Ch. 20

Walt frowned. Truth be told, Sawyer Crane, Tucker Baggett, and the lawsuit against him hadn't even crossed his mind in the last nearly twenty-four hours. Vic looked up from her phone with more clarity than he had seen all day.

"I missed our meeting last night."

Walt shrugged.

"That's…not important now. Just…there's no reason for you to call him back."

Vic gave him a dubious look.

"He's gonna want to know where I was."

It was like she wasn't hearing him at all. Vic's mind had jumped onto a different track entirely. Walt's only concern was her health and the state of her mental well-being.

"Vic, it doesn't matter now. It's…it's over. Just forget about it."

She was looking at him, but she clearly wasn't hearing him. Or, she was just dismissing what he was saying. In that moment, either one was possible. Vic tilted her head at him like she was trying to comprehend his words.

"What do you mean it's over?"

Walt walked up to her slowly, stopping just in front of her. He reached out and placed his hand over her phone and partially over her hand.

"I mean exactly what I said. You had a miscarriage last night. You need to take some time to let both your body and your mind heal. This isn't the time to worry about me or this lawsuit or this mess with Crane. We should've…pulled the plug on this earlier. You've been under too much stress and we should've known better."

Something crossed her face that he couldn't place. Whatever it was, it sent an odd feeling down his spine. Her eyes searched his.

"You think it was stress? That caused the miscarriage?"

Walt wasn't sure how to answer that question.

"I don't know. But, it certainly didn't help."

Darkness crept over her features.

"You think this was my fault. Because I was pushing so hard."

She took a step back from him, his hand slipping from hers. Walt shook his head at her.

"That's not what I said."

She bit her lip and he could see the wetness around her eyes gathering.

"Not directly. But, you kept telling me to let this go. To just let you go to trial and take your chances there. But, I kept…"

She paused and looked down at the now darkened screen of her phone. When she looked back up, her eyes hit his and it felt like a jolt of electricity shot through him.

"I'm sorry."

The words came out thick and whispered. Vic swallowed and dropped the hand holding her phone to her side. She nodded, almost to herself. Walt took a step forward and reached out to place his hand on her shoulder. Vic stepped back and out of his reach, shaking her head. Walt's face clouded over with concern. He could see now that she was misinterpreting what he said.

"Vic."

She flexed her jaw and pressed her lips together tightly. Her eyes shifted away from his.

"I should go."

Walt advanced on her again, slowly and carefully.

"Vic, let me take you home."

She shook her head at him and held up her hand, her keys jingling.

"No. I'll drive myself. I'm sure you have…other things to worry about."

The words came out broken and uneven. Walt tried to close the distance between them, but Vic turned and pulled the office door open. There was no way to get her back into his office without making a scene in front of everyone else in the main office. By that time, the sound of her shoes crossing the floor was growing more distant. Walt stayed where he was, the office door opening and closing, rattling up and down his spine.

xxx

Vic pressed her foot on the gas pedal of her truck harder than she should have. But, who was gonna pull her over? The landscape flew past in nothing but a blur. That was how she felt. Blurred. Hazy around the edges. Unsteady and uneven. Her throat burned and her eyes were wet with tears she refused to let fall. She swiped the sleeve of her jacket across her face and then gripped the wheel with both hands.

Her first thought was to just go home. But these days, the RV felt less and less like home. Truth be told, she wasn't there very much and that was fine with her. The majority of her time was spent at Walt's cabin with him. Obviously, she couldn't go there. Not after that conversation. Vic sniffled and cleared her throat, willing her emotions to remain under control despite the burning in the back of her throat.

Changing her plans without really thinking about it, Vic didn't head in the direction of the trailer park. She didn't feel like being confined just then. Instead, she aimed the truck towards the edge of town and kept her foot pressed heavily on the gas. She wasn't sure exactly where she was going. But, that didn't really matter in the moment. All she knew was that she wanted to be somewhere alone. Anywhere, really. Just as long as there was no one there to pry or ask her questions that she had no answers to.

The doctor had been kind enough not to cast blame for the miscarriage. He had simply pinned it on nature. Maybe what Weston told her was true. Or maybe it wasn't. She really didn't know. She really didn't care. Her mind was already rewinding over the past few days, even weeks, trying to find something. Some wrong move she might've made. Some sign she must've missed. Then Walt mentioned the stress. And he was right. He had warned her more than once about stressing herself out. He had asked her on more than one occasion to stop the investigation into Sawyer Crane and his potential connection to Tucker Baggett.

But, Vic wouldn't hear it. Her only thought was how she could clear Walt and end this joke of a lawsuit against him. That had been her primary focus. She tapped one hand restlessly on the steering wheel and shook the thoughts from her head. Right now, all she wanted was to be away from it all.

xxx

The RV was dark. Walt could see that the minute he pulled up. Vic's truck was also absent. Walt parked next to the RV and sat there for a few minutes looking at the trailer. He tapped one finger on the steering wheel and looked around. Everything outside the RV looked like it normally did. He opened his door and got out, his boots crunching over the gravel. Walt tried the knob and found the door locked.

Walt took a couple of steps away and looked around. In the distance, he could hear the activity around him. People were talking outside and a couple of dogs were barking. Once, he heard a door open and close.

Getting back into the Bronco, Walt started the engine and left. Nothing seemed amiss. Leaving the trailer park, he headed towards the Red Pony. There were only a few places she might be as far as he knew. She wasn't home. That much was obvious. The night passed by him unnoticed. His mind was only one thing.

Pulling up in front of the bar, he parked and took purposeful strides towards the door. The lot was fairly full tonight. He didn't see her truck, but he couldn't see every vehicle. Pushing through the saloon doors, Walt stepped into the bar and was accosted by the noise. His eyes scanned the room as he slowly walked through the people gathered in small groups.

Walt came to a stop at the bar and rested his arms on the wooden surface. A minute later, Henry walked over with a friendly smile.

"Beer?"

Walt shook his head.

"Have you seen Vic?"

Henry tossed the towel in his hand over his shoulder.

"Tonight?"

Walt nodded.

"Yeah, has she been in at all?"

Henry shook his head.

"No, I have not seen her."

Walt sighed and pushed off the bar with a frustrated look. Henry studied him.

"Is something wrong?"

Walt's shoulder's slumped.

"I can't get into it right now. If you see her, call me at home."

Henry gave him a curious look and a nod.

"Okay."

Without giving Henry time to question him further, Walt left the bar and headed back to the Bronco. With little else to do, he headed home. He could try her cell phone from there. Maybe she had called him since he left the office. He didn't hold out hope for that, but it was possible.

His ride home was quiet and still. The only sound around him was the Bronco rolling over the road. His cabin was dark when he pulled up and he mentally chastised himself for not leaving the porch light on. Walt parked and slid from the Bronco. He removed his hat and ran his hand over his hair. A light breeze blew in from the mountains, bringing the smell of the night with it.

Slapping his hat mindlessly against his leg, he started for his cabin, his eyes cast down. It wasn't until he lifted his eyes that he stopped, his heart jolting slightly. He could just see her under the light the moon was giving off sitting on his steps. She was wearing the same clothes that she was earlier in the day, with tennis shoes instead of boots. Vic sat bent forward with her forearms resting on her thighs.

Walt felt a surge of relief wash through him, with anger coming up behind it.

"Where have you been?"

It came out sounding slightly harsher than he intended. Walt took a breath and crossed the final few steps to where she sat. Vic looked up as he approached. In the shadows of her face, her expression and her eyes were hard to read.

"I went for a drive."

She didn't sound mad or upset. Her voice was startlingly normal considering the circumstances. Walt moved to lower himself beside her. The step creaked slightly under his weight. Vic kept her eyes facing forward, focused on something he couldn't see or maybe nothing at all. Walt ran his palms over his jeans, trying to steady his nerves.

"Are you okay?"

He could see the profile of her head nod.

"Yeah."

"I…tried calling you. I've been looking for you."

She moved on the step beside him, stretching one leg out.

"I didn't mean to worry you."

She sounded genuine enough. His momentary anger waned.

"Where did you go?"

She moved again and he felt the sleeve of her jacket brush his.

"For a drive."

"Where?"

She shrugged.

"Don't know, really. I just drove. Didn't really want to go home, so…drove around."

Walt looked her way.

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

"No."

Walt swiped his hands once more over his jeans before he stood up with a grunt.

"Come inside. It's getting cool out here."

In truth, he wanted her inside so that he could see her clearly. Talking to her in the dark felt too murky. Other than her voice, he couldn't gauge where her mind was. Several seconds ticked by and he thought she was going to tell him no. Finally, she stood up and brushed off the back of her jeans. Slowly, she followed him into the cabin where he flipped on the light.

Walt hung up his coat and hat and turned to her. She stood just inside looking around. Walt nodded towards the couch.

"You wanna sit?"

She met his eyes and then she sat down. Walt moved around, getting a fire going. Vic simply sat. He glanced her way a couple of times to find her watching him. But, she didn't say anything. That was unusual enough. Satisfied with this work, Walt sat down beside her, careful not to crowd her. She was thinking. He could see that. He wasn't sure where to start or what to say. He only knew that he wanted her here where he could assure himself that she was safe. Rubbing his palms together, he finally found his voice.

"Vic, at work earlier, I wasn't blaming you. This…wasn't your fault. Dr. Weston told you that."

She smiled a humorless, dark smile.

"Like he would really come out and say it was my fault. Besides, he admitted he didn't know what caused it. That means he can't say, with any certainty, that it wasn't my fault."

Walt sighed.

"These things happen."

Vic looked down.

"So, they say. But, what you said earlier is true. You asked me to stop. More than once. And, I didn't listen. Now, here we are. How am I supposed to feel about that?"

There was no good answer there. Walt looked away from her and over to the fire. His mind rewound through his memories searching for the experience he needed to help her. To make her see.

"Martha had a miscarriage."

The simple sentence hit home. Vic turned her head and he turned his, their eyes meeting.

"You never told me that."

"It never came up. Until now. It was…a while before we had Cady, not long after we got married. In truth, we weren't ready to be parents. But, we were happy anyway. Scared and happy. A few weeks in, she had a miscarriage. Of course, no one knew why. Those things can be hard to…say. Just like now. But…I remember how upset she was. Even to this day. I was sad too, of course. But, I know it was different for her just like it's different for you. She was the one carrying the baby. She…wondered what she could have done differently. Her doctor assured her there was nothing that could've changed it. But, I saw the effect it had on her. I see what it's doing to you."

Vic bit her lip and shook her head almost imperceptibly.

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because, whether we like it or not, these things happen. And, when they do, it hurts. It's natural to wonder what we did or didn't do. But, the truth is…this wasn't your fault. No one blames you. I…I don't blame you. So, don't blame yourself."

He felt quiet and he could see her thinking about his words. Vic swallowed and let out a breath.

"When I first realized I was pregnant, I was scared. I…wasn't even sure I wanted to have a child. I was afraid that you wouldn't. Of what it would do to us."

Walt reached out and placed his hand on her knee.

"That's natural, Vic. I don't think anyone is ever not scared to become a parent for the first time, even when the pregnancy is planned."

His hand squeezed a little where it rested. Slowly, she shifted her hand so that it was over his, her palm warm on his skin.

"I'm sorry about earlier."

He offered her a tentative smile.

"Don't be."

Her fingers traced over the outside of his hand lightly.

"I'm also sorry that I haven't asked you how you are. This…was your loss, too."

Some of the nerves melted from him.

"I'm fine."

Vic inhaled deeply and leaned into his arm, letting her head come to rest on his shoulder. She reached up with the arm that wasn't pressed between them and rubbed her face. Walt pulled away a little.

"Tired?"

She nodded, lacking the energy to not tell the truth. Walt pushed up from the couch.

"Stay here tonight. Let's go to bed."

Vic nodded again and let him pull her onto her feet. Before turned towards the bedroom, Walt pulled her into a hug and pressed his face into her hair.

"You'll get through this, Vic. We both will."

xxx

The buzzing of Vic's phone woke him up just as it was rousing her. Walt pushed himself up and looked around with a hint of confusion. The last two days seemed like nothing more than a blur. Watercolors running together, making it difficult to see any distinctive edges. Vic stayed on her stomach as her hand closed over her phone and she pulled it into her line of sight. The phone fell quiet and Vic continued to look at the screen. Walt managed to sit up, his mind clearing some.

"Something wrong?"

She turned her head and looked his way.

"It's Crane again."

Walt frowned.

"He's persistent."

Vic continued to hold the phone in her hand. Walt wanted to reach over and slip it from her grasp, tossing it back onto the nightstand. Or better yet, out into the yard. But, something on her face stopped him.

"Vic."

Her name off his lips prodded her attention back in his direction. Her expression was unsettling. Vic twisted around and sat up, brushing her loose hair out of her face. Crossing her legs, she looked down at the phone again.

"I have to call him back."

Walt studied her.

"You don't have to do anything."

A trace of a smile crossed her face.

"I need to call him back then."

"Why?"

Vic ran her finger over the smooth, dark screen of her phone.

"Because we can still salvage this."

She could sense the protest coming before it ever left him.

"Vic…"

Vic lifted her eyes and sighed.

"Hear me out. It's not too late. I can tell him I had to go to the hospital. He doesn't need to know why."

Walt's voice was low when he spoke.

"I thought we were done with this."

"I never said that."

"You're…still recovering. That doesn't happen in a day."

She shrugged off his concern.

"I know that. But…physically…I'm feeling okay. There's no reason we can't go ahead. Like we planned."

"There's every reason."

Vic gave him a sharp look.

"Name one."

"You just had a miscarriage. You need time to process that."

Vic held his eyes.

"And, you think I'm gonna accomplish that by sitting around? Stewing in all this? That's not what I need. I need to be doing something other than feeling sorry for myself."

"Avoiding it doesn't help."

"I'm not avoiding it. I just…refuse to sit here and be mired in it. Is that really wrong?"

He heard the strain in her voice towards the end of her question. He knew what she was trying to do. He had witnessed it enough times coming from her. He was guilty of it himself. Pushing through. Pretending like things didn't bother you. He knew no good came of it. It never would. All it did was delay the inevitable.

Tossing back the covers, Vic planted her bare feet on the floor and stood up, laying her phone aside. She turned to face Walt on the bed.

"Nothing with your trial has changed. This lawsuit is still out there. Real life doesn't take a vacation just because you're going through a bad time."

She said it with more purpose than he had heard from her in a couple of days. That fact on its own made it hard to argue with her point. But, that did little to diminish the concern he felt for her.

"My lawyer thinks we still have a decent chance."

Vic rolled her eyes.

"That might be true. But, we both know you can never tell what a jury is gonna do."

She paused before speaking up again.

"I'm gonna call him. Try and set something up."

There was a finality in her tone that started a feeling of dread in his gut. At the end of the day, he didn't have the power to stop her. Not really. He could try and play the boss card all he wanted. But, Walt knew this was personal for her. Such a move would only backfire and risk blowing up in his face.

"Okay. Fine. But, we're still going about this like before. Carefully."

Vic nodded as she offered him a smile that never reached her eyes and started for the bathroom.

xxx

I've been trying to call you for two days."

Vic cleared her throat while Walt watched her talk on the phone. He sat at the small table in his kitchen, fully dressed and with a cup of coffee. Vic paced as she held the phone to her ear. Predictably, Crane was more than a little miffed at her missing of so many phone calls. All she could do at this point was attempt to reassure him and do damage control.

"I was…in the hospital."

"Right."

Vic rolled her eyes at his disbelieving tone.

"No, really. I was in the hospital night before last and out most of yesterday. It was unexpected and I didn't have my phone."

A beat of silence passed over the phone.

"Why were you in the hospital."

Vic bit her lip.

"That's personal. But…I have the hospital bracelet to prove it if you still don't believe me."

He grew quiet again. No doubt, he was mulling over her words.

"I thought you chickened out."

Vic turned and met Walt's eyes. Crane seemed to be taking the bait.

"No, I didn't. It was some uncontrollable shit. But…I'm back now."

"And your health?"

Vic swallowed.

"I'm fine. It was nothing permanent. The doctors treated me and released me. I'll be back at work tomorrow."

She could see the displeasure on Walt's face at that comment, but she kept her own focus on the phone call. Everything rode on his believing her. To be fair, she wasn't lying. She was only keeping the real medical reasons from him. The rest of what she was saying was the truth. That made it somewhat easier to sell.

"I'm willing to give this one more chance, Deputy. But, anything else and we're done. I want that understood."

Vic nodded at Walt, who could only watch as this unfolded.

"That's fair enough. So…can we meet somewhere."

She heard Crane inhale and exhale like he was thinking about the next move.

"Let me call you back in an your or so. There are…some things I need to…think about."

"You mean people you need to talk to."

"That's not what I said."

She knew the remark was a risk.

"You as much as admitted you're not in this alone. There are other interested parties."

He cut in.

"Like I said, I'll call you later in the morning. I expect you to answer."

With that, he disconnected the call. Walt gave her an expectant look.

"So?"

She lay her phone on the table.

"I think we're good."

He nodded slowly, his eyes dropping to his coffee cup. Vic sat down across from him and leaned on the table.

"Walt, I know you don't like this. But…I'm okay. I'll be okay."

She didn't sound as convincing as he assumed she wanted to.

"Nothing has changed for me, Vic. The same rules that applied before still apply. We're not taking any unnecessary risks here. The last thing you need to is to get hurt."

She reached across the table and lay her arm on his hand.

"I'm not gonna get hurt."

"You don't know that."

Vic sighed.

"You're right. I don't. But, playing it safe has never gotten us anywhere and it never will. I don't…I don't want to lose anything else."

Something in her words struck him. He understood exactly what she was saying. An ache was still wrapped around his own heart as a result of her losing the baby. Unexpected as it had been, it still hadn't been an unwelcome surprise. The more he thought about the prospect of having a child with her, the more the idea seemed to take root inside of him. As many hurdles as they would've faced, some part of him had actually started to look forward to sharing that with her. Now, that was gone. The baby was gone. Their baby. She professed to be okay. But, Walt didn't take that at face value. He didn't feel okay. There was no way she could. She was the one who actually lost the baby. The one who endured the physicality of it all.

"Me either. That includes you."

xxx

Walt looked up at Vic as she walked into his office and closed the door behind her. She crossed the room to his desk and sat down in a chair. Walt waited, knowing she wasn't there to talk about the weather.

"Well?"

He finally pressed the issue. Vic leaned forward in her chair.

"Same deal as last time."

Last time was only a couple of nights prior. Still, it felt like a lifetime ago. Despite the fact that so little time had passed, Walt found himself struggling to remember the details. What happened before Vic called him into the bathroom and he took her to the hospital, every other thought leaving his mind.

"He wants you to meet him behind his office."

Vic nodded in confirmation. Predictably, Walt sighed. Unfortunately, he knew that any arguments would fall on deaf ears.

"You're comfortable with this?"

Vic's eyes leveled him where he sat.

"Not at all. But…I don't see where I have the option to argue. I'm already on thin ice with him."

Walt nodded slowly, his mind reeling out any number of possibilities. Most of them were not good. Still, if she was determined to see this through, Walt would back her up. That much was set in stone as far as he was concerned. She would know that, too.

"You still have the phone?"

Walt opened his desk drawer and went to pull it out. He paused when he saw the sonogram picture beside it. Noticing his hesitation, Vic eyed him.

"Something wrong?"

Walt forced himself to grab the phone and close the drawer quickly and with a decisive thump.

"No. Got it. Right here."

Vic's eyes told him that she didn't completely believe him. But, Walt stood up and walked around the desk, feeling the need to put some distance between himself and the drawer. He powered it up and offered it to Vic. She took and looked at the screen.

"Still have the charger?"

Walt fumbled with that one.

"Uh…"

Vic stood up and brushed by him.

"It should be with the phone."

He opened his mouth to protest the move, but no sound came out. With quick and efficient movements, Vic tugged the drawer open and bent down to look for the charging cord. He saw her face change the minute she saw it. The picture. She stopped. Laying the phone on his desk, she picked up the picture and held it up.

"What…"

Her words broke off. Walt closed the distance between them and reached for the picture.

"It's…I'm sorry."

Vic shook him off and looked down at the picture still in her hand.

"You brought this to work?"

He nodded mutely. Vic looked up into his face.

"Why?"

Walt shrugged, still not sure what to say to her. Something crossed her face. Something that closely resembled pain. Not giving him time to respond, she stuck the picture back where she found it and pulled out the cord. Dropping it on the desk by the phone, she backed up.

"Make sure it's fully charged. Okay?"

"Sure. You…make sure yours is charged."

Vic nodded, her face seemingly distracted.

"Right."

With nothing else passing between them, she left him in his office and pulled the door closed behind her. Walt stared at the door for a long moment before he plugged in the cord and attached the phone the way she had showed him. Once he was sure the phone was charging, he left his office. Her desk was empty, her chair vacant.

He could sense Ruby watching him and he tried his best to be nonchalant when he looked at the older woman.

"Vic leave?"

Ruby nodded his way.

"Yes. Said she was taking a walk."

Walt sighed and brushed his hand over his pants. Her phone sat on her desk, so there was no point in trying to call her. He briefly toyed with the idea of going out on the street and looking for her. If she was walking, she wouldn't go very far. She wouldn't be hard to find.

But, reality pulled at him. She was clearly rattled after seeing the picture in his desk. He had forgotten it was even there. They were supposed to be keeping what happened between them under wraps. That grew increasingly difficult for him as his concern for her grew. Going after her now would only look odd. They were at work. He needed to remind himself of that periodically. He knew Vic wouldn't appreciate him coming after her and making any kind of a scene in public. Even a quiet one.

"Walter?"

Ruby's voice snapped him back to the moment.

"Yeah?"

He tried to sound casual, but she was clearly wondering what was wrong with him.

"I asked if there was something you needed."

His eyes flicked over Vic's empty desk again and he responded by shaking his head.

"No. Thanks, Ruby."

He retreated into his office, hoping for some solitude. That hope was short lived when he heard Ruby get up and come his way. He braced himself for whatever she was bringing with her. Walt paused and waited as Ruby cleared his door, worry etched on her motherly features.

"Are you sure everything is okay?"

He offered her a smile that didn't feel very convincing.

"Fine."

She looked at him.

"Did something happen between you and Vic?"

Walt tried not to look flustered.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Walter, did you make her mad? She left your office, dropped her phone on her desk, and left."

Walt shook his head.

"No, Ruby. Nothing happened. I think she's just…going through some things."

He hated being dishonest. Especially with Ruby, who mothered all of them at some point. She gave him another long look and then nodded, her eyes leaving his.

"If you say so."

She clearly didn't believe him, but she left him alone. That was all he really wanted in the moment.

xxx

Vic scuffled the soles of her boots over the sidewalk. She was mad at herself for having such an over emotional reaction to a picture. It was a small black and white image. Why did seeing it make it feel like someone had punched her in the stomach and knocked the wind out of her. She hated feeling this way. She hated feeling weak. She hated looking weak. It would do nothing to alleviate Walt's obvious concern.

Going outside and getting some fresh air seemed like the thing to do. She could quiet her mind. Or try to, eat least. Push away the thoughts that were keeping her up at night or greeting her first thing in the morning. It wasn't so bad when she was occupied. It was easy enough at work to get her mind off of her own problems and onto other's people's.

But, when the silence came and there was nothing to fill her mind with, that's when the thoughts crept in. It brought sadness with it. It was confusing. Her baby wasn't even all that developed. It was little more than a blur on a screen. So, why did the sudden absence of it feel so strong? She had never been able to physically feel it, anyway. Why did the knowledge that it was no longer there leave her feeling so hollow? Everything felt all wrong now.

Walt's worry was sweet. There was no denying that. He made no secret of the fact that he was worried about her. She appreciated the idea, but she didn't want his pity. Yet, she had only asked him once if he was okay. That fact brought guilt to the surface. She knew this was his loss as well as hers. Maybe in a different way. But, he had lost something. She tried to tell herself that he didn't want her to worry about him. That he was okay. That it was different for him.

But, the truth was that she was afraid.

She was afraid of his answer. How could she move on herself if he pulled her into his own grief? How could she soldier on if his reaction mired her down in emotions and sadness? What was served by both of them being sullen and depressed? What was gained?

Nothing as far as she could see.

But, she still felt guilty.

Some part of her wanted to curl up and cry. That part of her wanted to sob until there was nothing left. Wanted to confess to Walt that there were moments that she felt like an empty shell. She didn't like being weak. She didn't like being needy. But, being around him made her want to be both. Made her want to allow him too be the same.

Maybe that was what they both really needed.

But, that would only invite more worry on his part. He was already watching her like a hawk. She felt raw and exposed. Both of those feelings made her uncomfortable. She wasn't accustomed to allowing people to see that side of her. So much of her was built on being tough and not caring.

But she did care. More than she could admit, even to herself. And, now she didn't know what to do with all of it. She didn't know where to put it all. So, she held it in.

She paused in front of the exterior door. The sun would be sinking soon. It would be time for her to meet Sawyer Crane soon. She should be more worried than she was. She knew that in her mind. But, in her body and her gut, she couldn't force the feelings to exist. What did that mean?

She felt disconnected.

That was the best way she knew to describe it.

A hologram. There. But not really.

It was all confusing.

Vic pushed aside all of the thoughts that were churning through her mind and forced her focus to narrow to the matter at hand. Despite anything she might be feeling, there was a job to be done. That's what she told herself. That was what helped her put one foot in front of the other as she walked up the stairs back to the office. She knew Walt would know something was wrong. When he was focused, he was perceptive like that.

God knows he was focused on her right now.

Ruby was the only one in the main office when she came through the door. The older woman glanced up at her.

"Walt was looking for you?"

Vic nodded quietly.

"Thanks."

She mumbled the word as she walked by her desk and plugged her phone into charge. Leaving, she tapped on his closed door and opened it. Walt was clearly not doing anything other than sitting behind his desk. Thinking, no doubt.

"Ruby said you were looking for me."

Walt looked at her and it almost felt like he didn't see her.

"Walt?"

Her voice came out stronger and with more volume that time. It worked

"Yeah?"

Vic sighed.

"Ruby said you wanted me."

He stood up and stretched.

"I was just…worried."

Walt kept his voice low as he came around his desk.

"I'm okay."

He was studying like she was a mystery.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. So, you don't need me?"

Walt shook his head.

"No."

"Oh-kay. I've got some stuff to do, then."

Vic backed out of his office with Walt still standing there.

xxx

It was dark outside the next time she crossed the threshold of his office. Everyone else was gone for the day. Vic grabbed her bag of clothes and changed in the bathroom. She refused to think about the last time this scenario played out. Forcing the thoughts from her mind, she quickly shed her work clothes and pulled on fresh jeans and a long sleeved shirt. Stuffing her clothes into the bag, she tucked her holster onto her pants and left the bathroom.

Vic dropped her bag beside her desk and found Walt in his office.

"Hey."

She felt more relaxed now. As odd as that sounded. He offered her a smile.

"Hey."

The recorder they had been using was on his desk. Vic grabbed it up and started to put it on, trying to make it invisible. Without realizing he had moved, Walt was in front of her reaching for the recorder.

"Here."

He took it and slid it into position under her shirt. After he fussed with it for a moment, he stepped back and Vic tugged her shirt back into place. Vic pulled her leather jacket on and smoothed it down.

"How do I look?"

Something ghosted across his face.

"You look good."

Vic huffed.

"I mean…can you see anything?"

Walt smiled and shook his head.

"No."

Satisfied, Vic checked the time on her phone and shoved it into her back pocket. Her eyes landed on him again.

"You remember everything. Right?"

Walt nodded.

"Answer the phone and listen."

Vic nodded.

"Right."

With little warning, he reached out and placed both of his hands on her shoulders. Walt looked into her face, his expression unreadable.

"Be careful."

The words came out low and she had a hard time hearing him.

Vic nodded.

"Right."

She was trying not to let his serious demeanor get to her. But, Walt wasn't having it.

"Vic."

He said her name carefully.

"Be. Careful."

The inflection of his voice touched her. Deep inside of her chest. Vic nodded slowly.

"I will."

She expected him to drop his hands, but they stayed in place on her shoulder as several more seconds ticked by with him only staring at her. Vic wasn't sure what he was looking for or what he was trying to see. Finally, his head tilted slightly and he dropped his gaze from her face. Sliding his hands down her arms, he released her and turned away.

Vic inhaled a deep breath and let it out just as slowly.

"Okay, let's get this show on the road."