The way to Latvia was four hours long and Sealand, although a nation, was still a boy like any other. Since he got bored soon, even of trying to give Raivis conversation, he killed the time spying him over his shoulder as he looked at his phone.
"You've got lots of pictures of New York, do you remember being there for the conferences?"
"No."
"Then why do you have so many of them? Have you been there?"
"I'd like to go there with my brothers. We've been saving for that for three years."
"You can keep on saving: it's so expensive. I've been there, because I've sneaked into some UN meetings, and it's not such a big deal, I assure you."
"Well, we want to go there anyway."
"Why that place? And why is it so important?"
Raivis turned off the screen of his phone and sighed.
"A friend of my brother Toris...Three years ago his younger brother, eight years old, died of leukemia. It was such a blow he still goes to therapy. It even affected Toris. We spoke about it...we realized if something like that happened to us...like...if suddenly one of us was diagnosed with something...if he had an accident...we didn't want to leave anything pending, to do together, to say, like it happened to his friend. We want to go there to have the best days of our life and get a tattoo done never to forget we will be together, no matter what."
There was a long silence inside of the car. At first Raivis felt he had said something really stupid, until he noted it was mostly a sad one. Finland, in the copilot's seat, leaned to one side until his head touched the window. Even Sealand seemed to lose his excess of energy for a moment.
"...We should have done that, you and I..."
However, he recovered his smile soon and elbowed Raivis friendly.
"But you're here again and we can go to places and get tattoos and all that jazz."
Almost a quarter of hour later they crossed the order.
"You're home" Sealand told him. "Do you feel anything?"
"What should I feel?" Raivis asked.
"Like you're in the best place in the world, at home."
"...No...Only..."
"What?"
"I don't know, like chills."
"That's good."
But Raivis wasn't sure it was a supernatural sensation, but a certain feeling of anticipation, leaving his country for the first time, getting into unknown places. He looked at the woods as they went and told himself somewhere, in that piece of land, something big could be waiting for him...
They made a stop soon after, in a roadside restaurant, where they had lunch. Raivis could see that even though they were very different from each other they did look like a family. He even saw Sweden treat Finland as if he really felt he was his husband. Speaking of which, Sweden was really a man of few words. Even though he had done nothing to get on his bad side, he seemed permanently cold, even faking he was a good spouse. Nevertheless, he ended up seeing it was nothing personal, it was simply his character. It was impossible for Raivis to know what he thought about all of that, since he never opened his mouth except for replying with monosyllables to the questions he was asked and his face showed no feeling whatsoever. As for Ladonia, he wasn't very talkative, either, but only in Raivis' presence, as if he didn't like him, didn't trust him or was still figuring out what to think of him.
"Can I ask you something?"
While Sweden took his fake children to get an ice cream they wanted, Finland walked out with Raivis to the local's door, with his arms crossed.
"Your brother...Estonia...I mean, the one with the glasses..."
"Eduard?"
"Is that his name now? Eduard? ...How is he?"
"Good, I guess...He's going to be in college soon, but his lowest grades are Bs, so he'll be fine."
"Oh..."
"...Did you know him?" Raivis asked.
"We were friends for a long time...centuries..."
"What was he like before? Back when he was Estonia."
"Well..." Finland drew a smile. "He was smart and very cautious. I remember when he played piano and sang at parties. He had a way to make you feel at home..."
Raivis smiled.
"I've never seeing him play but...If that's so, then he hasn't changed much."
That made Finland's smile grow, but in his eyes he saw a certain melancholia.
"You did change a lot. You were very different before" he told him.
"Yes, I've been researching. Latvia seemed like a very shy guy."
"Yes, I'm afraid that's the effect of..."
Finland hushed and Raivis had no time to ask him to explain himself before Sweden, Sealand and Ladonia went to them.
"I brought you a strawberry one. That was your favorite flavor" Sealand told him, handing him a cone.
Truth be told, Raivis liked vanilla more, but since he had had that gesture with him, he accepted it, thanked him and ate it without complaining.
Hours later, they got to Riga. They looked for a place to park the car and wandered the city by foot, meandering the steets.
"Is something coming to you?" Sealand asked Raivis.
"Sssh. Give him time" Finland told him.
Those cobbled streets, the people who minded their own business not bothering anybody but not caring about anyone either, the aesthetically pleasuring buildings...In many of them there were decorations which got Raivis' attention so much that he took several pictures with his phone.
"Art nouveau" Ladonia said, expert in arts.
"Over 750 of them. That's why Riga is known as the city of a thousand faces" Finland explained.
"But that statue over there..." Raivis pointed at. "That's Lenin, isn't he?"
"Yes, of course. Russia's influence."
Yes, he saw Riga had a mixture of styles. It was a pity not knowing Latvian, to know what some monuments meant.
After a long walk they got to the statue Raivis had seen in the brochure Sealand gave him days before, of a woman with her arms extended to the sky, holding a star.
"Your statue of liberty" he told him, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Ironic" Ladonia commented in low voice.
"Why?" Raivis turned his head towards him.
"Well, it was built in 1935" Sealand replied. "Soon later Russia took you with him. You were not one hundred percent independent until 1991-"
"...So late?" Raivis muttered.
"Take into account this territory is very strategic. Russia knew. Germany and Prussia knew. Poland knew. Mr. Sweden here knew, too" Finland explained to him.
Raivis gazed at Sweden.
"I...belonged to you?"
"Part me, part Poland" Sweden clarified.
"...What does that mean, 'part'?
Sweden shrugged, leaving Raivis wondering how that was possible. But now he understood the mixture of styles.
"Look..."
The group stopped at the oldest part of the city, in front of a single family house...Or rather, a filthy building, with a jungle for a yard, windows with no glass left intact and the roof half gone.
"This was your house..." Sealand pointed out.
After checking there was no one looking, he forced the rusty fence open and sneaked in, gesturing Raivis to follow him.
"Be careful" Finland told them. Just in case not all of them came in, the rest of the group remained outside watching in case something happened.
Raivis made his way through a yard which twenty years before without receiving any care it had become a sea of weed and a junkyard (he stepped on some bottles and cans) to the door, which Sealand opened with just a push.
"Do you feel it? You lived here" Sealand said, seeing the expression on his face when they came in.
Actually, it was the humidity, which was so strong Raivis felt his lungs were closed. It was a small house, but in another time it had to be quite nice. That's what he believed by the way Sealand wandered inside of it sad to see the wallpaper filled with mold and holes, the floor all lifted, proof all around the house that people had come in there to drug themselves and God knew what. There were really unsettling messages written on the walls. «Latvia is sucking the Devil's dick in Hell», «Rest in piss», «Draw a circle, it's your tomb», written in English.
"...Savages...Look what they have done to your house..."
Raivis turned to Sealand, who had shiny eyes. He felt bad for not feeling anything really.
But something caught his attention. In a corner, of what seemed to be the living room, there was something nobody had noticed about during the looting and the destruction of the house after Latvia's death. It was a small amber pendant with the shape of a tear. In spite of the state of the house, it was just a bit dirty but well conserved. He took it in his hands and caressed it with the tip of his fingers.
"What happened to this house is like what they did to you" Sealand continued.
Raivis put the pendant inside of his pocket as he walked towards him.
"...To your memory, I mean. At first, your president talked about you all the time, he said they had to be strong for you, they had to follow your exemplary bravery, he would take care of your legacy but time has passed and they've let everything rot...Look at this...This is what happened to your country, Latvia...People don't dance anymore, they don't celebrate anything or laugh. They're on their phones all day long, don't remember their traditions, believe they are silly, outdated things, don't know their neighbors, they don't care. They don't are about anything. That's why the bosses of your house don't bother doing what you would have done...It's happening here, in Lithuania and in Estonia. And everywhere...Sometimes I hear dad and mom talk. Their governments now don't care where and how they are. They don't even remember they used to be something important...Since you were killed...They let everything important die...
Shaking his head, Sealand turned to him.
"Do you have something?"
"I don't know...I'm not sure..."
"I know of something which cannot fail. Let's go to the cathedral."
They got out of there with the same precaution as they got in, since the building looked as if he was about to collapse on their heads at any wrong movement. They got out, but before they did Raivis turned his head to gaze at what once was Latvia's refuge, now turned into everything but a home.
"Come on, be good boys and come help me."
Mr. Neikus waited for Eduard and Toris to come out and help him get the groceries out of the car. Meanwhile, he saw that Mr. Braginsky returned home. And what was most surprising: in the company of two brunette young women.
"Good afternoon, neighbor" he said to him. "I see you in good company."
"These are my daughters, Natalia and Yekaterina, they came to see me" he replied with a shy smile.
"It's a pleasure, ladies. Can you believe it? All these years living side to side and I didn't know you have daughters."
"They stayed in Russia when I moved here."
Finally Toris and Eduard walked out of the house and something strange happened when the first get his eyes on the neighbor and the girls. When his gaze met the youngest, his pupils dilated and felt his heart skipped a beat. She stared at him with an unidentifiable expression, maybe surprise or great curiosity, and Toris felt suddenly shy. Eduard had to elbow him so he helped him with some specially heavy bags.
"You've got a girlfriend" he reminded him.
"What are you saying?" Toris frowned.
But still he couldn't stop looking at her. It seemed the feeling was mutual because she stared at him too. What's more, it seemed both of them had attracted the girls' attention, since the oldest also looked at them and seemed stupefied.
"You've attracted the ladies, huh?" their father smiled at them. "Don't lose this chance, Eduard."
"Please, dad" Eduard blushed. Both of them were pretty, yes, but he wouldn't have thought of saying something to them in a million years, and less being Mr. Braginsky's daughters.
As for him, it didn't take him long to see the way his daughters looked at the two boys and quickly said goodbye to the neighbors and pushed them softly into the house, while they woke up from their astonishment.
It was then when Mrs. Neikus appeared, walking all red as if she came from running a marathon and not from work.
"Tomas! Raivis!"
"What's the matter with Raivis?" Mr. Neikus asked, leaving aside what he was doing.
"I've found Mrs. Bukelskis in the street! We've chatted a bit and she's told me her son is not doing any slumber party! He's lied to us!"
She turned to her oldest children.
"Did you know anything about this?"
Toris and Eduard said no, of course. They were as surprised as they were. Mr. Neikus took her phone and started calling.
"This boy has made a huge mistake...He'll see..."
Toris and Eduard kept bringing the groceries home cautiously. In the kitchen, they stopped to talk.
"What got into Raivis head to lie to dad and mom?" Toris asked.
He crossed his arms, looking through the window as his parents talked about what they would to when Raivis showed signs of life.
"The worst thing is he lied to us."
"He'd better have a good reason" Eduard said, resting a hand on the counter. "I'm not angry but...worried. Raivis has never done such thing. Why did he do it?"
"Yeah..."
Eduard approached his brother and noted what his eyes were looking.
"They're cute, aren't they?"
He was looking at the neighbor's house.
Toris turned his head to him and frowned.
"I still got eyes, okay? Staring is not a crime..." full of embarrassment, he moved away from the window and tried to focus on his lost brother.
There was something more in the air than the smell coming from the samovar. A silence which ruined the placidness in the living room.
"You shouldn't have risked yourselves, coming here."
"...Those boys next door...They're...identical to..."
Mr. Braginsky shook his head.
"What is happening?" the tallest girl insisted, her hands on her lap.
"Nothing" Mr. Braginsky's eyes stared firmly at her. "Absolutely nothing is happening."
It was evident something was indeed happening and he didn't want to talk about it, so Natalia did everything in her hand to change the subject, placing a hand on his.
"We haven't seen you in twenty years, brother. We missed you."
«Republic of Latvia. Republic of Lithuania. Republic of Estonia. ?-20xx. 'Freedom is never given; it is won' (A. Philip Randolph)»
The plaque was in the main transept of the cathedral and still looked discreet. Years before, when the memory of the slaughter was recent and there were still nations, the plaque had flowers and colorful ribbons around it. Now it was naked and it seemed they hadn't polished it in years. He touched it with the tip of his fingers and nobody told him off about it.
There, in a small box, were the few remains of three nations...Flesh and blood nations...Him, in another time, in another place...
Now he did feel something, a shiver in his back.
"...It must have been horrible...From something so big...only this remains..."
None of his companions spoke. At a prudent distance, they simply gazed at him, grave, surely reviving the day when the remains where deposited there, in a solemn ceremony. Now it was a small detail which most tourists overlooked and maybe attracted a picture, not really understanding its meaning.
Latvia had been in the hands of many since he was born. There was always a bigger nation interested in controlling his land and exploiting his riches. And when he was starting to enjoy freedom...this. And it was not a good death.
Raivis' heart started pounding hard inside of his chest. A hard life and an atrocious death.
"Do you see, Latvia? You're there" Sealand spoke.
He was happy. He felt good. He was his own owner, could do whatever he wanted, had rights. And then those people showed up, they believed he was a monster. He was chased down like an animal. Cornered...
"That's you."
He lived in fear his whole life and died scared. How? Melted? Burnt? Torn apart? However that happened, his life ended in a terrible way.
And no one really cared.
"N-NO!"
Not few people turned their heads when they heard that scream which echoed. Raivis put his hand way from the plaque as if it was burning.
"But Latvia!" Sealand said.
"I'm not Latvia! I'm not Latvia! I'm not Latvia!"
Sealand drew back.
"This is too horrible! So much war, living like a slave for centuries and when freedom's finally achieved some crazy people come and...! I want to hear no more! Only listenign to it makes me cringe! Latvia had a horrible life and died like a dog! Why do you have to stir up the past? Why don't you let him rest in peace for good? I'm not him! Now I have it very clear I have nothing to do with that poor guy! I want nothing to do with all this shit! I want to go home! Take me back!"
"But Latvia!" Sealand yelled. "This was your life! I know it wasn't pretty, but it was yours! You have to go back!"
"Sealand!" Finland silenced him.
"Sealand, stop" Sweden said.
Sealand retrocedió estupefacto.
"No! He has to remember!"
"This was a mistake. I'm really sorry" Finland said to Raivis. "Sweden...Let's go home."
"Just a little more, please! Let me try one more thing!" Sealand exclaimed.
"No, Sealand. It's over. He's not Latvia" Sweden said.
"But..."
"He's not Latvia."
Sealand finally went quiet and lowered his head. He seemed to be about to cry. So was Raivis. They got out of the cathedral ignoring the reproaching stares from tourists and the staff, who didn't approve yelling in a sacred place.
On the way back, night falling, was quite depressing. It seemed eternal. Nobody spoke. Raivis kept himself in a corner, curled up against himself, avoiding all contact. When they finally arrive to the city, Raivis finally broke the silence:
"Leave me here."
It was past midnight. His house was half an hour away. But he didn't want to spend one more minute in that company. Sweden obeyed and stopped the car. Raivis, not looking at anyone or saying anything else, got out of the car and disappeared in the dark. Sealand watched him as he walked away.
"...Was...Was I wrong? That wasn't Latvia?"
"We told you" Ladonia said, quite irritated about that journey being in vain.
The four of them made their way back home, feeling they had wasted their time and maybe something else. They knew coming to Lithuania for the twentieth anniversary of their friends' death was going to leave a nasty taste in their mouths but this...this was much worse. They wished they had never seen those boys. Pain wouldn't have been so great...
"Where the hell were you?!"
Toris and Eduard had gone to bed but now knowing where their youngest brother was didn't help them sleep. So when their mother, who waited in the living room for Raivis to return, saw him coming in sneakingly, they heard the storm perfectly. Their father descended the stairs and joined the lecture.
"You lied to us! You don't know how worried we've been!"
They listened, until there was silence and heard steps climbing up the stairs and the door opened.
Right after coming in, Raivis got undressed and spoke without looking at them:
"Don't lecture me you too, okay?"
He laid in bed, covering himself with the sheets completely and with his back turned on his brothers, like shielding himself from their judgement. Toris and Eduard still approached.
"Raivis..." Toris told him.
"Leave me alone" Raivis' voice sounded trembling and the bulge shrunk a bit more.
Toris turned his head to Eduard and he advised him with a gesture not to insist.
