Chapter 22
She asked him with a photo in her hand... but seeing that unlimited sadness in his eyes, she immediately regretted it.
"I had..." he answered and she couldn't hold back her tears. She just stepped closer and hugged him tightly, trying to show him how much she felt sorry for his loss.
"I'm sorry Joseph, so terribly sorry..."
"I know," he whispered in her neck, then loosened his hug on her. "It was long ago."
"Can you tell me what happened?"
"Yes, of course." he said softly and they sat down to the bed, Clarisse still holding his hand.
"..."
"About fifteen years ago, I was married." started Joseph his story. "I met with a girl, we fell in love and one thing followed the other... so in the end we got married, then soon we had a child. He was a beautiful and very active baby. Always smiling and ready for fun, but from one day to the next he completely changed and soon it turned out he was sick. I will not burden you with the details, but despite we tried everything, shortly before his second birthday we lost him..." he took a deep breathe battling with the memories, while Clarisse was trying not to cry.
"I can't imagine what it was like."
"Indescribable..." he sighed, "For a year or so we just lived from day to day like zombies, then we had to admit we cannot process what had happened... so our marriage couldn't survive it."
"There was too much pain," she remarked softly.
"Exactly... too much pain."
"I'm so sorry Joseph," she whispered and hugged him tightly.
"I didn't know how to tell..."
"That's okay. I totally understand it, don't worry." she loosened her hug on him. "There's no opportunity for such a thing and I really didn't want to open the old wounds."
"Never mind, I knew I had to tell you sooner or later... but I didn't want to make you sad."
"It's inevitable."
"I mean this whole thing can be hard for you too."
"..."
"I guess it's not a coincidence that you do not have a child."
"Oh," she finally understood him. "No, it's not that tragical at all. I mean, I'm not sad about that."
"Really?" he didn't know how to ask why.
"Yes. When we got married with Rupert, we enjoyed being just the two of us." she said, but immediately regretted it, so she continued quickly. "Then when it was time for a baby we had been trying for a year, but not really hard just... you know. Then we suspected there must be a problem with one of us, so we visited a few doctors and it turned out that Rupert has some genetical disorders, he will never have a child."
"I see," nodded Joseph regretfully. "Then what was 'plan B'? I mean..."
"Oh Rupert did not forced this whole thing anymore, he just worked even harder."
"That's okay, but what about you?"
"Oh I... it's just," she didn't know how to tell. "Look, I've never told anyone this before."
"Okay," he stroked her hand encouragingly. "You can tell me anything, you know."
"Yes... so when it turned out we can't have a child, I felt... relief." she finally said it. "I was happy that I won't have a child from him. I know it sounds cruel or strange or anything like that..."
"No, not at all." he said kindly. "You just didn't want a child from a man who doesn't love you enough."
"Yes, that's it." she was so grateful he understood her. "That's the point... from him. In those days of our marriage I already knew that it's not what I wanted or expected from this whole thing. I truly believe that volunteering a child is a part of a process. You meet someone, fall in love, plan a future together, then when you feel yourself totally safe in that relationship, mostly emotionally... after a time you start to yearn for a baby," he stroked her hand lovingly. "But I don't want a child to this insecurity."
"I totally understand it," he smiled, what made her feel relieved. "But... if we stay with this line of reasoning..."
"Yes?" she asked with a smile, guessing what he wants.
"If... don't ask how... but if we would end up together..."
"I would surely want a baby from you." she said quickly and saw the happiness in his eyes.
"I'm glad you think so," he smiled, stroking her face and there was silence for a few moments. "So after we discussed the hard questions of life... what would you say for a light breakfast?"
"It's a lovely idea," she said happily. "I'll just take a shower and get dressed..."
OOOOOOOOOO
A few minutes later Joseph was already in the kitchen, making some coffee... and a cup of tea for Clarisse.
"Good morning," she smiled, after she was watching him for a few moments as he was busy with their breakfast.
"Good morning, my dear." he turned around, exchanging a sweet kiss with her. "I've made some tea for you."
"Oh, how kind. Thank you." she handed it gratefully and taking a sip made her smile. "It's so delicious. You know, you really make tea better than me... and it's a big thing."
"Especially because I never drink tea," he chuckled.
"Yes, that's the strangest in it."
"So what would you like for breakfast?" he asked.
"I think I'll leave that on you."
"Right."
"But... until you'll be ready, I'll make some fruit salad." she said proudly, enjoying the happiness on his face. She knew he's glad when she wants to eat by herself. "So where can I find some fruits?"
"Um... I think," he looked around quickly, "On the bottom shelf."
'I already see," she nodded and stepped closer. "Oh, I've found an ananas..." she held up gladly.
"Really?"
"Yes, but I didn't know your father grows exotic fruits as well."
"Actually... it's from the supermarket." they burst out laughing. "Sorry, but it seems we have limits as well."
"Okay," she tried to stop laughing. "Then I'll make this for breakfast, if you like ananas."
"Yes of course I like it, but let me help you with it, okay?"
"Oh, it's not necessary. I can handle it, don't worry." she declared, "Just give me a knife."
"Are you sure?" he asked kindly.
"Yes absolutely."
"Okay, then here you are." he offered her a chopper.
"Um, maybe something smaller would be fine. A little knife or..."
"You need this believe me." he chuckled, but seeing her determination, he gave her a small knife. "But let me know if you would need help."
"I will..." she said and started cutting it, but actually with not much success, while Joseph just leant against the kitchen counter with a smile on his face... he found the scene awfully funny.
"... now?" he asked after a while.
"No thanks," she refused his help and continued the suffering. She was really persistent that's sure.
"... okay and now?"
She finally stopped and took a deep sigh... she had to face with the truth, "Could you..."
"Of course," he smiled and took it out of her hand, then chopped it easily with the tool he offered originally. "... here you are."
"You're really enjoying this aren't you?" she asked with a smile.
"I love how stubborn you can be," he remarked and gave her a kiss.
"Really? Then if I'm so stubborn..." she pretended she was deep in thought, "Then what would you say if I would insist you to take a break?" she smiled mischievously.
"And what for exactly?" he stepped closer, knowing that look in her eyes.
"For this..." she whispered and drew him closer, kissing him slowly and softly. As she deepened the kiss, he embraced her tightly and pinned her against the kitchen counter... and for a short time they completely lost touch with reality.
"I must say it was better than coffee," he smiled against her lips as they broke the kiss.
"Really?... but your coffee was quite delicious with a hint of vanilla in it."
"Did you feel it?"
"Uh-huh," she chuckled and gave him another kiss. "But now, I think I'm leaving you alone, otherwise breakfast will never be ready."
"There could be something in it," he agreed fondly. "It seems I cannot concentrate when you're near me."
"I know and I love it," she smiled. "So I'm going outside with these and set the table while you'll be ready..."
OOOOOOOOOOO
As she stepped out to the morning sun she felt happiness and peace... reaching the big garden table, she set down comfortably and closed her eyes, letting herself to breath in the sweet summer air, what filled her up with hopes and dreams... She was thinking she had just arrived a day ago and still she felt herself completely at home. Sitting in the garden with her morning tea, while Joseph... her Joseph... was making breakfast in the kitchen was more than fairytale like, so she could say at this precious moment in time she had everything she's ever wanted... and it was wonderful.
"It didn't last long, did it?" Joseph asked with a smile as he put down the big breakfast tray, waking her up from daydreaming.
"Absolutely not." she answered, her eyes smiling. "Oh my God, it's all for breakfast?" she was amazed, looking at the variety of foods.
"I just wanted you to have a choice." her glance was grateful, "So here's some scrambled eggs, croissants, jam and butter, a few mini sandwiches and coffee, because I know how much you love it."
"There's no word for it," she chuckled. "Especially tasting it from your lips."
"And I'm gladly serve it from there anytime," he teased her and she just laughed.
"That's good to hear... then come on, sit next to me." she patted the bench. "So we can share the fruits first."
"I really like this idea..."
"Good morning everyone," smiled Martin as he arrived with a big basket full of flowers. "I took some tulips into the house and... here's the most perfect flower to another." he picked out a pink one.
"Oh, thank you Martin. It's beautiful," smiled Clarisse and gladly accepted the pink tulip. "Actually, this is my favorite flower."
"Really? Then it seems, I knew it instinctively."
"Hey Dad... she is already taken if you don't mind," he joked.
"I do not mind at all," Martin teased back. "And don't forget that you inherited everything from me, so obviously I have better chances than you."
"That's true," he laughed up, then turned to Clarisse. "It seems everybody is competing for your love my dear."
"As always..." she got into the game. "But I only hope I have a choice," she added with a smile.
"I'm quite confident, but may the best man win." he said and they all laughed up. "Then returning to those flowers Dad... it seems you woke up quite early this morning."
"Yes, because I have a lot of things to do. Oh that reminds me, after breakfast could you go and grab my medicines at the pharmacy then pop into the post office?"
"Yeah, sure." nodded Joseph and turned to Clarisse. "It's okay?"
"Yes, of course. I'm just sorry that I can't be with you."
"I know... but I'll hurry back I promise," he stroked her arm. "By the way, do you need anything from the shop?"
"No, thank you. I'm fine."
"Just don't worry about her," smiled Martin, then turned to Clarisse. "While he is away, I can show you the honey storage if you want."
"Yes, that would be wonderful." nodded Clarisse happily.
OOOOOOO
The town center was not too far away, so Joseph quickly arranged everything. As he finished at the post office, he stopped by the newsstand and picked up the first newspaper what came to hand, 'Breaking News: The Queen Disappeared!' he read on the front page... with a satisfied smile on his face.
To be continued...
