"Harry! Harry, please talk to me." Lily couldn't force her mind to think of anything else but finding that life back in her son, that this attack seem to have stolen from him. "Harry listen to me, whatever you're blaming yourself for, it wasn't you dear, I promise!"
"How can you know?" Harry demanded, sounding so broken, he may as well have the memory of cursing Arthur himself.
"Don't be ridiculous! That's like saying you were the one who used the Cruciatus curse on Peter last year!" It was the first time James had been able to say his old friend's name, and the spasm across his face was enough to prove how badly it had hurt, but it made Harry blink at him in surprise. He had his attention, and he was going to dig in while he had the chance. "You saw it happen, you're still seeing the things Voldemort's doing to people, but that doesn't make you the cause of any of it, certainly not the one doing it!"
Harry wished that was all there was to it, but there was something else, some key reason why it was his fault Arthur had been there, and it all circled back to him, just as all terrible things seemed to do.
"How can you know though?" He all but whispered, though that lasted only moments as the longer he kept going, the nearer to shouting he was getting. "You've said it yourselves, you don't know what happened to me, what's wrong with me! I speak Parseltongue and I shouldn't be able to do that, what if there's something inside of me that-"
He cut himself off with a cry of pain from the sharp stab of his mind that was being paralleled with his mother swearing in agitation and forcing herself to keep her voice so that he could hear her every word.
"You did not do this Harry! I don't even mean physically, you should know that was impossible, you woke up in your bed for crying out loud! I mean that you're a wreck because of something
that happened to him, not-"
"Not directly related to you," Sirius inserted, trying in vain to make Harry understand this in some way and falling back on his usual. "Not everything has to do with you you know."
The joke fell flat, Harry could no more believe this then understand why they kept defending him from himself rather than kicking him out the door.
Remus snatched the book away from Sirius with a look of concentration on his face. If they couldn't get through to Harry in one way, then the least they could do was wrap their heads
around what exactly had happened, and then the logic would become clear and Harry would have to understand he'd nothing to do with it.
"It said the snake was in a long dark corridor with a locked door on the end-"
It caught the other's attention at once, and though it was clearly only a small fragment of their attention where the rest was centered on Harry, it was even the smallest relief to focus on a subject to get through.
"The same one Harry's been dreaming about all summer," James said with a look of dawning apprehension.
"Arthur was there doing something for the Order," Lily murmured.
"He was guarding something," Sirius agreed with finality. "Something Voldemort wants. That weapon, most likely."
"Falling asleep on the job though," James shook his head, "I don't know, that does not sound right of him."
"Maybe something was done to him," Lily struggled to put together a scenario she had the barest knowledge of. "If Voldemort had somehow gone there with Nagini, managed to put Arthur to
sleep-"
"There's no way," Remus disagreed, "he'd kill him just for being there."
Harry winced hard at the reminder, but tried to continue for them, "so the snake was somehow there alone, got into where ever this place was, which means someone had to have done
something to Mr. Weasley before hand for him to have passed out, and I- the snake tried to sneak past."* He winced terribly at all of them staring hard at him for his slip, but it was still impossible to erase the feeling from himself. He could feel it, like a chunk from his very soul, some part of him had done this.
"Can't imagine why the person would knock him out and then leave only for the snake to come back?" James threw his hands up in exasperation, none of this was coming together.
Harry didn't care about that though, he didn't want to keep talking about this place, it was only making that gnot of anxiety roll through him tighter every second. He all but pleaded with them, "please, can't you guys talk about this later, I just want to know he's alive before trying to figure
out the why."
They all gave in at once, no one made a move to stop Harry as he feverishly reached for the book for some kind of answer.
Sirius shifted restlessly in place, making an agitated noise that he couldn't say his favorite joke because he wanted to hear more desperately about Arthur living.
James was uneasy about letting Harry read, so much so he couldn't even sit back down as Harry read feverishly. Just trying to utter the last name of his best friend nearly sent him into a panic attack all over again. He controlled himself clearly by the barest second, his dominant fear winning out of getting his confirmation Arthur would survive, they all needed to know that.
Harry stuttered hard over that for a moment, and none of them could understand what he'd almost said until he stuttered again over the next line.
"Harry, please," Lily pleaded. She'd yet to move away from him either, hovering right next to his shoulder, her nails digging into him in her effort to show he wasn't alone in this, he'd never be alone so long as he was here.
Harry took a moment to cover her hand in his, thinking back to all the times in his life where he'd wanted to hug someone but had never gotten himself to do it, considering how little kind physical contact he'd had in his life. It was easier then, to force himself to keep going, while her warmth kept it's pressure.
James mind couldn't help but flash to a happier time, of when Sirius had taken him to a Muggle mall and he'd started to feel overwhelmed by how different the place was from anything he knew. He'd ridden on an escalator for an hour just for the experience, Sirius giggling continuously at his side. What he would give to share that moment with Harry if he wasn't in such turmoil right now.
Sirius felt a shaky smile where one shouldn't be, but he couldn't help it. He'd been dragged to the Headmaster's office at this time once on the worst night of his life. He'd thought he'd gotten someone killed as well then. He'd heard the same thing and pieced together what the noise was as his brain struggled to think past the idea of what he'd almost done to Moony. The lackless humor was he wouldn't have even wanted to tell Harry this under normal circumstances, now even if he'd
had the nerve to, Harry wasn't listening to any of them.
Even Harry just trying to read this was sending him into another round of stuttering anger and fear all over again. It hadn't been a nightmare as everyone kept trying to say, it had been real! Yet no one in here had questioned that, they'd believed him the second they realized what was going on as true fact and he already knew they'd do anything to help him at that moment. McGonagall would to, and Dumbledore, even if the latter still wouldn't look at him!
Remus couldn't help an uneasy smile, finding that the most McGonagall could offer at the time as her show of support, relinquishing that.
Lily hadn't stopped shivering since her son had fallen asleep, her mind flickering to the last time he had back in Divination and that subsequent mess as well. The fact that her son was no longer safe, even at rest, made her want to weep for his life.
James felt such a white hot flash of rage, he knew he would have decked Dumbledore right there. His son was panicking and desperate for someone to understand what was happening,
Dumbledore was probably the only one who could right then, and the man couldn't bother to look at him! He didn't care Dumbledore's reason, none was good enough for this act!
Remus felt his mouth snap open, the urge to start shouting only just being suppressed by Harry's desperate voice filling the room. This didn't make sense, why was this Dumbledore's priority?!
"I'm sure Harry would know if I'd been involved," Sirius said at once, his voice far too strained for his preferred joke to hold anything. Infact, Sirius winced and felt all the worse for doing it as Harry flashed him such a look of panic, he hadn't wanted to put the idea in Harry's head, but those dark green eyes now somehow managed to look more panicky than ever. It looked as if he were trying to stop himself from screaming in fright as he turned his head back to the book, somehow more anxious now than ever.
In some distant part of his brain, Harry almost felt bad for those around him, all of whom looked ready to break something any second. The fear they all felt through him for Arthur's well being, his confusion and anger at Dumbledore growing more every second. He'd have never wanted them to feel all he was, yet at the same time it was making this whole thing bearable. At his time no one had seemed to grasp his panic, anything he'd been feeling at the time, but now all four of them certainly seemed to.
Normally Harry would have been distracted for the question that popped to his mind, a second of breathing space to ask if anyone had any idea what Dumbledore was suddenly doing, but Harry just didn't care. He couldn't bring himself to pause for a single second, not until he had confirmation Arthur was alive.
That did catch Harry's attention though, now that he realized this was about Arthur, and looked wildly around for some kind of explanation.
"When a portrait has a duplicate, it can travel between the two, completely out of its vicinity of the nearest portrait like a normal one." Sirius swiftly responded in as much of an apology he could offer for his earlier crack. "There's one in my place actually, that's also in that office. Old headmaster, Phineas Nigellus."
Harry knew that fact should have felt more interesting, would have been fascinating to think about further in any other circumstances. Now he easily put together these portraits must house somewhere in the Ministry and just wanted to keep going.
James felt that smile somewhere deep in him, pride for his son putting that together in the face of his stress. The fact that Harry always managed to remain so level headed and wasn't having an outright fit, a pure babbling mess like he had every right to be, made him as proud as a father could be.
"Oh, so Dumbledore can still bother explaining some things! Good to know his priorities are to teach you rather than bother looking at you, or tell you something important, not a history lesson is what's needed now!" Lily seethed.
Sirius was fidgeting so hard in place it would have been hard for Harry to concentrate any other time, but Harry had yet been so focused on the printed words before. Still, it was a minor distraction that had a small part of him trying to comprehend other things, like how Dumbledore may not have acknowledged him because he in fact knew exactly where Arthur was...
Remus wanted to chuckle at that, make the observation that it was the conjurer of the chair that made its appearance and how fascinating the differences were between McGonagall and
Dumbledore, but it felt impossible to even find the words to begin on such a mundane subject right now.
Harry gaped at that line, the memory of seeing Dumbledore paying more attention to this than him somehow making this situation feel worse every second. Who cared about essences divided, was it really more important that what was going on in an innocents man life who may die? Why was Dumbledore just sitting there and doing nothing but playing with a toy?
"Why do they bother!?" The question burst out of Harry so violently they wouldn't have been surprised to see sparks come shooting out of his wand. James even had the mad desire to ask
where that was, hopefully not next to his buttock, though more likely it had singed his jeans- "So what if I know they're awake?"
He hadn't meant to practically shout that at them, but the silence was becoming oppressive, there and then. He just wanted one answer that made sense, was that too much to ask for?
"Because they think it's funny." Remus easily met Harry's eyes and for a moment started babbling out an answer again, and this now familiar sight gave Harry a chance to breath in relief as he kept going for a moment. "Like all the portraits, they're main existence is to collect gossip, even the Headmaster's aren't immune to that, so they think if they feign disinterest like this you'll keep talking and ignore them-"
"Moony," James quickly inserted before he went into a full blown tangent. "You once swore you were going to blow up everyone of them in the castle after they spread a particular rumor about
you, I think you're taking that one a little personally."
"I would never," he said without a hint of remorse. "Besides, I was only a second year, I was a tad dramatic at the time."
"At the time?" James sarcastically repeated.
"The rumor was about someone he had a crush on," Sirius said conspiratorially to Harry and Lily. "Personally I thought the portraits didn't care that much, but Moony still swears he heard the whisper."
Harry finally realized what they were doing. So long as he didn't ask them to stop they would have kept going like this as long as he needed. A detachment, a moment to realize the return of his memories were only just that and these things had already happened, so his worrying about them wouldn't make it better when he got an answer. He appreciated it more than he could put into words, and yet he did want to still keep going. The distraction had worked, and while still angry and frightened over his past, he couldn't avoid it no matter how much he was scared of the answer.
Whatever temporary relief Harry had gained vanished again that moment. He'd have given anything to take it back, to never have done this to someone he cared so much about...
James made a breathy noise he couldn't deny was a muffled yelp of concern. He'd never even met Arthur, but he couldn't help feeling such deep care for a person Harry did.
Remus shivered in fright of being awoken to that kind of news.
"I can only imagine," Lily whispered, keeping her hand on her son's shoulder and looking sharply around the room at her family.
Lily imagined the late hour all of this was taking place, but then thought Dumbledore was still likely right. If Arthur was out on some Order mission, she'd be waiting up for him to come home, oh the poor dear sitting all alone and seeing the hands of that clock move...
'Wonder if her kids at school are always on that around Umbridge.' Sirius couldn't help the errant thought even as he was so intensely focused on Harry.
Lily pressed a shaking hand to her mouth, tears stinging at her eyes as she could only imagine the pain Molly would be in for that coming to life, something you couldn't just magic away. It wasn't going to happen though, it couldn't, Arthur wasn't going to die and leave his family like that...
"Finally," James muttered as he shifted his weight. A portkey had been made, that meant someone was finally going somewhere. Arthur was at St. Mungo's, and he would come back out of there!
So now Harry and Dumbledore should be headed there when he was awake, and Dumbledore could explain more to Harry in the meantime.
Sirius asked in agitation for his being brought up even while he frowned in confusion what Dumbledore was up to with him.
"I can see the family resemblance," Lily muttered under her breath soft enough Sirius wouldn't hear her, a good call as James gave her the stank eye for that joke for Sirius.
Sirius looked genuinely touched for a moment he was getting passed along the message about Arthur. He hadn't even crossed his own mind yet, what was going on here? Still, it also raised
confusion as much as anything, wasn't getting to Arthur more important than passing along the message of where he was?
"See Moony, not all portraits are bad," James said at an attempt at his conversational tone of voice. He failed, but it was a good try.
Remus didn't bother responding.
Harry wished he could have kept the topic alive for even a moment, to ask if magic would even work for a painting, but now had never been a worse time.
"Ah," Sirius muttered with comprehension. So he was a convenient place then, good to know his real usefulness to Dumbledore.
Remus frowned with an extra layer of worry as something dark passed Sirius' face for what he would have thought Sirius would be happy about, but he hadn't the time to ask for now. The
closer they were to hearing Arthur was okay, the better.
"Who would be there that wasn't a coast clear?" James asked in confusion.
Remus suddenly shivered in fear, the thought striking him if this was an Order attack and Arthur wasn't the only one in danger. If perhaps somehow Death Eaters had gotten the location of The Burrow and Grimmauld place and others should now be fearing a snake attack. He refused to voice that aloud though, crossing his fingers he was being paranoid instead.
"I'd let her come, I need someone to vent on," James said irrationally.
Sirius managed some kind of his old, rebellious smile that he once would have used while being given a compliment.
Harry couldn't do it anymore. Too many things poured up inside of him as he dropped the book and pulled away from his mother, from all of them in anger as he shouted, "you lied! What the
bloody hell was that then! There's something wrong, in me that-" he cut off with a cry of pain, his mind fit to burst right out of his skull it was pulsing so hard.
"Harry, no-" Lily had tried to cut him off at once, she wouldn't believe that for a second, but then they all froze in fright as Harry remained frozen. For one heart stopping moment they feared he'd finally done it, said something he shouldn't have that pushed his memories in too fast. They didn't understand what he could have meant, but the stark look of pain on him had yet been rivaled.
His exhale was the only thing that let the others breath, his eyes still screwed up in pain, but for now he was at least still alive. Probably fearing permanent brain damage, Lily was now being more persistent than ever in forcing her only child to look at her, and when he finally did she nearly collapsed herself in relief. "Harry love, please, you must stop! We're going to get through this, but we can only do that if you live through it."
Her voice broke, but it was clear he'd gotten the message as shame crossed his face. He'd only been thinking about himself, what he could have done, but what Lily had said made him realize this was about much more. "I'm sorry." The whispered apology didn't begin to cover how he felt for doing this to them, but it was the only thing he managed to string together.
"You should be," she agreed, though there wasn't a sharp edge in her voice. "Scaring the piss out of us, do you want me to have a heart attack at my age?"
He wanted to apologize again, but seemed aware of what that would get him, so instead he simply met all of their eyes until he felt his breath return. There was no true ease to his shoulders as he went back for the book, but he also knew he could manage to keep going so long as they truly couldn't hate him for this, whatever this was.
As if Harry hadn't suffered enough in the span of these few minutes since Arthur's problem started, somehow Harry still managed to look worse because of this. His hands were shaking as he held them against his head, as if forcing it to remain intact. They couldn't understand why, what about Sirius shouting at Kreacher would cause something even worse than Arthur's condition in his head? Yet he couldn't do it, not moments after what he'd nearly done to himself. Remembering something even a second early would probably cause him to finally overload, no matter how important it was to his life, so he clung to the warmth around him and forced his eyes open, glaring daggers at the book for causing all this, and yet forcing through another page because it was the only kind of answer he could offer.
Even in the throes for his worry of Arthur, James still held plenty for his own friend. How was it possible Sirius sounded worse every time he was mentioned?
Harry couldn't help wincing again, thinking back to all of the accusatory looks, that's certainly what they'd felt like to him at the time. He knew he couldn't keep going on his own now more than ever, not having to see that imaged into anyone in here.
His mother's touch was growing painful again, with worry Harry understood for what she didn't know what was happening to him. He'd have given anything to be able to tell her, but his aching
head made it clear he wouldn't be doing that without paying the ultimate price. This way may be slower, but it was the only one he had.
"You're imagining that," Remus said at once. "I wouldn't believe for a second they'd think anymore of you than us, not as well as they know you."
Harry couldn't bring himself to even look at him hopefully, not after Percy, and yet something of this cut him worst of all. If the twins, if Ginny really thought he'd done this...
"Sirius!" Lily snapped at him in protest. She wouldn't have even stopped for a cloak if that had been her dad in the hospital, what did he think he was doing?
Sirius looked rather confused himself why he wasn't running out the door right behind them.
"Oh," they all muttered, just as shocked as they were impressed Sirius was thinking ahead like that. Yet it did nothing to improve anyone's mood, never enjoying the reminder of how much
Sirius had changed, even in his level headedness.
"Thanks Padfoot," Harry whispered, blinking slowly so as not to start crying on top of everything. It was still so new to him, to realize Sirius was still putting his well being above someone else's.
Sirius just hummed. His eyes still dark enough saying he may feel bad about making this call, but he didn't regret it for a second, not with Harry's safety on the line. If that meant forcing the Weasley kids to hate him instead of letting them tear off, putting his godson in danger, he'd do it again.
"They don't mean that," James said at once, but not as if he really thought it was true. He couldn't imagine how he'd be feeling, would he put someone else's life at risk to make it to Sirius at this time? It bothered him he wasn't really sure of that answer.
Remus was fidgeting in unease, still unsure of just where any of them would have been in this situation. What if tomorrow this happened to James, would Sirius still maintain this above being
there for him? Remus couldn't believe so, and it felt like an out of body experience to see Padfoot so much older, for the first time really adding up that Sirius was older than James would ever be.
Lily had been near tears for a while now, and that nearly did her in. How hardened Sirius had become, whereas now he looked offended by his own words. He'd have never said a thing like
that today, but clearly thirteen years away from his family put quite a dark shading on his world.
Remus never would have believed he'd have the urge to hit one of the twins before now, and yet that had certainly done it. Yet at the same time, it suddenly made him flash back to Molly as well,
her anger at Sirius and saying much the same hateful things to him. Coming from her had been the worst thing the woman could have done, and yet somehow Fred saying that finally made Remus
realize Molly had been speaking out of love that night. Sirius was still an outsider to this family that Harry wasn't. Didn't make his urge to hit him any less.
"You have far more restraint than I do," James seethed, only just managing to bottle up his yelling for Fred because his son still reading all of this in the most detached voice ever was far more important, and despite some kind of acceptance Harry had reached, he was still on the verge of a panic attack any second if he didn't get some kind of answer about Arthur, so getting to that was
much more important.
"Honestly, a brawl would have done them some good, let out some energy," James grumbled.
"Harry and Sirius against the twins though, do we really need another reason to visit the hospital," Lily scowled at him.
Harry frowned at the lot of them, he couldn't imagine having to pick a side for either of those fights and was quite glad it hadn't come to that.
James could only wish that Harry wasn't still thinking the same, but he couldn't force himself to ask either, because he couldn't decide which would be worse. If Harry continued blaming himself,
they had no way to comfort him it wasn't true other than their promise, and that just didn't seem to be enough for him this time. Even if he had accepted this though, then what had happened?!
"Of course it is Harry," Lily snapped at once, her voice louder than she meant it to be in order to make sure Harry understood this. "You saved his life by making sure someone found out so
quickly-"
Harry kept reading loudly around her, he couldn't yet wrap his brain around that enough to believe her.
Lily shook her head miserably, her hand switching from his shoulder to comb through his messy hair as she kept her perch on the arm of the sofa. The only comfort she had left was that he wasn't still trying to draw away from her touch, yet his constantly thinking this was bad enough James still wouldn't find a place to sit, shifting his weight restlessly and glancing at the book as if prepared to snatch it away from Harry any moment. They couldn't stand watching him like this, but they had no other options.
"No Harry," Sirius whispered, trying for comfort rather than force this time. "The, vision, whatever it was, just happens to be lingering worse than the others. You were still left feeling the effects of it, like you are now, but that doesn't mean it's still happening to you, do you feel like a snake right now?"
Faulty logic though it was, somehow Harry still managed a smile even for a second at Sirius, shaking his head in exasperation while he kept going.
Sirius fidgeted hard in agitation he hadn't done something, said something to Harry in his own time yet. Why the hell hadn't he pulled his godson aside, to ask if he was okay? Was he really just sitting there moping while these poor kids were going out of their mind with worry? Surely he was still aware enough to at least offer up something?
Harry shivered again at the end of the note, the book more in danger of nearly slipping out of his grasp again every second because he couldn't make it stop. He just wanted all of this to stop.
Remus glanced to Sirius in concern for the agitated noise he made, saw Sirius was grinding his teeth in frustration and Remus realized he was just as frustrated as Harry at his inability to do anything helpful, now and then.
"Oh thank Merlin!" Lily breathed, finally sagging in some kind of relief. Harry looked so elated at the news he nearly fell off his seat. Finally he could breathe again, something he was sure he hadn't done since the start of that dream. It did not make the events more bearable, made none of his fears escape about his hand in it, but he still clung tight to the knowledge he had not been a hand, or fang, in someone's death.
Harry shivered hardest of all, a walk over the grave feeling trying to restrict his lungs and some horrifying image floating just behind his conscience, ready to pounce the moment he let his guard down. He couldn't though, not now. So Kreacher had ignored Sirius, surely that wasn't unheard of for the elf who hated his master. He glanced at the others, but none of them had even so much as blinked at this, which convinced him enough to go on, not knowing they just hadn't thought of it odd for one second in their relief of the news.
Harry stuttered in a new kind of surprise, but beside him his mum hummed softly, her nails not even hesitating as she kept messing with his hair. "Now how can you still think you'd done this?" She demanded, the love in her voice still unmistakable to Harry's shock. "Surely if this woman thought for a second you had this would not be her response. We can't all be wrong about this."
He still sat there, flabbergasted for a moment as he tried to understand how Mrs. Weasley, how all of them could be so sure of this?
"What does this have to do with Sturgis?" James' face puckered with confusion.
"He was at the Ministry when he shouldn't be," Lily reminded, frowning at him in confusion for how he'd forgotten this fact.
"Yes," he agreed, "but Arthur works there. I can't imagine how far fetched it would be for this to have happened there, but this wasn't at the Ministry. I thought this had to do with whatever the Order was guarding."
Lily blinked in realization that the two indeed did not line up with what had been on Molly's mind.
That left them all stumped for a moment, but one worried glance at Harry frowning as he tried to understand as well put them a bit back into panicky, they didn't want Harry thinking about
anything he shouldn't be so Remus quickly offered, "Molly's a worry wart, we all know that, she was probably just drawing a line where one wasn't needed, fearing Arthur would get in trouble for this job like Sturgis did for some other Order job."
Harry's frown didn't quite vanish, because Harry just knew his gut was telling him Remus was entirely wrong on that, but for now he wasn't going to harp on it. No matter how important this
was, and he could feel deep in his soul it was of the utmost important to his life, this matter could wait just a while longer until his head stopped aching so much from his experience today.
"Miracles do happen," Lily shook her head fondly at these two finally finding some common ground in helping out these kids.
Sirius couldn't help a little keening noise of worry. He didn't like it took Harry pulling him aside, to say what he was sure was coming. He should have been the one to do this for Harry. He
wouldn't have forced him to talk to him, but even giving his pup the option would have made him feel more useful than cooking breakfast!
Sirius snarled in outrage, startling the others badly, as they'd still been focused on Harry and worried he'd have a relapse into believing this to be true all over again.
"What is wrong with me! That is not the first thing I should have said! You didn't do it Harry, I know you didn't!"
Harry watched Sirius with honest concern. Sirius looked as ready to hit his breaking point as Harry just had, his odd behavior finally pushing his godfather to his own outrage.
"Padfoot," James said so quietly it would have been impossible for him to hear even right next to him. James cleared his throat hard and said with more force, "Sirius, I know this is driving you crazy, but I don't blame you for that being your first question. If something was wrong with Harry, then the first person you'd ask is Dumbledore, I do get that."
"But why would I skip right to that!" He groaned, burying his face in his fingers. "Am I really more concerned with whatever the Order's doing than his well being?"
"No!"
The snap came from Harry of all people, who went cross eyed with pain, but shook his head quickly while waving them off and muttering, "I know, I swear I'm not remembering anything, I just know! Sirius knows something, and him asking that will make sense when we do too."
Sirius did not look convinced, but he kept himself pulled together from the force of Harry's confidence in this. Harry blinked in surprise as he realized this, some tiny part of his own resolve strengthened by the smallest amount as he realized he could do the same. If Sirius could just believe him on word like that, he should be able to do the same about the snake attack.
Sirius still made a guttural noise of anger, as of now unable to believe any explanation they'd find out would excuse him of just leaving Harry at a time like this. He couldn't look James in the face, he felt as ashamed of his life as Harry and wanted to walk out of the room as a failure to his godson for not being of any help to anyone! Yet the moment the thought crossed his mind, Harry finally leaned back into him. Instead of pulling away as he'd been doing since his fear of some snake, he pressed his knee beside his and kept going with the most calm he'd yet gathered in this chapter. Sirius forced himself to take comfort than even Harry just confiding in him had made him feel better, even if his own response hadn't been up to par.
James couldn't help a violent snort that wasn't really humorous at all as he looked at Harry for that one. "Unless you somehow achieved becoming an animagus without us knowing, or you are far
more advanced in Transfiguration than we realized, that one is impossible prongslet."
Harry still felt an itch under his skin, some deep part of him he couldn't understand that didn't make this feel so outlandish, but still he met his eyes desperately for some way out that didn't leave him breathless with fear. James still met his eyes, and if that was the only reassurance Harry could get for now, he'd take it with all the hope he had.
"A magical feat in itself," Sirius shook his head at the odd pair, his thoughts far more centered around where Remus was. He didn't like that he may be so out of touch he hadn't even gotten the message yet.
Harry was fidgeting in agitation again, this being the last thing he wanted to further discuss. He'd love to simply skip to the end of this chapter already, he'd gotten his answer and was now convinced Mr. Weasley did survive, now he didn't want anymore to do with this topic.
"Not that I'm aware," James said with force brightness that sounded like a bad Floo connection. "Unless Lily's been hiding something from me."
She gave him an exasperated look even as she couldn't help a genuine smile for her husband. There was that love of her life still trying to make others smile.
"Well I guess that's better than worried, so she's doing some good," Remus tried in vain for a smile.
Harry was twitching in unease again, thinking it would be even more useful if he could somehow influence it for good, to have forced the snake to not attack. Until then he couldn't find it very helpful at all, especially if the side effects would continue leaving him convinced he'd done these things. He still hadn't entirely ruled that out no matter what those around him said.
"I'm sure that looks rather frightening to Muggles," Lily murmured, knowing she'd have likely thought him a mad bomber with that description.
"Better than what he'd protect them from," Sirius shrugged.
Harry just paused as he always did, looking to them with happiness that they could still find such mundane things to comment on, it really was the best part of his continuing.
James frowned at the idea, he'd never been. When his parents had become ill they'd have a nurse visiting his place to tend to them, but he couldn't imagine his folks blending in with their disease through a Muggle inhabited area. He supposed they could have charmed themselves, but the amount of energy that would have taken on top of them being sick still seemed odd to him. He
knew that you could Floo there in case of emergency though, so perhaps that was the more likely option if it was too severe, like they most likely had done for Arthur.
Sirius felt only a semi-hysterical giggle for Harry's lack of faith in magic persisting even at this age.
"Oh yes, that was the important part," Remus managed an almost natural chuckle that time to cover his newly strained smile. Sirius gave him a concerned look for that, but Remus gave no
indication he was going to elaborate.
"One of these days that'll stop surprising you," Lily told him fondly.
"Though hopefully none soon," James continued to watch the surprise on Harry's face with amusement. He never thought he could smile again after what he'd just watched Harry go through,
but finally here was something he'd never get tired of seeing, his sons wonder at magic he'd never stopped to feel.
"How on earth do they just walk past muggles to talk to a dummy?" Harry asked, forcing far more bemusement into him than he really felt. He could not just sit around thinking about his attack without possibly causing himself another fit, so thinking about anything else would have to be a must for now.
James explained his idea of what he'd been thinking earlier, and Harry finally looked interested in this topic enough that when he turned back to the book, he actually didn't look like he was reading a horror story.
Lily spluttered in concern for that, demanding, "just what has Ron been told about that?"
"Never heard of them," James said honestly.
"They're, well, Muggle Healers," Lily struggled to think of a better way to explain that wouldn't confuse him about medicine he'd have no clue about.
James looked satisfied enough with the answer though, while Harry actually giggled for a moment for the exchange between them before telling his mum, "I've never mentioned them, but maybe Hermione said something once that gave him the wrong impression."
Feeling more angry at Dumbledore than ever, Lily wanted to yank that portrait down and shove it in the nearest bin for someone still managing to find a way to spy on her son.
"I can see how kind and helpful she'll be already," Sirius said with interest. Maybe he should get into nursing if he could talk to people like that.
Remus rolled his eyes, sadly knowing exactly where Sirius' thoughts were by that comment alone.
"Why on earth would you come in for uncontrollable giggling?" James happily interrupted. "I'd just ask where I can get that?"
Lily brushed her hand one more time over her son lovingly, but finally he seemed at peace enough that her hovering over him wasn't strictly necessary, so she went over and gave James a light swat for the crack.
"Delighted isn't the word I'd use," Remus said darkly under his breath, having dealt with quite a few nurses in his youth, and he wouldn't have classified a single one of them kind or helpful when tending his wounds.
Harry felt an odd buzzing on the edge of his mind, some warning for a name he had no clue of. Looking around he didn't see anyone who would either, so he had not one thing helpful to link
this together.
"Bummer, I feel like that would have been an interesting story," James said conversationally.
"Wasn't that the Quidditch player eaten by a chimera?" James asked in surprise.
"That's probably why she got a ward for dangerous named after her," Lily muttered.
Sirius snorted violently while chancing a grin at Remus, who responded with such a scowl at Sirius he didn't dare go through with his joke.
The four who weren't reading exchanged a wordless look. It seemed impossible Harry didn't realize by now he'd been included in that family first comment.
Sirius was alternately frowning from the book to Remus now, stumped and therefore very agitated he couldn't put together what had Moony so bothered about this place, it was clear enough to him he recognized the set up, but when had he ever been here?
"Everyone looks peaky in a hospital," Lily muttered with an anxious glance at Remus. Only three days after a full moon and he still looked rather worn himself no matter how much Lily tried to give him extra at meals. She imagined he'd look even worse laid out in a hospital bed rather than comfortably sitting next to his friend.
"I do adore Arthur's spirit," James chuckled, happily cheering on the man making those around him feel better while he was clearly still ill.
Harry had to force himself not to reach up and rub at his teeth, to still convince himself they would not extend into those very fangs that had done so much damage.
Remus had to force himself not to demand of no one in here what Nagini was. He'd been fascinated by the idea of her since he'd first heard of her, though would happily study a severed head for what it had done to Arthur, not all creatures needed to be alive to be studied.
Remus winced so hard Sirius was now quite glad he'd stopped himself mocking that sign, which he now realized Remus had probably seen abundantly in his childhood. If in fact he'd been in that very same ward when all this was happening to him before he went to Hogwarts, the memories that were probably going through Moony's mind right now because of this.
He glanced anxiously at him but Remus was forcing his face to remain fixed of any emotion, he wouldn't let his friends see how much the idea of going back to that place bothered him. He wasn't a little kid anymore.
"Hey!" James snapped in outrage, and he was just starting to like her again.
"Oh stop, the lot of you," Remus said in exasperation before anyone could get started. "You know full well that's how normal people react to finding out that news."
"Are you insinuating we're not normal?" Lily mock frowned at him, while really she was watching him steadily to see how much that really bothered him. A lot more than he would admit, she could tell that much.
"I know none of you are," he said testily, waving Harry on impatiently, knowing there weren't words for how grateful he was for the truth of that.
Remus looked half aghast half mildly amused at such a kind hearted way to put that, wondering just how much he put up in front of the Order for Arthur to think such a thing. While James and Sirius had known him for seven years and wouldn't even think something so candid after watching him adjust to daily life even after all these years, month after month.
Harry wondered if he was supposed to laugh or not, took one glance at Remus, and most definitely decided not.
"So Hagrid isn't the only one out there insane enough to do that," Remus said forcefully, in an oh so subtle attempt to change the subject.
"Thankfully he at least has never suffered that bad because of it," Lily murmured with worry for the poor woman. Not telling what had bit her could be very dangerous while they treated her. She was risking more than her leg by not telling.
Harry fidgeted with unease for that though, he just couldn't believe Arthur had fallen asleep on the job like that, something else must be going on there.
Harry took a long moment to just stare at what Mr. Weasley had almost said, and then glanced up to find the other's jaw open with surprise.
"It, did happen, inside, the Ministry," Lily put together slowly.
"But that's insane, I mean, that's means-" James struggled to get out a coherent sentence.
"The thing the Order's guarding is inside the Ministry," Sirius finished for him breathlessly.
"What other choice is there?" Remus' face was scrunched up as he tried to think of an alternative, because this made no sense. "Both Molly and now Arthur's comments, and now Podmore's
mission of getting onto the Ministry's bad side as well, all three of these together can't really be read much any other way. Yet what-"
"But what though!" Harry was practically bursting with excitement as much as fear. "What's the Ministry got that Voldemort wants? What-"
"Deep breaths Harry," Sirius quickly went to patting Harry on the shoulder, to rein him in. "We still don't even know that we're right."
Harry did though, he could feel it. They had put this together, even just the smallest part. There was some other connection to, a big one he was missing, that had something to do with his
dream...but now the others were looking at him almost anxiously, clearly wanting him to go on far more than sit around and let him think about something that could hurt him again so soon after things had gone back to whatever semblance of normal this was. Harry couldn't fight them, he still wanted to be done with this too much, to have a moment to consider other more serious problems, and he couldn't do that with them watching him.
James began snickering uncontrollably that Fred had essentially finished his father's sentence.
"More like ever," Sirius sighed for the poor twins, and Harry, and by extension them, never getting to know anything,
Harry frowned severely at that, something about this little bit rubbing him the wrong way he couldn't quite place his finger on, but it had something to do with one of his problems back at school...
"Credit for determination," Remus gave a breathy laugh, something he never thought he'd manage while in mention of that place, but the twins weren't holding up to the anger they'd caused against Sirius earlier.
They all laughed lightly for Arthur's never ending enthusiasm. Lily thinking back to that sign at the beginning, and if she was remembering correctly, they may very well be on the same floor as Arthur, depending on if those doorknobs had classified as 'bites' or the fourth if they counted as an unfixable jinx.
All five of them were laughing freely now, unbelievably a calm air finally wafting back through the room. They'd never have believed the twins could do it, but they had managed to make all of them laugh again after something so traumatic to Harry. All because they refused to listen to their mother.
"Yes!" Sirius cheered. "Alright you two, no knocking of Fred now, he's earned back his jab at me for this!"
James and Remus exchanged a calculating look as they honestly considered this, but if Sirius forgave him then they'd be willing to let slide with a mild smack upside the head now.
"That logic," Lily said drolly as she rolled her eyes while all boys grinned in agreement.
Lily's eyes flashed with her own healthy amount of venom, near foaming at the mouth with anger, "what's Dumbledore's right to spread that around! If he can't even be bothered to explain to Harry how this could be happening, how dare he go telling the rest of the Order this!"
"Trust me Lily, I'd love to let you give him a piece of your mind," James promised, making no move to stop her, knowing it would be futile. "The man hasn't actually done it to him yet though, it may be just a touch preemptive to murder him for this now."
Lily glowered at him for a moment before crossing her arms, which was all the agreement she could offer for now.
James looked as outraged as Lily just had. Moody had been his role model these past few months in the Order, someone to look to to understand how to handle the war around him. Now he was
more sure than ever he wanted to deck Alastor for saying that about his son.
Harry's eyes went so wide they nearly fell out of his head, only managing to finish the last line before the shock set in.
"I-" his voice broke, and then failed. He kept gazing at the print like his death sentence, clearly convinced now more than ever of his past.
"Harry no," Sirius groaned, fighting back the urge to rip that thing to shreds for doing this to him after they'd just been getting through to him how impossible that was.
Harry didn't want to listen, he couldn't even look him in the face as he thrust the book away, "just keep going, please. Mr. Weasley's still in the hospital and-"
"Arthur is fine," Lily insisted, taking the book away and trying to look him in the face, as he childishly turned his face away again. "He's going to make it. He's healthy and alive and you need to take a break. Everything's going to be okay, you're going to make it through this. We're going to understand what really happened, I know you will. I can't stand you keep thinking like that, a couple hours away from this will do you some good."
Harry looked pleadingly with her, finally meeting her eyes for one second, but he had no more heart to argue. He got to his feet and left the room, Lily trying to go after him, she hadn't wanted him to just leave like that, but James caught her and whispered, "you said it yourself dear, give him a moment." He no more wanted to himself than to hold Lily back, but if they kept dogging Harry and forcing themselves to be around him, they may lose his trust in another way.
It took all of her self control to give him fifteen minutes before she went after him, but when she knocked and there was no answer, she poked her head in and saw him passed out asleep. She
closed her eyes and let a tear fall for her child, before leaving him in whatever peace he could find in his dreams, at least in this timeline.
Harry felt bad for deceiving his mother, but he just couldn't stand to be in the same room with them, he was honestly considering just leaving. What had he done for them since his time here but make them miserable, just as he'd always done to the Dursley's life. He felt like a plague, everywhere he went someone always paid for it. Even the Weasley's had befallen his curse, Ginny had been taken into the Chamber because of him, Arthur and Molly only seemed to be in the Order because of him and look where that landed them. He even got another sting from his memories yet returned, a promise this was not the last time their family would be in danger because of being around him, just associating with him.
If he simply vanished now, away from this new family he'd almost had, could he save them?
Surely if he left for good they'd be free of this place, his very presence was even holding them prisoner, how they didn't already hate him for this he had no answer for. He could kill Pettigrew himself and they'd stay safe. He was even confident, in the recesses of his mind, he could find a way to kill Voldemort. He'd take the books with him to, to find out these answers that were ruining his family's life, then they'd never have to suffer anymore because of him...
He was too strung together, from worry, pain, and fear to actually feel the exhaustion working it's way past his plans.
His body continued to tremble as the flashes of light around him, gold, green, and red all blurred together and always that echoing whisper he had to run, to get Cedric's body back while
Voldemort whispered a promise for his death.
"Harry?"
It all went black, and that morphed into a door in a long dark corridor. He had to hurry, otherwise he'd die-
"Harry-"
"Sirius!"
He jolted upright in bed, clinging at once to the person he could feel bent over him, but was startled to recognize another voice saying, "alright, I'll go get him. Come on, he's just downstairs-"
"No," Harry quickly said, shaking his head and forcing himself to blink around the room and look instead into his dad's pale face. His grip didn't lessen one bit as he said more quietly but with just as much force, "no, that's alright. Just a bad dream I'm sure, I-" he broke off and rubbed furiously at his sweat soaked cheek, his other hand still hooked onto his dad who kept rubbing a comforting hand mussing up his hair. It was only as his breaths returned to normal did he realize how childish
the whole thing would look, and he dropped his own hand, trying to straighten himself up more and glancing at him sheepishly. "Sorry I woke you up," he murmured, noting he was now in night
things and how much time must have passed.
"Don't be," James said at once, watching Harry in surprise that's what had come out. "After everything you've been through, honestly it's a wonder you get any sleep."
Harry would not be comforted as chills continued all along him, his voice kept coming out quiet and more intense all the time, "it's just that dream about Mr. Weasley, there's something even
worse about to happen, and it's about that, gah if only I could rememb-"
"Stop," James insisted, catching Harry's shoulders and waiting for them to meet eyes. He sat quickly on the edge of his bed, forcing Harry to keep eye contact as he saw him start to glance
away again. "Please, you're going to hurt yourself for something that-"
"Don't tell me it'll all work out!" Harry snapped, his eyes shining too bright now. "I wish you'd all stop saying it was okay just because I live, that doesn't make it okay!"
James closed his mouth, almost ashamed by what he'd been fixing to say now because of Harry's sharp words, and instead just pulled his son into a hug. He ignored how his shoulder continued
growing more wet, wouldn't bother with any more trivial promises, he just silently promised by refusing to move away he wouldn't leave Harry alone with this.
HPPHPHPHPHP
*My full idea of this scenario is possibly Malfoy cursing him as he left for the day, like we know he did before in casting the Imperius curse on someone randomly there and catching Sturgis.
Arthur fell, the invisibility cloak partially slipped off, and rather than killing him and leaving a body on top of letting Nagini sneak in, he simply let the snake in and intended to dispose of Arthur after he got the Prophecy. If he'd done all this before he'd gotten it, if he'd been interrupted, it would have been harder to play off a dead body rather than an unconscious one. Instead, after Nagini bit him, Malfoy vamoused with her as a failed plan. Not a particularly flawless plan, but I just can't imagine Arthur falling asleep on the job like that.
** This always fascinated me. I picked this line apart for ages upon my first reading of the book to understand what that meant, and I'm still not convinced I do understand it. What even is that instrument?! Does it somehow confirm that Harry is part of Voldemort's soul? Does it really say Harry's story is true and Voldemort and Harry were temporarily inside Nagini? Is it symbolic of Voldemort being on the move? Is it agreeing that Harry and Voldemort are part of the same whole? Is it just something to make us ask more questions we'll never get the answer to!? Ahem, sorry if that started to feel a tad rantish.
***Oh boy am I going to have some stuff to say about this moment in book seven!
****Did you realize if you put those words on a sign, they would read:
Creature Induced Injuries
Dangerous
Dai Llewellyn Ward
Serious Bites
Take the first word of each line: "Creature Dangerous Dai Serious"? Or - Kreacher Dangerous Die Sirius. Got to love JK's INSANE amount of attention to these things.
This is probably one of the longer author's notes I have, still not sorry, I love pointing these things out. Have a good day my lovely souls!
