CHAPTER SEVEN

Rachel sighed as she maneuvered Lucy to her injured arm and unlocked her door. Lucy was asleep against her chest and her was killing her from carrying the child. Spying Shelby crossing the corridor she whispered urgently at her, "Mum... can you please take her?"

Shelby hurried to take the toddler into her arms, frowning when the girl grunted at being jostled, as she was usually content to be passed around because she slept so hard.

Rachel shrugged, "She's upset with me. Can you lay her down on her bed? I need a glass of wine."

Shelby just nodded at her daughters retreating form and made her way to Lucy's room.

Meanwhile, Rachel opened her wine fridge and pulled a bottle of her favourite chardonnay. Grabbing a wine glass she poured until it reached the rim and leaned down to gulp up the excess before it overflowed. Setting the now empty bottle down, she made her way to the living room and sat on the couch. Pulling her legs up under herself she thought back to taking Lucy to the restaurant.

After being seated by their favourite waitress and having their usual order placed on the table. Lucy started assailing her with question after question about the blonde woman named she met in the Cafe bookstore.

"Mummy, who was that woman?" Lucy asked pulling her chocolate milk toward her and leaning up to take a sip. She refused to use a booster seat like a baby.

Rachel sighed, "That was a friend from a long time ago."

Lucy raised an eyebrow at her Mama suspiciously, "But Mama, she looks like the pictures that you showed me."

Rachel gasped now, "You remember them, baby girl?"

"Yeah. That was my Mummy. How come she didn't know me Mama? Didn't she get my letters? She doesn't love me like you said?" she blasted out all these questions, each one faster than the last. Her heart was pounding rapidly and it felt really sore and she was crying now. How come her mummy didn't give her hugs and kisses like her Mama did when she hadn't seen her in a long time.

Rachel's own eyes overflowed with quiet tears as she watched the tirade of emotion flutter across her daughters face. She didn't know how to answer any of these questions, not when Quinn was so near now. "Baby girl. I think that she was just surprised to see you. She's kind of like those goats we saw at the petting zoo for your last birthday. Do you remember those?"

Lucy sniffled a little, "The ones that fainted when you boo'd them?"

Rachel nodded, "Yes! Just like that, but instead of fainting she just didn't know how to act. Do you understand?"

"Does she need us to help her?" Lucy asked expectantly, stuffing a fry in her mouth.

Rachel decided to forgo table manners right this second, "I think we might. But you have to let Mummy talk to her first and explain a few things. Cause she's been away for a long time right?"

Lucy nodded resolutely, understanding that adults need to do adult things. "Okay Mummy. I can wait a little longer."

Quinn slammed the door behind her and dropped down in her desk chair. Grabbing her briefcase she reached in and retrieved the business card that Santana's assistant had given her. Quickly she dialed the number and waited as the call connected. She felt her eyes finally overflowing with tears as Santana answered.

"You know don't you, Q?"

Santana's soft, knowing tone caused Quinn to choke out a sob. Both regret and remorse filling her chest. "She's beautiful, S." she wheezed. A sigh was heard from the other end and Quinn understood it as if Santana had spoken. Santana wanted to tell her, to find her - but couldn't.

"She knows about you, Q. We have never lied to her. Rachel has showed her pictures, brought up the old Glee videos on YouTube and spoke of you. She thinks that you have been travelling around the world and that you were too busy to talk. So she has written you letters. I have all of them."

"I want them. Please." Quinn sniffled, "How do I fix this?"

Santana could only sigh again, "You read the letters. I'll have them to you within the hour. Brittany want you to come to dinner, Sunday?"

Quinn could do nothing but agree as they disconnected the call. Placing her phone on the desk she leaned back and tried to reign in her emotions. Her priorities were completely changed. She had a lot of things to make up for. A lot more than she had anticipated having to work her way back into Rachel's life now. But now she had a little life she had missed. Her heart constricted with the thoughts of Rachel ripe with child, a topic they had dreamed about at night when they would talk cuddled up in bed. She hadn't gotten to see their daughter born, cut the umbilical cord, hold that tiny life in her arms. She never got to hear Lucy's first words, see her take her first steps and kiss away her tears.

Startled out of her thoughts by her phone ringing, she answered without checking the display, "Fabray."

"Quinn Fabray?"

"Speaking."

"This is Light Speed Express. I have a delivery for you."

Quinn looked at the clock and mounted on her wall, 'Had she really been in her head for an hour?' "I'll be right down."

Grabbing the first bill in her wallet she scampered out of the office and almost ran to the elevator. Punching in the code she tapped her foot impatiently as the machine descended. Finally the door opened and she spied a man in a Light Speed uniform holding a large cloth satchel.

"Hello...?"

"Miss Fabray?" He asked, bringing out his phone and tapping a few buttons, bringing it up to her face she heard Santana's voice ring through the speaker, "That's her. You look like shit Q, wash your face."

Quinn rolled her eyes at the phone and flipped her off before the delivery person pocketed the phone and handed over the satchel. "Sorry about her, thank you for being so quick." Handing over the bill she smiled reassuringly and lugged the package in to her arms and headed back to the elevator.

Weighing the package in her hands gingerly as the elevator ascended. In her hands were 4 years of her child's thoughts, feelings and dreams. Finally reaching her floor she exited and headed straight to her office again. Kicking the door shut she placed the package on her desk carefully.

Taking a deep breath she pulled the ties on the cloth and gasped at the sheer amount of envelopes inside. Pulling out a handful from the top of the pile she spied a duck shaped sticky note attached to the first one 'Write back to her. This is the address' was scrawled across it. Smiling softly at both her best friends kind words and the fact that Brittany still bled into everything she did.

Opening the first envelope she noticed Rachel's neat cursive adorning the pages. The date read Oct 9th, 2014. Two months after she left. Inside lay a smaller envelop that had 'Your Baby' written across it.

THREE YEARS EARLIER

Rachel sat at the counter in the kitchen with one hand on her belly - of which was quickly growing bigger and bigger each day - the other hand was tapping a tune on the counter top. She found herself siting her most Wednesdays because her classes were out early and Santana and Brittany wouldn't be home until after 6. On days that she was alone she missed Quinn the most. That feeling was always warring with sadness and fury. The question of 'why' was still haunting her.

Suddenly an idea sparked. Bouncing off the stool a little less gracefully than she would had she not been pregnant she grabbed her favourite stationary and pen. Climbing back on to the stool she vacated she began to write...

My Dearest Quinn,

I don't know why you have left me when you promised we'd be together forever. I wish I knew where you were. I have a surprise that would make that big, toothy smile I love so much spread across your beautiful face. I miss you on the days like this where I am alone in the apartment. When Santana or Brittany are not home. Oh yeah! We have all moved in together. Santana says it's because she couldn't stand to see Brittany worry about me being alone in our old apartment, but I know it was she who was worried about me. I was worried about myself really. After I got back from Lima, I couldn't get out of bed. I missed a week of classes before Santana knocked some sense into me. I like school - it keeps my mind busy. From thinking about you. From thinking about what our life used to be. What it should be. Pretty soon this surprise that I have for you is going to make it so that I have to take a sabbatical from school. I won't be able to dance for a little while. I've enclosed a picture of the surprise in this envelope. Every time I look at it it makes me so, so happy. But then it makes me think about you leaving and I get so incredibly angry. Why did you do this to me - to us? Why did you leave? What did I do wrong? Whatever it was you know that we could have worked through it. I wish that you would have just told me what was going on. I wish that I could hate you for leaving. That I could muster enough energy to find in myself to hate you for doing this to us. All I can do it wish that you would just come home. To me. I still want you as much as I always did. But I also want to slap you. There are always these two emotions warring inside me since you left. I just... I want you to come back.

I still love you.

Yours always,

Rachel Berry

P.S.

Look at the other envelope now.

Quinn let the paper fall from her hands as she finally felt the tears streaming down her face. She had done that. She had done that to someone she loves more than anyone on the planet. Well, now there were two people she loved more than anyone on the planet. Grabbing the other envelope she pulled out a black and white sonogram labeled Baby Fabray and fresh tears started to stream down her face. There was her baby. Her Lucy. She could make out just the silhouette of an infants form. Reaching for the next letter and tearing into it. Instantly she was met with Rachel's loopy writing again and another small envelope.

Hello Quinn,

Quinn did a double take at the abrupt beginning to this one.

You have a daughter and I am done wondering where you are. I'm writing you this from the hospital. I am lying in bed with our baby's bassinet set up beside me. God. She is so beautiful, Quinn. When I look at her I can't be mad, but as I am writing this letter I am. I am so mad at you for making me do this alone. I'm so mad that your genes are so strong, too. She looks just like you. She has a full head of golden hair already and I can't wait to see if her eyes change to your hazel hue or mine. I debated writing you more letters until now. I still miss you, but that is now marred with angry and disappointment. You still have not tried to contact anyone. No letters, no text messages, no calls. Where are you? You are going to miss this. Just know that you did this to yourself. You are missing out on the best thing that has ever happened to us.

I hope one day this reached you. I've enclosed a couple of photos for you.

Goodbye.

Sniffling back her tears she opened the envelope and pulled out three photographs. The first instantly causing a river of tears to pour out of her eyes. It depicted Rachel in the hospital holding Lucy in her arms and running a finger over the baby's rosy cheeks. Looking down at her like she was the most precious thing she had ever seen. That was her baby. Her daughter. The next was a picture of Lucy in a bassinet. Her eyes were wide open and she had a thick tuft of golden hair peaking out of her little baby beanie. She was smiling at the person behind the camera as she cuddled a stuffed duck. That must have been courtesy of Brittany. She was absolutely beautiful. The last photo looked like a candid. Rachel had the baby lifted into the air and they were smiling identical smiles at each other. This one made her heart clench painfully in her chest. She should have been the one taking this picture. Watching Rachel and their baby bond. Sliding the picture into the edge of the one frame on her desk boasting a picture of Rachel on stage she stared at it for a moment. She needed to fix this. Soon.