Updating this while finally starting the "So Dumb" Podcast. I know I have to focus on school but I feel so out of the fandom loop. Grrr. Haha. Hope you all are enjoying the updates!
18
Towers
"Aw, buddy. You're not ready to come out now, are you?"
Charlie giggled at my expression before he continued to splash the bathwater beneath his tiny palms. He was so exuberant—it was far too early for me to feel the same way. With tired eyes, I watched him, giggling along with him every time he laughed.
After a string of syllables, he turned his attention toward me, reaching out with his little hands to capture a few of my fingers. He squeezed as hard as he could, which hadn't been hard at all, and giggled at his strength. I played along with him, feigning hurt and shock until he finally let go of my fingers and went back to splashing the bathwater. Just as I reached forward to tickle him, my phone buzzed along the sink's countertop, moving toward the opened toilet. I catapulted up and snatched my cell before it could drop from the countertop and hit the toilet water.
"Hey!" I said awkwardly as I answered the call and balanced the cell between my shoulder and ear.
"Bella! So much for calling me," Alice answered miffed.
"Sorry," I replied as I sat back down next to the tub and watched Charlie play. "I've been really busy."
"Yesterday, you texted me and said you would call me. What happened to—"
"Alice, what's up?" I had to cut her off, knowing she would prattle on endlessly.
"Can't I just call my sister?"
I smiled slightly at her teasing tone. "You never call to just 'talk.' Now, out with it."
"You know me too well, I guess. I just wanted to check up on you. You know, see how things were going with your hot neighbor."
I grimaced. "His name is Edward."
She giggled at the correction. "Touchy, touchy. Sorry, Edward. How's he doing? Are you two an item, yet?"
I bit down on my bottom lip as I wondered how much I wanted to reveal to my sister. If I held back information, she would be hurt—after all, she never held anything back from me—but, if I told her everything, she would be at my apartment in a heartbeat. She would harass me until I introduced her to Edward and Charlie; I wasn't sure if this was something I was ready for. Having Edward meet Alice could very well become the equivalent to throwing him to a hungry pack of wolves. I loved her, but she was a lot for anyone to handle. Edward was far too stoic and withdrawn for someone like her.
I mulled it over for another moment before I decided to tell her the truth, knowing she would discover it eventually. "I'm … well," I stuttered, flushing with nerves. "We're a couple now, I guess."
"You guess?" she challenged.
"Well, I know. We're together, now," I said more confidently. "He asked me the other day."
"The other day? He asked you the other day, and you didn't come to me with the info immediately?"
"I was a little busy, Alice," I countered.
"Oh …" she replied in a singsong tone. "You were busy? Isabella, already?"
"No, not like that." My flush deepened. "I've just been busy with work and taking care of Charlie."
"Well, how lame," she teased before she began gushing, "Oh, Bella, that's wonderful! I can't believe it! My baby sister has fallen in love."
"Love?" I interrupted quietly.
She hadn't heard me. Instead, she continued to prattle away while my mind wandered. I loved Edward, but hearing the word "love" regarding him, coming from my sister's mouth, was strange. I had barely come to terms with the new feeling myself, so, hearing it spoken of so freely made my heart race and my palms sweat. I hated that she could talk about love so openly while I was so closed off. Why couldn't love feel as easy to me?
"Did you hear me, Bella?"
The question yanked me away from my contemplations.
"What?" I asked dumbly.
"Lunch. Tomorrow. God, Isabella, I love you, but you really can be a space cadet."
"Thanks," I grumbled, although I knew she was right.
Since childhood, my mind had always constantly wandered. While Alice always remained in the present moment, my thoughts were all over the place; they constantly jumped from one idea to the next—one memory to another.
"So, are you down? Are you and your hot neighbor free?"
I knew Edward's schedule by heart.
"Yes," I answered after a moment of debating whether or not I should just lie. "Edward and I are free tomorrow."
"Perfect! See, was that so hard? Now, I can finally meet your boyfriend!"
"Finally? We haven't been together very long, so it's not like you've been waiting around."
"I know. I'm just excited."
I smiled at this. She was probably just as enthused about Edward as I was. My happiness was all she had ever wanted. She had mourned with me, had cried with me, and had raged with me, all while she had looked for opportunities for me to find happiness again. Those opportunities had been few and far between.
Whenever I had found a sliver of happiness in the past, it had only lasted a short while. It had washed over me like ocean waves; it had passed while I had tried to stay afloat. However, I knew this time was different. Edward was different. He wasn't just a wave. He was the entire ocean.
"I'm excited, too," I answered, smiling. "Alice … I think it will stick this time."
"What's he like?"
I heard the smile in her voice.
"He's wonderful. He's so wonderful, so kind, and so giving. I don't think I deserve him."
"I'm sure you do. You're always too hard on yourself. Just sit back and allow yourself to be happy."
Charlie began to scream for attention, finally ready to get out of the tub. I gave him a small smile and grabbed a bath towel for him.
"Sorry, Alice, I have to go. Charlie's finished with his bath and is getting all fussy."
"Okay! Well, give him a kiss for me. I'll text you about tomorrow."
"Sure. You're not going to believe it when I say I'm actually excited." I chuckled.
"Excited? Who are you and what have you done with my sister?"
I giggled again. "I'm serious."
"Well, good. I'm looking forward to meeting the man in your life."
Charlie squealed again before he gave me the cutest pout I had ever seen on him.
"Okay, I really have to go now. He's going to throw a fit any second."
"Love you, sis."
"Love you, too, Alice. See you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow," she promised before ending the call.
"Sorry, buddy. I can't give you all of my attention all of the time." His pout grew. "Although, I want to." I laughed, reaching for him.
I lifted him from the tub and pulled the plug, allowing the bathwater to drain. Wrapping Charlie in a towel, I tried my best to dry him off as he wiggled around in my lap, babbling to me. I watched his mouth move and wondered what words he was attempting to form, if any. He babbled something, cocked his little head to the side, and peered up at me, awaiting my answer.
"You ready to get dressed and watch a movie?"
He smiled at this and clapped his hands as I rose from the ground and made my way to my makeshift nursery. Charlie laughed as I toweled him dry and slid his jittery body into a onesie. Once I buttoned him up, I smiled to myself, happy to finally have him clean and relaxed.
"What movie should we watch while we wait for Daddy?" I asked as I traversed to my living room.
For so long, I had referred to Edward as Charlie's uncle; now, that sounded wrong. Although the title wasn't meaningless, it didn't seem to express Edward's role in Charlie's life. He was Charlie's father. The minute details didn't matter. So, I would call him that. He deserved to be called that—he had earned it.
After I settled Charlie comfortably on the carpeted floor in front of the couch, I knelt in front of my modest television and scanned my DVD selection. My eyes wandered from DVD to DVD before they settled on one of my favorites: Anastasia. Growing up, I had known every song. With my mom near, I had murmured along with "Once Upon a December," until I had fallen asleep in her lap. Today, I could share a similar experience with Charlie. As I popped the disk into the player, my eyes began to mist.
Suddenly, I could see the major draw to having children. In a way, I could live vicariously through Charlie. I could experience everything through Charlie's eyes as if it were brand new. Nostalgia washed over me in waves as I remembered what it felt like to grow up. With Charlie, I felt young again—I felt like I did before life had marred me.
My phone came to life on the couch beside us as the third movie began. Relaxed, I reached for it. This was the first "lazy day" I'd had in a long time. I smiled as I saw Edward's name light up my screen. Whenever he messaged me, I felt special. Which surely was silly, considering I was his girlfriend, but he had a way of making me feel like I was the most important person in the world. I was grateful for that.
I'll be home soon, babe. How's Charlie?
Being referred to as "babe" always managed to make my heart flutter.
He's been perfect. He's only had one tantrum today, and it was short. But we both want you home!
I'll be back soon. Don't have too much fun without me.
Never.
I had almost written, "I love you." Thankfully, I had some sense and kept my text short. When I told him my feelings, which I someday would, I needed for the words to be expressed in person. I wanted to see his eyes as he heard the truth. The words carried so much weight—meant more than they could ever express—so, I wanted to be present for their impact. I wanted to see firsthand the change they made.
As we waited for Edward to bust through my front door, I thought of the words "I love you." I thought of the fact that I had never said those words to anyone outside of my family. Even when I had believed myself to be in love with him—the man from my past who didn't deserve a name in my mind—I had never told him. He had held enough power over me already; if he truly believed he'd had my heart, I would have never broken free of him. The way I had felt about him was entirely different than the way I felt about Edward. My feelings for that other man didn't hold a candle to my feelings concerning the man in my life now. Edward made me feel loved. When I thought of his face in my mind, I experienced a profound sense of relief.
Even in my dark times, which still crept up on me every now and then, the image of Edward had the power to put my heart and mind at ease. Although he wasn't always by my side, when I needed him, I could picture him, and the image felt like a warm embrace; phantom arms wrapped around me as if he were holding me against his chest. It was like somewhere in the world he knew I needed comfort. Edward felt like home. I had never known I was wandering until he rooted me. Honestly, I hadn't even known I loved him—really loved him—until recently.
I had fallen for Edward before I had even been aware love had found me. I had realized my feelings for him a few nights ago when I had been all alone. The darkness had crept up on me, surprising me as I had curled up with a book on my recliner. That night, the book had been unable to captivate me, and my mind had wandered, brushing against the edges of dangerous topics, which I had kept buried away in my subconscious. One moment, I had been okay, and the next I had tears filling my eyes.
Suddenly, I had been drowning. The darkness had been pulling me deeper into the abyss as I'd tried desperately to swim back to surface. Depression was tricky that way: one moment, you believed you were all right, and the next, you couldn't breathe. Edward had kept the darkness from sinking its claws into me. Edward and little Charlie. I had thought of him—I had thought of how much he meant to me. The more I had thought, the more I began to realize my feelings. I realized I never wanted to leave them behind.
"What would Edward think of you if he saw you like this?" I whispered to my reflection.
I looked so … broken. I looked broken, and I hated it. I hated the power I had allowed someone to have over me. I hated that they had the privilege of going on with their lives, probably forgetting all about me, while I had to suffer.
It was debilitating. Until I met Edward. He made things better. He made me feel like me again. He gave me hope.
"He would feel so sad for me," I told my reflection.
He would want to do something to assuage my pain. I imagined his face in my mind—I imagined his smile. I imagined the way he talked to me like no one else really had, with a voice filled with so much love and warmth.
Love …
Someone else talked to me similarly.
Someone who was long gone.
I smiled as I thought of her. My mom would have loved Edward. If she knew the way he made me feel, she would push me toward marriage in a heartbeat. My smile grew. I had been so confused with my feelings toward Edward. After all the shit that had happened in my past, I hadn't been sure if I could trust my heart. Now, I knew I had to listen to it.
I loved Edward.
I loved him.
He was my other half.
As cheesy as that phrase had always sounded to me, there was no better way to describe his role in my life. When I saw his face in my mind, all my pain washed away. He was the best medicine. He was the best friend. As a boyfriend, he made me feel like I was the only woman in the world. He made me feel beautiful, and more importantly, he made me feel like I was worth something. I wondered if I made him feel something similar because, to me, he was worth everything.
"I love Edward," I said aloud, feeling the darkness washing against my heart trickle away.
"I love you, Edward," I practiced.
I loved him. Now, nothing would ever be the same. He was my future—the past no longer mattered. I wouldn't let it. The shadows couldn't affect me anymore.
I had far too much to live for.
Charlie's little hands grabbing at my blouse caused my mind to center. I peered down at him before I realized our third movie had reached its end. Feeling lazy, I grabbed the television remote and switched to daytime cartoons. Charlie perked up on my lap instantly, obviously recognizing SpongeBob SquarePants from his days with Edward. Just as we got settled in and Charlie began to laugh at every image presented on the television, Edward shuffled in, kicking my front door shut behind him.
"How did lunch go with your dad?" I asked as I tried to read his blank expression.
He looked handsome—he always looked handsome—but today, he also looked tired. Not just physically, but mentally, too. He looked like a man who had been through the ringer. He gave me a small, crooked smile before he took a seat on the couch next to Charlie and me. He threw his arm over my shoulder and exhaled, sinking into the couch cushions as if he wanted to disappear.
"It was fine. He seemed really out of it," he replied as he stared at the TV.
"Did he patch things up with your mom?" I asked, unable to help my curiosity. This was why he had lunch with his dad today, after all. They had had a fight after the party. Edward had seemed bleak about it. Apparently, they had seemed fractured beyond repair.
"No," he said slowly as he continued to gaze at the dorky cartoon sponge on the television. "They're getting a divorce."
Typically, I would have felt horrible hearing news like this. However, Elizabeth had rubbed me the wrong way. Everything about her seemed artificial and narcissistic. I didn't know what to think of his father anymore. I felt for Edward but believed the situation was possibly for the best.
"Oh, sweetheart," I empathized as I nuzzled up against him. "I'm so sorry. I know that must be difficult."
He shrugged, seeming almost bored with the topic. "I don't know. I guess I never really had a good relationship with her. I just hope my dad isn't suffering."
Of course, I hoped that, too.
"Did he seem to be in pretty bad shape when you saw him?"
"No, he just looked tired—so fucking tired." He grimaced, turning his head away.
Reaching forward, I grabbed his chin and gently turned him to face me. I licked my lips and then pressed them firmly against his. He groaned against my mouth and opened ever so slightly to allow my tongue entrance. His tongue flirted with mine, and he kissed me until he was breathless. Only then did he pull away a fraction. I smiled at him, feeling flustered, and he rewarded me with a small peck on the lips.
"Charlie's missed you all day," I commented, changing the subject.
As if on cue, Charlie became needy and reached for Edward, pouting until his daddy picked him up and held him against his chest.
"Stop being so fussy, little man. Dad's home. Chill out."
As I watched the pair, I thought of the conversation I'd had with Alice this morning. Somehow, I would have to convince Edward to meet my sister. Thankfully, he barely knew anything about her; otherwise, convincing him would have been no easy feat.
"What is it, baby?" I heard Edward ask, causing my eyes to shoot up to meet his.
Toying with my hair, I shrugged, feeling myself sink against the couch cushions. "It's nothing."
"Bella," he admonished, sounding very father-like suddenly.
"Okay," I gave in. "It's just … my sister really wants to meet you. Since I told her I had a boyfriend, she's been wanting to have you and Charlie over for lunch."
"Wow, she works fast." He chuckled.
That's Alice for you.
"We don't have to go if you don't want to," I continued, not wanting him to feel pressured. "I know it's really soon, Edward."
"No." He waved his hand dismissively. "It's fine. I want to meet your sister. Didn't you say she has a daughter? Maybe she and Charlie can become friends and have playdates."
I smiled at the hopeful note in his voice.
"Okay, well, I told her you have the day off tomorrow. So, maybe we can go then?"
He gave me a dubious look. I watched as the corners of his mouth twitched.
"Is it that obvious I'll say yes to anything you ask?"
"Well," I blushed, giving him a coquettish smile, "it's not super obvious or anything. It's just, you've never let me down before."
"I never want to let you down. Ever."
I'm counting on it.
