The Flower Moon


Year Eight, Chapter Twenty-Two

I Need to Get Out of Here


Renesmee's Point of View


It had been two weeks since Jake had accused me of feeding on wolves.

A fortnight since I'd confessed to him why I'd done it.

Fourteen long days since I ran.

I had to. If I didn't I would have attacked my Jacob. There was no doubt in my mind. My thirst for his blood, and only his blood, was just too great.

He didn't stay put like I hoped he would, but took off after me.

I managed to get to my Aunt and Uncle's house and slam the door on him before he could follow. I couldn't be trapped inside with him, where his scent would have no possible way to dissipate, and only grow in intensity. That would have been a death sentence for him. He must have known, finally understood, or paid attention to the warnings he felt thorough our Imprint bond, because he didn't try to force his way in.

"Nessie we need to talk about this," he yelled to me through the door. Not angry yelling, he just wanted to talk and needed to make sure I heard him.

We talked, through the door, over the next few days but it didn't change anything. I still wanted his blood, he stupidly continued to offer it, and I was unrelenting in my refusal to take it.

I never left my spot leaning on the inside of the front door and Jake never left his on the outside.

"Mmmm. Steak, baked potatoes, green beans, and strawberries," Jake said as he looked through the latest basket from our daughter. Felicity would bring food a few times a day. She never asked what was going on. I didn't think she knew what had happened; she just knew there was an issue and we needed time and space. And she knew we needed to eat. It was just her nature to silently help like this, it was her way.

"Want the berries? Or the Potatoes? You could have all of it if you want. You must be hungry Nessie. You've been in there for days." He tried to get me to eat every time Felicity dropped off a basket. And every time I refused.

"You know blood is more filling," I fibbed. Normally I only needed to hunt once a week. Jake knew that. But he didn't know that my thirst had increased and it was getting to the point that it hurt too much to even swallow. I was shaking, trying to restrain myself from tearing through the front door and sinking my teeth into my Jacob. If I thought it would help I would have chained myself to the stairs banister. But even a slight tug with my enhanced strength would bring it down.

He didn't choose to argue more, only shrugged, knowing I wouldn't come out.

I went to the living room window to take a peek at him while he ate. Food always brought a smile to his face. Not a big one, especially now, but even a small one would be nice to see. But he wasn't there. That wasn't totally unexpected. It had happened a few times since I locked myself in here. He had a Wolf's metabolism and with all the food he consumed well... bathroom breaks were a necessity.

However, when he didn't return an hour later I got concerned. After two hours I was worried. And on the verge of the third hour I was in full blown panic mode. I'd already called both of the kids, and Seth and no one had seen him.

What if something had happened to him?

"Your father hasn't come back yet," I was trying to keep the terror I felt out of my voice as I spoke to David over the phone. "Can you phase and see if you can find out where… Never mind," I quickly reversed my request, and ended the call, when I saw Jake come jogging back to the house.

"Nessie, I got your favorite for you," he yelled through the door, while holding up a thermos. "It's cougar."

He was almost right, cougar had been my favorite, but right now I don't think any blood would satisfy me, except his.

He set it down outside of the front door and backed up till he was out of view. I knew he probably wouldn't come back till I took the blood so, hesitantly, I opened the door a crack and snatched it as fast as I could, before slamming it back closed. Even that short amount of time was enough for Jake's scent to infiltrate the house. It was worse than I thought possible. I didn't think such a little whiff could affect me this much, but the urge to launch myself out the door and hunt him down was stronger than ever.

Maybe he was right and the cougar blood would help.

I took a sip and instantly spit it back out.

Oh Jake... what have you done?

But I knew exactly what he'd done. He'd mixed his own blood in with the cougars. Just a small amount. Was it intentional or had the cat hurt him while he wrestled with it? It didn't matter. This was bad. His blood was in my mouth. I wanted to drink, to swallow, to devour.

But as much as I wanted to I didn't. I couldn't.

Almost as worse, was that I hadn't spit the blood back into the container. I hadn't been thinking and just wanted to expel the foul/delicious ambrosia as fast as possible. But now it was all over the door, wall, and floor. It was seeping into the white carpet.

Running as fast as I could I grabbed a gallon of bleach from under the kitchen sink and started splattering it everywhere the blood had gone, as I held my breath. Esme was going to kill me for ruining the rug, but I had to do it.

Then I opened the door and chugged the thermos out.

"Why'd you do that?"

Jake was back outside the door. I hadn't hit him with it, but wasn't exactly aiming as I threw, and the thermos had come pretty close to him.

"Sorry… but your blood… mixed in," I struggled to tell him. Each breath I had to take renewed the taste of his blood in my body.

"Oh," he paused, as his eyes grew wide. "I…" he looked down at what I now realized was a new scar on his arm. "I'll get you a new… a different… something that hasn't been… that I haven't…"

"No!" I interrupted. I didn't think anything would quench my thirst. Nothing but… but the one thing I couldn't have.

Jake felt horrible at bungling his attempt to help ease my thirst. But something good did come out of it. It got us talking.

And eventually (a few days later) I came out.

I still wanted Jake's blood. That hadn't gone away, but now that he knew the problem he could help me deal with my cravings. Now that we were talking he understood when he needed to avoid me and I didn't feel as guilty when I needed to extricate myself from his presence. It was hard on both of us, but definitely worth it.

It was also hard telling our children. That was something I never even thought of to do, but my wonderful Jacob had. He felt they needed, not only to know about my wanting their Fathers blood, but how it would affect them, and also what might happen to them when they stop aging. Neither of us was sure if they would go through the same thing, since they were only a quarter Vampire (and David was also a Wolf). Hopefully they might never need to deal with this, themselves. But Jake was right; they at least deserved a heads up.

We didn't tell them everything, just the facts.

"David, Felicity, I'm sure you're wondering what's been going on, between your Father and me, the last few days," I started, once we were all gathered in the living room. They nodded. It looked like David wanted to say something but I kept talking. "Since I stopped aging my body seems to be…" oh how am I going to put this? "I'm going through a… pseudo-newborn phase," that made sense, right? "My thirst had increased and I am… well I'm craving your Father's blood."

Jake then started telling them that it was most likely due to our Imprint bond, but that we were working thought things and doing our best to deal with it until we could figure out a way to resolve the issue.

I wasn't really worried about Felicity. She was always so calm and understanding of everything, but I'd prepared myself for the worst from David. He would finish aging, by our calculations, in nine months. But, while he was sympathetic, and (a bit surprisingly) understanding for Jake and I, he seemed unconcerned for himself, or his sister. Our children never craved human blood and he didn't see this news changing that. I guess we would just have to wait and see.

He did, however, go ballistic when we broke the news about my new wolf diet. It took him a couple of days, but eventually he calmed down when he grew to realize, just as I and Jake had, that I needed to drink and it was either the wolves or his Father.

At least things seemed to be better between Jake and me. It was nice-ish. I was still struggling with my bloodlust (for lack of a better word) for Jake. But coming clean actually helped. Yet even though he told me he understood, I wasn't sure I could believe him. I don't think he has now, or ever will, actually forgive me. If we survive this I plan to spend the next century or two making it up to him. I wasn't exactly sure how, but I was determined to find a way.

He was trying and so was I.

And now that he knew, now that there wasn't so much unspoken tension between us, it was a little easier being around him. Each day I viewed as a minor victory that he was still alive and I hadn't given in to my thirst. I would have left to keep him safe. It would have hurt (both if us) but he refused to let me go, which I loved him for. It terrified me that I would hurt him, but I loved him. And he loved me.

And when it got to be too much Jake understood when I needed to run out of the house to feed. I knew he wasn't happy that I was still drinking wolves, - okay he was pissed (he never said anything, but I still knew). What could I do though? It was them or him. He said he understood my reasoning and we'd come to a compromise, of sorts.

I tried to cut down on the wolves and went after other animals; the wolves were no longer helping as much as they once had, anyway. But when my cravings got really bad I found they were the only thing that stopped me from ripping into Jake's throat.

Tonight was just the four of us, sitting around relaxing in the music/library room. No Seth and Carol, or Leah, or Nahuel

That was another thing I felt awful about. It was my fault Leah broke up with Nahuel. She'd caught me in his arms. He was just trying to comfort me, but she completely misunderstood the situation and they were still not back together. Jake and I both tried to help… explain things, but she wouldn't listen.

Nahuel looked like crap. Vampires never did well when they were not able to be with their mates, for whatever reason, sometimes preferring death to continued existence without them.

And Leah was almost as bad. Not suicidal but moody and angry every time she came to visit the kids.

Next week's Christmas celebration looked like it wasn't going to be a very merry day.

Before I screwed it up for them, Leah had said she wanted Nahuel, and Jake decided, even though it was my fault, to take it upon himself to get them back together. As much as Jake disliked Nahuel, he felt that it was his responsibility, as Leah's Alpha, to set things right for a member of his Pack, especially since his Imprint was the one to ruin things for her.

So far all of his attempts had been unsuccessful.

Maybe I'll have more luck. It was completely my fault and I needed to fix things. I had a plan that I was going to set in motion tomorrow. With my luck, all hell will probably break loose and I'll just end up making things worse.

At least tonight was going good. David was reading, Jake was studying at the table on the left side of the room, while I was on the right, by an open window, giving Felicity a piano lesson.

Listening to my daughter play the exquisitely beautiful melody she'd composed, I could almost forget the intense burning in my throat that Jake's scent was causing.

David slammed shut his book. "Mom, Dad, can I talk with you for a minute?"

"What's it?" I asked. Felicity decided to continue to practice on her own, while we talked to our son. She loved the piano, and it was actually hard to drag her away from that thing sometimes, even to hunt.

"I want to talk to you about school next semester."

David and Felicity had audited some classes with us, at Dartmouth this past fall. Felicity only took a couple online, but David went to all of them with us. He'd attended all of our Senior level classes, taken all the tests, and handed in all of the assignments, even though it wasn't for credit. He hadn't completed his Freshman, Sophomore, or Junior year but we - me, Jake, and the rest of the family, had taught him everything we knew at home and online, just like we were doing with Felicity.

They were Quarter-Vampire, so it's not like I expected anything less. While neither of them ever forgot anything with their eidetic memories I was still glad they were putting in the time (if not effort), even if it was only to build more life experiences. It showed dedication and commitment, to grow and mature, to fit into the human world.

"Guys... um," it looked like he was struggling to tell us whatever was on his mind. After two and a quarter minutes of silence he began again. "I don't want to go back to school with you next semester. I want to live in La Push with Gramps," he blurted out.

Not this again. He was my baby. I couldn't lose him yet. He was only fifteen months old. And what was this about wanting to move in with Billy?

David loved La Push. We all knew that. Months ago Jake had promised to take him back to visit, which he kept, and they had returned, once a month, every month, for a weekend. I hated them being away from me, but knew how happy it made our son to be there. We saw with each and every visit that David grew more and more attached to the Reservation.

Jake and I knew this day was coming. I just didn't want to admit it to myself and Jake had refused to talk about it.

"But you're only one," I began to protest.

"I'm twenty-three, just like you," Dave countered.

"You're one," I said again. I thought about stamping my foot but I didn't think that would help my cause.

"If I'm one, then you're seven." Argh! He had a point. "So which one is it Mom? Are you and I our physical ages of twenty-three, or am I one, you're seven, and Dad's a pedophile?" he challenged his father, not only with his words but the look he shot Jake as well.

I was shocked our son said that, but it was Jake I was concerned about now. His face just fell. I knew he use to worry about that. It was one of Jake's biggest fears.

"David -" Jake choked, unable to say anything else.

"Dad, I... it's only... you know that's not what I meant." The remorse was evident on David's face. "I'm sorry I upset you. No one thinks that. But it's my whole point. I'm an adult just as much as Mom is."

"I know you're an adult, Dave. That's not why I'm objecting to this. It's the fact that you're our son, we've only had you with us for one year and you want to leave us." I quietly responded after a minute. Jake still seemed catatonic, almost being as still as a Vampire in times of stress. I was getting worried. Normally when Jake was angry he would shake, a normal precursor to phasing… the exact opposite of what he was doing now. It meant he wasn't angry, but I had no idea what he was feeling, but his behavior was worrying me. I had never seen him like this.

"I've already talked to Gramps, and Uncle Paul and Aunt Rachel. They're all on board," Dave continued, after neither I nor Jake said anything for a few minutes.

"What?" "What's that supposed to mean?" Jake and I both questioned in disbelief. At least Jake was talking again.

"Well, Gramps' house only has three bedrooms; one room's his, one was for Uncle Paul and Aunt Rachel, and one was for Cousin Jeremy. But now, with the birth of the twins, the house is too small for them. Uncle Paul and Aunt Rachel needed a larger place. They just bought a house down the road."

"Gramps thinks my coming to live with him is a wonderful idea. He's getting older and he could use the help now that my Aunt and Uncle won't be living there anymore. The timing is perfect, really," David continued.

I knew Jake's sister and Paul couldn't stay with Billy forever. His house just wasn't big enough to fit their growing family.

"And what about the Pack, David? Have you even thought about that? There can NOT be two La Push Packs," Jacob argued. Now he was starting to shake.

I wanted to use my give to tell him that getting into a fight with our son would not help anything, but that would mean getting closer to him, which was dangerous. Instead I settled on a warning look from across the room. Jake got the message; after taking a deep breath, his face relaxed and I heard his heart rate slow.

And what he told David wasn't exactly true. For a few years there had been two Packs in La Push. When Jake split from Sam's Pack to protect my mother, when she was pregnant with me, Seth and Leah followed him. After I was born, and Jake and Sam reconciled, Embry and Quil followed. They only went back to having one Pack after Embry followed his imprint to Texas, Seth and Leah came out to New Hampshire with Jake and I, and Quil rejoined Sam's/Jared's Pack.

And now Embry was back in La Push. And technically in Jake's Pack.

"It won't be a problem. I want to join Jared's Pack when I move there. I've already talked to him and he's offered to let me be his second, until he stops phasing, in two years. And then I would become Alpha. That's the plan, at least for right now."

Jake slugged himself over to the sofa, next to Dave, and slumped down, looking a bit defeated. His son leaving his Pack was a huge blow to Jake. Probably bigger than him wanting to move. I knew Dave's words hurt, but Jake really needed to pull himself together. Where was my Alpha Wolf?

"What about Collin?" Jake asked, seemingly recovering enough to try to come up with other reasons to dissuade our son. "He's already Jared's second. You can't just take his place."

"Collin is not going to be phasing forever. He Imprinted remember. He's going to be getting married soon and he doesn't want to be a Wolf that much longer. He's already twenty and wants to start aging again in a few years and grow old with his fiancée."

Damn-it! It looked like he'd everything thought out. Almost.

"What are you planning to do about school?" I asked. "And what about money? What are you going to do for work? How are you supposed to live out there? You know food, clothes, books, school, your comics and video games that you love so much – they all cost money." I knew it was really just an empty threat. Of course I would give him whatever he needed but he couldn't just live off of other people his entire life.

"I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing right now. I applied, and have been accepted to a school in California. I know it's a little bit away, but I've set it up so that most of my classes are going to be online; just like yours are right now. I'll only have to go to the school once a week and I can handle that. It's not that bad of a drive.

What? How did he do all of that without any of us finding out? How had Jake not heard anything in his thoughts when they were both phased?

"And as for work, I plan to get a part time job somewhere out there. It wouldn't have to be much. And once I get a degree I'm sure I can find something better in time. Really guys you don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine."

"But we're your family. Won't you miss us?" Felicity sadly whimpered from the corner. Of course she'd heard every word. Those two were so close. I wonder if they had talked about this previously.

"Of course I'll miss you, Fliss," he replied, using his nickname for his sister. "Just as much as you'll miss me. But we have family in La Push too. Why don't you come with me?"

NO! I can't lose both of my children. Not yet, not on the same day.

"I don't want to leave." Thank goodness. "Why don't you want to stay with us, don't you love us?" My heart went out to her as the tears started falling down her face.

"Of course I do," Dave replied. "But I don't feel comfortable here. This place is not my home."

"Of course it is. You live here. You've always lived here," she argued back.

"No. This is just a house," Dave said waving his arm around. "La Push is my home. Yours too," he said now looking at both Jake and my daughter.

"Yeah and what about your Mother?" Jake questioned him. "You know it's too dangerous."

"Why? So what if all the potential teens on the Res turn into Wolves because of her? Why is that such a bad thing? Is there something wrong with being a Wolf?" he asked. He was really asking Jake if there was something wrong with him.

"Of course not. But not everyone sees it that way. And fighting Vampires, protecting the Tribe, it's inherently dangerous. It's not something that should be forced on someone. You can't make life altering decisions for other people."

"Like you're trying to make for me?" David shouted back at his Father. "This is my life. This is what I want. That's where I want to live, I want to be a Wolf, I want to protect the Tribe. They are my people. I feel this connection to them and the land there. Why don't you, Dad?"

I knew why Jake didn't anymore. He wasn't connected to any set place on earth anymore, not since the day I was born. The day he Imprinted on me. He always told me Imprinting was like gravity; that it's not the earth holding him, it was me. Jake had lost his connection to the Reservation, his family, his Tribe… all because of me.

Jake just looked at me, confirming my assumption. He didn't say anything, he didn't need to. Dave had seen into Jake's mind, he knew this was how he felt, too.

Maybe we should let him go. I finally risked going over to Jake, to say with my gift. It was hard to be so close to him, but I just needed to stay in control a little while, then I would rush back to the other side of the room. Maybe even stick my head out the window and take a few breaths of fresh air.

I wanted us to be in agreement before we said anything definitive, out loud. And I didn't want to let Dave go, but maybe my son was right. He was all grown up, as much as I hated to admit it. Was it fair to keep him here, just so I would feel better, if it made him miserable?

Normally Jake and I would huddle together, somewhere private and discuss this but we couldn't exactly do that right now. This was important so still using my gift I showed him all the reasons why I thought we needed to let David go. I still thought he was too young. He wasn't even two but I knew better than anybody else what it was like to grow up so fast and really didn't want him to run away again.

"Nessie?" was all Jake said in reply, seemingly in disbelief.

"Jake, you left home to come live with my family when you were was just seventeen." I replied, as I moved to a safer distance away from him. "As much as I hate to admit it, David is a man now." At least he appeared to be. Mentally he, like I, had been an adult from the time we outwardly resembled six year olds. "We need to let him do this."

"Yeah, I know," he sighed, dropping his eyes to the floor then slowly raised them so he was gazing over to me.


"Did you know Dave was planning this?" I questioned Jake later that night, after the kids went to bed, but before I left to go to the other house.

My control was iffy at best while I was awake. As much as Jake protested to the contrary, I didn't trust myself not to attack him while I slept. That was if I was even able to fall asleep, next to his all too tempting scent.

Even though he'd looked shocked at David's announcement I didn't see how he could not have. They phased daily together.

He shook his head. "Dave seems to of learned a few things from Leah, but honestly I wasn't looking. I've been trying to give him some space and not pry. I hated it when Edward was always in my head, looking for anything I did wrong."

"He didn't do that."

"Sure, sure, but it definitely felt that way," Jake shrugged. "When Dave asked me to not invade his privacy, I tried to honor his request. I thought he was embarrassed about a crush he had on girl he met at school, or something. This is my fault. I should have been paying more attention," he huffed, collapsing onto the couch and throwing his head into his hands.

"Don't be ridiculous, this still would have happened; we would have just found out about it sooner," I said to him before having to sulk back to my Aunts and Uncles old house alone. As I walked there reality crashed down on me again, as it did every night. I prepared to spend another long, lonely night, in an empty bed, away from my soulmate.

This wasn't Jake's fault, but he was suffering, just as much, probably even more, than me, so each morning, after saturating the sheets with my scent, I ripped them off to give to Jake. This way he'd be able to smell me as he slept the next night. He said it helped. It was better than nothing, yet not nearly enough.

Staying away was so hard. I was his Imprint and we seemed to be magnetically drawn together. But I didn't dare get too close to him though; for fear that I would lung for his throat.

We ended up spontaneously engaging in this weird mirror play, where we would stand on opposite sides of whatever room we happen to be in and just follow each other around, sort of close, but not exactly. It was horrible. We barely touched each other in weeks. And it was frustrating on more than one level.

I don't know how Jake was putting up with it because I was crawling out of my skin with all of the tension. But I couldn't risk it.

Just thinking about what happened between Nahuel and Leah sent shivers down my spine. If I accidentally bit Jacob, like Nahuel did with Leah, there would be no way I'd be able to stop myself. I'm not sure how the hell Nahuel hadn't drained her. Of course he wasn't suffering from whatever pseudo-newborn, hybrid, maturity, bloodlust that I was.

Today was hard. Harder than yesterday, but not as bad as tomorrow will be. Each day, everything got a little harder. My thirst for Jake got a little bit more intense. The space I had to keep between us grew a little larger. And it wasn't just my want and need for his blood.

I wanted him – all of him.

My need, my want, to reach out and touch him, and have him touch me... to comfort me… to just... do things to me, to each other, was growing, rapidly! Every. Single. Day!

I don't know how much longer either one of us was going to be able to take this. I was hoping that, at some point the cravings would go away, like Nahuel had said they would. But according to him they only went away after many months, to a year, and only after drinking… no, GORGING himself on blood.

Nahuel equated it to being a newborn… almost. I wished that meant that eventually it would just go away on its own, but I knew it wouldn't. I knew that it wouldn't go away until I'd drunk every last drop from my Jacob. And things would be stuck like this between us until I did.

Nahuel, the only one here who had been through this, wasn't able to offer me any help or solutions.

What was I going to do?


A.N. Thanks for sticking with this story.

The Cullens return in the next chapter. Do you think they will be able to help our long suffering couple? And what about David? He definitely has a mind of his own. Hopefully he starts using it.

Please review.