A/N: Duuuuuuuude….


~Coming in unannounced, drag my nails on the tile

I just followed your scent, you can just follow my smile

All of your flaws are aligned with this mood of mine

Cutting me to the bone, nothing left to leave behind~

~Fall Out Boy~


It was a Monday in May, Bruce knew that much, the specific date eluded him. It was now summertime in Gotham. The weather was mild, and today the sun was actually out, warming the air. This was not a normal thing for the city.

He had spent the entire weekend in the cave. He continued tracking the crime in the city. Usually in the summer crime was at a high, which is why he was confused at first when Joker and his men had cut back on their illegal activities. The city seemed happy about it, but after some research, Bruce knew that usually meant Joker would be doing something big, soon.

He had needed a break from the dim lighting and the low hum of the large computer he'd been around all weekend. Bruce found himself pulling into his apartment building's garage. He needed to sleep a while in his blessedly quiet penthouse.

He pulled himself from his car and locked it behind him with a press of a button. He shuffled to the elevator doors and pressed the button to call it to the garage level. He rubbed his hands on his face trying to keep himself awake for a few more minutes, finally the soft ding alerted him to the arrival of his lift. The doors opened and Bruce moved to enter the elevator, nearly ran over a woman who was exiting.

"I'm sorry, miss." He reached to steady her.

"Hands off, I'm fine." She snapped at him.

Bruce looked at her, she seemed familiar. Finally it clicked.

"We have got to stop running into each other like this." He chuckled, the exhaustion clear in his voice.

The woman's eyes looked up at him. He was sure with his facial hair it would take a second, but he quickly saw the recognition that hit her.

"Mr. Wayne, what are you doing here?"

He watched her eyes, something seemed off. He was sure she looked almost panicked. He held the elevator door open as they talked.

"I live here, top floor."

Her eyes widened slightly, then narrowed. "Of course you do. It was nice to see you Mr. Wayne but I have to go." She moved past him and out of the elevator in a hurry. He let her by.

"See you around?" he asked her.

"Sure." She said not even turning back.

Bruce rode the elevator up to his apartment, grabbing a bite to eat, then fell quickly asleep.


Peach hurried to her car, trying to stay calm. Bruce fucking Wayne lived in the apartment directly above Joker. The thought seemed so outrageous, she had almost convinced herself it was a strange hallucination of some kind.

She replayed the entire encounter in her head. When the elevator doors opened, he'd nearly knocked her down, again. She hadn't recognized him at first, he had a bit more facial hair then the last time she'd seen him. He looked older too, the salt and pepper coloring of the hair at his temples aging him.

He stomach felt soured at the reality she was faced with now. She knew that her husband did not know this. He wouldn't have let her stay there if he had the slightest clue Bruce/Batman lived one floor up. The big question now was should she tell him? Her gut said not yet. Not until after his latest job was set in motion. She knew this wouldn't stay unknown for long, wouldn't they eventually run into each other?

She pulled her car up to the parking lot of her Doctor's office and took several deep breaths to calm herself down. She got out of her car and straightened her clothes. Her stomach churned. She walked to the end of her car and vomited her breakfast. Once that was all out, she reached into her bag and grabbed a tissue, wiping the sick from her face. She spit a few times to make sure the worst was gone, then put a mint into her mouth and walked into the office to check in.

Within 20 minutes, she was in a paper gown, waiting for her doctor to come into the small room. She laid there, her mind still back at the apartment. She gnawed her bottom lip until she tasted blood. The knock on the door drew her back to the present.

"Good morning, how are you feeling?"

She wanted to punch this man in the face. His stupid, optimistic, dumb face. "Pregnant." She said.

The doctor gave a small chuckle and moved to her side. "Any pains?"

"No, just the Braxton hicks." She said.

"That's normal, let's check your cervix and see if they are helping you any."

She let her legs fall to the side and waited. She hated this part. The doctor came back to her side, his hands gloved and the cold gel on one hand. She winced as he checked her.

"Good news, you are almost completely effaced and dilated 1 cm."

"Is the baby coming?" she asked, feeling excited.

He removed his hand and took off the gloves, placing them in the bio-hazard box. "If I had to guess, I'd say at least 2 more weeks." He said.

She felt her excitement leave just as quickly as it came. She hated this man right now.

"If you have severe cramping, regular contractions five minutes apart or less, leaking fluids, or blood, get to the hospital and have whoever is on call, page me. You are almost at the end of this. Don't rush it, enjoy these last few weeks of freedom before you have a little one to take care of."

Oh, she definitely hated this man. Like she could enjoy being uncomfortable and having to pee every few hours. Maybe after the baby got here, she would beat this man's face in with a crowbar. The thought made her giggle.

"Check out at the front desk and we will see you next week." He left, still writing in her chart.

She got up from the exam table and got dressed. She did as he said and made the next appointment and got out before she gave into the need to hurt him. When she was back in her car, her mind was back on what to do about the Bruce problem.


Joker was busy, he had been getting the final bits ready. He had the guys doing deliveries to all of his 'employees'. Every one of the twenty five houses and apartments he had acquired were occupied throughout the city.

He now had just over 100 citizens employed at strategic places throughout the city. These deliveries would be important this week. Once his guys got back from dropping them off, he would send out the group text with the next set of instructions.

He was sitting at his desk, writing down exactly what he wanted the text to say. It had to be worded precisely, so there could be no misinterpretation of what he wanted them to do. As with everything, communication was vital.

Joker looked up from his paper when he heard his wife stomping into the fun house. He watched her move with a singular focus. She was headed for the weapons room. He watched her toss her bag on his desk on the way. Joker though this might be entertaining and stood to follow her.

He walked over to the doorway and watched as she pulled a Glock from the wall and pocketed a box of ammo. He felt giddy, he knew this would be fun now. She turned and stormed out of the room and toward the door she'd come through just minutes before. He wondered if she was going to shoot someone or something? That thought was exciting, he did hope he'd get to see her splattered with someone else's blood.

He followed her, deciding to catch up with her. "Bad day?" he asked.

She cut her eyes at him, "Stressful." She continued walking.

He followed her into the park. He frowned as she walked into the shooting gallery. He felt slightly disappointed that she would not be covered in blood today. He watched as she ignored the small BB guns you were supposed to use on the little tin ducks. Turning on the machine, the ducks moved on their conveyor belt. His eyes were locked on her as she loaded the clip and started shooting.

He watched, slightly aroused by the sight of his wife emptying the clip, reloading and emptying it again. The poor ducks never stood a chance. She finished the entire box of bullets before she finally put the gun down and moved back to the side of the booth to turn off the machine.

She turned to face him and he loved the red flush of her cheeks. She looked beautiful with her hair crazy and breathing heavily but fairly even.

"Feel better?" he asked.

"A little." She said as she turned back to the funhouse, empty weapon in hand.

He chuckled as he followed her back to the funhouse. She handed off the gun to one of the men inside to be cleaned and put back in the store room. Joker pulled her over to him, looking down at her.

"What's the matter?"

She took a deep breath then let it out. "The stupid doctor told me to be patient. I want this baby out. I am done with this." She pointed at her belly.

He looked down at her, and she laughed at the surprised look on his face. He looked back at her face. "I know it's getting close. How's this going to work?" he asked.

She grinned, "You do know where babies come from, right?"

"Yes," He flicked her on the end of the nose. "I meant, when you pop this thing out, you going to the hospital, all of that."

She shrugged, "I guess I am just going to play it by ear."

He laughed again. That was his wife, a royal pain in the ass. Their small moment was ended as Ace and Red came into the building followed by the rest of the guys who had been on delivery duty.

"Boss, it's all finished." Red said hanging up the keys to the van. Ace moved to Joker's desk and set down the bag he'd been carrying.

Joker turned to Peach. "Where's the burner?"

She moved to her bag and pulled out the small burner phone they used to get a hold of the Joker's civilian employees. He walked over to the desk and sat down with the paper he had been writing on. He was quickly typing out the message.

Once the last message was sent, he handed the phone back to Peach.

"Let me know if you get any messages back immediately."

"You got it, Boss." She brought up her hand, giving him a shitty imitation of a military salute.

He grinned at her cheekiness, he could happily strangle her right now. She smiled back at him. He needed to get that kid out of her so she could get back to her old self. He missed the less temperamental Peach. He had a brilliant idea.

He walked over and leaned down to talk into her ear. He was sure to whisper low in her ear. "How about we go home, I hear vigorous sex can cause labor to start."

She laughed, turning to look at him, her smile sparkling. "It's worth a try."

"Go ahead, I will be right behind you." He kissed her, then pushed her away.

She grabbed her bag and he watched her leave. Once she was out of sight, he moved to the guys.

"If everything goes well, we will be ready in a week."

"That soon?"

"If all my directions were followed, then yes, that soon." He was feeling the excitement build.

Joker left the fun house, the walk back to his car seemed to go by quickly. He started the short drive back to his apartment. Things were coming together and he was on cloud nine. His wife was still as feisty as ever. Things were working well, and this event was going to get the city to collapse in on itself. He could feel it.