Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.
Olivia came to consciousness gradually. The first thing she was aware of, as was typical for her these past few days, was pain. That feeling was eclipsed by a warmth that filled her entire being. She was in Elliot's arms. Granted, she had spent the past several nights sleeping this way, but something had changed in a major way only the day before. Not only had he kissed her, but they had admitted their feelings to one another. Never in a million years when she'd promised Kathy on Friday that she wouldn't run if things between her and Elliot should develop into something more had she imagined things would change the very next day.
Instead of being anxious, terrified, or any of the other emotions she had expected to feel if things would have taken this turn, all she was feeling in this moment was content.
Elliot's embrace intensified, and his breathing shifted ever so slightly. Olivia knew instinctively that meant he was awake. As she felt his hand come up to run through her hair, she closed her eyes briefly to fully enjoy the sensation. Without realizing she was doing so, she also tilted her head upward. When she felt his lips softly caress her own, she brought her own palm up to cup his face. When they parted, the low rumble of his voice reached her ears.
"Good morning, beautiful. Please tell me I'm not dreaming – that you really did say you loved me last night."
Olivia couldn't stop her smile.
"If you're dreaming, El, then so am I. You told me that you loved me, too."
He kissed her a second time, then, a bit more intensely than the first, but no less reverently. When they'd been away together last weekend, he'd imagined telling her that he loved her, but never in a million years could he have envisioned things playing out this way. Of course, he could have easily done without her getting injured. Even if the fear as a result of it had served as a catalyst for him to admit his feelings.
There was so much more he wanted to say, but he didn't want to rush things. Plus, he had a feeling that Eli would be waking up soon. Later tonight, when he and Olivia were alone again, he had every intention on asking her on their first official date – even though in his mind he counted their dinner together at the lodge restaurant the previous weekend as one. The entire weekend away together had been so special. Trying to shake those thoughts from his head for the time being, he focused on the present.
"I'm going to be making breakfast soon, Liv. Do you have any requests?"
Still cuddled against his chest, Olivia shook her head to indicate the negative. He tensed, worried that she was going to refuse to eat, and was ready to remind her that food was necessary for her to take the antibiotic. Before he had a chance to say anything, though, she was answering his question.
"I'll eat whatever you make, El. But what you should really be considering is this – what will Eli want to eat?"
Again, Elliot was touched by the fact that Olivia was putting his son first. Eli wasn't really a picky eater, but at the age of three, didn't exactly have an expanded palate yet, either. Plus, since he considered this visit to be somewhat special, he wanted to make things a treat for the boy, too. He decided that he would make blueberry pancakes, since they were one of Eli's favorites.
Before she had the chance to offer her assistance in preparing the meal, Elliot told Olivia to stay put. He couldn't resist giving her another kiss before getting out of bed, telling her he would call her when the coffee was ready. In truth, he would have liked her to rest a lot longer, but knew he'd never be able to convince her.
After checking on Eli, and finding the boy still asleep, Elliot headed to the kitchen. His first step was to put on a pot of coffee to brew. Then he began assembling the ingredients for pancakes. He'd just gotten the batter ready when Olivia joined him in the kitchen. She must have been able to smell the coffee. As he was about to pour her a cup, Eli called out from the other room. There was no mistaking the distress in the toddlers voice.
Realizing that the boy likely didn't recognize his surroundings, Elliot dropped what he was doing to go to his son. He'd taken naps at Olivia's before, but this was his first time waking up there after having spent the night. It made sense that he would be a little anxious. When he returned a few minutes later with a much happier Eli, he found Olivia at the stove. She had taken over his duties, and was cooking the pancakes he had abandoned. She'd even spied the blueberries he'd left on the counter and had added them to the batter.
"Breakfast will be ready soon."
She must have spotted them out of the corner of her eye, because she hadn't turned around. Though a part of him wanted to reprimand her for doing too much, all he felt at that moment was love. It wasn't the first meal Olivia had prepared while he'd been staying with her, but it was the first that she'd made for them to share with one of his children.
Just as Olivia had predicted, the three were sitting down together at the table within a short period of time. Eli had recovered from his confusion at waking up in a strange place, and was talkative yet again. He was also eating happily. Elliot took a taste of his breakfast, and smiled up at the woman sitting across from him.
"These pancakes are delicious, Liv. Thank you."
"I can't take all the credit. You made the batter. I just added it to the pan."
Reaching for her hand, he squeezed softly as he ran a thumb across her palm.
"We always did our best work together."
A slight blush appeared on Olivia's cheeks as Elliot flirted with her, but she didn't care in the slightest. Instead of looking down to hide her flushed face, she met his gaze head on and smiled back at him.
After breakfast was over, it was Elliot who insisted on cleaning up the kitchen. Olivia agreed, and took Eli into the living room to read to him while they waited. She had just finished the story when Elliot came to join them. He sat down next to the pair, and put his arm over the back of the sofa, the action enabling him to hold them both.
"So, Liv, what did you want to do today?"
"I don't want to interfere with your plans with your son."
He dropped his hand down to her shoulder, squeezing gently. The action had its intended effect, causing her to look him directly in the eye.
"You wouldn't be interfering, Liv. I didn't have any concrete plans, and I know you're still hurting, so we could just take it easy."
Olivia was about to object a second time, when Elliot reminded her of the fact that it was raining heavily outside, so their activity choices were limited anyway. Still realizing that she wasn't about to admit to her own pain for fear of spoiling things for his son, he realized that he would have to make the decision for her.
"We'll stay in today, Liv. Maybe if you wouldn't mind watching Eli for a little while, I could run out and get him some more toys and games to keep here."
"Of course I'll watch him, Elliot."
Knowing Eli would be in good hands, Elliot went to get ready. The sooner he was able to go out, the sooner he would be able to come back. When he slipped quietly out the door a few minutes later, Eli was snuggled up to Olivia on the sofa, immersed in another story.
Ninety minutes later, he returned to the apartment, a bag in each hand. Eli and Olivia were in the same positions on the sofa as he'd left them, only now they were watching a program together on the television. Neither had turned to look at him.
"I'm back."
Elliot announced his presence, and the room came to life. Eli hopped off the sofa and came running around to greet him. Quickly setting down the bags he held, he scooped up his son to give him a hug.
"Hey buddy. Did you and Olivia have fun while I was gone?"
"Yes, Daddy. We watched TV!"
Elliot met Olivia's eyes and the two shared a smile. It was easy to see why Eli thought watching television here at Olivia's was a treat. Aside from the one show he'd watched after his bath last night, it really hadn't been on much. He and Kathy were never strict with his screen time, but they also didn't let him watch all day long, either.
Setting the boy back down on his feet, Elliot instructed him to come back around to the coffee table. Bringing the bags over to show Eli his purchases, he explained.
"These toys are going to stay here, so you always have something to play with when you visit Olivia's."
Opening the bags, Elliot brought out some blocks, a game of picture dominoes, a few toy cars, and some crayons along with some paper. Eli immediately gravitated toward the dominoes, which had his favorite characters on them. He asked his father and Olivia to play a game with him. Neither adult hesitated in their answer, and everyone gathered around the coffee table.
The purpose of the game was simple. Instead of matching up numbers, you matched up the characters to make a play. It was easy enough for Eli to learn, and he caught on quickly. The three of them played three rounds before the boy tired, complaining to his father that he was hungry. Elliot looked at the clock, realizing that it was past lunch time.
"I can make something for us to eat, El."
"I appreciate the offer, Liv, but I was just going to heat up leftovers from last night's dinner."
The night before, Elliot had made a huge casserole dish of macaroni and cheese. She knew there would be no complaints from Eli if he were served that a second time. Perhaps that had been Elliot's plan all along to keep meal preparation as simple as possible.
It didn't take long to heat up their lunch, and as predicted, Eli had enjoyed getting one of his favorites two days in a row. After he had eaten, they spent some quiet time in the living room reading so his stomach could settle. When it was time for Eli's nap, Elliot lay him down like he had the night before, hoping that when he woke up this time, he wouldn't be as scared as he had been this morning.
Back in the living room, Elliot joined Olivia on the sofa and wrapped his arms around her. It was the first that he'd truly been able to hold her since that morning.
"Did you need to rest, too, Liv? I don't mind if you do."
"I'm content to just sit here with you like this."
As soon as she'd finished speaking, Olivia turned and leaned against his chest, tucking her head under his chin. He intensified his hold instinctively, even though he reminded himself to be as gentle as possible. He still couldn't shake the image of those bruises from his mind. He tried to push that thought aside, because all that mattered for now was that Olivia was in his arms.
The rest of Eli's visit after he had woken from his nap passed quickly, and before he was ready for it, it was time for Elliot to drive him back to Queens. To his surprise, he'd managed to convince Olivia to come along for the ride, though he knew she would insist on staying in the car when they got to the house.
On their way back home, they stopped to pick up some Chinese take out. Back in Olivia's apartment, they were getting settled to eat when Elliot broached a subject he hoped wouldn't be upsetting.
"Olivia? Can I talk to you about something?"
Hearing the serious tone of his voice, Olivia immediately set her plate to the side. Food could wait. She took Elliot's hands in her own, and looked him directly in the eye.
"You can talk to me about anything at anytime, El. That hasn't changed. It never will."
Elliot nodded, then took a deep breath. He didn't know why he was suddenly so nervous.
"You know I have therapy with Dr. Simpson tomorrow, right?"
Olivia didn't say anything, but nodded once to confirm she understood.
"Could I , that is to say, would you mind if I told her about what happened to you?"
Olivia let go of Elliot's hands only so should could cup his face in her palms. Her eyes flicked back and forth between his own, trying to ensure that he would not only hear her, but that he saw her as well.
"Elliot, you don't need to ask me for permission about what you discuss in your private sessions. Even though I was the one who got hurt, I know you were impacted by it, too. It's not an invasion of my privacy to tell what happened."
He released a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding. She'd understood exactly what it was he'd been trying to ask. Not only that, but she knew why he wanted to talk about it in therapy. There had been a part of him that had been anxious she would think he was referring to the most recent development in their relationship. Granted, he wanted to talk to the doctor about that too, as that was part of his recovery as well, but that wasn't what was first and foremost on his mind. No, what still haunted him was that phone call he'd received on Tuesday when she was late coming home. The image of her in a hospital bed. The bruises and stitches he'd seen on her back. For the first time since he'd left the force, he'd truly had to grasp the fact that Olivia was still a cop – walking into untold dangers every day without him by her side. Not that he'd ever ask her to quit, but it gave him a newfound respect to what Kathy must have endured during all the years they were married.
"Is there anything else you need to talk about right now, El?"
Elliot startled at first at the sound of her voice. He'd been so lost in his thoughts he almost hadn't understood her question. Truth was, he did have something else to ask, but he was even more hesitant to delve into this next topic. However, Olivia must have sensed his unease, and saved him, answering before he could even question her.
"Oh, by the way, I spoke to Cragen while you were in the house with Kathy dropping off Eli earlier."
He said nothing, but looked at her curiously. He didn't want to press her, but wanted to give her space to tell him on her own time.
"He wants me to wait a few more days before coming back to work. I don't have to wait until the stitches are out, but he does want me to stay home this week."
Now there was no doubt about what he would say. He could see the defeat written in her expression. Now was not the time for an 'I told you so.' Not that he'd ever say that to her anyway.
"I'm sorry, Liv. I know that's not what you were wanting to hear."
"No, but you were right. I am in more pain that I care to admit. It will probably do me some good to take it easy for a little bit longer."
He hugged her then, and kissed her gently. When they separated, they both looked to the coffee table and laughed lightly. Sitting there was their forgotten dinner, now cold. With a kiss to the crown of her head, Elliot instructed Olivia to stay put as he gathered their plates and took them to the kitchen to reheat them.
Elliot made it through his programs on Monday as best he could. Olivia had said she would meet him for lunch, but he had told her to stay home and rest at least one more day. Tomorrow maybe, if she was feeling up to it, he would take her up on her offer. He did however, call her at lunchtime. If he wasn't mistaken, he had interrupted a nap, making him all the more glad he'd insisted she stay home.
Now, he was in the waiting room of Dr. Simpsons office, more anxious than he could remember being in a long while. Could it really be that it was only last week he and Kathy were here together? That it was then he had simultaneously shared the good news of his weekend away with Olivia, and the more sobering information about his impending divorce from Kathy? He remembered going out for coffee with Kathy after, then shopping for groceries. Never would he have imagined that a phone call only a few hours later was going to throw his world into a tailspin.
He was pulled from his thoughts when Dr. Simpson called his name, and he followed her back almost mechanically. He knew as soon as they were seated, she was going to call him out, but he didn't care. He was clearly wearing his emotions on his sleeve right now. He'd done a good job hiding them for the better part of the day, but couldn't keep it in any longer.
"All right, Elliot. I can tell you have a lot on your mind, so why don't you tell me what is going on?"
"There is so much to say, I don't even know where to start."
"I find its always best to start at the beginning."
Taking a deep breath, he did just that. He started where he'd left off the week before. He asked if she remembered what he'd told her about his weekend away with Olivia, and his divorce. When Dr. Simpson nodded, he continued.
"After I left your office, Kathy and I went out together for a cup of coffee. It was nice – for the first time in a long while there were no expectations involved of who I had to be."
He took a sip from the water bottle he held in his hands, wishing he could stop them from shaking. The memories were hitting hard and fast now. He could almost hear the ringing of the phone, and the silence on the other end of the line before Fin's voice came through.
"When I got back to Olivia's, I was just resting and waiting for her to get home. The phone rang, and I thought it was just her calling to tell me she was going to be late."
Dr. Simpson had already intuited from Elliot's body language that something was wrong. His lead in describing what had gone on after he'd left her office last week only served to increase the tension. He may be fine physically, but he wasn't mentally. Something was still upsetting him a great deal, and she now had an inkling as to what. She just needed to confirm it.
"Who was on the phone, Elliot?"
Now the anguish was clear to read on his face. He looked up at the psychiatrist with a haunted expression.
"Fin. He's a former coworker of mine, still works with Liv. He was calling to tell me that she was in the emergency room – she had been hurt in the line of duty."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Was she seriously injured?"
He exhaled a breath, more of a sigh of relief than anything. Gone was the worry that the doctor would say it was too much for him to handle. All she had expressed so far was concern for Olivia. He related the details as he remembered them, even if it was on somewhat of an autopilot mode. It was when he began to describe hearing Olivia describe her injuries in person that he stared to crack again.
"I yelled at her. I didn't mean to, but I raised my voice."
"I'm sure that Olivia didn't take that personally. You were reacting to the situation, not angry with her."
Relief coursed through him again as he realized she was right. Olivia hadn't so much as flinched when he had shouted. He supposed it was because she had already anticipated that sort of reaction from him.
More comfortable now, he continued to say what had happened during Olivia's one night hospital stay, and how he had been caring for her since she returned home. He even shared how Kathy was the one who drove her to her appointment on Friday. If the doctor was surprised that his soon to be ex-wife was willing to step in and help out, she didn't let it show.
"I've been trying my best to be strong for her since she was hurt, you know? She's taken care of me since I showed up at her door, this time she needed me to be there for her."
"I hear what you are saying, Elliot, but it's not a contest. Showing your emotions over her injuries doesn't make you any less strong. It makes you human."
He shook his head then. He wasn't even close to finished with telling his story.
"I really showed my human side on Saturday, then. That was the first day she needed my help changing the bandages. I walked into the bathroom and took one look at her back and wanted to fall apart."
He took a break to take another drink of water as even more memories washed over him. The sight of her bare back for that first time, the multitude of bruises not just there, but on her body as a whole.
"I've seen a lot of bruised bodies over my time at SVU. But none of those were Olivia. Her whole back was purple. I could only imagine how much pain she was in – how much pain she is still in."
He paused then, a sense of wonder filling his voice.
"She hasn't complained, doc. Not once. I take that back – she did complain once – she said it 'sucked' that she had to take medication."
At that comment, Dr. Simpson chuckled softly. He knew she wasn't laughing at Olivia's injuries, but at the way he'd explained her reaction to them. There was just one more thing he needed to add, and this was the one part his stomach was in knots about.
"Something else happened on Saturday, too. While I was changing the bandage, and after."
Knowing he'd likely confused the doctor, he explained a bit further. He detailed how he and Olivia had become closer over the past months he'd been staying with her, and that it wasn't uncommon for them to share a hug, or for him to kiss her temple or forehead.
"When I was saw the wound, the first thing that came to mind was to ask her permission to kiss it."
Again, the doctor's face was impassive.
"And, how did she react?"
"She gave her permission."
He explained how he kissed the stitches softly, keeping the gesture brief. However, he also detailed that when they were back in the living room together, that he and Olivia shared their first real kiss. That later that night after Eli had gone to sleep, they had lain together in Olivia's bed and declared their love for one another. Silent now, he looked at Dr. Simpson expectantly. She didn't make him wait long.
"Elliot, I'm sorry for what both you and Olivia have had to go through this week. I can only imagine how frightening and emotional that was for each of you."
She cleared her throat, then continued.
"However, in regards to what is developing between the two of you, you have nothing to feel guilty for. It is clear from what you told me that the feelings are mutual, and I've seen it for myself when Olivia has been with us that she cares for you a great deal."
She paused a second time to give Elliot some time to digest her words.
"Just because you are in an intensive therapy program does not mean you are forbidden to pursue a relationship. Yes, it is true that you are still at a point in your treatment where you will be feeling things more intensely, but I do not think that is what is happening here."
"Thank you doctor."
They talked about a few other things, mainly the positives about the past week – including Eli's overnight visit – and made plans to schedule an upcoming appointment. Feeling like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, Elliot left the office in a much better frame of mind.
Elliot couldn't believe that tomorrow was going to be Friday. Not only would it mean that he only had two weeks left before the completion of his Partial program, but he and Olivia had a date. He'd actually worked up the nerve to ask her out on Tuesday, when she'd met him for lunch.
This wasn't going to be like any date he'd ever been on. Granted, while he and Kathy had often gone out with one another while they'd been married, the last time he'd dated someone other than his wife had been in high school.
While he wanted to give Olivia the world, they were keeping things relatively simple. Not that he had anything to do with that, this was all at her insistence. They would be going out for an early movie followed by dinner after he was finished with Partial for the day. When they were done, they would drive to Queens to pick up Eli and bring him to stay for the weekend. He'd tried to insist he could just go and get the boy on Saturday again, but Olivia wouldn't hear of it. She wanted to ensure that he spent as much time with his son as possible. His other children were even coming over for lunch on Saturday. He suspected she had something to do with that as well.
"Elliot?"
Olivia's voice called to him from the bathroom, and he went to join her. He knew that meant she'd finished with her shower, and needed him to apply a fresh bandage. Over the course of the week, he'd trained himself not to be as upset by the sight of her back. None of the bruises had begun to fade just yet, but she claimed that the pain wasn't as severe as it had been. At first, he hadn't been sure if she was telling the truth, but he did notice that she was taking the high dose ibuprofen less often. Instead of three times a day, she only took it twice now. Once in the morning with breakfast, and again before bed.
As he looked at her back now, it seemed to him that while the bruising was still prevalent, the wound where the stitches were didn't appear to be as angry and red as it had been. Either that or he was finally getting adjusted to seeing it on a daily basis. As had become his habit, before applying the ointment, he softly kissed the spot where the injury was. It had been Tuesday of this week that Olivia had told him he didn't need to ask permission any more if he wanted to do that. The trust that she continued to place in him never failed to amaze him. It still hadn't been that long ago that he had left her without a word – something he still struggled with - but their bond was stronger than ever.
"Are you ready for bed just yet, Liv?"
"No, I was going to rest in the living room and ice my back and shoulder for awhile."
Pressing another kiss to her bare shoulder before he left the bathroom, he told her he would go get the cold packs ready for her. She'd been using them frequently, and he was glad that he had thought to pick up two while in the pharmacy that day. Tonight was also her last dose of the antibiotics. While it wouldn't completely eliminate her chances of infection, the risk had been lowered considerably.
He was sitting on the sofa, searching on Olivia's laptop when she came back out to the living room. He helped her to sit next to him and arranged the cold packs where they would be of most use before going back to the computer.
"What are you looking at, El?"
"Just checking out the movie times for tomorrow. I don't think we'll have too much trouble with tickets, since we're seeing one so early in the day."
Laying her head against his shoulder, and looping her arm through his, she read the screen with him. After some debate, they finally managed to pick the movie they wanted to see. It wasn't that they were disagreeing, it was more that their tastes were so similar, that they had trouble narrowing it down to just one. Elliot pressed a kiss to her temple before commenting.
"I see a lot of movies in our future."
Olivia didn't say anything, just smiled. She hated to have to be the one to remind him that once she was back to work, her schedule wouldn't be as free as it had been this past week while she was on leave. There was no need, he understood the job better than anyone. Still, she made a promise to herself that she wouldn't bury herself in her work like she had in the past. While she didn't know what the future held for them, there was a reason for her to come home now. This was unlike anything she'd felt before with any of the other men she'd ever dated.
"Where did you want to go for dinner tomorrow?"
Olivia heard Elliot's question, but it took a moment for the words to register. She wasn't lost in her thoughts anymore, she was just so very content.
"Like you said with the movie, El, we'll be out rather early. I don't think reservations will be necessary. How about we each pick a place tonight, and see what we are in the mood for tomorrow?"
He agreed, even though he knew he'd ultimately take her wherever it was she wanted to go. Closing the laptop and placing it on the coffee table, he pulled her close.
"You look tired. Why don't we try and get some sleep. Tomorrow will be here before we know it."
He felt her nod against his cheek, then helped her put away the cold packs. When he returned to the living room, she was standing by the sofa waiting for him. Hand in hand, they headed for her bedroom together. Even though it was no longer necessary for him to stay with her, he had yet to return to sleeping in his own room. It was an unspoken arrangement between them that he would share her bed.
They slipped between the covers, and gravitated toward one another. He wrapped his arms around her, still trying to grasp that his reality now was that he got to hold her every night. He kissed her once more, careful not to get carried away, then they both settled in to sleep. The last words spoken into the darkness of the room that night were echoes of love.
