Disclaimer – Own nothing.
To heather mcdaniels – Thanks for your reviews! I'm glad you are liking the story and I am so glad that you enjoyed my others stories as well! I hope you like this chapter!
AN – And I've returned with the next chapter. Line below is from the song Burden by Subtact. Hope you all like this chapter!
Enjoy!
Now you're carrying the weight of, mistakes and notions that were not thought through, and I'm sorry for the burden, of lessons I would not have without you – Burden, Subtact
By the time Hal got to his room, he was practically hyperventilating. It started happening as he was walking away from his family, when the enormity of what he just revealed to them suddenly started crushing his chest. When he got to the building where his room was, his ears started ringing and by the time he was actually in his room, he was light-headed and dizzy, his eyesight completely blurred as his heart started to beat so fast it felt like it was about to race right out of his chest.
Hal quickly shut the door before leaning his back against it, then slid down it to sit on the floor. He couldn't breathe, couldn't really hear, and could barely see. Panic completely over took him as he struggled to control his breathing. When he felt the familiar burning in his chest and through his veins, the panic immediately increased as Hal realized that he was about to lose control of his abilities.
In a desperate attempt to regain control of himself, Hal clenched his jaw shut tightly, refusing to take a breath for a few long seconds as he wrapped his arms around his legs, rested his head against his knees and closed his eyes. Then he took a deep breath before waiting another long moment before exhaling and took another deep breath.
As Hal continued the process for what felt like forever, slowly, the burning subsided and his breathing relaxed. His heart also slowed down, going back to its normal pace. The ringing in his ears then stopped, but Hal didn't open his eyes just yet, fearful that if he did and it wasn't back to normal, the panic would once again come back. Soon though, he slowly raised his head and opened his eyes, breathing a sigh of relief when he realized that his eyesight was also back to normal. This wasn't the first time he had a panic attack, at least, that's what he thought it was called, but it still sucked all the same.
Once he started to feel a bit better, though a lot more tired, Hal stood up and made his way over to his dresser. He couldn't stay here with his family anymore. Now that they knew what he had done, they wouldn't want him around. Who would want a killer around anyways? And if his Dad kept trying to make him use his abilities to fight the aliens, Hal would just bring more trouble once Karen got wind of it. He couldn't stay in Chinatown, he had to leave.
Hal pulled out the empty duffle bag he kept one of the empty dresser drawers and placed it on the ground before going through the other drawers to grab his clothes. The fighter stopped when he heard a small knock on his door. The person on the other side didn't wait for his response as they opened the door.
"Hal, it's me." Maggie quietly announced herself as she entered the room.
"What do you want Maggie?" Hal questioned, still keeping his back to her though he didn't resume packing his bag just yet.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay." Maggie answered, eyeing Hal carefully, the tension in his shoulders and the slight shaking in his arms becoming visible, "Clearly you're not."
"I'm fine. I just want to be alone." Hal told her, hoping that she would leave. He couldn't handle being pushed right now. He had been pushed and pressured enough tonight. If she didn't leave, if she kept trying to get him to open up, he knew that the odds of staying in control were slim. Deciding to ignore her, he resumed going through the dresser drawers for his stuff so he could keep packing.
"What are you doing?" Maggie asked, trying to figure out what Hal was up to at the moment.
"Nothing." Hal answered as he threw more of his stuff on the bed beside the bag.
"You're packing." Maggie quickly realized, then immediately put the pieces together, "Wait, are you leaving?"
"I should never have come here in the first place. Should've left the minute I knew you guys were okay." Hal told her, finishing his task of emptying the dresser then moving towards the bed so he could put it all in his bag.
"No Hal. You didn't do anything wrong. If you had stayed away, we would've thought you were dead." The blonde told him, coming over to stand near him.
"Me being here is just causing too many problems." Hal said, keeping his focus on his task.
"For who? Us, or you?" Maggie's question caused Hal to pause for a moment, thinking about how he should answer that. He briefly wondered if he was just leaving because he was scared how his family was going to react now that they knew the truth, and while he agreed that might be a part of it, there was more to it than that. If the aliens realized he was there, they could go after his family, and he wasn't going to let that happen.
"For everyone." Hal finally answered, continuing to empty his dresser of his few belongings.
"Hal, stop." Maggie told him, seeing that he was still packing. When he didn't stop, she stomped over to him, pulled his clothes out of his arms and onto the floor as she shouted, "I said stop! Just stop!"
The young man turned to glare at her, and Maggie took a breath to calm herself. While she was getting angry and frustrated with Hal, getting him mad was only going to make things worse. Once she was calmer, she looked him straight in the eyes as she said, "I get that you are freaking out, you have every reason to be, but you need to calm down and think for a minute."
"I'm not freaking out." Hal practically yelled in her face, furious that she could see right through his defenses and was calling him out on it. Maggie didn't so much as flinch at the loudness, having seen the denial coming from a mile away. It only took a second for Hal to realize at how loud and rude he just was, causing a brief look of guilt to shine in his eyes before he put his guard back up, not willing to show any sign of backing down at all.
"Hal, you went through something terrible, and horrific and have been trying to forget and deal with it ever since. And just a few minutes ago, your Dad forced you to reveal it all, in front of your brothers, your sister, Anne, Weaver, and me. Are you seriously telling me you aren't freaking out at least a little bit?" Maggie questioned, and Hal didn't repeat his insistence anymore. It wouldn't do any good because he knew that Maggie wasn't going to drop it.
"I get it Hal. When I told you about my past, I got the urge to run too." Maggie continued when Hal stayed quiet and lowered his head, "But I didn't, because I couldn't just leave until I knew how you would react and if we could move forward. You can't just up and leave because you're scared how your family is going to react now that we know what happened."
"I never wanted any of you to know." Hal said quietly, causing Maggie to place her hand on his shoulder.
"I know you didn't, but you had to know that we would've found out sooner or later." Maggie told him. Hal then shrugged off her hand and walked over to the other side of the room.
"Hal?" Maggie called out, though she didn't make a move towards him.
"I killed a kid, Maggie. I did that." Hal stated with such a broken voice as he sat down on the foot of the bed.
"You didn't mean too Hal. And he was harnessed. Odds are that kid would've tried to stop you, could've hurt you. He might have even killed you. It was self defense." Maggie tried to get him to believe, moving to sit beside him but kept herself from touching him.
"But it's not the kid's fault. He was being controlled by the Overlords." Hal immediately protested, glancing up at Maggie only for a second before looking back down at the ground.
"I know. But it's not your fault either. You were injured, drugged, scared, and were being attacked. You did what you had to do to survive." Maggie insisted.
"But at what price?" Hal wondered, lifting his head to glance at her for only a second before he lowered it again and looked back down at the ground. Her instincts told her to wrap her arms around him and hold him tight, or at least, put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but since he had walked away from her last time she did that, she stayed still.
"Hal, show me." That got Hal's immediate attention. His head snapped up so fast that Maggie briefly wondered if he would get whiplash from that, but she brushed off the thought when she saw Hal's intense brown eyes staring into hers.
"What?" Hal asked, completely confused and shock by what Maggie was asking from him. Even though she didn't say, he knew exactly what she was talking about. She wanted to see his scars.
"Show me what you are still hiding." Maggie repeated her request.
"Maggie," Hal quietly started to protest, already feeling more vulnerable than he was comfortable with at the moment. He had no idea how she would react to the sight of them, what she would think of him, and that terrified him. He then stood up and walked over to the corner of the room.
"Don't shut me out Hal, please." Maggie pleaded, also getting up to her feet, though she didn't walk towards him. Despite the sick feeling in his stomach, and the amount of fear and dread flooding his body, Hal started to pull off his shirt to show Maggie what else the Espheni did to him.
As Hal pulled his shirt up and off, Maggie felt the air disappear from her lungs. She clenched her jaw shut tightly to keep from making any sort of noise as the scars on Hal's back became visible. She knew it was coming, had put the pieces together a while ago, but to actually see them was something else.
There were four scars on his back. One, on his left shoulder blade about an inch long, like a stab wound. Another scar started on his right shoulder before going down diagonally on his back to his left side, ending at the bottom of his ribcage, almost like someone sliced his back. Then, there was a small one above his right hip, another stab wound probably. The other, started just above that stab wound before going up diagonally until it hit his spine.
Maggie tried to keep her breathing even at the sight. Though she was feeling the urge to scream in anger and cry in pain that the man she loved had endured this, she knew that it wouldn't help Hal. The young man waited another moment before he turned around to face her. If she didn't think things could get worse, she was immediately proven wrong.
Five more white scars stood out clearly on Hal's torso. There was one on his left shoulder, in the same place and roughly the same size as the one on his back, confirming to Maggie that it was a stab wound, a stab wound that had gone right through him. On the right side of his rib cage, there were two other scars, both about three to four inches long fairly close together. There was another scar nearly identical to them on the left side of Hal's rib cage as well. The other scar was on his lower stomach, not far from his left hip that was around two inches long.
Continuing to bite back a sob, and fighting tears, Maggie slowly walked over to Hal, going around the bed as she did so. Hal didn't need her tears, her pity, her guilt right now. He obviously had enough of his own. What he needed right now was someone to lean on, so Maggie pushed away the pain and guilt and focused instead on her anger at the person who caused this, using it as strength.
Hal was growing more and more nervous with each passing second. If he looked up at her, he knew he could probably tell what she was thinking or feeling, but he couldn't bring himself to raise his head. He was terrified of what he would see. With his head lowered, he didn't notice that she was coming closer until she was standing right in front of him. He still didn't look up at her though, not even when he saw her lift her arm and place her hand over the scar on his shoulder.
"I'm gonna kill her." Maggie whispered with venom through her clenched teeth. She was already kicking herself for letting Hal stop her from shooting Karen that night in the woods, especially when he finally told her and his family everything that Karen did to him. Seeing the scars for herself, Maggie knew that that there was no way she'd let the human Overlord get away with everything she had done again.
"You'd have to get in line." Hal replied quietly, looking down at the spot where Maggie's fingers were still touching the scar on his upper chest. He might have stopped Maggie from killing Karen months ago, thinking that maybe she could be saved, but after what Karen and the aliens put him through, he was more than willing to kill her himself. Even if there was still some humanity in her, it wasn't strong enough to go against the Overlords. She wasn't going to stop.
"Hal, I know that what all happened there still haunts you, but the important thing is that you survived. It's over now." Though Hal knew that she was right, that he was safe now, he couldn't help but feel that it wasn't over. Not until Karen was dead and the war was over. He didn't say anything about that though. Instead, he walked away from her and back towards his bed.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do. My Dad," Hal started as he sat down on his mattress, then stopped, not really wanting to think about what all just happened with his Dad. Maggie gave him a sympathetic look, though he didn't notice as his head was in position to stare at something in front of him though he was clearly staring into space.
Maggie moved towards him and sat down beside the young man as she said, "Wait."
"What?" Hal asked, turning his head to look at her, letting her see his confused expression.
"Wait for your family to process what you told them, and talk with your Dad in the morning. If it's bad, then I won't stop you from leaving." Maggie explained. She waited for Hal to nod as he lowered her gaze, thinking it over before she added, "I will however, go with you."
Hal's eyes immediately snapped up to lock with hers as he protested, "Maggie, I can't ask you to do that."
"You're not asking, and I'm not offering. I'm telling you. I will be going with you. I'm not letting you go through any of this alone. Just wait until morning." Maggie replied. Hal stared at her for a moment, wanting to get her to change her mind. He couldn't let her risk her life by coming with him. He didn't though, because he knew that it was her decision and that there wasn't anything he could say or do to change her mind once she made it up.
"Okay." Hal quietly agreed. Maggie still wanted to wrap her arms around him, but she wasn't sure if he was in a state to accept such an action. So, she made up her mind to leave and let him get some sleep, somewhat positive that he wasn't going to leave the minute she was gone.
"See you in the morning then." The blonde said, then stood up and walked towards the door.
"Maggie?" Hal's voice immediately caused her to stop and turn back around to face him, "Can, can you stay with me, tonight?"
Maggie nodded, and tried to keep her expression controlled despite the fact that she was actually extremely happy that he wanted her to stay with him. She had missed being with him so much over the last several months. It broke her heart though that it had come up under these circumstances. While he was doing his best to keep himself guarded, she could easily see how vulnerable he really was. The blonde didn't say anything about that though. She just closed the bedroom door and walked back over to him.
FSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFS
Tom sat in the chair at the table, staring off into the distance, his mind millions of miles away. He wasn't even really aware what everyone else was doing. He was in too much shock over what had just happened, over what Hal had just told them.
The father had always known that whatever happened to his eldest was bad. He knew that before Hal even revealed that he had powers, he could tell from the way he was acting. And he had firsthand knowledge of what it was like being the aliens' prisoner. But he never, ever, could have imagined how bad it was for Hal, what he all went through. Not his son, not his strong, protective, optimistic boy. He was one of the last people of the planet who deserved that.
"Tom? Tom, are you alright?" The professor was finally shaken out of his reverie when Anne came over to him and shook his shoulder.
"Um, yeah, yeah, I'm um," Tom tried to assure her, then decided to just say what was on his mind, which turned out to be a swear.
"Sorry." Tom quickly apologized when he realized what he had said, in front of his two younger boys no less. Sure, they had probably heard that and worse, but he had always tried to not curse in front of his kids, even as they got older.
"I think we can excuse that due to the circumstances." Anne teased, though it didn't reach her eyes at all.
"Now we know what happened, what do we do?" Matt wondered, the shocked and hurt expression still on his face.
With a sigh, Anne said, "I know I sound like a broken record, but I still think that we should find out how the Espheni gave him his powers. It could have damaging effects on his body."
"I agree that that is important, but we also need to think about what's best for the 2nd Mass." Weaver spoke up.
"What do you mean?" Anne questioned. Knowing exactly what the Colonel was talking about as they had talked about it earlier, Tom lowered his head and waited for his friend to answer her.
"I know that none of us want to think about this, but we have to consider the very real possibility of Hal being a threat." Weaver answered, himself sounding upset that he was bringing this up.
"Hal wouldn't betray us. Not of his own free will and Anne already checked him for eyebugs." Matt quickly reminded, clearly angry that Weaver would suggest that his big brother would ever turn against them.
"I know Matt," Weaver replied with a calm and sympathetic voice, "but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about what could happen if he loses control of his powers. Or if Karen or another Overlord finds out he's here. I think we all remember what happened when Karen and her Overlord wanted Ben. What would they do to get Hal?"
No one said anything to that. Until Hal told them what had happened, they never really understood why he was so insistent that his presence was kept secret, and they never thought about what the aliens might do to get him back. Sure, they all sort of wondered what could happen if Hal used his powers and lost control. Since he was so against him using them though, they didn't think that much of it. Pope probably did, but he seemed to be more concerned about the possibility that Hal had secretly sided with the Espheni even though Hal's family and friends knew that wouldn't happen. But what would Karen do if she found out he was alive and here in Chinatown?
"Do you think they'd go so far as attacking us just to get him?" Matt asked worriedly.
Ben lifted his head to stare at the adults, waiting for their response to his younger brother's question. He still felt guilty for putting everyone in danger that night almost two years ago and he didn't want Hal to go through something like that. But he also didn't know what to think about Hal right know. As much as he felt bad for his big brother, the knowledge that he killed a harnessed kid weighed on him. That kid was innocent, it wasn't his fault.
Weaver, Anne and Tom looked at each other for a few seconds, then Weaver turned back to Matt and said, "I don't know, but we have to prepare for that possibility."
FSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFS
Hal and Maggie laid silently in the bed beside each other. They were both lying on their backs close to each other, but weren't touching. Maggie tried to go to sleep, but couldn't. Her mind wouldn't stop racing. It was like her brain was overloaded with information and was now trying to process everything. If she felt that way though, she could only imagine how Tom, Ben, Matt, and especially Hal were feeling.
Slowly, Maggie turned her head to look at Hal. Though his eyes were closed and his breathing sounded even, she could tell he was still awake. He was lying perfectly straight, too straight, and was way too still. Hal wasn't really a restless sleeper, unless of course he was having a nightmare, but he was never this still. She watched for a moment, trying to see if he was indeed trying to fall asleep and just couldn't, or if he was just pretending so she wouldn't try and talk to him anymore.
"How long as it been since you actually slept?" Maggie suddenly broke the silence, causing Hal to turn his head to face her. It was something she had been wondering for a while, as every time she saw him, she was sure the circles under his eyes were getting a little darker.
"How do you know I wasn't asleep just now?" Hal asked with a small smile.
"We lived together in Charleston, remember? I know how to tell when you're actually asleep or not." Maggie reminded him, returning his smile.
"I slept last night. Only for about two hours, but I did sleep." Hal informed her, and Maggie dropped her smile as a worried expression came on her face.
"Is that all you've been getting? Two hours every night ever since you came back?" The blonde questioned, the worry in her voice matching the worry on her face.
"And a bit before then, yeah." Hal answered honestly.
"Hal, that's not healthy." Maggie commented.
"I know, but I keep," Hal paused, then forced the words out, "keep having nightmares."
"About what happened?" Hal didn't respond, but his silence was enough to answer her question.
"Well, don't worry. We're not going to let anything like that happen to you again." Maggie assured him, moving her head closer to his. Hal lowered his head closer to her as well before lifting a hand to cup her face. She leaned into his palm, then glanced down and saw his wrist.
"Wait, what's this?" Maggie asked as she grabbed his arm, then sat up so she could get a clear look at the scar. Hal also sat up, now panicking again and tried to pull his arm away, but her grip was too strong. He then reached for her hand to pull her grip off his, but that revealed the scar on his other hand.
"Oh my G*d Hal. How did you get these? Did Karen do this?" Maggie demanded as she grabbed his other hand and stared at the scars.
"No, she didn't. I did." Hal quietly admitted, staring down at his lap.
"What?" The word was barely above a whisper, but he could still hear her, could still hear the absolute shock in her voice.
"After I, tried to escape the second time, when I killed," Hal paused, then skipped over that small part and continued, "I was in the infirmary for, I don't know how long before I was brought back to my cell. I still had a piece of glass in my pocket from when I broke the window."
"Once I was alone in that room again, I," Feeling his eyes becoming wet, he stopped again, then looked up at Maggie and saw her one eyes filling with tears. He took a breath and said, "Karen already controlled me once. I couldn't let her do that again, not after I already lost control and killed that kid."
Maggie loosened her hold on his arms, and as she raised a hand up to her mouth, Hal again looked down his lap and continued, "I don't know how, but I woke up in the infirmary again. I don't know how long I was there that time either, but it was then the place was attacked and I escaped for good."
"Hal, I," She started, trying to think of what to say, but what did someone say when the person they loved revealed that they had tried to kill themselves?
"Don't tell anyone." Hal told her, snapping his head back up to meet her gaze.
"What?"
"Don't tell anyone about anything of what I just told you. Not my Dad, not Anne, not Weaver, no one." Hal repeated. Maggie opened her mouth to protest, thinking that his Dad should know, that he needed to know just how badly everything that happened in the ghetto had affected Hal, but before she could, Hal cut her off.
"Please Maggie, after what just happened tonight, I can't. I just can't go through it all again. Please." Hal begged, desperation filling his voice and his eyes.
"Okay." Maggie agreed. While she did think that Tom should know, Hal was in no way ready to tell him, not after he had been forced to tell him everything else that happened while he was in the ghetto.
"Thank you." Hal responded. Maggie nodded, then pulled him into her arms and gave him a tight hug. Hal tensed a little, like he wasn't expecting it, but then he melted into her embrace and for the first time since he escaped the ghetto, he cried.
AN – I have never, ever had a panic attack. I have no idea what it's like, I'm going off my overactive imagination, my experience passing out, and the information I found online. I'm very sorry if I wrote it wrong. I hope you all like this chapter though and I will see you all next time!
