TJ wasn't looking forward to school the following week. He barely looked forward to it on any other week, but with what happened at the dance on his mind, he didn't feel like walking through a crowd. He considered using one of his mental health days, but that would just be pushing it back, and it would be a waste of a day that he would need later.

The only good thing he had to look forward to was that Austin was suspended; the school called his parents to let them know that they knew about what happened at the dance.

Unable or unwilling to look anyone in the eye, he walked into school with his head down, trying to ignore the smirks and laughs at him. The sooner winter break came, the better. Turning the corner, he spotted his friends rushing to clean out trash that other students stuffed in his locker. Or course they would.

"Thanks guys," he said when he reached them. He helped clear out the last of the trash. "I'm starting to think I should just carry my stuff around so I don't have to open my locker."

"That's just letting them win," CJ said. TJ shrugged. Did it really matter at this point? Who wins or loses? He just wanted, needed to be left alone.

But he could never get what he needed, it seems.

Trying to ignore it, not to give it any attention, advice that adults gave to them to deal with bullying, none of it worked. At least, not for him. How was he supposed to ignore the whispers or the finger pointing, or the trash stuffed in his desk? He already hung his head low, from exhaustion and not wanting to look at anyone.

Eventually, hell, luckily, the voices started to fade away around fourth period, into a mumble, far away sound as each of his motions felt like it was being done by puppet strings. That disassociation Dr. Sage told him about. He knew it was bad, but right then, he didn't care. TJ was open to anything that can take him away from this place.

ZZZ

School was over by the time he came to. TJ knew the exact number of steps he had to take away from school grounds before he could pull out a cigarette and have a long overdue smoke. Maybe his parents will smell the smoke on him, maybe they won't, he didn't care. Right now he needed something

It was difficult to care much about anything, anymore. Kickboxing was something he dropped with ease, and he barely had it in him to hang on to his paper route. Money was a good motivator, though. He'll try to keep that for a while. He was only halfway through this pack. . .he might need to find Colten and ask for another.

"Hey."

Speaking of, Colten and the others walked up to him as he let out a puff of smoke.

"Hey," TJ greeted back. "What's up?"

"We're going to this place downtown. It's really low key, not a lot of kids know about it," said Emily. "Do you wanna come?"

"I dunno. . ." TJ mumbled. It wasn't like he had much to do today, though. Go home, get Sasha and walk her, then who knew? He didn't have it in him to do his homework, not now or in the last couple of weeks. It didn't matter if he didn't do it for one more day.

His grades didn't matter.

School didn't matter.

Nothing mattered.

Did he even matter?

"It's just a bunch of us hanging out doing whatever," said Colten. "You gotta bring your own thing to do, though."

"Yeah. Yeah, why not. I don't have anything better to do," TJ said. He held the half smoked cigarette between two fingers. "I gotta walk my dog before I go."

They followed him on his way home, talking about nothing in particular. A few blocks away from his house, TJ dropped his cigarette, stomped it out, and left it up to the wind whether or not his parents would smell anything on him. Sasha's walk was cut short, as he brought her home, grabbed his sketchbook, and headed right back out with Colten's group.

"Heard that asshole Austin got suspended," said Colten. "Good shit."

"Yeah. . ." That didn't stop everyone else. TJ followed them off the bus, and down the city streets. "I don't want to talk about that, or anything about it."

The others respected that, and didn't bring it up again. Where ever they were bringing him, he wanted to use it to get his mind off things. Kind of like last Saturday. It was nice of his friends to do what they did over the weekend, and he did like it. It was like a piece of summer, before all of this stuff happened. But once it over, once the sun set and he was back in his bed, it was right back on his mind, interrupting each of his attempts to get his thoughts away from that. Away from being covered in trash in front of everyone, humiliated.

Pathetic

Stupid

Crybaby

"Here it is."

They stopped in front of large metal door in an alleyway. TJ watched Colten knock on it in a pattern before it opened. Another kid slightly older than them opened the door and let them through. Down a short staircase, they entered a large open room. Kids, ranging from a little older than them to a little younger, were scattered around, some in their own groups sitting on couches or beanbags, doing their own thing. They weren't dressed too unlike Colten and his group. Some glanced over at them before turned back to whatever they were going.

"Our spot is still clear," said Emily. She pointed to a circle of beanbags in a corner. They settled in, getting off their feet and relaxing. TJ looked around some more. Some kids where talking or playing video games on the TV on the opposite wall, others were sitting tightly together at a table, and he recognized the DnD board they were playing on from his time with the Pale Kids. Some where by themselves, writing, reading, drawing, or just listening to music and nodded their head with their eyes shut. But none of them were bothering anyone.

Why couldn't school be like this?

TJ opened his sketchbook and started to draw.

ZZZ

By the time they left, the streetlights were coming on. The other kids started trickling out as well, some going to the nearby bus stop, others choosing to walk. TJ knew his parents were going to be mad.

But it didn't matter.

"Remember when you brought me out here in the middle of the night?" He asked Colten.

Colten nodded. "Yeah. Was nice. Been a while, why? Wanna do it again?"

"Hmm. . .maybe."

Was that what he needed? That night, in the middle of the city with everyone asleep and the rain coming down, with the few neon lights bouncing off the buildings and puddles, it was so refreshing. He didn't have the words to describe what it was like, having his mind and thoughts cleared. Sleep came easy that night, easier than it had in a while.

One bus ride and a short walk later, and TJ was home. As soon as he stepped inside, his parents were there, asking him questions, one right after the other. But he didn't have it in him to answer. Instead, he kept his head low and made his way past them and upstairs to his room.