Chapter 20 - You're Going Home Somewhere


At some point about two hours later, Severus heard voices calling him from his warded spot on the grounds. Albus and Scorpius, he thought.

He did not answer.

Instead, he laid there motionlessly in the grass, feeling as if his grip on the reality of this world was quite tenuous. It felt fake. He knew it was not, but that day it felt it. The grass was like plastic. The air felt thin. Almost like when he had first arrived and he had wondered if it was some sort of mind-torture.

It was starting to get dark and cold when he finally walked back to the castle. Dinner was underway and the corridors were quiet and desolate. He sneaked back into the Potions classroom and silently unlocked it. He closed the door behind him and tossed up a light before he looked to see if his bag was still there.

It wasn't.

He retreated back out stealthily, locking it behind him. His bag wasn't in his room either. Professor Slughorn had kept it.

He boiled himself in a shower for the second time that day, but this one did little to warm him up. He was in bed and behind his curtains before anyone came back from dinner.

The next morning he did not run. In fact, he did not leave his little curtained cave for breakfast, nor lunch. He finished the Physics book the Muggle Studies professor had given him and started on another one. When everything sounded very quiet, he got out of bed and pulled on some clothes.

Sev had contemplated pretending like he had no idea where his bag was for classes the next day. He knew his father would have called that ridiculous and his half-written Transfiguration essay for tomorrow was in there too, so he trooped up the stairs and planted himself in a hidden alcove with a window to wait for lunch to end. He could avoid the crowds. Then he could see if Professor Slughorn was in his office, which, unlike his father's, was not in the dungeons.


Professor Slughorn opened the door to his office and then said warmly, "Ah, Severus, there you are, my boy." He held the door open further, "Come in and join us."

Us?

As he walked in, he noted the impeccably coiffed blond head and the lay of perfectly bespoke collar that could only belong to Mr. Malfoy.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, sir. I was just hoping you might have my bag. I think I forgot it in the classroom when I left yesterday. I need it for my homework tomorrow."

Professor Slughorn raised an eyebrow at him in that universal way adults did when they were skeptical of what you said. "Severus, you and I both know you did not just forget your bag yesterday." A hand on his shoulder guided him toward where they were sitting.

He swallowed and sat in the chair next to Mr. Malfoy, with a nod and a "Good afternoon, sir," on autopilot alone.

"Good afternoon, Sev," he smiled.

Totally trapped.

He felt totally trapped. He would rather be trapped awaiting actual torture. Because he had a good idea they wanted him to talk. About what he felt. About what happened. It's not like this could be about Scorpius or something.

He pressed his lips together some.

Professor Slughorn made it back to his generously wide seat. "I am very sure you do not want to talk about what happened yesterday, so I'm not going to ask you to."

"And nor am I," Mr. Malfoy said. "We know that this change is difficult and that everything in you tells you to not let anyone see that." And then he added, "And that's okay."

Severus swallowed again, not sure if he was expected to respond yet.

After a few moments, he ventured, "Okay, sir…"

Professor Slughorn continued, "When you run off and then hide for an entire day, we know you must be very hurt."

"I'm fine, sir. Really." He looked between both, straight face in place.

"And everything about your life thus far is going to ensure that's what you say, Severus. Regardless, I want you to come home with me for a few days. A change of scenery that you are familiar with, some space, and some quiet," Mr. Malfoy said. "You can be by yourself and you won't need to pretend, run off, or hide."

He blinked once. He had absolutely no idea what to make of this. Half of him said to protest. The other half said it was disrespectful to protest. Instead, he just sat there helplessly, not knowing what to say.

"You're not in trouble," Professor Slughorn clarified at his silence, but he had not thought that he was, because that surely did not sound like the suspended from school sort of sent 'home'.

"Would you rather stay with Kingsley for a few days?" Mr. Malfoy asked.

Would he rather.

"I am not sure I know what I'd rather, sir," he finally said. "Really, I just came for my bag-."

Mr. Malfoy cut him off and instructed in a more commanding tone, "You're going home somewhere, Severus, what happened is not okay for you. The you that lives here. Professor Slughorn already spoke to the Headmistress at length about it. Now, if you do not want to go home with me, then say so and tell me where you would rather go. It is not optional."

He swallowed and pursed his lips together for just a moment before he said, "I'll go home with you, sir."

Draco continued, "Good, then take your bag from Professor Slughorn and gather whatever you want to bring with you from your dormitory. Most of your housemates are on the pitch watching practice, and I made sure Scorpius and Albus know to stay away so you don't feel like you have to answer their questions. And they have a lot of them because they care."

"Yes, sir," he replied, getting up and going to take his book bag from his Head of House.

Professor Slughorn picked it up from beside his chair and held it to him, "You do know that I did not mean to upset you like that, my boy." It was important to him, not just for himself, to know that Severus knew he'd not purposefully subjected him to something that was clearly as bad as some of the things that happened in his old world.

"Thank you, sir, but you didn't upset me at all, Professor." He slung his bag over his shoulder. Then he added when his Head of House gave him the look of incredulity, "You didn't, sir. Really." He shifted, clearly uncomfortable. No, he had upset himself, and that was the problem. Well, most of it.

The professor nodded and then said, "Off you go, then."

After Severus left to get his things, Horace let out a breath.

Draco crossed his ankle over his knee and said, "That was easier than I thought it might be…"

"You are good with him, Draco."

"Yes, well, what he needs is a parent right now, doesn't he? I know Professor Snape would not have listened to him protest very long before just setting it plain. He has very advanced magic and he's very smart, but he's just thirteen, Professor; someone other than him needs to make the decisions about what's right for him here and what's acceptable from him here. He's not going to get that from a teacher, no matter how well-intentioned you all are."

Draco, after all, was a parent of a teen boy, so he was somewhat better prepared to parent rather than teach. And he had been on the experiencing side of how Professor Snape habitually spoke to and handled teenaged boys. Professor Slughorn did not have that advantage.

Beyond that, Draco was the only one of any of them that had truly experienced anything even remotely like what Sev had experienced and lived. He had also only been a teenager too. He hoped it would give him some unique perspective to get the boy to want to talk to him. And the boy needed to talk to someone, and voluntarily.

"I still don't even understand what happened," Horace said.

"It could have been anything after what's happened to him. He has a perfectly brave and stoical face, but it's not real. It could have been a stain, a cauldron, a word you said. Whatever it was, it was bad enough that he felt he couldn't control himself enough for it to be safe for anyone to see him, that's why he ran. I'm sure of it. I've done it." He thought back and took in a breath of owning some things he had done before focusing back on the boy. "Weaknesses in his world were a death sentence, any he has he knows very well what ways to hide and control them. I did too, for a short time."

This world was not going to just change that. For years after the Final Battle Draco had not felt the same. Maybe he still did not feel the same.

"He's such a nice boy. It makes me sick to imagine him in a place like that."

"Scorpius is still somewhat traumatized from just a few days and the possibility that he might have had to stay there. And what he might have had to do to be Scorpion King. Not to mention the alter-me," Draco replied. "He's…given me detail about what happened to him…and that will hopefully help with Sev."


AN - Thanks so much for your reviews! While we're all quarantined, feel free to check out my other Snape-centric fics God of the Underworld and the Sage series (3 fics).

Duj - And in comes the attempt at damage control. We'll see if Draco can help him with some of that pain he's carrying around silently!

J - Yes, it was only a matter of time. Necessity breeds fortitude, but when that necessity is gone, it's a lot harder. He's really struggling with his sense of self in the face of what he sees as very stupid weakness.