Diary,

I think that's what it's like, an excess of energy, driving me forward. Where does it come from and where does it go? Where does any of this come from and does it even matter? I think not.

But they love it, they do. Some of them. Gesthal let me to do it.

It is more than no, I am more than a desire to hurt things. It is not just a thought, it isn't just something I have the urge to do. It is more than thought or emotion or desire. It is a living and breathing entity. You take on its life force and you feel that energy building deep inside. It makes you move. It makes you want to lunge and strike.

So he let me strike. He stood there and watched. And yes yes, I could hit a pillow as I've been instructed to do. By Cid. But once you fantasize about the feel of bones breaking, wondering what that glorious snap would sound like... After a while pillows aren't satisfying. Walls aren't satisfying. They each have their own unique crunch. And I want to savor the variety.

~ Kefka