'Please sit down Bella.' Carmen had led me into the study, sounding almost formal and toneless as she walked to the other side of the desk, a desk that reminded me if things that made me hot and bothered and sick to my stomach.
'Now,' she began, straightening a pile of loose papers like a head mistress who was about to expel me. 'Is there anything you wish to tell me?'
I shook my head, not feeling obliged to answer.
'Nothing at all?'
I shook it again, moving my head from side to side nice and slowly to emphasis my reluctance to speak.
'I must say I'm very disappointed Bella.' She picked up her fountain pen and began scribbling something on a piece of card, perhaps another nervous twitch.
'You of all people must know the value of honesty and its substance to others it may involve.'
My silence couldn't last. 'I don't follow.'
'Thank you,' she replied, scribbling again 'I was hoping you would at least communicate.' She looked up and smiled. Her intense eyes twinkled. 'Darling, what happened?
I realised I owed it to Carmen to explain and apologise for assaulting her son.
'Edward had walked in on the middle of a nightmare and I had lashed out at him in mid-sleep. I'm sorry Carmen. It wasn't intentional.' I lowered my head in shame and severe embarrassment.
Hands stroked at my head. I was surprised at how she'd reached to me so fast.
'There, there.' She kissed me on the head, cradling it to her padded chest. She smelled like violets. "Of course, it was not your fault. We are simply concerned as to why you are having such nightmares. Did you have them back home?'
She lifted my head by the chin, concern wrinkling her nose.
'No. I don't think so,' I replied, trying not to recall the many I'd been having since arriving at Thorncrest.
She kneeled down and took a hold of my hand. 'It will do you good to get out, meet and mingle with new people alike.'
Alike?
'You have to stay within your own social circle my dear, stick to the boundaries of common sense'
Common sense?
'I've been making friends,' I replied, dubious with my plural.
'Yet not the type you should associate with.'
'Meaning?'
'You should stay away from the boy.'
'Jake?' My voice rose an octave too soon and cracked.
'Yes. I fear he is…below your standards'
'You mean yours?' I replied, rising from the chair.
'He has no parentage, no home, no stability,' she retorted, standing rigid and cut out like a picture.
'More the reason why he needs me.'
Carmen of all people should have understood that.
'Now if you'll excuse me Carmen, I would like to get some fresh air.' I turned to leave.
'Bella please do not walk away from me when I'm trying to talk to you'
'I'm sorry if I disappoint you and your family Carmen.' Her mouth gaped.
'And I'm sorry if I'm not what you all had in mind.' It gaped some more.
'But I can't change. Not for anyone. Do you understand?' I sounded a little too whiney to be taken seriously.
Her mouth closed. She turned and regained her position behind the desk.
Leaning forward on outstretched hands, she began to rock gently, as if preparing to catapult to the ceiling. Her eyes became unfocused, staring at the stack of bookshelves.
'Oh dear,' she quibbled, her rocking subsiding. 'Oh dear,' she repeated, seeming to refer to some invisible person in front of her.
'I have let you down again.' Her voice warbled into some freakish hiccup that made me jump.
'I, oh.' There it was again, a pingy pop that bounced up through her nostrils and sucked and out of her mouth. Her lips quivered. She looked as though she was about to break down and weep or throw some type of adult tantrum I wasn't wanting to as a witness.
Before I could make up an excuse to leave, she darted around the desk and gripped me by the arms, much like she did did when we first met. Except now she didn't look so pleased to see me, or all together there for that matter.
Her mouth opened and her cool coffee laden breath drifted through my airwaves.
'Forgive me,' she wept, smacking me hard against her chest. 'Forgive us all,' she bellowed, sniffing and snorting into my hair.
I counted the second till it would be over so I could relax. At last, she pulled me back and squeezed my cheeks between her soft as wool hands. My lips jutted out like a fish.
'I love you.' She shook me. 'We all love you. You are new! To them. To Edward!' she whaled, turning abruptly and blowing her nose with her handkerchief.
I measured the distance it would take for me to reach her before she would turn without me having to say a word. But since we were somewhat millimetres apart, I had to make a move sooner than I would have liked.
'Carmen'
She couldn't hear me over her prayers to the Lord situated somewhere on the arched ceiling. I even glanced up to check.
'Oh Lord forgive me as I forgive those that trespass against me.'
'Carmen.' I almost had to shout over the showers of praise. 'Just please listen to me.'
The door flung open and in stepped Tanya. Still in her housecoat and slippers, looking electrocuted. 'What the bejesus is happening in here?' She boomed, uncapping a bottle of fizzing coke and drinking it like a bottle of Jack Daniels.
I opened my mouth to speak, but she belched into a hiccup, raising a claw. 'Don't tell me. You've chopped off Edward's head and buried it in the garden.' Hiccup, slurp, dribble, trip.
The jibe only made Carmen cry like a hyena.
Tanya cackled as she staggered around the room. She wasn't sober, and had lost one slipper. I'd had enough. I headed for the door, almost bumping into Edward of all the people. Although the color of his eyes was concealed with his shades, it didn't dim the scour of their hidden gaze, perforating right through me.
'Edward Mason Cullen." Chortled Tanya, falling with a thump. 'You have your head!'
