22 - Jack

"It was a Tuesday" he started, his face one of discomfort so I didn't push, just waited. Then he added "Tosh was not working that afternoon, she and Owen had some meeting with a real estate agent."

"Owen" I reply then get it. The Doctor. Toshiko is with him, right. I nod for him to continue.

"The first thing I heard was a deep boom like… someone dropped something from a rooftop. I actually wondered if kids were messing about and I stepped out of the shop to look down the street to the square. That's when I saw the smoke and I thought it was a car accident or something. Something bad … a gas pipe maybe… you know. Your brain whirrs. I ran towards it and people were running the other way screaming, hysterical and so afraid. I started yelling for them to go to my store, it was safe in there. Get in there. You see … by now I knew it ws a bomb. The smell … a little voice in the back of my head, sounded like me Mam … told me so. Told me to run but I kept going. The second one went off behind me, between me and the store. I turned but saw no one down, they had listened and run to the store. It didn't get anyone except the animal it was attached to. That's when I saw him."

I knew but felt the need to say it as I reached out and took his hand "The bomber?"

"Yes. Stood there with his hands raised above his head, one hand gripping something. The Heddlu were shouting at him not to drop it, not to let it go and it was strange. Usually they say drop it. Drop the weapon, but they were screaming otherwise. Clearly it was the trigger." He stopped to consider and I felt ill. I remember now. I watched the raw footage at the time while debriefing the officers. I remember … it was him. Christ on a stick.

"I was so angry. People minding their own business, little ones out shopping with their parents ya know … I could see some laying there hurt … maybe worse and I sort of saw red. I don't remember thinking it, deciding it. I sort of just reacted like someone else was pulling my strings. The flick-knife I keep for protection was in me hand, me other hand reaching up to seize his, cover his fingers with mine and secure the device even as the knife was driven up into his neck, up into his skull from behind."

"He struggled more than I thought he would, we both went down and one of the Heddlu leapt on us, her hands both going over mine to secure the trigger so I could concentrate on that blade going deeper. I know I snarled, I know she screamed. The sound of gunfire as her partner released his clip into the animal then … it was so quiet." Ianto smiled sadly "Just her panting with shock."

Gaffer tape right?" I remember "Someone came out of the shop nearby with tape and you taped the man's hand closed, made sure his fingers didn't move the device as it was sensitive to pressure. That was a clever move, I remember thinking that was a clear headed idea."

"Yeah" he is sad, so sad and I know the losses that day weigh on him heavily.

"You could not stop the first two … how could you, you were not even part of it then. You stopped the third, the one that could have done the most damage with all the Heddlu there as well … the emergency series mulling around. That third device could have taken out so many more than the first two put together. You feel that but you know that you could not save them all but you did … you did. No one died that day. Some were badly hurt bot no one died. You did save them Ianto."

"Lisa made the same argument" he nodded now smiling now "I just felt … sick."

"A hero does not gain pleasure from the action … merely accepts it was what was needed to be done" I council gently "Something I tell my recruits. There will come a day when you look at a man on the ground and know you are the one to blame. He asked for it, needed it and you were justified in saving lives, including your own but in that moment you will feel such shame and disgust in yourself for being the one standing. I tell them that. Only a survivor understands that. The guilt."

"Yeah" he looks at me and starts to smile softly "I prefer that term to Hero any day. A survivor. Seems to be my jam."

"Why don't you have any of these kitties at home?" I change the subject sensing his need for me to and the relief on his face tells me I was right "They are all so sweet. Some are for adoption right?"

"Yes, people drop off the kittens they don't want and people pick out the ones they like. Some go .. some stay. Some even come back … bloody devils in fur coats" he scolds as he pets one lovingly "Lisa was allergic. I guess with everything happening with the wedding and such I never really had time to pick one."

"You must have a favourite" I prod, several in his lap with adoring looks on their fuzzy faces.

"several" he admits with an equally adorable look "Maybe… maybe it would not hurt. These two are litter-brothers. Been together from the beginning, I could not bear to separate them so took them off the list of adoption cats."

"Well then… maybe they would like a little holiday with some excitable kids?"

He looks at me with those eyes and I want to kiss him so much, if only to take the tears threatening not so long ago away.

So I do.

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Internet crappy due to high number of people using it so ... will post more later, just this for now