Mapleshade continued on through the rest of newleaf living in the barn, sometimes making quick small talk with Myler but never giving it a single thought. Her terrible habit of eating until she felt like throwing up stopped eventually, but only because greenleaf brought a harsher feeling upon her. It truly came out of nowhere, and she had no will to fight it.

No longer did she get the occasional urge to sob her grief; instead, it was as if her mind had completely given up on trying to rid her of her misery. She would lie about, not even moving from her nest for hours at a time after she awoke. When she would finally get up, she could hardly even bring herself to hunt.

Myler eventually began hunting for her, not able to watch her starve, and her pride was too weak to refuse. His kindness never wavered, even when she would get emotional and snap at him. He only saw a cat in desperate need of help and care, despite her mysteriousness at her past or what had caused these feelings.

One day when it was particularly hot, Myler awoke Mapleshade with a proposal. "Whenever it gets really hot, I go down to the Twoleg nest and they let me in. It's really cool inside of there. I was just about to go, and I was wondering if you wanted to come too?"

Mapleshade huffed. "I'll pass."

"But your coat is so much thicker than mine! If I'm hot, I can't imagine how you are. You must be burning up!"

Mapleshade didn't want to admit how accurate his thoughts were. "I'm not comfortable going in some Twoleg nest," she meowed instead.

"They're harmless, I promise," Myler mewed. "They don't have any dogs or kittypets, either. Please? I would hate to think of you suffering here."

She sighed. "Fine, I'll come. But only because you keep bothering me."

Mapleshade forced herself to her paws and followed Myler outside of the barn and to a nest not far away. A Twoleg was outside, scraping up dirt from the ground with a small item it held in a paw. Her limbs stiffened at the sight of it, and she stopped walking.

"He won't hurt you!" Myler assured her. "He's just putting plants in the ground. Twolegs must like the look of them. Later on, he and the female will come out and tend to their bigger plants and the animals. You must see them do it sometime, right?"

In reality, Mapleshade never did; she always stayed far away from the fenced-up creatures, and she never left the barn. "Why do they let us stay in the barn?" she asked, not wanting to seem as curious as she felt.

"We take care of the mice. Mice like barns. In fact, they lured me in the barn with catnip when I started roaming around. I'm like a kittypet, I guess."

"So what's that make me?" Mapleshade cringed, ignoring the word she didn't know the meaning of.

"A barn cat, like me. Barn cats are basically loners and kittypets mixed together. We hunt for our own food and we don't live with Twolegs, but we also serve them some sort of purpose."

Her curiosity satisfied, Mapleshade tried willing some sort of courage to go up and try to get into the nest. Instead, Myler led the way. She followed quickly after, but stayed back a short distance as he mewed wordlessly at the Twoleg and rubbed against a foreleg.

The Twoleg got up, setting the small object down, and went up to the "door." He twisted a piece of it and pulled it open, watching them expectantly. Myler sauntered confidently in. Mapleshade followed more cautiously and quickly, sticking close to the tom. Despite her disgust at his lifestyle, she trusted him more than any Twoleg.

Cold air hit them immediately, and Mapleshade sighed with relief as she felt it weave in-between her long fur. She looked back at the now-closed door, realizing what she was doing. It filled her with panic, but she felt no motivation to respond to it. It simply wormed in her chest, causing a strange sensation.

There was another Twoleg inside, apparently the female. She had a head of short, curly silver fur and a wrinkled face, much like the male. She saw them, made an o shape with her mouth, and dove into a bag of pellets. She shoved a round object into it and sat it on the ground, now full of the kittypet food.

Myler ran to the object and took a few bites. "Mm. This is the good stuff, Mapleshade. There are some bad kinds of kibble, but this one is… mm…" He took a couple more and licked his lips.

Mapleshade didn't hide her disgust. "That's kittypet food!"

"It tastes good," Myler mewed with a shrug. "Try it."

"No, it's disgusting!"

"Have you ever tried it?"

"Definitely not."

"Try it then," he repeated. "Only a bite. Can't know if you hate it if you've never tasted it."

Mapleshade groaned and padded over to the rounded surface. She stuck her muzzle in and took a few pieces of kibble in her mouth, then began to chew. It tasted like many types of meat she wasn't aware of, but it wasn't entirely unpleasant. Just… unfamiliar.

"I don't know. It's… kittypet food. It isn't for a warrior."

Myler raised a brow. "And a warrior is…?"

"A Clan cat!" she growled.

"So what if it isn't for a warrior? You aren't one anymore. You're a barn cat."

Mapleshade frowned, loneliness washing over her very suddenly. She didn't respond, deciding to change the subject. "So what do we do now? How long are we staying?"

"I normally stay the entire day, which is why she put food out for us," Myler replied, then his eyes brightened. "Ooh! Maybe she has some catnip."

"Catnip?" There was the strange name again. "What's that?"

"It's this little leaf plant that makes you feel good. It smells really nice too. They get it for me sometimes."

The description brought a familiar image to her mind. "Catmint?" she mewed. "That's what the Clans call it. We use it to cure greencough."

"Oh, I know greencough!" Myler meowed, understanding. "My family's group's healer used it to cure greencough too, but we called it catwort. The more kittypet term for it is catnip, and I use it 'cause I generally like that name more than catwort."

Myler abandoned the conversation and ran up to the female Twoleg, who was now sitting on a soft surface with a long piece for leaning back. He meowed loudly and jumped up onto her hind legs, which rested on the floor. She seemed to know exactly what he was after, since she shoved him off and walked into another part of the nest.

When she returned, she brought back a small pile of shredded catmint leaves that she held in her paw. She tossed it to the ground. Myler pounced on them, rubbing himself on the floor. Mapleshade had never had catmint before, and she was all too curious to know what the experience was like.

Mapleshade ran over and sniffed a patch that Myler hadn't touched. She decided to try what he was doing, and she shoved her muzzle into the floor and inhaled deeply. Within a few moments, she began to realize why Myler was so excited about getting it. She found herself rolling around like she'd seen him doing, her tail lashing excitedly.

However, Myler had since ceased rolling and sniffing and had retired to the female Twoleg's side on the soft surface. He adopted a sleepy yet happy look, purring contentedly. He allowed her to rub her paw across his back, and even his vulnerable stomach. Bits of catmint were caught in his short fur.

Whatever his pelt didn't pick up, Mapleshade's did. She began dashing around, feeling her constant grief and anguish wash away. The sudden burst of energy was the only thing on her mind. All she wanted to do was run and bat at anything she could get to. Soon, she pounced on Myler.

Myler didn't respond to her playful acts to lure him into a play-fight. He simply smiled. "Lay back, Mapleshade. I don't know how you have so much energy…"

"You don't?" she laughed breathlessly, bouncing on her paws. "This is making me really feel alive! I haven't felt like this since my apprenticeship."

"I have no idea what that is," he chuckled, mostly at her behavior.

"Since I was young. Like, half-grown?" She couldn't stay in one place any longer. She resumed her running and jumping.

All too soon, Mapleshade began to feel the effects of the catmint wearing off. She stopped running and just sat on the floor, extremely disappointed. She missed the carefree, happy feeling it gave her. Instead, she was stuck again with the thought of Petalwhisker's death and many other things.

Myler hopped down and padded to her. "Man, you acted weird. I've never behaved like that with catnip."

Mapleshade shrugged. "Does it matter?" she asked. "You just laid there, letting that Twoleg touch you."

"It felt nice. I was all relaxed and chill. You were running around like a kit!"

Mapleshade frowned. She didn't feel like saying anything else.

Myler dropped his smile. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"It has nothing to do with you. Mind your own business."

"I just want to help. I've been through some stuff, and I can tell you are too. I can be a listener, you know. Help you out maybe? Talking can be-"

"You know what?" Mapleshade hissed. "Fine, I'll tell you. My son left the Clan to be with an enemy warrior, my daughter was killed by her own father, and I have nothing to live for! What's worse, now I'm sitting in a Twoleg nest with some half-kittypet half-loner cat who won't leave me alone."

Myler looked hurt. "I'm sorry for your loss. I lost a littermate back when I still lived in my parents' group. I know how it feels to look forward to seeing someone after you wake up, only to discover they... died from some genetic disease that has no cure." He took on a disoriented expression, and it almost seemed like he wanted to cry.

Mapleshade suddenly felt guilty. "I'm sorry for your loss as well," she mewed quietly. "I guess we've both known hurt. I shouldn't have been so rude." Only now did she realize, in truth, that Myler was a completely separate cat who had a past and personality just like any warrior. His vulnerability had shown her how cruel she'd been.

Myler smiled gently, but his eyes didn't hide his feelings. "No, it's okay. My fault, really. I shouldn't have made your problems about myself. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," she told him.

"I know… my father would always tell me I apologize too much. Sorry." He realized what he said, and opened his mouth as he tried to find something else to say instead. He shut it after coming up with nothing.

"Maybe you aren't so bad," Mapleshade meowed. "I just thought you were some kittypet."

"Nope! Just a barn cat who wants to help. I'm here if you want to talk about your problems. If I may ask, what was your daughter's name?"

"Petalwhisker," she replied. "She wasn't gentle as a petal, though! She had a bite to her like no other cat I've known. Well, maybe her mate. He isn't pleasant at all."

"And why's that?" Myler tucked his paws underneath him.

"He, like, hates she-cats or something. Thinks they're only good for his benefit. What crowfood he is."

"He sounds awful," Myler agreed. "What about your son? The one that left?"

"His name's Larchfang. He's so sweet. When he was a kit, he could always bring me feathers from birds off the fresh-kill pile. He would always say, 'These are for you, Ma. I know you like feathers.' I've never liked feathers; they always make my nests too warm. But I knew he did, so I would always take them and say, 'Thank you, Larchy. I do love feathers.'"

"Would you put them in your nest?"

"I would! I shared it with him and his littermates, so he would be plenty comfortable. I have another son, Patchberry, who's one of our medicine cats."

"And what's a medicine cat?"

"A healer. Like the one your old group has."

"Oh! Is he good?"

"Very. He's gifted with the ability to heal. He's a lot gentler and nicer than his former mentor, Ravenwing. Now Ravenwing is an odd one. Doesn't even seem like he enjoys his job. Or maybe he just hates me specifically." The latter was more accurate, she knew.

As she poured out meaningless stories of her old life, Mapleshade realized how loose she'd let herself get. Myler listened with true interest and curiosity, and he would respond with questions about specific cats or parts of the Clan's lifestyle. She would answer them mindlessly, then move on.

Mapleshade realized her mind no longer cared if she was speaking about such important things to who was basically a stranger. She hardly paid attention to Myler himself, other than answering questions. Instead, she focused on the memories and everything she'd left behind. Soon, she found herself spilling her Appledusk secret while going off on a tangent.

Myler still didn't realize how serious forbidden relationships were, so he simply seemed to take it as a bad break-up when it was truly so much more. He asked many questions, mostly relating to how exactly RiverClan was different from ThunderClan. He was surprised to hear that they weren't all too different, instead separated by Clan tradition.

"Wait," he mewed. "Why would it be forbidden when you're just in two identical groups?"

"Because RiverClan, especially, is our sworn enemy," Mapleshade meowed. "It wasn't officially a war when I last was around, but it could be now. Tensions between us and them are stronger than ever, all because RiverClan has a battle-hungry and territory-stingy leader."

"Then why didn't you join RiverClan?"

"I thought about it, but I ended up staying. I couldn't bring myself to leave ThunderClan."

"Oh, right!" Myler meowed, seeming to remember something. "You must've not wanted to leave your parents and littermates. I can remember that struggle. You haven't spoken about them yet."

Mapleshade frowned. "There's none for me to speak of, Myler." She wasn't all too comfortable to share anything else regarding that, so she moved on. "It was after… Petalwhisker's death by Appledusk that I fled. Well, after her vigil. I don't exactly remember whether I stayed for a bit or not, but I walked as far as I could."

"And now you're here."

"Yes. I hope you now know enough about me, intrusive stranger, for me to have my reasons for whatever I do."

Myler nodded. "I understand completely. You didn't have to tell me so much, though. I thought you distrusted me, in all honesty."

"I do!"

"But you got so personal with your stories. I didn't think you would've done so if you didn't trust me."

Mapleshade flicked an ear. "Well, I just… forgot you were here, is all." Not a complete lie, but also not a complete truth.

Myler nodded again. "Is there anything else that you want me to know?" he asked lightly. His tone made it clear he was open to hearing more, but also that he wouldn't push if she refused.

Mapleshade shook her head, replying with, "No. I don't think you're in need of more personal detail about me."

"Alright. Now let's go raid the upstairs. They have a bag of treats hidden that I can sometimes get into, depending on the location. Do you want to come?"

Mapleshade was glad for the invitation, since it meant they were no longer being serious. "Sure," she mewed, shrugging. "Might not eat 'em, but I'd hate to be alone in this dangerous place."

"A Twoleg's den isn't dangerous, Maple," Myler assured her. "Just unfamiliar to you."

Mapleshade found the nickname strange, but not completely awful. It reminded her of the nicknames she'd give to her kits. "Well, let's just go. I'll be the judge of how dangerous it is."

Myler led the way, and Mapleshade followed him up about a dozen steps. The rest of the day went by fine, and when nightfall arrived was when they ventured back to the barn.

They hunted separately, but Mapleshade found herself eating alongside him. She groomed herself and clambered up to her nest after the chatter-filled meal. It was surprisingly easy to get to sleep that night, and it felt much more deserved than usual.

In her dreams, however, returned her grief. All her subconscious could come up with were rehashings of Petalwhisker's death. She awoke many times during the night, the nightmares haunting her. It seemed that no matter how good of a day she had, she still hadn't let go of what made her leave.