Chapter 19: Mrs. Darcy's POV: Rather Too Much Information
When Papa came to me with my husband by his side and announced to Georgiana and me, "I am leaving to stay with Jane until the wedding. I have already packed so I will bid you both adieu until Friday morning," naturally I was taken aback. I almost asked him why, but in seeing the looks that Fitz and Papa exchanged, I could see that there was more to the story and also that it was not something they wished to discuss in front of my sister. I wished Papa farewell but resolved I should have the whole of it from my husband later.
However later turned out to be later than I had planned as soon thereafter, I received a summons that Charlotte had arrived. She was sitting in the salon but of course arose to greet me properly when I arrived. "So good of you to receive me, Mrs. Darcy." Even after she stood, I could see the slight swell to her middle under her loose yellow dress that confirmed the latest Collins child was growing within. I wondered why I had been so oblivious before.
"Charlotte, you know there is no need for formality here!" I exclaimed and embraced her. As if knowing my bosom friend and my womb child's future playmate was nearby, my own child moved and stretched and, as my belly was against hers, she felt the movement ripple against her.
"Oh, your new little one is certainly an active fellow." She took a step back and I did, likewise.
"Perhaps you woke him or her up when you said hello. I am reminded of the passage in the Bible where Saint Luke recounts the baby leaping in Elizabeth's womb when he hears Mary's voice, and then Elizabeth and Mary both speak so beautifully about how God has blessed them."
"Well I am no Mary." Charlotte grinned and then rolled her hand to gesture at me and my belly.
"And I am no Elizabeth. Oh, wait, so I am!" I grinned at her. "But this is not John the Baptist here." I rubbed the swell of my middle feeling a pointed bump on one side. I wondered if I was feeling a knee or something else. "But come to think of it, John Darcy might be a fine name."
"Not Fitzwilliam Darcy? A firstborn son should properly be named for his father. Or George Darcy, after your husband's father?"
"Oh dear no, while Fitz is proud of his heritage and connections to that house, he is not too fond of his given name as a first name. Besides, one Fitzwilliam Darcy is more than enough. And as for a George, I believe George Wickham foreclosed Fitz's fondness for his father's given name. He was named for Fitz's father, as you may recall. And Georgiana was named for Fitz's father and mother."
As I was having this exchange with Charlotte, I considered how I had thought I would remain closer with my sister Jane, had been so happy when the Bingleys settled near us, but things were not the same between Jane and I as when we were younger. I had grown closer to Charlotte than my own sister, spent more time with Cousin William than my brother Charles. Although we named our daughter for my sister (and his, she was Jane Georgiana Darcy) and Jane had given her daughter Mama's name first and my name second, I felt that perhaps in naming our daughters for each other we had acted more from obligation than affection.
Charlotte and Cousin William had dutifully honored Lady Catherine twice, first by naming their first daughter for her and their second daughter for Lady Catherine's daughter (though of course they had known Anne). Their daughters' middle names had been in honor of first William's mother and then Charlotte's mother. I wondered if they had another daughter, what name they would choose.
As if Charlotte could read my thoughts she told me, "If this next one is a daughter, William said she should be named for me and his Grandmama. I suppose William feels that he neglected me in us naming our two daughters for other people. I am not so sure it would not be confusing to have two Charlottes in our home, but I am more fond of my given name than hers, Phyllis (she was named for her father, Phillip, or so I would guess from the family Bible), so I suppose my name should come first. I should care more about how important William's grandmother was for him than about how her name sounds. I proposed that we might give her your name as it would do triple duty as it was also his grandmother's and mother's middle name. Then we could call her Lottie-Beth (which I think rolls off the tongue better than Lottie-Liza), but he is otherwise inclined."
"He is right; there are already too many Elizabeths around." I smiled.
"This always happens when I see you, Eliza, I become distracted from the original purpose of my visit. I came here today because I wish to host a last minute hen party tomorrow evening for Lady Catherine. There has been so little time before her wedding that I thought it might be fun to have some women get together for dinner and then socializing. I wish to have only the married ladies as I think it would be fine to talk about things unfit for maiden ears. I was thinking to invite you and Mrs. Gardiner, Mrs. Bingley and a couple of women that Lady Catherine likes that reside in Lambton: Mrs. Barton and Mrs. Webb."
I thought the idea an excellent one. "Certainly, I think she would like that. My cousin should come here. Perhaps Fitz may wish to invite for the men to have their own celebration." We worked out further arrangements and then went to find Lady Catherine to make sure she was amenable.
Lady Catherine told us, "Really it is too kind of you, Mrs. Collins. I am already missing Mr. Bennet since he left for the Bingleys' earlier and I dare say this will make the time go more quickly." Charlotte glanced at me, curiosity clearly written on her face but as I did not know why my father had departed earlier, I merely shrugged. I resolved once again to ask Fitz why my father left.
I did not get an opportunity until we were abed, a candle still lit on each side of the bed. When we were first married I always wanted the candles blown out, but I soon learned that Fitz wanted to see me with more light than could be had from the fireplace. Fitz was already pulling me close to kiss me, when I told him, "Wait a moment. I wish to talk with you." First I told him about the hen party and then said, "We need to have Mr. Collins and their children over here so that we may have our women time. Mrs. Collins will send the children with their nurse and they may stay in the nursery with Janey and Maria." I suggested, "Perhaps rather than simply hosting Mr. Collins, you might have a stag event for Papa."
"Do you think your father would like that?" He countered. "I have never thought him to be too fond of the things like that. Surely Mr. Collins could just come over and work on his latest sermon, most quietly in the library. He might appreciate the peace of being away from his children."
I sensed that Fitz was trying to get out of hosting anything. It was not too surprising as Fitz does not particularly like to host events.
"It need not be anything elaborate, perhaps just a few men having drinks. Maybe just Mr. Collins, my uncle, my father and Mr. Bingley." I could see him pondering and thought, perhaps, that the idea was starting to appeal to him.
We talked and planned for a while and then when Fitz tried again to draw me close for a kiss, I again stopped him, my hand across his lips, him kissing said hand and making me long to feel his lips on mine. It was distracting, but I was determined. "Not yet, Fitz. I still want to hear about why my father ended up leaving so suddenly earlier."
Fitz gave one last kiss to my palm, then captured my hand in his and kissed the back of my hand before placing it on his covered chest. He looked solemnly at me and then sighed. He looked contrite. "I think, perhaps I overreacted. I came across your father and Lady Catherine in the middle of a passionate embrace in the library. It was more than we have ever done in said room. Georgiana could have walked in on them, or one of the servants. He was touching her . . . her . . . " He hesitated again, scrunched up his face and pulled his face back, his expression resembling someone who accidentally swallowed something sour. He finally forced out, "Her assets . . . "
"Stop!" I raised my hand from his chest and placed a finger across his lips. I tried to ignore that he immediately started to kiss my finger and then the palm of my hand again, and rolled toward me while pulling me flush against him, with only our light night clothes in the way. I could feel the firm evidence of his desire against my turgid belly and it was quite distracting, so much so that I had to roll onto my back before I could collect my thoughts enough to continue to speak. "I suppose it was my fault for leaving them unsupervised, but I do not wish to think about Lady Catherine having . . . assets or my father touching them. My parents kept that sort of behavior to their rooms. I suppose that means that their marriage will be lived out in every dimension, even if they are rather old." I could feel my face flush.
"Yes, quite!" Fitz squeaked in a voice slightly too high. He cleared his throat and attempted to speak in a more normal tone. "I suppose that means that we, too, may still be getting up to all sorts of trouble when we reach their age."
Whereas his off pitch tone recalled a bit what a boy sounded like when growing into a man, once his words sunk in I almost immediately replaced the image of a half grown man with an older Fitzwilliam, with hair more white than dark, kissing me urgently. Suddenly the idea of older people being intimate did not seem nearly so disturbing.
My thoughts must have been quite transparent as Fitz gave a little smirk. "I will always desire you, my dear, sweet E-liz-a-beth." He drew out my name in a way that was teasing and tantalizing. It reminded me of how he confessed, after one most vigorous session in bed, that when he was kissing me in my most secret place that he tried to write my name again and again with his tongue. The thought made me focus on a certain portion of my body and notice my growing desire. Somehow, being pregnant, had increased both my appetite for food and for other types of physical fulfillment. The idea that my current ripe state was the result of his attentions made me long for him even more.
Perhaps he could see my desire, for Fitz told me, "Now let us stop thinking about them and let me see your assets." Fitz started draw up my nightgown, slowly, savoring it. I helpfully lifted my bottom until it was bared and then sat up, waiting for my nightgown to be lifted from me.
He paused, "Dear wife, I do not know why you bother to wear a nightgown at all; you know I always make it my mission to remove it."
"Well, my maid helps me change and I can hardly say, 'Price, leave me naked while you brush out my hair.'"
"I would not mind seeing that." Fitz interjected and I felt myself blush. I wondered if I would always blush when he made frank his desires. He was so proper most of the time that he could still surprise me when he used innuendo.
I ignored his interruption and continued, "And I believe you have told me before that it is fun to unwrap your presents. Furthermore," I felt my argument gathering strength, "What about you? You always come to see me every night in your nightshirt."
"It is a little cold to just come traipsing into your room in nothing but my skin."
"Traipsing, you? Surely you stride, but either way I would not mind seeing that, " I echoed his words.
"And I prefer to not display myself when I am not at my most impressive. Cold air tends to diminish what I have."
"Ah, I knew it, you have a bit of vanity about you."
Fitz shrugged, apparently acknowledging that it might be true. Then he continued lifting my nightgown from me and when I was bare before him he lightly stroked the growing curve of my belly, which my larger breasts now rested just above. "You are lovely this way, ripe, luscious."
Soon, very soon, his fingers, palms and lips were everywhere, and mine were busy as well. We both gave into our desires and no more words did we exchange. We were too busy doing, feeling, being. Yes, there were sounds involved but they were mostly moans, grunts and us murmuring the other's name. There was also a slight rhythmic squeaking of the bed which grew more pronounced and quicker toward the end.
Afterwards, Fitz retrieved my nightgown and pulled his own nightshirt on as he knew I had no wish to scandalize Price. Usually he stayed until dawn but retreated for his morning ablutions while I continued my lie in, but once or twice my maid come in before he left. I fell asleep on my side as always (the baby bump was much too large to sleep in any other fashion), with him wrapped around me.
The next day passed away much as they all had, with Fitz and I spending most of the time separately with our own concerns. Much of my day was spent with Janey and my littlest cousin, Maria, but Mrs. Reynolds also wanted to review with me the plans for the wedding breakfast and the progress being made on readying the chambers for the soon to be newlyweds. day
She told me, "I have been doing the best with what we have on hand, but there is simply no time to open up the wall and get a new door installed. While Pemberley has furniture a plenty, new featherbeds would certainly be in order and the furniture all needs to be reupholstered and new curtains should be ordered."
"It sounds then as if there is no hope to have it ready by tomorrow."
"That is true, but I think I have a possible solution. Do you suppose you could send them on a wedding trip?"
I agreed that the idea had merit and so had to go and talk to Fitz about it at once. We had only begun to sort that matter out before it was time to dress for dinner which I would have with the ladies. Fitz told me, "Do not worry, I will get everything arranged, I will put my man working on arranging it at once."
After we were all dressed and ready, it did not take long for the carriage to convey Lady Catherine, Aunt Gardiner and me to the vicarage. Lady Catherine was dressed very fine in a silver-blue gown that showcased her elaborately arranged silver hair, while Aunt Gardiner was wearing her second best dress, the first best one being reserved for the wedding on the morrow. I felt fortunate to have a dress that still fit as I felt larger than I had with Janey and there was still some time to go.
Mrs. Collins greeted us warmly and immediately bid I get off my feet. Soon after Jane arrived and Charlotte told us, "Please come to the dining room, we are ready to commence with dinner. Unfortunately, neither Mrs. Barton nor Mrs. Webb is able to attend. Mrs. Barton is ill and the Webbs are London-bound according to their housekeeper."
Lady Catherine inclined her head in a most noble manner and told her, "That is fine. We shall have a pleasant time with a more intimate party I am sure."
Jane looked around the room and then asked Aunt Gardiner, "Where are my cousins? Surely the girls would have enjoyed besting us in parlor games."
"The hen party I have planned for today would not all be suitable for them," Mrs. Collins told her. "But first, as all of us have known Mr. Bennet longer than his bride-to-be," she inclined her head, acknowledging Lady Catherine, "I thought perhaps we could share some of our knowledge with her. Does anyone have a story about him that you would like to tell her? The winner may choose our first game after dinner."
Charlotte started off by recounting Mr. Bennet's kindness of dancing with her at the first assembly when she was out. "Mr. Bennet is such a bookish fellow, that you might not think it of him, but he is a very graceful dancer. If only Mr. Collins could have benefited from his instruction!"
"I have never seen Tom dance," Lady Catherine admitted. "There have been no balls at Pemberley and neither of us have done any dancing at other venues. I suppose we are both too old."
"I do not think that is necessarily true." I told her. "Fitz and I wanted to host a ball for Georgiana's formal come out, but she refused. Perhaps we should host a ball to celebrate your marriage a month or two after the newest Darcy arrives. You and my father could lead the first set if you are so inclined."
I recalled my younger sisters' enthusiasm for balls. I, too, had been rather partial to balls. The thought of gliding in Fitz's arms certainly had appeal, but I could not imagine being ready to have everyone see me in a ball gown for quite some time.
Next, Aunt Gardiner talked about meeting my papa for the first time as a young bride. "I will admit that I was a little intimidated by him. He had been at university and I felt he must be judging me wanting, but he was quite kind to me. He asked me my opinions and listened to my answers. When they were about to leave, he joked that Mr. Gardiner was fortunate that he, that is Mr. Bennet, was not a single fellow as he, Mr. Bennet, would have paid court to me and stole me away from Mr. Gardiner. Then your mother said, 'Oh my dear Mr. Bennet, you have a silver tongue. How do you think he won me?' Then she smiled fondly at him and he told her, 'I am lucky to have caught you as those young men who will soon be interested in our daughters might wish you were free to be caught instead.' I know Mrs. Bennet had not a mind nearly equal to Mr. Bennet, but they was a general affection rather than just a tolerance between them. I even saw him squeeze her bottom on one occasion, when they had no reason to know I was there. " We tittered at her comment.
When Jane was called upon to share a memory, she declined saying, "His favorite daughter will surely have something better to say of him then me. " There was a sharp edge to her words that I did not like, an almost bitter turn, but then she smiled so sweetly and I found myself wondering if I had actually seen that flash of negative emotion or not. I dismissed it to myself almost immediately, My dear Jane would never have the slightest irritation for Papa! But then I wondered whether she did not like the fact that Papa was marrying again. She has not said any such thing to me but I could not recall any particular enthusiasm for the match from her either.
I told a story about Papa letting me style his hair when I was but a child, but my mind was not fully engaged. Instead I was trying to sort out what Jane might be feeling and wondering when my own dear sister had become a stranger to me. I kept wondering through two sets of parlor games.
We took a break, had some more refreshments and then Charlotte said, "I have one last activity in mind. Am I too bold to think that we might discuss what is most fun about the marital bed?"
Aunt Gardiner's eyes grew wide. "Surely not! That is such a private matter."
As I feared my proper aunt would put an end to the fun, I immediately protested. "But Aunt Gardiner, as I recall you were going to give Mrs. Collins advice about how to space out her children. If you are willing to talk to her about that, why not discuss what might give the rest of us ideas for further enjoyment?"
"I do not wish to have this conversation," Jane said, looking down most modestly and then adding, "Perhaps I ought to go."
Charlotte responded, "I have no wish to chase you away, Jane. But as married women and mothers, someday it will be our duty to advise our daughters as to what to expect from married life. When you give Franny the talk on the eve of her wedding, shall you not wish to help her learn about furthering her own pleasure with her new husband? Naturally, Lady Catherine is no innocent maiden, in fact gave my husband and I most careful instruction herself before our wedding life, but I thought, surely there are things that we have all learned which might benefit each other."
Lady Catherine looked at Charlotte and said (it seemed for her alone), "Although I have made it my mission to ensure women are treated well in the marital bed, my knowledge is not so practical as I led you to believe, Mrs. Collins. Although I had a good working knowledge about my desires, Mr. de Bourgh had no interest in fulfilling them."
"How can this be?" Charlotte asked. "You were correct about everything!"
"Please forgive my deception." Lady Catherine responded. "I needed the two of you to believe I had knowledge and not simple intuition, otherwise you might have rejected my advice."
Jane muttered to herself, "So Lizzy's knowledge from Charlotte was actually from Lady Catherine?"
Before anyone could reply to that, Aunt Gardiner commented, "Now I am intrigued, just what did you tell Mrs. Collins that was passed along to both my nieces?"
With not the least bit of shame, Lady Catherine regaled us for more than half an hour with just what she had told my cousin and Charlotte together. Many times we embarrassedly laughed, many times we blushed, our eyes wide with amazement. Even Jane, who I had feared would retreat, listened most intently but had an impassive expression, but I could see that her eyes were just a touch wider than usual. I remember thinking, Lady Catherine is the bravest woman I ever knew, for who else but she would deign to tell a man how best to perform the particular act which nature endowed him to deliver and, afterwards, ask them both to report on whether it was done properly!
After Lady Catherine was through, she said, "I hope that my advice was helpful to you, Charlotte. It seemed to me that you were easier with Mr. Collins as time went on and in due time came to love each other. It made me so happy to see how your life together flourished. I did not doubt that he could eventually make a wife happy; he is so eager to please."
"Yes, quite." Then, suddenly she blushed a deep shade of pink. I had no idea what she might be thinking of that could mortify her in that way, but then it suddenly burst out of her. "He loves it when I take charge in the bedroom." Her blush abated somewhat, but I felt that there was more to it than what she had revealed. However, not one of us was willing to ask her more about the matter.
The silence stretched on. Finally, I commented, "Lady Catherine, thank you so much for being willing to share your advice. I know that Fitz wanted to please me, but had no notion as to how best to go about it. What Charlotte passed onto me was so much more helpful to gaining pleasure than my mother's talk."
"I am glad you and my nephew benefited, my dear. Do you know that I was in such a snit about him not marrying my Anne that I took pleasure in thinking you would both be deprived of my advice? I am so glad that Charlotte saw to it that you learned what you needed. I cannot help but think, though, that if a husband truly cares for his wife he will figure it out eventually. Now tell me, just what did your mother tell you."
I felt put on the spot a bit, but soon my courage rose to allow me to relate the advice she gave. I found myself imitating her intonation in a playful manner when reciting a series of "in and outs" and soon had everyone laughing when I described her "visual aides"and how they were consumed afterwards.
Aunt Gardiner seemed astonished. She asked Jane, "Was that really what your mother did?"
Jane nodded, obviously embarrassed. To take the attention off her I said, "I do think the information was helpful, but it put me off eating sausages, pickles and cheese for quite a long while."
The topic turned to what the rest had been told by their mothers and it soon became clear that our mother's talk was more informative than most. Aunt Gardiner revealed, "My mother was a very pious woman and told me that even after marriage it was inappropriate to engage in fornication. She told me about the act but directed it was to be engaged in at night, when it was dark and we should be well covered by bedding and never remove our night clothes. She was most adamant that if my husband insisted on anything else, that I must close my eyes and let him do his 'duty' as my husband's 'sinful part' and my 'sinful opening' should never been seen by the other. She directed that, as she termed it, 'the procreative act' was only for making children and never to be engaged in for pleasure 'like the savages and heathens do.'
"Thank goodness that your uncle quickly disabused me of her notions. He was so clever, telling me that God made us male and female to enjoy ourselves within the bounds of our marriage and opening a Bible and reading to me from the Song of Solomon. I shall never forget when he read to me, 'Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.' and then explained to me that it was an analogy and what the gardens and fruit represented."
Soon enough, Charlotte pulled out the Collins family Bible and she, Lady Catherine and Aunt Gardiner gathered around to peer that book. I held back and so did Jane. There was clearly not enough room for us to see anything.
Jane came over to me and said quietly, gripping my arm, "May we sit in the other parlor for a bit?" I was not sure why Jane wanted to be alone with me, but I gladly acquiesced. When we were alone she told me, "Lizzy, perhaps I am a horrible wife."
"How could you think such a thing?" I asked her, astonished. Jane had always been the one who I measured myself against, always falling short because I was not nearly so good and pure in my motivations compared with her. I had no expectation as to what she might tell me, but was still surprised at what she revealed next.
"I do not wish to give my husband pleasure or for him to give pleasure to me."
I was perplexed. "Why ever not?"
Slowly her tale began to unfold.
