Jamie had been sitting at his desk trying to come up with a plan for a takedown on a strip of clubs that were providing fake Id's and selling alcohol to minors. Hard as he tried, he couldn't concentrate. His mind kept on drifting off to last Friday.
He had responded to a domestic call with one of the new recruits. They arrived and found the wife and husband in the middle of a heated argument. Their little boy hiding under a table scared to death. In the middle of the argument, the husband got violent and pulled a knife. Jamie and the new recruit had to fight him off to pull the knife away from him before he hurt his wife. Unfortunately, in the struggle Jamie had taken a gash to an arm and had to be taken to the hospital. He had needed eight stitches. Poor Eddie had arrived at the hospital scared to death and sobbing her eyes out. Jamie had been equally as shaken. All that kept on crossing through his mind was everything that could have gone wrong and that could have prevented him from seeing his little girl being born.
He had always played safe. However, lately, he was experiencing a sort of fear and worry that he didn't know existed before. He didn't have a death wish or was an adrenaline junkie but he never counted with fear showing her ugly head every time he had to make a tactical decision. These days he spent most of his days doing paperwork, developing strategies, and operations, which he didn't mind. The thing that absolutely terrified him was that lately on more than one occasion the thought of putting his law degree to use had crossed his mind more than once. He still loved the job, but he had to admit he was scared of the other shoe dropping and something terrible happening. He knew he should have talked to Eddie about this but the last thing he wanted to do was make her worry about how he was doing at his job. He had however made some changes. He had done an update on his life insurance policy, and he redacted a living will. He always thought he would be worried about finances but with a baby on the way he felt a bigger sense of responsibility.
"Knock, knock!" Jamie turned around and saw Danny standing at the door.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" Danny had taken a week vacation, and he thought he was still in the middle of it.
"Baez banged in sick and they were short. I traded the days. It turns out they didn't need me as bad as they thought. It's sort of slow. Are you free? Can you do lunch?"
"I'm not free, but I have been sitting at this desk forever trying to come up with a plan and I can't concentrate. Might as well get something to eat and try later."
"What's up? You look tired." Danny said as Jamie put everything away to head out for lunch.
Jamie sighted "Have you ever doubted if the job is still what you want to do with your life?"
Danny snickered as they walked to the car. "I was wondering how long was going to be before this hit you."
"What do you mean?" Jamie opened the door of the car and sat letting out a heavy sight.
"Well I think every cop questions the job when they are about to become a parent. It's like a rite of passage, you'll be fine. It's normal to worry. How's Eddie? Pizza?"
"Sure. She's great, a little uncomfortable. Can't seem to find a comfortable position to sleep. Which makes for a long day at work the next day. I don't know, lately I just been thinking of all the possible scenarios that could prevent me from seeing my kid. I also keep on worrying about money."
"It's normal kid, almost expected. You know, you do have a law degree you can always pick up a case here and there. Wet your toes and see how it turns out and make a little cash. This way if you want to switch careers, you see what to expect."
"I can't switch careers again. I can't do that to another person." Jamie shook his head emphatically.
They were at a light and Danny turned to look at him. "Kid you're not doing anything to her! Eddie didn't marry you only because you were a cop. She married you because she loves you, because she wanted a life with you. Have you even told her about this?" The light changed, and Danny focused his attention on the road.
"I did this to Sydney and looked how well that turned out. What if Eddie hates being married to a lawyer."
"Kid do yourself a favor and do not tell Eddie something like that. That's a huge insult. Common, where's your head? Eddie's pregnant, you're building a life together. Once again she did not marry you only for the fact you are a cop. It takes a little more than that to marry someone."
"I know. It's just that for the first time I'm not sure of anything. The only thing I can do right is my job and I'm not even sure I'm cut for it anymore. I'm questioning every decision I make. This is the sort of thing that gets people killed."
"You want my advice?" Danny pointed as he parked.
"Always, you know more about this than I do."
"It's not a bad thing to be careful, but you need to calm down. I have seen you in action, and your tactical decisions are solid. Stop questioning everything you do and enjoy every second of your time with Eddie. True, cops have a higher chance of not coming home. That doesn't mean that normal people don't run any risks. You can get into a car accident, get sick or have any number of things happening. The world only looks scarier because you're about to be responsible for a tiny human that entirely depends on you. I promise you that whatever you decide to do Eddie is going to back you up and be there for you. In the meantime what she needs right now is for you to get your act together and support her. Pregnancy is hard; she doesn't need you whining about anything while she can't sleep and has insane cravings."
"Yesterday she put mustard in her salad. I thought I was going to puke."
"Linda would put salad dressing on fish. It was disgusting. I'm telling you creating a human is hard. Now we're going to get some pizza. Then I'm going to tell you all the things you do not tell a pregnant woman on her final trimester."
"Thanks Danny, last thing I need is to be murder by my wife because I said the wrong thing."
Eddie had only been at work for three hours and between her and Fieldman they had taken at least half a dozen calls, finished two reports and she was getting her coat to visit a gallery that insisted they needed their help but refused to be specific to what they needed. Now that she was in her third trimester, she was inevitably slower and felt like her insides were being used as a punching bag. She was almost out the door of the precinct when she realized she didn't have her purse. 'Pregnancy brain,' she muttered to herself as she turned to go back to her desk. When she took the last corner to her office, she bumped into the precinct captain.
"I'm so sorry sir!" She said while moving to the side to let him pass.
"No worries Janko. Listen now that I have you here. Would you be back before three thirty? I told your husband to come in, there's something I need to talk with the two of you." Captain Rogers spoke in a hushed voice while he pointed his finger back and forth as if it was something that was only for their ears.
"I'm just visiting a gallery and will be back in about an hour. Everything okay, Captain?" Eddie mentally tried to go over her week trying to remember anything that could land her and Jamie in the captain's office.
"Oh yeah, everything is good. I have a plan and want to know what the two of you think."
The visit to the gallery took longer than Eddie had predicted. It also had been a waste of her time, and she spent her afternoon in a bad mood. By the time three rolled in she was hungry, annoyed, and ready to go home.
"Hey beautiful!" Jamie said as he sat on the chair next to her desk.
"Ugh! There's nothing beautiful about me or my day. Do you know what this is about?" Eddie took the papers next to Jamie and relocated them to the other side of her desk.
"No, but I can't say I'm not nervous. All I have done is paperwork, strategies, schedules. I've hardly been on the field. It's been one project after the other."
"Well let's find out what exactly this is about." Eddie extended her hand to Jamie. "Whatever it is we'll get through it together."
They walked over to the captain's office and knocked. Captain Rogers didn't keep them waiting.
"Come on in and close the door." he welcomed them. Eddie and Jamie took the two chairs in front of his desk.
"Well I will get right up to the point. I have decided to retire. I still have a few months left, but I had a talk with the commissioner and I want to leave everything in order and sort of start training my successor."
"Congratulations captain! What's that got to do with us?" Jamie was the first to speak.
"I think you've noticed that all the projects lately have been assigned to you. I personally requested all of them to be assigned to you. The reason for that is that I wanted you to start becoming accustomed to that kind of work."
"Why boss?" Jamie had genuinely believed that it was because nobody wanted to do the work.
"You are my replacement. I recommended you for the job. As of today you have the new rank, Lieutenant."
"Why me boss? There's at least two other guys that should be ahead of me for that job." Jamie ran his hands through his hair. This was not what he had imagined they needed to talk about. He didn't think he was even ready for such a position.
"You're talking about Mendez and Anderson. Mendez will be moving to the six effective tomorrow. Captain Donelson is also retiring and moving in less than a week to Texas. Mendez needs to catch up fast. As for Anderson, the job was offered to him but he declined. He wants to go in another direction in the department. He will be joining the computer crimes division starting next week. He's been waiting for that opportunity for a long time. The next in line is you and so here we are."
Jamie opened his mouth, but had nothing to say. The first thing that crossed his mind was that it was being offered to him because of his last name. However, the assumption was incorrect.
"Feel free to go home and discuss this. Regardless if you want to take on the captain job, there's one thing still happening. Starting tomorrow morning you will officially be Lieutenant Regan. Congratulations!"
"Wow, this is so crazy." Eddie whispered. "What's Donelson hurry to leave the job."
Captain Rogers laughed to himself. "His daughter is due in three weeks. They want to be in Texas before that time. First grandchild. They already bought a house, and the moving company took their stuff."
"Wow, okay so can we at least have a day to talk about this?"
"Off course, take your time and we'll talk tomorrow. Feel free to call me if you have any questions."
"Thank you boss," Jamie and Eddie said in unison as they stood up to leave.
Rather than go home they decided to visit their favorite chinese restaurant. Jamie had been unusually quiet.
"Are you still thinking they are offering the job to you only because of your last name?" Eddie finally voiced out the question lingering in the air.
"I don't think I won't ever wonder that everytime I get offered a job."
"Okay, but this time they did offer the job to other people. They followed protocol, and you're next in line."
"I know. There's also something that has been bothering me lately. I didn't want to say anything but Danny thinks that's a bad idea." Jamie took a sip of his drink. "I have been feeling so anxious about the baby coming. Lately, I had been maybe considering a change of careers. I've been constantly getting worried about something happening to me and not getting to see my daughter be born or grow up. Danny put my mind at ease a bit, but I just worry. However, with this new job there's a new whole level of responsibility, a chance for a change. I can't help worry."
"Jamie, do you think I don't worry about that happening? I'm worried about a bunch of things. I worry that I won't survive childbirth and never meet my baby girl. I'm scared out of my mind of something going wrong. However, I can't let fear control our lives. I have decided to enjoy every second and do my best to make the safest and best options for our family. It's what all of us can do."
Jamie didn't think there would be another fear to add to his list. "I need you and Agnes to be okay." he grabbed Eddie's hand and kissed it.
"We will be, just don't let go of me."
"I won't, I promise."
"Are you ready to be Captain Regan? Or are you thinking of changing to Attorney Regan? Whatever you decide I'm gonna be right behind you to support whatever the choice is."
"I'm ready to be Captain Regan. I'm ready to be a dad, and I'm ready for you to scream at me and crush my hand when our baby girl decides it's time to make her grand entrance."
"I'm so proud of you." Eddie smile
"I love you so much and I'm so proud of you too."
