That afternoon, I was working on a letter correspondance with the Denshūtai when Chizuru arrived with tea. I smiled and thanked her, pulling her on my lap. She almost made the tray fall and scolded me for it but I didn't care, I would have caught the tray if she lost her balance. I put the tray on my desk and my hand on the cup but it was a bit too hot for me to drink it. I let it down and closed my arms on my wife, trapping her onto my lap.
« Hajime... » she chuckled « I have work ! »
« That's a lie. » I stated. « I can see when you lie, don't forget. »
« Okay, then you have work ! » she chuckled again playfully.
« True. But I can take a five minute pause to drink some tea. Do you want me to let you go ? » I asked with a smirk.
« Hum... Let me think... » she said, taking her chin in her fingers to fake intense reflection.
I parted the edge of her yukata to put my hand on her belly. In a few weeks, it really grew and I was pleased to see that round stomach getting bigger everyday, sign that my healthy child was growing too.
« Hello, little one. » I said to her belly and Chizuru laughed some more.
« What are you doing ? » she asked playfully.
« I'm just saluting my son or daughter. » I shrugged.
« I don't know if it can hear you yet. » she replied with a smile.
I didn't care. Talking to the child, touching it... I craved that contact. Nine months really was a long way to go. She was at her fourth month and I already wanted the baby to be out and meet it, be fixed. A daughter ? A son ? The anticipation was unbearable.
« Have you thought of names ? » she asked me bluntly.
« Not yet. » I admitted « have you ? »
« Of course I have ! » she scolded gently « I can't believe you haven't thought about it ! »
Maybe she was right. Maybe I should have thought about names... My mind was too occupied with the war and our situation. And to be fair, it was hard to find a name for a being I hadn't met yet. I didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl...
« Tell me. » I said very seriously, caressing her stomach.
« It's not funny if I just tell you... » she pouted « we're supposed to exchange our ideas... »
« Duly noted » I nodded « We will do that next time. »
« Which next time ? » she asked, her eyes widden.
« I'm not planning on stopping at one. » I shrugged « Do you ? »
« You say that now but when you'll see how much work it is, you'll change your mind. » she chuckled.
« Haruhi is a lot of work and yet, I'm still having a child with you. » I protested « besides, my wife often complains about me being a workaholic. »
« Yeah, well a baby is a bit different of a grown child. » she laughed.
« We'll see. » I smirked « So, what about your ideas ? »
My hand quitted her belly to take the cup of tea on my desk and I sipped it, plunging my eyes in her chestnut gaze and waiting for her ideas.
« You won't laugh ? » she asked shyly, blushing like when we first started to spend more time with each other.
« Why would I laugh at names ? » I asked.
« Okay... I thought about Makoto. » she said.
I took a moment to think. The Makoto, sincerity, was something I was really attached to. It was the Shinsengumi, my loyalty, Kondou-san, my whole life and purpose. I even wore the Makoto at our wedding. Still, I didn't know if it was wise to put that much pressure on my unborn child.
« You don't like it. » she said and it wasn't a question.
« I appreciate the gesture » I smiled « but I don't think I want to embody all my dreams in my son. Plus, Saito Makoto doesn't sound right in my ear. »
« Okay... Then, classic Hajimerô, son of Hajime, Yoshirô, righteous son, Katsu, victory or Takeshi, warrior. I also thought about Takehiko. »
« Takehiko ? » I escaped a small laugh « bamboo boy ? »
« Yeah, because your kamon is bamboo leaves... » she blushed « nevermind, forget it. »
« No, it's fine. » I smiled « this one has my preference for now. But I don't think I want a name ending with « O ». I don't like the sonority when you add Saito to it. »
« What do you want then ? » she asked with a small pout.
« I don't know... Something with flowers maybe. » I said.
« Flowers ? » she chuckled « I'd expect you to prefer something with strength, loyalty, warrior... and you want flowers ? »
« Why not ? » I frowed « I like flowers. »
She laughed at me and I frowed even more, pursing my lips, my ears completely red. I turned my head away and muttered angrily.
« I thought we were supposed not to laugh. »
« Sorry... » she calmed down « So you like flowers, you never told me ! »
« Because there wasn't any utility in telling you. » I stated.
« Why do you like flowers ? » she asked, curious.
« I like all the ephemeral wonders nature can offer us, let it be flowers, snow or rainbows... and many other gorgeous sceneries. I chose the name Saito, pure glycine, because I liked these flowers. Every ephemeral beauty that the world can offer is a small miracle. Just like this child. »
She smiled and kissed me briefly.
« So a name with flowers... For a boy, that's hard... » she said, thinking intensely.
« Maybe Aoi, hollyhock, or Ren, lotus... » I said.
« Yeah, why not ! » she smiled « and flowers can have meanings too ! »
« So you agree ? » I asked, feeling my ears turning back red.
« I agree ! » she said, enthousiastic « see ? It's funnier to share ideas ! Let's give him a flowery name. »
« We can also call him Oniyuri, tiger lily. This way, he will have Oni directly in his name. » I smirked which caused Chizuru to slap the back if my head.
« That's not funny. » she scolded but her smile was making pretty clear that she was lying.
« By the way, why are we only discussing boy's names ? » I asked.
« Because I'm sure it's a boy. » she affirmed.
« How can you be so sure ? » I asked, perplexed.
« Female demons are really rare so there are greater chances for it to be a boy. And I prayed for it to be one. I want a little warrior like his father. »
I smiled, picturing my son in my mind. Would he look more like me or like Chizuru ? And would he be more of an Oni or a human ?
« Chizuru » I asked, my smile gone « do you think the child could be a Rasetsu ? »
She paused for a moment and I devined that the question had already swirled in her mind as much as it had in mine.
« I don't know. » she answered with a sigh, her smile gone too « You were born human so my guess is that the baby would be part human and part Oni, since I was born an Oni. But I can't guarantee it. The researchs on the Rasetsu do not mention reproduction and to be fair, I thought that now you were a Rasetsu, you couldn't have any children since that according to my father's researchs, your body is dead. But now, here we are. I am pregnant and I have no doubt that you are the father since you are the only one who ever touched me. You even were in Rasetsu form when you planted the seed in me... So I really don't know where this is going but if it's a Rasetsu, what do you want to do ? »
« What do you mean ? » I asked.
« Do you want to send it back ? If we discover that it's a Rasetsu ? » she asked very seriously but with a hint of sadness.
« We have some time to think about that. » I shook my head « as you said, I was born human so maybe we are worrying over nothing. »
« I don't know if it can be transmitted... but I hope it can't... » she confessed.
I stayed silent for a moment, sipping the tea she brought me. The atmosphere that was lively minutes ago had turned heavy as we were both considering the possibility of a Rasetsu child and our responsibility if it was. Could we really find the strength necessary to send him back if it's a Rasetsu ? And if we don't, could we live with the fact that we were raising a kid that would have to feed on blood until it becomes mad ?
« Chizuru » I asked suddenly, remembering what Haruhi told me about Souji « what happens when Rasetsu are out of time ? »
« What do you mean ? » she asked, confused.
« You told me using my powers was diminishing my lifespan. » I explained « what happens when we have used all of it ? »
« According to my father's researchs » she said in a low voice « if the madness doesn't take you first, then you just turn to dust. »
So Souji really is dead, then... He used all his time...
« I see. » I just said.
« Why are you asking ? Are you feeling unwell ? » she asked, putting her hand on my forehead.
« I'm fine. » I said with a smile « nothing wrong with me. I was just wondering. Thank you, Chizuru. »
« Are you sure ? » she asked again, suspicious « You would tell me if something was off, right ? »
« I would. » I assured her before taking her off my lap « Thank you for the tea, my pause is now over. »
« You're hiding something. » she said, her big chestnut eyes reduced to slits.
« I'm not. » I said, plunging my gaze in hers so she could see the truth in it « I just said that I could take a five minute pause but I still have to write that letter to Otori-san. »
« Okay then » she sighed, standing up and taking the tray. « I'll let you work. I'm going to bring some tea to Hijikata-san as well. »
« Thank you. » I nodded, taking my brush back in hand and skimming through my letter to see where I was before I stopped.
When she was standing, now, there was no doubt that she was pregnant anymore and all the warriors in the camp were very considerate of her and congratulating her all the time. She even found volunteers to help at the clinic so she could work less on minor injuries. Sometimes, I had the feeling that that baby wasn't only ours but the one of all the encampment. That was causing me to feel a weird combination of proudness and annoyance. A selfish part of me wanted to be the only one supporting her but since I had no time, I was glad others were as caring as I was.
« What ? » she said and I realized I was staring.
« Nothing. » I said « You're just beautiful. »
She smiled from ear to ear. She wasn't a « ball » or an « ugly whale » like she warned me yet but she was more gorgeous that she ever been. Her skin and hair were even softer than before and that round belly... It was magical. She was the most beautiful woman I ever saw.
« You're in love. » she chuckled playfully.
« I am. » I nodded with a smile « but that doesn't change anything. »
She leaned over to kiss me and I replied, working my mouth on her and trying my best to refrain my desire so that I would be able to finish that damn letter. I kept my hands on my brush and desk, not allowing myself to surrender to the demoness that was my wife and parted, a lingering smirk on my face. She smiled too and passed her hand in my hair, took my finished cup of tea and put it back on the tray. She stepped out and I started working again in peaceful silence. I would meet with her later when I would have finished and maybe I would take some time to train Haruhi too if she wasn't too tired. As a backup unit, I had a lot of time on my hands but I knew it could change any day, when we would be asked to join the battlefield. I had to make the best of it and savor these rare moments of peace.
