I Went Down In Honor
Sarevok's visibly shaken state had left the others quiet. He did his best to carry himself in his normal proud and determined manner, but something of the turmoil he was in was leaking through. It was as if bringing Tamoko up had crashed a dam inside his soul, and the murky water was roaring as an unstoppable mass. Allowing himself finally to think about her - allowing, because there was no going back once the dam was broken - brought up other things too. Winski, who always had stood by him and believed in him... and whom he had stabbed and left for dead. His mother, the gentle, lovely woman who held him in one piece before her death... how had he honored her memory? What would she think of his aspirations? And yet, she had sent him that message of love in his moment of greatest need.
Peri's eyes regarded him with quiet compassion. Once the group retreated to sleep Peri spread her bedroll next to Sarevok's and took a long, hard look at the group, daring them to comment upon that. When no-one did, she took Sarevok's hand into her own and simply bid him good night. As their palms joined Sarevok knew Peri had accepted him. He must apologize to her for killing Gorion... but how does one say such a thing? 'I'm sorry that I killed your stepfather whom you loved more than anyone. And sent assassins after you. And tried to frame you for murder.' Pondering this, and other things pouring into his mind from the dark recesses of his soul he felt something unfamiliar, something he did not care much for. Guilt and shame. He wanted to harden his heart, to tell himself he had done exactly what a strong willed, exceptional person should do... but there was no going back now. Sarevok drifted asleep.
He was walking in the Undercity of Baldur's Gate again, midst the forgotten tombstones and ruins. The Bhaal temple was still there, but the latent power seeping from it was gone. It was just a stone building, without a life of its own. Sarevok recalled faintly how he had felt looking at it in those days... powerful, exhilarated, full of mirth of the coming ascension. He had felt his divine sire's promises and power radiating from the stone it was built of, similar power flowing in his veins. Was it but poison? At least Bhaal's promises were nothing but lies.
Somehow Sarevok knew where to go. He walked down the aisle to the strand of the dead dark sea, its bottom littered with bones and the barren beach with dried black driftwood. She was waiting for him. She was wearing her full battle gear, the Crane sky blue colors. She was pale and transparent, gliding over the ground. But her eyes were just as deep, dark and lovely as they had been in life. Sarevok couldn't read her expression. She was just watching him. She did look a little sad, but then she always did.
- "Sarevok. You have come to me. I didn't know if you ever would."
- "I... am I dreaming?"
- "In a way. Who is to say what dreaming is? In Kara-Tur the sphere of dream, Yume-Do, is just as real as the world of waking. You are really meeting me, and you will remember."
- "Tamoko... I mistreated you so..." Sarevok whispered.
- "Shh. I heard you before. Your sister has taken you back to Ningen-Do, the realm of mortals. Listen to her. She will be your salvation, and you will be hers."
- "Are you not angry at her? For killing you?"
- "Of course not. I went down in honor, as a samurai is supposed to do. She fought me in honor as well."
- "And me? For treating you so badly, for not listening to you?"
- "There was some... bitterness. My soul is bound to this wretched place now, the few people who come here whispering about me. I am a lonely, sad ghost. But it is my own failure as well... I could not make you realize that you should seek salvation and redemption. I fell in a battle against that damnable sire of yours. The poison burning your veins is no longer present. You should be pleased, beloved."
- "I... I fought my way back into the land of the living. I was so proud, so determined to find another way to make a difference, to have power. And now... I don't know what to think anymore."
- "You ought to be proud. Not many could have done that, as Peri well knows and respects you for that. I do not know what your fate is to be, but I do know that there are always many paths through a vast forest, not all of them the obvious ones. There are many ways to make a difference. Always listen to Peri. Be there for her, and let her be there for you. Your souls are linked."
- "Tamoko, I swear I will use all the strength I have to bury you in Daidoji lands. And if you ever can forgive me..." Sarevok's voice, already a whisper, trailed off.
- "I have already forgiven you. This was fate. It was a sadder one than what I anticipated, but perhaps one day I will go to Yomi, to join my blessed ancestors. Fare well, beloved. Remember what I told you about Peri."
And then she faded away.
- "Tamoko, wait!" Sarevok would have wanted so much. To hold her, to make love to her, to beg forgiveness for every time he had cheated on her, acted cold because she wouldn't put up with his plans. To ask so many questions. So many things he didn't know... what was Tamoko like when she was five years old? What was her first weapon? Did they ever quarrel with Yoshimo? Did she like the sea? His chest ached as he realized he would have found out all that and much more had he but listened to her and lived a life, a mortal life with her, adventuring, having children, growing old together.
He woke up realizing he was weeping in his sleep.
Peri was facing him. Her eyes were open, and she was still holding his hand.
- "You are crying," she whispered.
- "I met Tamoko in my sleep," Sarevok whispered back. "She was haunting the Undercity, like she said she would be if she was not buried in her ancestral lands."
- "We will get the urn and the weapons. We must just deal with this Bhaal business first."
- "Sister... can you tell me what happened to Winski?" Sarevok asked in a strained voice.
- "I finished what you had started so that he wouldn't suffer."
Sarevok's face tightened.
- "There is no end to my wrongdoings..." he sighed in pain.
- "Please, calm yourself. We will have to fight the fire giants tomorrow. It will be alright. Eventually."
Peri didn't know if it would, in fact. But she wanted Sarevok to believe that.
