Ugh, I'm still tired, but I've been resting for the past six hours. It's the middle of the night, meaning most people won't be in my way, so... With a groan, I got off of my ass and teleported to my two buried scrolls.

Over the two buried scrolls sat a log with a message carved into the park.

I squinted my eyes at the message and mumbled, "Duckass kissing your sis-" I shoved the log with a small yell, forcing it a few meters away. With a aloud huff, I carefully dug the scrolls up, shoved them into my back pouch, and then teleported to the seal my kage bunshin had previously made on a tree right next to the tower.

Hey, jump through a window.

I narrowed my eyes for a moment, honestly debating if I should jump through the window. I eventually shrugged and Tarzan-ed my ass through a window on a higher-up floor, because why not? "I made it!"

The people in the room all looked over at me as several ANBU members brought out weapons and aimed them towards certain kill spots.

"Well... This is awkward..." I noted aloud as I put my hands up in mock surrender.

Hokage-sama motioned for the ANBU members to back down. "Ah, Ren. I was wondering when you'd-"

"I have several not-nice words for you, old man!" I interrupted as I pointed at the Hokage's face. "Who the fuck let's an S-Rank pedophile-acting motherfucking criminal into their village?! Do your guards not understand their damn jobs?!"

The door suddenly burst open as Anko and a few others entered the room.

"We heard the window crash and screaming! What's-" Anko cut herself off before pointing at me. "How did you get up here?! We have people at every entrance waiting for you!"

I hesitantly pointed my thumb over my shoulder at the broken window.

"Who breaks through a window to get into a place to clearly has doors?!" She yelled at me, making me raise a brow.

"Well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" I asked, earning a sharp glare. I then brushed her worry off and sat down on the table in room. "I'm sorry, but, you see, I've had a very stressful day. Some snake-like dickhead decided to sneak into the chunin exams, tried to kill me, did a weird jutsu to one of my teammates-"

I cut myself off before looking at Hokage-sama. "Uzumaki Naruto... He's the host of the Kyuubi, right? The one the attacked our village twelve years ago? You guys should probably do something about the large-ass seal because Orochimaru did something to it."

I then cleared my throat and continued on with my original pity-party. "Anyway, Orochimaru also did something the Uchiha Sasuke - something about giving power and sharingans being better than Itachi's even though everyone here knows that Itachi's sharingan is significantly more dangerous than Sasuke's."

"Did he bite Sasuke?" Anko asked as she slammed her hands onto the other side of the table.

I gave a small shrug. "No clue. I passed out before that. If he did bite my teammates, than he got his left kidney stabbed beforehand." I raised up my thumbs, but she was unaffected.

"Did any strange markings appear on Sasuke? Or better yet - is he still alive?" The woman pressed.

"Oh, yeah. Duckass is alive. After he woke up, he gave off some really dark chakra. He held some physical strength he hadn't had before, which is probably connected to the strange markings. I probably could make a seal for it later... Well, if someone hadn't insisted that I lose the equipment to make my seals." I gave a glare to the old man before looking back at the woman. "So if you know about the markings, I'm assuming you know all about Orochimaru and his weird jutsus. Were you a student?"

"This isn't about me," she growled at me, confirming my suspicions.

"Well, then I don't need to explain it if you already know about it." I waved the subject off before moving on. "Otogakure... Orochimaru has strong connections to it. The three shinobi that came from that village were under orders from Orochimaru to kill Sasuke. They were beaten as a group effort between Rock Lee, Haruno Sakura, Akimichi Choji, Nara Shikamaru, Yamanaka Ino, Uchiha Sasuke, who finished things off, and I. They left after their group leader, Dosu, handed over his team's scroll and gathered his teammates, claiming that he had to check on something. He probably realized he was nothing but a disposable pawn to Orochimaru, something that wasn't really worth dying to..."

"You're going to explain everything in details! If Sasuke really did wake up and have the curse seal activated, how did you stop him?!" Anko yelled at me.

I gave a impish grin. "Even though Hokage-sama revoked two certain seals and their backups, he didn't revoke my other seals." I pulled out the large seal I had as my smirk widened. "This little baby really fucks up someone's chakra control. It's made even worse if it's placed on your head, which it was for Sasuke. You see, the first and second gate is located in the brain, so it makes it easy to chain everything up when you put the seal there..." I realized no one had any fucking idea what I was talking about and sighed. "Alright, chakra. Do you all know about that?"

Everyone gave me an unimpressed look.

"Just making sure. My one teammate still believes it's pronounced catra and that he has mastery over it," I said as I looked away.

"Are... Are you serious?" An ANBU member asked hesitantly.

"Dead serious. He's the team idiot for a reason." I gave a deep sigh before straightening up. "Alright, so the chakra system is intertwined with with your internal organs. Now then, everyone has something called the hachimon. They are eight different "gates" of chakra. The hachimon are eight specific tenketsu on a person's chakra pathway system which limit the overall flow of chakra within a person's body. The basis for the idea of the chakra gates comes from the body's limits on the functions within it. This makes the body much weaker, but it keeps the body from expiring too soon. By undergoing intense training, one can learn how to open these gates, allowing the user to surpass their own physical limits at the cost of extreme damage to their own body.

"Now, kaimon, located in the brain, removes the restraints of the brain on the muscles so 100% of the user's strength can be used whereas normally, a person can only use 20% of their muscles' strength to keep them from disintegrating. Kyūmon, also located in the brain, forcibly increases the user's physical strength and temporarily re-energises the body. You getting it so far?"

Anko and a few others nodded in approval.

"Great. So the chakra that Uchiha gave out was quite abundant, especially considering the amount of chakra he was able to give off prior. I figured at least one of his gates had somehow activated themselves, which helped add to his power level and strength, which should have been at a minimum after fighting with Orochimaru and having a seal suddenly given to him." I held my chin for a moment as I considered my next words carefully.

"What is it?" An ANBU member questioned.

"I'm trying to think about the best way to word this without seeming like a complete and utter asshole," I replied as my eyes narrowed at the floor slightly.

"Just give it as brutally as possible," Anko instructed.

I took I a deep breath through my nose as I placed the palms of my hands together. "Uchiha Sasuke..." I pointed my hands towards Anko as I closed my eyes and finished the sentence, "...is a little fucking bitch compared to the rest of his clan, even though they're all technically dead. I know that both from my experience with them as a child, and from being his teammate. His body may be able to handle whatever Orochimaru did to him, but his mind can't. Even though he had no previous psychological tendencies before, he took great joy in harming his opponents earlier today with brutal actions. His smirk was malicious, and his eyes held satisfaction in hearing his enemy scream in pain - pain that he caused."

I opened my eyes as I looked at Hokage-sama and the proctor seriously. "He's willing to go after Orochimaru for power. He made that evident earlier today. If Orochimaru ever does show up again, Sasuke is bound to chase after him in the hopes of getting the power required to kill Itachi."

"Are you 100% sure?" Anko asked.

"I'm willing to bet on it, yes," I replied as I crossed my legs. I rested my elbow on my thigh and placed my cheek in the palm of my hand. "Though, the main thing about all of this is why Orochimaru decided to come after Sasuke. If he's a legendary sannin, then Itachi really should be someone he can beat. However, if Orochimaru is in a state where he can't overcome Itachi, that leaves us with one of two scenarios."

I lifted up my free hand before extending out my index finger. "One - Itachi is stronger than anyone else realizes. His sharingans may hold a secret no one else knows about, making it so even a sannin can't defeat him.

"Or maybe two - Orochimaru isn't strong enough to defeat Itachi. If he isn't strong enough, then perhaps he has some kind of bad injury or the like. Thinking about his age... He should be around fifty, right? Fighting against Itachi, who is around 18 right now, probably wouldn't be an easy task, no matter how powerful he is. His body would be warn down a bit from his fighting, but... Hm..."

I closed my eyes once again as I tapped my forehead. "Strength, chakra reservoirs, stamina- No, perhaps I should change my angle... Flexibly, range of motions, agility, resilience- Ah, of course. That's where the problem comes in. Hm, perhaps the Edo Tensei. No, there weren't any physical signs of such on his body. But there's no way he could have something else at his disposal- Ah, that's a lie. Experimentation and observation would surely lead to a loophole after so many years." I gave a loud, slightly annoyed hum as my brow furrowed. "I'm missing something..."

Someone suddenly smacked my chest, causing me to shoot up with an internal banshee screech. "He snapped out of it."

"We can see that," Anko snapped at the ANBU member before watching me laugh and cry as I keeled over and held my chest carefully. "Oi! Brat! What there hell were you rambling on about?!"

I shakily held up my index finger as I spat out a bit of blood on the table. I then sat up while giving a small groan. "Okay... You're all assholes..."

"You wouldn't get out of your own head," the woman said dismissively.

"Sure, whatever," I grumbled as I finally got myself under control. "Okay, so the human body naturally starts going downhill after 35 to 40. Even if he does stay physically active and still trains, he shouldn't be able to move around considering how muscles naturally start to deteriorate, along with several other organs. Besides, being a shinobi would guarantee several injuries along the way that would make it harder for him to bounce back from such battles, regardless of what your age is. When we battled, it seemed as though he was still a teenager with how he could constantly be filled with energy and chakra. It was as though I was fighting against someone in their prime, and not a fifty-year-old man..." I stopped talking upon noticing the grave looks on Hokage-sama's and Anko's faces.

"I'm assuming that you're both thinking about possible actions he could have taken that would correspond with information both of you have gathered about him over the years. Of course, judging by how solemn you two look, I'm sure you've narrowed your possibilities down to a select few answers, none of which are pleasing in the slightest."

"There are, as you have guessed, a few things that Orochimaru could have done to get such amazing bodily reactions," Hokage-sama admitted. "We have nothing but speculations, however, so please continue on with your original observations."

I blinked at him once before letting the subject go. "Okay. So before I go any further, let me explain the entirety of the story from the beginning. My hunches about Shiore- er- Orochimaru not being who he claimed was when we were walking towards the 44th training ground. As he walked besides me, he started rambling off several things about my chakra reservoirs, him being about to see through my lies easily, and me possibly being an Uzumaki even though I clearly don't have red hair-"

"Hold on. Why'd he compare you to an Uzumaki?" Anko interrupted, like an asshole.

"Because the Uzumakis are known for two things. The first would be for their longevity, which is a factor that eventually lead to Uzumakis being spread out across the world. The second would be the mastery of seals, something that I'm admittedly good at considering my age and familial background." I then glared at Anko and asked, "Now would you please let me get everything out there before you interrupt again?"

The purplenette gave a harsh glare, but backed off nonetheless.

"As he continued to speak, I realized that he had intelligence about certain things that genin normally don't have access to. For example, what normal genin knows about the hiraishin jutsu? Furthermore, he spoke about it as if he was someone significantly older looking down on a child. "There's no way a boy your age could perform the hiraishin jutsu." That's exactly what he said. That's not something a teenager would say, especially not in this time and age." I gave a deep sigh before shaking my head. "In any case, nothing more happened with him until the exam started, or at least nothing that Anko doesn't know about since she exchanged words with him. Uh, let's see..."

"One second. How exactly do you know about that jutsu?" The proctor asked.

I stared at her blankly before finally saying, "...You'd rather not know..."

Her eyes narrowed slightly as if challenging me.

"You guys really need better security on your scrolls in Hokage-sama's office," I said before clearing my throat loudly. "Anyway, in the forest, my teammates came up with a password that'd allow them to tell who each other was. Of course, the password was set up so that two specific people would properly remember the password. I can tell my teammates by their chakra, so I was made an exception. Well, I also have quite the sass without Sado sealed, but we aren't here to discuss that-"

"What is Sado? Why is it sealed inside of you?" Anko interrupted with her hands slamming down onto the table.

"Uh..." My mind blanked as I hesitantly looked over at Hokage-sama for some help.

The old man gave a small sigh before facing the woman. "Ren here believes that he must have a part of his personality sealed away in order to ensure the safety of others. That's all I shall tell you for now."

"Hold on. Why isn't it sealed up then?" She pressed.

"Because the Council of Elders and Hokage-sama decided it was a good idea," I sassed as I gave my jazz hands to add to the sarcasm. "And they also decided it was a good idea for me to take the exams alone! Who fucking does that to a rookie shinobi?! Okay, my intelligence may be slightly higher than normal, but who the fuck thinks it's still a good idea?! I'm from a civilian household, not a high-end shinobi clan! I should be held back based on my pedigree alone!" I stopped my flailing upon noticing that practically everyone was sweatdropping at my actions.

"You're a Haruno... Are you 100% sure?" Anko interrogated.

"I've seen my birth certificate, and I can say with 100% certainty that I'm strictly Haruno blood. There's no shinobi blood in my veins unless it's from my ancestors' ancestors, or something," I said before clearing my throat. "Anyway, why am I taking this exam alone?"

"Kakashi handed in his mission report, and something was really emphasized in it. You said that you had your sadism sealed away, and that's the reason you were able to kill so many rouge shinobi... singlehandedly." Hokage-sama looked at me seriously, causing me to look away with a click of my tongue.

"I was hoping he would drop it. I was actually fooled by his words. Then again, a ninja's speciality should be deceit." I gave a forced chuckle as annoyance showed clear on my face. "The bastard probably put emphasis on it after our little chat two weeks after the bridge battle. He worked with Itachi, so I suppose the signs of someone secluding themselves was obvious to him. Then again, his old teammates, or at least one of them, died to protect him. Surely he knew about seclusion from his own past." I gave a hum as I rubbed my chin, my brow furrowed slightly.

"How exactly do you know those things about him?" The old man questioned.

"Because unlike the rest of you, I know ways to get him to talk," I replied with another devious grin, "I'm a manipulative little shit, and that's a skill many people lack. I'm a master at twisting words around. Combining that with my IQ, I'm great at coming to correct conclusions about certain subjects even though I only have limited knowledge from previous discussions."

"If that's the case, how can we trust you?" An ANBU member questioned, making me roll my eyes.

"Because telling you the truth will clue me in to more knowledge. Based on the reactions of the people in this room, I can make proper inferences about several subjects that will be important for the future." I then waved everything off.

"Back to what I was saying about the password: The team idiot was naturally expected to not remember it. He was the weakest link, so it was obvious someone would try and switch out with him. The girl of the team was smart, yes, but her personality made it clear who she was. As for Duckass, he had a certain attitude about him that made it obvious who he was. I mean, seriously, how moody can you be before puberty technically smacks you in the face? And he's not even going to have mood swings from the menstrual cycle." I gave a deep sigh before shaking my head. "Okay, so the group was split up by Orochimaru, and I decided to go after his teammates. I sent a kage bunshin-"

"How do you know that technique?" Hokage-sama interrupted with a small glare.

I deadpanned at him before facepalming. "Dude, bro, sir, my man.. It's literally a one-seal jutsu. If Uzumaki-kun can do it, I'm going to be an expert at it. Besides, Kakashi-sensei also knows how to do it. If two others in the team know how to do it, I'm going to throw myself at the jutsu to get it mastered. That's just how I work."

I then cleared my throat before straightening up. "Okay, so I sent a kage bunshin ahead of me to make an attempt at killing the teammates, figuring that it'd be a good way to find out their techniques and then attack with better results. However, that doppelganger easily killed both of them, revealing that they were made of mud. I was going to stay back until my one clone pointed out that they weren't reforming. I jumped down to get a grasp on the situation, and that's when I noticed that their faces weren't returning to mud."

I shivered in disgust as I remembered what it looked like. "What kind of jutsu exists that can remove someone's face? And who would wear that person's face? How much of a sick fuck do you have to be to do that? I mean, I understand killing them and bringing their body back to your village to get information out of their bodies and minds, but wearing their faces?"

"Just move on," Anko demanded.

"Okay, so I sealed their faces in my scroll and had my shadow clone take it to you guys. I also told them to talk to you guys about it, but that fucker just threw it through a window with a bullshit explanation on some bark written in its own blood." I sigh at its actions before Anko came over and punched the back of my head.

"Why the hell didn't you walk it through the front door?!" She demanded to know.

"Because like any reasonable person with a low chakra reservoir, I decided to make sure it got to you. It was better to actually get to you instead of just hoping," I explained before thinking, And I didn't want to disqualified. My shadow clone decided it was the best option to listen to Sado instead of their common sense-

Wait... Oh my gods... What if Sado is actually my common sense, and I've just been sealing it away this whole time. Wait- No. No one's common sense tells them to jump through a window... Right? Is it my anti-common sense then? Or is it simply my sadism? Why have I never thought about this before? I mean, I know that a portion of my smarts comes from his side, especially since my analytical skills got better after unsealing him, but have I never actually stopped to equate how many things are actually attributed to him? My world is coming undone.

"Get a stretcher! Lay him down and put pressure on his chest!" Someone yelled, snapping me out of my thoughts.

My mouth was filled up with a metallic taste as my vision blurred, occasionally being dotted in black. I tried blinking my problems away as the world began to swirl around me. As a cold feeling filled my back, I shakily moved my hand towards my chest. My wrist was caught, and I looked towards the person who grabbed it, only to see nothing.

"He needs to be moved to the medical bay immediately! You! Summon his sensei and get them here stat!" Someone else ordered loudly.

What's wrong with me? My injury shouldn't be that bad. It's been a while since I felt some pain from it. The wound should have at least started scabbing over, right? I thought as I closed my eyes and allowed my body to relax.

About that... Remember when I took over? Yeah, you're fucked. You're gonna need to be in the medical bay for a week at least.

My face scrunched up with annoyance. Please... Jump up your own ass and die.

We're still the same person, he pointed out.

I internally sighed as I was being carried through the tower quickly. I opened my eyes, only to see nothing but darkness. Yeah... Definitely fucked. Welp, you know the expression. When life gives you lemons-

You squeeze lemon juice into life's eyes before just throwing all the damn lemons at it! We don't want it's fucking lemons!

I deadpanned. This is why people think I have issues...

...I'm not apologizing.

This is going to be a long night... I concluded with a deadpanned expression.

"You summoned me, Hokage-sama?" Kakashi asked seriously as he stood before Konoha's leader.

"Not technically, but it's a good thing you're here," the old man replied before motioning for the silver-haired man to follow after him.

"Did something happen sir?" The sharingan-wielder questioned as he followed after his superior.

"Indeed. One of your students has made it to the tower," the Hokage stated as he lead the jônin to the medical bay.

"Isn't that a good thing?" He asked, confusion just barely tinting his voice.

"It would be if he hadn't started bleeding profusely from his chest," Hiruzen answered with a grave tone.

Kakashi tensed up before a single person came to mind. "Haruno Ren... Correct?"

"That's right," the Kage confirmed before stopping outside of a certain door. "You're only allowed to look."

Kakashi's brow furrowed before he gave a nod. "O-of course, sir."

The Hokage nodded back in approval. He then opened the door and stood aside, motioning for the younger of the two to enter.

The black-eyed jônin froze in the doorway upon seeing the critical state his student was in. After the first few seconds of shock wore off, he shot over to the white-haired boy's side. He carefully examined his genin before looking over to his leader worriedly. "How did this happen? Who did this? Will he be alright-" Kakashi cut himself off when Hiruzen raised his hand up.

The Hokage entered the room before closing the door firmly behind him. "What is discussed in this room must not be spread around any further as to not cause panic."

"Of course, Hokage-sama," Kakashi replied as he stood up straight.

The old man lowered his hand before walking over to the other side of Ren's bed, his hands behind his back. "Ren fought with a dangerous enemy that slipped into the chunin exams - a criminal of incredible power. He did so in order to protect the rest of his team, even though he is technically supposed to take the exam alone."

"Which enemy slipped in under our watch?" The man who covered most of his face pressed.

Hiruzen looked Kakashi dead in the eyes as he said, "Orochimaru."

The jônin's face remained neutral, though on the inside he flinched. His eyes slowly drifted down to his student as several questions began to form in his head.

Ren seemed to be sleeping peacefully with an oxygen mask on his face. His chest was bandaged up tightly as neat stitches laid below the white cloth. An IV was attached to his left arm, and a finger pulse oximeter was around his left index finger. His vitals were displayed on a nearby monitor, most of which were lower than a normal human's.

"Is he going to live?" Kakashi finally asked, hesitance just barely perceptible in his voice.

"If he's determined enough, yes," the leader replied.

"I see... He fought with Orochimaru and ended up in this state." Kakashi lifted his head. "How are his teammates?"

"At the moment, they're still in the forest trying to complete the second exam. From what Ren has already told us, they should be alive and recovering from their attacks," Hiruzen answered.

"Attacks?" He repeated questioningly.

The Hokage nodded. "Yes, plural. After Orochimaru attacked his team, the Otogakure shinobi, who apparently follow orders from Orochimaru, went after his team. Ren intervened once again, and thus got into the state you see here."

Kakashi bit his lower lip as he looked down at his student again. "Will he have to give up being a shinobi?"

"No, but he will need to take it easy for quite a while. Injuries like those need time to heal, much time," the old man replied.

"How bad is it?" The silver-haired man requested to know.

"If you looked closely enough at the wound, you could see his ribs, which have scratches from the weapon used to slice him in such a manner. When he came in, there were badly done stitches that only made the injury worse. Combining that with the infection from not getting treated right away, and..." The man with liver spots on his face looked over at the other staidly. "It's a miracle he's even alive. Ren also had his chakra strained to the point of coma inducing if he so much as thinks about using some sort of jutsu."

"Is... Is there anything I can do?" The Hatake asked softly.

"All we can do is wait," Hiruzen replied, his eyes taking in the defeated look that the younger man held.

Kakashi's shoulders were sagged down as fear and sadness danced around in his eye. Thoughts of his old team swirled around his head; Obito's goofiness, Rin's determination, Minato's talent with seals... The man couldn't stand those links to Ren's own personality, so he shook his head, trying to get rid of them.

A harsh cough from Ren earned the immediate attention of both men in the room. His face was scrunched up in pain as his breath became a bit labored. The boy tried moving his body around, only to have the restraints on his been keep him from doing such. The white-haired boy released a small groan as he finally settled back down, his face slowly relaxing once again.

The sharingan user immediately looked to the old man. "Has he done that often? Are restraints really necessary-"

"I don't know, but from what I just saw, I think it's safe to assume he has the restraints on so he doesn't roll over in his sleep and mess up the equipment," Hiruzen interrupted.

Kakashi clenched his teeth as he looked back down at the boy. He finally just nodded his head and began walking towards the door.

"If you want to wait here for the rest of your team, you may," the Hokage said, making the jônin nod once again. As Hiruzen watched the younger man leave, he gave a small sigh. So long as this doesn't turn out like his old team did, everything should work itself out in the end.

Kakashi found himself a room that was empty as sat down while covering his face. He had gotten so used to Ren's constant bouncing back and sarcasm, the thought of losing that would be devastating. Even when Ren had begun to seal away more of himself, some of that still shined through at times, reassuring Kakashi that his team wouldn't fall apart.

But now, the future looked bleak. He wasn't sure he'd be able to recover that time. Even then, the last time the silver-haired man had to deal with such loss, he had changed the majority of his mannerisms to match his dead best friend's. When he lost Rin, he became emotionless. After he had lost his sensei, he completely shut himself away from the world, killing his own heart to become a brainless machine that'd simply complete orders. It took so long for him to recover, and even then, he wasn't perfect.

The future was definitely questionable at that point... For everyone.