Jays POV
Leaving Ava's room I sighed. I failed. All I wanted to do was let her know she could talk to me and she just pushed me away. I know what happened next. She will completely shut down and no one will be able to help her, and she will dig herself into a hole of depression that no one could save her from.
I managed to find my way back to the waiting room without realising it, hoping that CAsey would still be there and he could try and talk to her about it.
Not only was he there, so was the whole unit.
'And?' Hailey asked.
'Shes fine. Physically',
'Physically?'
'I tried to get her to talk to me and she kicked me out. She's already shut down and I don't know what to do. Casey she trusts you more than me, you can go ahead and try.'
'I'll try, but not because she trusts me more. Think about it, how long have you raised her by yourself for?'
'Since she was 3'
'And before that, who was the main male role model for her in your house?'
'Me'
'It's not that she doesn't trust you, but you're basically her dad. You are the most important person in the world to her at the moment and she thinks that if she tells you anything, you will leave her and she will be alone again.' That kind of made sense. 'She also thinks talking about it makes it real. When she talks about it, she has to re imagine it all and that's not exactly a pleasant experience for her. Her idea is that if she doesn't talk or think about it, it will all go away and she can move on.'
'Told you he was smart,' Haley said.
'thank you. Can you please talk to her?'
'I don't think she will talk right now but I have a better idea.'
When Casey got up and left Jay collapsed in his seat.
'We all have your back Jay. Whatever you need.' Voight said.
'that's the thing. I only need one thing. And that's for her to be ok, but I don't know how you can do that.'
MATTS POV:
'AVa can I come in?' I knocked on the door to her room.
'No' I could hear her sniffle.
'Too bad.' I opened the door.
'Why would you bother asking if you're going to come in anyway.'
'Its polite' she scoffed.
'Did Jay send you in here to talk to me because i'm not going to talk. You can leave now.' She turned her head so he wasn't looking at me.'
'I've heard you are a good student, you are doing grade 12 math. That's good and all, but if you want to go back to school, you need to pass a psych evaluation, basically where someone will asked you super hard questions that you don't want to answer, but if you really want to get back to where you were in life, you have to answer and be able to see a positive. You have to tell them everything, and the worst part is, they can see right through you. They know exactly when you are lying or leaving something out because you don't want to think about it.'
That was honestly my best shot, that was really all I had on her.
'That doesn't bother me. I can learn on my own. There's something called google.'
'However, you said it yourself. You want to be normal. Normal kids go to school and have friends. They talk to their siblings and they tell about everything. You on the other hand, do not go to school, and have zero friends, And you wont talk to your brother. So how are you planning on becoming a normal kid? I get it. Something bad happened. It sucks. But the world moves on. Everyone moves on, except you. Eventually you get stuck in the past because you refused to properly move on. What happened becomes a part of your life and you will think about it every day.' My plan was working. I could see she was getting agitated and if she was anything like Jay, she would burst any minute. 'I dont get what your so afraid of. In the end, this will become a distant memory for you, and you could have such a great life, with family and friends. You could have a good education, get a good job, and be really happy with your life. Instead you choose to wrap yourself in a bubble and block out everyone that cares about you and that can help you.'
That was it, I got her. She was crying and ready to blow.
'For such a smart kid, thats a preetty stupid move.'
'Do you think I want to push him away. I dont, I love him. He means everything to me. If I tell him he wont want anything to do with me and then I will have no one. He will be disgusted by me. Im disgusted by me. Of course i want to be normal, thats what ive wanted for the last 5 years of my life. I want to have friends and I want to go to school but I cant do that can I? Because everything I see takes me straight back there. How am I supposed to be normal. I gave up on that. Every man I look at, all I can see is what they did to me. And I hate it. I dont refuse to move on. I cant. I dont kow how. Evryone says the best way is to talk about it, but when I talk about it, I see it all again and I cant do taht. Each time i have tried to talk about it, i want to be sick. I hate what they made me.'
She yelled so loud that im pretty sure the other side of chicago could here it. When she was done she cried harder so I went and sat next to her on the bed and wrapped her in my arms. When she calmed down a good 20 minutes later I moved back a little.
'How did that feel', I asked.
'That actually helped,' She said.
'All you have to do is tell Jay exactly what you told me,' I said. 'Without the yelling.'
'I cant. Hes going to make me tell him everything and Im not ready to do that.'
'Then tell him that. He only wanst whats best for you. And so if you say your not ready, he will respect that.'
She nodded.
'Im going to go get him, But I have to go back to the fire house. Im still technically on shift.'
'Thankyou.'
'Always' I got up and left.
