AN: Here's an early update. I am self-isolating now. It was what was best. There's a pandemic going on, and but any way to help flatten the curve.

This is another tearjerker. Prepare your eyeballs!

In other news, check out this video of the Scouts before they prepare for an expedition beyond the walls. Erwins' really got dem moves 😂 watch?v=a74GqTOSGzk


...
Historia

I'd meant what I said to the captain. No more waiting around to be killed. We need to take action.

I need to take action. I didn't go through three years of academy training just to become a sitting duck, letting others do the fighting for me. I'm a soldier through and through, and not some helpless little queen.

But I still can't do it alone. So long as I have the captain with me, I know I'll be safe. I'll always feel safe when I'm with Levi...

He's my knight after all. And I'm his queen.

He still blames himself for leaving me the night of the attack. In his mind, he failed in his duty to protect me as my sworn knight.

But I just want him to know that I don't blame him in the slightest. Not one bit. In the end, I overstepped a line when I tried to kiss him, making him extremely uncomfortable. He's just not the touchy-feely type, and I was fully aware of that, yet I still forced myself on to him regardless.

The poor thing.

We haven't discussed the kiss since. We've put the matter to one side for now, but it's not as if we can just pretend as if it never happened. It has definitely changed things between us. He's almost mentioned it a few times, just a slip of the tongue, but then he will stop himself in time, turning completely silent.

I never in a million years thought that I would want to kiss Captain Levi. I mean, it's just unthinkable.

He's not exactly prince charming, and to those that don't know him any better, he comes across as cold and bad-tempered. But I know deep down that he has a caring heart. He has saved my life twice now, and he also stayed by my side after the attack, comforting me all through the night.

I don't think he even got any sleep himself.

Then there are the times he has helped me out with Tilly and the children, being my shoulder to cry on when things got tough. As far as I'm concerned, Captain Levi has more than outdone himself. He's been more than just my knight, but my friend too.

Yet I can't deny that I'm completely enamoured by him. He's still an enigma to me. Even though I've vowed to keep my distance and maintain a professional relationship, I still want to find what's beneath that cool exterior.

What's he truly hiding?

We don't tell the children that we're leaving right away. We give them a few days before we break the awful news, but I don't think I have the heart to tell them.

I know it's better this way. At least then I know they will be safe and out of harm's way.

It's just a shame we have to leave Tilly. Although she has come a long way, she still has a lot of progress to make. She was so close to opening up to the captain, but now we have to leave her. She will have the nannies and the other children to keep her company while we're away, but she will think that the captain and I have abandoned her.

That's the last thing I want that sweet little girl to think. I don't give up on people. Ever.

So I climb the farmhouse stairs to the nursery, hoping to find the little girl so we can have a heart to heart. She still doesn't speak much, but I know she listens to every word I say.

I just want her to understand why we have to go. Why we need to keep her safe.

Finally, I set my eyes on that brightly-coloured door, but then I stop when I hear that deep voice inside.

My heart pounds.

It's… it's the captain.

He's talking to Tilly.

I can't intrude. Yet I can't miss a word either. After all, Tilly has a way of fishing out the truth in you. It's those big, tortured eyes. They probe deep into your soul, laying everything bare.

Maybe this way I can finally learn something about Humanity's Strongest.

Carefully, I creep closer, eavesdropping on the two, and I've never felt so despicable.

I guess I really am the worst girl who ever lived.

"You really like sitting up here alone, don't you?" the captain remarks casually, and he may as well be discussing the weather.

He needs to speak with more inflection. Children have very short attention spans after all, becoming bored very easily.

Tilly doesn't respond, but I know the child so well now. I can picture her there playing absentmindedly with her ragdoll, probably a little tense and afraid of the captain as she huddles in the corner. Levi will be leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in that bored fashion of his.

If he really wants to get through to her, then he should open his arms. Crossed arms only communicate: "Don't come near me".

How sad. They're both just terrified little children in the end, too afraid to open up to one another.

But the fact that Tilly can be alone in a room with him now really shows how far she has come, and it warms my heart.

She knows the captain's not a bad guy now. As I said, she has a way of peering deep into your soul and seeing who you truly are. After all, she found the terrified, little child in me and Mikasa too, so she is bound to find him inside of Levi.

If you look anyone close enough in the eyes, you'll always find their inner child…

Levi continues, "I know I can relate… I always do prefer to be alone myself."

More silence from the child, but she will be listening to every word he says. Nothing misses her little ears after all, hence why she learnt the S-word so quickly.

The captain gives a light-hearted chuckle next, and it's strange to hear him laugh. He almost sounds… pleasant.

"Well, as they say, loners make the most interesting people."

My heart sinks. He's never sounded so sad and melancholy.

Another awkward silence ticks by. All I can hear is a faint ruffling as Tilly plays with her doll. The captain is as quiet as a statue.

Finally, he releases a heavy sigh, braving a step closer. I sense Tilly tensing up, but the captain doesn't stop.

"Tilly... I have something I want to confess. I think you have every right to hear because it concerns you too after all. The… the other night, I… I left you and the queen to fend for yourselves, and I still can't forgive myself. A… a really bad man came to the farm, and he almost hurt the queen, but… I managed to stop him. Yet I still don't feel good about myself. I had sworn to protect you all, but I ran away because I let my feelings get the better of me. I'm a true coward, and I deserve everything I'm about to get. I just hope you can forgive me one day."

I choke back a sob, throwing a hand over my mouth.

I've never heard him sound so sincere, and I just want to run inside that room and tell him that everything will be all right and that I forgive him, but I know that would be improper.

He needs to get all this off his chest after all.

There's only so much that poor heart of his can take. So instead, I will allow him to pour his heart out to that sweet little girl.

He takes another deep breath. "I… I know you still had a little way to go, but the queen and I will have to leave you for some time. I hope you understand. The last thing we want to do is put you in any further danger, but I swear, Tilly… I will protect her with my life. You can count on me. I will bring her back to you so she can finally help you get better. That's a promise."

The tears roll down my cheeks now as I continue listening to that man on the other side of the door.

He inhales a few more sharp breaths, addressing her once more, and his voice has never sounded so fragile. "There… there was a moment where I… where I thought I was too late... That that man had taken her away from us… taken her away from me. I couldn't bear the thought of losing someone all over again. I've lost too many people already… It's hard to sleep at night at times. Every time I close my eyes, there they are looking at me. Every single one of them... Farlan… Isabel… my first squad… Erwin… Kenny… and… and my mum…"

My eyes widen.

Did he just say mum?

He produces a half-hearted laugh, and I can tell he's smiling a little. "Funny, that's the first time that I've mentioned some of their names in years. Farlan and Isabel are the two doves you drew me after all. It's like you're some kind of clairvoyant, but you have a way of bringing them out in me, Till—"

He draws a loud gasp. Alarmed, I peek inside the door, and a breath leaves my own lips.

Tilly has her little arms wrapped around him.


AN: I will update again Saturday. This one was a cliffhanger. I'm doing too many cliffhangers, aren't I? Bad author, bad author!

I have to laugh when Historia says of Levi "poor thing". Yeah, it sounds so awful having Historia throwing herself at you. So, so awful...

Levi's confessions felt so good to write. I hate that he bottles everything up, but they're things he'd never tell another soul. Children aren't as judgmental. Same with dogs.

See you Saturday. I will have more rivahisu goodness.

CartoonPrincessSigningOff