Chapter 21

As much as she'd enjoyed leaving domestic chores behind for a few days, Sara had to admit there was a certain calmness associated with returning to the old routine. Especially now, as she waited for Neal and Hope to return from the Bureau where they were both giving their statements. When she and Liam had arrived home, the house had been crawling with members of Peter's team dealing with the fallout from the capture of Dwight Cornyn. All she knew was that the man had resurfaced and that both Neal and Hope had somehow been involved in his arrest. There was still plenty Neal was keeping from her at the moment but she'd agreed to cut him some slack after he'd promised a full recounting as soon as he and Hope returned.

In the meantime, she busied herself with mundane tasks, putting on some laundry, tidying up, anything to keep her mind busy. She hummed softly as she spread out the mattress pad on their queen size bed and began to remake the bed. Past experience told her that she and Neal might be having at least one visitor overnight - perhaps even two. Better to be ready just in case.

'Mommy?' came Liam's voice from across the hall.

'I'm in here sweetie' she called out.

He sauntered in and stopped right in front of her, craning his neck to meet her eyes. 'Remember when I was little?'

She nodded, stifling a chuckle. 'Sure I do.'

'You used to rock me to sleep in that big wooden rocking chair.'

Sara sat on the edge of the bed, inviting Liam to take the spot next to her. Obviously, something was on his mind.

'Yeah… I used to read you a story and sing to you until you fell asleep' Sara said wistfully, recalling those early years.

'Why did you have to stop?'

'I didn't have to stop. You just started climbing into bed and asking us to read you a story so after a while, Daddy brought the rocking chair down to the basement to make room for your Lego collection.'

He nodded thoughtfully. 'Is it still down there? In the basement?'

'Yeah, of course it is.'

He was beating around the bush, saying everything but what was really on his mind. It was time to put him out of his misery.

'Do you miss having it in your room?'

'Maybe…'

Apparently, she needed to ask a more direct question. 'Would you like it if we sat in it while I read you a story?'

'Moooooom, I'm five' he declared, the fingers of his right hand spread out for full effect.

'So?'

'That's too big to sit in a rocking chair and read a book.'

'Says who?'

He shrugged. 'Everybody. I mean my friends would laugh at me if my mom still rocked me to sleep.'

Sara ran her hand through his hair then tapped the tip of his nose playfully. 'Well, nobody would have to know. And besides, that chair is big enough for you to sit next to me if you don't want to sit on my lap like when you were little.'

He looked up with a smile but said nothing.

'Would you like it if I asked Daddy to bring it up and we could read a book together before you go to sleep tonight?'

His smile brightened even more as he nodded enthusiastically. Sara felt her heart swell at the memory of all those nights rocking her baby boy to sleep. Apparently, those days were making an unexpected comeback.

She was suddenly overcome with love for the little guy. 'Would it be okay if I gave you a hug?' she asked.

He climbed onto her lap and threw his arms around her neck, squeezing with all his might. 'Mommy, when will I be too big for hugs?'

'You'll never be too big for hugs sweetie. Look at Daddy, he's a grown man and he loves hugs.'

'You mean like sex hugs?' he asked, looking straight into her eyes.

Shit! It appeared the game of hot potato was on again and the spud had landed right in her lap. She remembered the advice they'd read when Hope had first asked about the origin of babies: don't try to give more information than what your child is asking for. The first step was to find out what he already knew - or didn't know - before going off half-cocked with long winded explanations.

'Honey, what do you think sex is?' she asked, buying some time.

'Kissing?' he asked, his face all scrunched up.

Sara nodded. 'That's part of it. But not the kind of kisses Daddy and I give you and Hope. Special kisses that you only share with one person that you love very very much.'

He made an awkward attempt at rolling his eyes. 'You mean like when Daddy thinks we're not looking and he does this?' He placed the back of his hand against his mouth and began kissing it, open mouthed, his face contorted as he moved his head dramatically from side to side.

Sara chuckled. 'Kind of. But sex is more than just kissing. It's hugging and touching and making the other person feel nice all over.'

'Like when you tickle me?'

She sighed, not wanting to lead him down the wrong path. 'Sort of… but different.'

She felt her cheeks redden. Where was Neal when you needed him?

'Can two boys kiss like that? Or two girls?'

'Sure they can, if they're each other's special friend. But sex is something you save for just one person and it isn't for little kids, it's for grown-ups.'

'Like drinking wine?'

She smiled. 'Sort of. When Daddy kisses me and hugs me, it makes me feel good inside so I kiss him back and I hold him tight. It feels nice.'

'And he makes noises' Liam declared with a grimace.

Jeez Louise, this was getting a little too personal. Time to get Neal to tone things down a little.

'That's true, sometimes if something feels really, really good, it makes you moan. Like if you're eating something you love to eat.'

Liam looked at her and sighed. 'It sounds complicated.'

'Not really but you don't have to understand everything about sex right now. Later, if you have more questions, you can ask me or Daddy and we'll explain it to you. But you really don't have to worry about it for a while yet.'

'Phew!' he said, wiping his forehead. 'Because Miss Pearson said we're going to start learning to read in grade one and I think that's enough to learn for now.'

'I agree' Sara said with a nod. 'So, what do you say? You want to help me finish making the bed?'

He jumped off her lap and ran over to the other side of the bed, tugging at the bedsheets as his mom sighed in relief. In one short conversation, he'd run the gamut - from expressing his need to return to the comfort of his mother's arms to asking some very grownup questions - the ever evolving mind of a five-year-old.

WCWCWC

The NYPD had been called to the scene at the Caffrey house and therefore, sat in on the interviews given by Neal Caffrey and his daughter Hope. The events were recounted in detail with Hope getting a stern warning about the danger of handling firearms. Neal sat next to her, noticing how her chair inched closer and closer to his as the interview progressed. She was still upset but calm enough to explain what she'd done and why. Peter sat by watching his goddaughter lay herself bare, his heart breaking at the further loss of innocence he was witnessing.

When it ended, Diana offered to take Hope to the building's coffee shop for ice cream. Hope wavered, looking at her dad for encouragement. He was only too happy to send her off; he had things to discuss with Peter and there was no time like the present.

After everybody had dispersed, the two men moved over to Peter's office, closing the door behind them.

'You're upset about the gun thing' Peter said rather than asked as he took a seat behind his desk opposite Neal.

The younger man flashed back to all the conversations they'd had over the years in this very office, brainstorming on cases, sharing a laugh, confiding about their personal lives. On so many occasions, Peter had grilled him, suspicious that Neal was feeding him some bullshit line, covering something up, scamming him. And most times, he'd been right.

But that wasn't who they were anymore… well, not as much anyway.

Neal shrugged. 'I know how Hope can be when she wants to know about something.'

'I was putting it away and she wanted to look at it. I thought it was safer than having her sneak around behind my back trying to get a better look. Plus, I thought it was a good opportunity to talk about gun safety. I had no idea she would ever —'

Neal nodded. 'It's okay. It was a good call' he admitted.

'Look, Neal… about this morning. I've been doing a lot of thinking and I realize you might have a point.'

Neal's ears perked up and he looked across at his best friend, surprised by his admission. 'Might?'

Peter shook his head. 'All right, all right, you do have a point. Maybe I do tend to worry about you too much.'

'You think?' Neal said dryly.

'You know when you first came to work here' Peter explained, 'you were my responsibility. I needed to keep an eye on you, make sure you weren't getting into any trouble. Back then, you lied to me more often than you told the truth.'

Neal gave him a look of incredulity. 'Seriously?' he said, deadpan. 'Peter, how many times have I told you I never lied to you.'

'Technically' Peter said.

'Technically' Neal conceded with a mischievous smile and a shrug.

'I get it' Peter said, continuing with his thought. 'Up until that point, you'd spent your life going from one con to the next, doing whatever you needed to do for self-preservation.'

Neal seemed to grow uncomfortable. He shifted in his chair.

'I used to wonder if I was doing the right thing - letting you get away with things. In the beginning, it bothered me but then we kept cracking cases and putting away bad guys and I started to look the other way - even when your methods were… unorthodox.'

The room grew quiet. Neal stared down at his hands, mindlessly fiddling with his wedding band.

'And then… well, I realized I liked you and I cared about what happened to you. You were fun to work with, you were creative and smart and… well, you know how much I like smart. After a while, it became all about making sure you didn't go back to prison… no matter what you did. And then, Kramer came along and started to make me doubt my methods. And for a while there, I believed him. But Kramer was wrong. Deep down my instincts were right on the money - you were a good man with a good heart who needed help to keep his impulses in check and I guess I… I decided I was the person who could keep you in line. Whether you wanted me to or not.'

Neal's face grew serious. 'And I appreciate everything you did for me Peter, really I do. It's not lost on me how many times I would have landed back behind bars if you hadn't covered for me. But after a while it started to bother me - that you were putting your career on the line. I… I didn't want you to be disappointed in me so I… I tried to do the right thing. I really did.'

'I know you did buddy' Peter replied soberly. 'But things are different now. You don't need me that way any more. You're a grown man and you've long since earned the right to make your own decisions… I have no right to be weighing in on what's best for you. Not anymore.'

Neal felt his heart thumping in his chest and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

'When I realized Liam was missing, I panicked. Besides worrying about him being safe, I started to worry about you. You and Sara… you work hard - believe me after this week, I know that better than ever. You were having your little holiday and I though maybe if I could just fix this… this mess I'd made —'

'Peter!' Neal interrupted. 'Cornyn took Liam. You didn't. I don't blame you for what happened.'

'I should have…'

'What? What could you have done? You acted as soon as you realized Cornyn was hanging around the kids.'

Peter listened, eyes squarely on Neal.

'The kind of work we do…' Neal continued. 'It's… I don't know. I love working with you to catch the bad guys but now I've got to think about Sara. And the kids.'

'To be honest, I didn't see this one coming' Peter admitted. 'I didn't see just how angry Cornyn was at you.' He smiled at Neal. 'I guess that's a testament to how good a job you did while you were undercover. He really hadn't suspected you were a plant.'

'Peter…' Neal began, his voice quiet. 'What I said this morning… about you not doing a very good job watching over the kids…'

Peter raised his hand to stop him but Neal continued nevertheless. 'No, listen. I really need to say this. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry I said that. The truth is I trust you with my life, with Sara's life, the kids' lives. I know you'd take a bullet for any one of us and… believe me it means everything to me that you're there for us. You… you're the best friend I've ever had and you didn't deserve me saying those awful things to you.'

'You were upset' Peter said. 'El told me what happened with Sara. You must have been so angry and scared.'

'Still…' Neal murmured.

Peter stood abruptly and perched himself on the edge of the desk, directly in front of Neal.

'Why don't we agree to cut each other some slack. I'll let you decide when you need my help and you'll promise to speak up when you do.'

Neal stood, extending his hand. 'Sounds good to me.'

They locked eyes as they shook hands. But a handshake wouldn't cut it. It immediately morphed into a hug, the two men embracing tightly. As with all things, their friendship was a work in progress and as long as they kept talking… well, there was always hope for Burke and Caffrey.

WCWCWC

Peter was surprised to find El all dolled up when he came back from taking a shower. Gone was her sensible two piece pyjama and her warm comfy slippers. Instead, she'd slipped into a sheer negligée with boa feathers around the edges and fancy high heeled slippers the likes of which Sophia Loren might have worn as she greeted Cary Grant at the door of her boudoir.

'Helloooo Mrs. Burke' he chanted as he stepped into the bedroom with nothing but a towel around his waist.

She fluttered her eyelids at him and he chuckled. 'What do I owe this to?' he asked.

She stepped in closer and took the edge of the feathery garment, running it across his cheek and causing him to shiver.

'You have been such a good sport all week, letting Liam share our bed. I thought you deserved a treat.'

'A treat' Peter repeated, eyes alight. 'I like treats.'

'Oh you'll really like this one' she cooed. 'I promise.'

She began to walk backwards towards the bed, pulling him along. It had indeed been a long week in so many regards not the least of which was the fact they'd repeatedly forgone their usual playtime in favour of family time.

She flopped down on the bed and he let himself be pulled along, landing on her with a thud.

'Why Agent Burke' she murmured. 'The truth is I've been a very naughty girl and I think you should frisk me.'

She reached over, picking up a pair of handcuffs from the bedside table and dangling them provocatively in front of his eyes.

'Mrs. Burke' he replied as he kissed her exposed neck. 'Spread 'em! You're under arrest.'

WCWCWC

'You'll never believe what I found under Liam's bed' Neal said as he stepped into the bedroom.

Sara looked up from what she'd been reading to find him standing there with what looked like a miniature monitoring anklet.

'What is that?' she asked.

He walked over to his side of the bed and climbed in next to her, handing her the familiar object.

'No! You're kidding!'

'Moz took Liam to the park and made him wear it. Apparently he was worried Cornyn might be watching and he didn't want to lose sight of him.'

'Like father, like son' Sara said with a chuckle. 'So how was he?'

'The rocking chair seemed to do the trick. After you finished reading to him, I rubbed his back for about five minutes and he was out like a light… which doesn't mean he'll sleep through the night' Neal added.

Sara's face grew worried. 'I mean I'm all for it if the rocking chair makes him feel more secure but… do you think it was a mistake bringing it back upstairs? What if he regresses?'

Neal gave her a reassuring pat on the thigh. 'Babe, it only happened yesterday. If the rocking chair gives him comfort, I say roll with it. Or in this case, rock with it' he added with an amused smile, pleased with his play on words.

'The real test will be if he wets the bed' she reminded him with a frown.

'Did you remember to…' he began, pointing to the mattress.

'Yeah we're covered. I'd be surprised if at least one of them doesn't end up here in bed with us.'

Neal leaned over, propping his head up against his wife's shoulder and mewling. 'I guess this means the honeymoon's over, huh babe?'

Sara ignored him, her mind still on the kids. She'd been the one to do the last check of their daughter.

'Hope seems to be keeping everything bottled up inside for now. It's like this morning never happened. I tried to ask her about it but she wasn't in a chatty mood. I didn't want to push it… I told her to come and get us if she needed anything.'

'She's exhausted, poor kid. And then the interrogation at the Bureau. It was a lot for her to take in.'

Sara seemed to hesitate before she spoke. 'Honey, do you think maybe the time has come for you to stop working cases with Peter.'

Neal settled in under the blankets and slipped his arm under hers, squeezing it lovingly. 'Maybe… is that what you want me to do?'

She sighed loudly. 'I don't know… we could talk about it I suppose.'

Neal glanced down at what was in her hands - the note Beth had left for her.

'So? Did you find out where Beth was headed late last night?'

She nodded. 'Listen to this' she said as she sat up and began to read.

Dear Sara, I didn't want to disappear without saying goodbye. I want you to know I truly appreciate everything you've done to try to help me. I know you find it hard to understand why I couldn't walk away from my marriage. The truth is I've been keeping a secret from Brett for almost three months. I'm pregnant and that's one of the reasons I've stuck around this long. But after today, I'm no longer willing to put my baby's life in danger. In the past, I've had trouble standing up for myself but for some reason, today I was able to do it when it came to you. Now I need to be strong for my baby. For now, I'm going to stay with my sister in Philadelphia. Brett has agreed to give me some space and to get help in the meantime. We still have difficult times ahead but for the first time I have hope we can overcome our problems. Thank you Sara.

'Signed Beth Marconi. She even left an email address which tells me she's open to me getting in touch with her.'

It was hard to believe all that had taken place in the past twenty-four hours. Neal let his finger linger on his wife's cheek. 'Does it still hurt?'

'Some… oh, and guess what. Liam hit me with the sex question this afternoon while you were out.'

Neal chuckled. 'And?'

'I think I did okay… for now. He did a pretty decent imitation of you kissing me when you think the kids aren't looking.'

She brought her hand up to her mouth and just as Liam had done, began hamming it up.

'Oops!' Neal said with a chuckle.

'Oh and you know when you're trying really hard to keep the noise down… when I do that thing with my leg?'

'Yeah' he replied with a frown.

'Well try harder' she said with a giggle.

As expected, first Liam then Hope joined them in bed, searching for comfort in their parents' loving arms. The couple stared at each other in the darkened room, unable to sleep and silently sharing their concern for what lay ahead. Both their children had lived through some traumatic experiences over the past few days and there would be repercussions in the days and weeks to come. It would take time, patience and plenty of love and support before both Liam and Hope were finally able to let go and put it all behind them.

But Neal and Sara resolved to be there, eyes wide open, picking up on cues and stepping in as needed. Isn't that what parents did?

La fin