movie and have Fili and Kili die with him. And they will die with him, or together at least, none of this dying separately crap that happened in the movie. No, I'm not still bitter with how those two died in the movie, no, not at all...) and this fic simply ends with epilogue and no sequel. Maybe a one-shot or two.
Option two and three are kind of interwoven, as they are sequels to this fic, but the major difference between them being is how Thorin survives TBotFA and the price his survival will cost. One is pretty happy and straight forward, focusing on the rebuilding Erebor and so on. The other, well, not so happy because the cost of Thorin's survival is a kind of rough and maybe cruel. Though it will all work out in the end, i promise. And when I say, cruel, I don't mean, what most of you probably think, but I can't go into too much detail, without giving the end of this fic away.
So I guess it's up to all of you and what you would like to happen and read. Do you want this fic to simply end and be done, which will be Thorin dying or would you like a sequel to this fic?
If so, and I get enough people saying yes, I will go into more of what option two and three storylines are like and you guys can choose which one I write. I know which one I would like to write, because it's seems more interesting to me story-wise, but it also means suffering and Hey, people might be over reading about characters suffering and just instead want them to be happy. Let me know.
Or option four, I could try and write all three options and see how that works out... lol, groan, the hobbit fanfic writing is never going to end.
I've also got another fanfic in the works too - I know, I know, I really need to just stick with the fanfic/s that I already have going and finish them, but I've been going through a real Hobbit Fanfic Kick of late. It's been great, actually. Anyway, you probably won't be seeing this particular fic for a little while, but the working title is Stoneflower and this is the summary of sorts;
"Thrisa Baggins had long since accepted that she was not a typical hobbit. She was just a little too tall, a little too strong and the sideburns that were creeping down the sides of her jaw was lovely and thick. But she was loved, by family and friends, who accepted her as she was. Thrisa was content with her comfortable little life in the Shire, where nothing unexpected ever happened. Until the night she lost her parents to a terrible boating accident and long-kept secrets regarding her true identity started coming into light and her comfortable little life will never be the same again."
So yeah, this fic is in the pipe-lines too, if you're interested in reading it before sequel's to this, let me know and yeah, I'll bump it forward.
And one last thing to this very long Author's Note, Chapter 17: Mirkwood is now posted for Home is Behind, the World Ahead, if you're at all interested.
Thanks for reading, reviews are greatly appreciated and please stay safe in these troubling times.
Bye for now.
