A/N: Thank you for the reviews, and follow's on my work. Also thank you to my amazing beta JayHawkWrites for helping work through my craziness.

Chapter 20 Not Ready

oOoOo

When Blaine finally made it back to his room, he was dead tired. He had really enjoyed himself, but he knew this had been a one-time thing. It wasn't something he would ever do again. Blaine had enjoyed dancing with Lucas, feeling wanted again, but that too, he knew, was a one-time thing. That wasn't his life, going to bars, dancing with strange men until the early hours of the morning. He was a one man's man. He loved nothing more than to sit on the couch and cuddle with the people he loved. He was still very much a homebody.

Looking at the clock he saw that it was 1:30 am and he knew his alarm was going to be going off in five hours. He had played hooky yesterday and wished he could again. He couldn't, wouldn't risk jeopardizing his academic career to skip two days in a row. He had worked too hard to get where he was to blow it now.

Blaine had just pulled his shirt over his head, getting undressed and ready to just crash for the five hours he had left when he felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. He pulled it out, knowing who it was going to be, before even looking at the name on the screen. He closed his eyes and took a deep, steadying breath before answering the call.

"Hello," Blaine answered, more tired than he could ever remember being.

"Blaine, can we talk? I'm sorry if I woke you up, but I just couldn't go any longer without talking to you. I needed to hear your voice," Kurt said softly.

Blaine could tell he was crying, and that killed him. "I can't talk to you yet Kurt, I just can't," Blaine whispered with a deep sigh. How could just hearing Kurt's voice hurt him so much?

"Blaine, please! Talk to me! Are you ever going to tell me how to fix this? I just can't lose you," Kurt said.

Blaine could hear the sadness in his voice even over the phone. "Right now Kurt, I don't know if you can fix it. I'm sorry, but I can't talk to you about this right now. I just can't," Blaine said, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand.

"Blaine I love you, I can't lose you, please talk to me," Kurt said his voice breaking.

"I love you, too, Kurt. I love you more than you will ever know, but the things you said, the things you implied hurt me so much. I'm just not ready to talk to you about it yet, I need more time, please just give me more time," Blaine said softly.

"Can we talk tomorrow? Can you please come home tomorrow so we can try to work this out?" Kurt asked softly.

"I'll think about it Kurt, but right now, I just don't know. I'm going to hang up now. "I can't talk about this right now. It's not that I won't ever be able to, I just can't at this moment. I'm sorry," Blaine said before hitting the end button, disconnecting the call. He sat down on the edge of the bed, put his face in his hands and cried. Hearing Kurt's voice hurt.

When his tears finally stopped, he stood up and finished undressing. He pulled the blankets down and crawled in the bed, wishing he could just close his eyes and sleep for days. But he couldn't. He missed Kurt so much. He missed having him in his arms, snuggling behind him, and feeling his warmth, his love. He slowly rolled over on his side and pulled the extra pillow to his chest and held it tight. What was he supposed to do now? How was he going to live without Kurt and Max in his life?

He had fallen so hard, so fast. Kurt had quickly become one of the most important people in his life. He had become Blaine's center, something Travis, in all the time Blaine had known him, had never managed to become. He had loved Travis and the life he thought they had, but it couldn't begin to compare to the love he felt for Kurt. He and Max had completed him. They had given him something Blaine hadn't even known he needed, hadn't known he was even missing.

Before Max and Kurt had entered Blaine's life, he had been content with it just being him and his baby girl. He had decided she was all he really needed. Blaine was going to build a future for them and give Ali a stable home life again. Kurt and Max had entered their lives and brought with them a sense of happiness that Blaine had never known. With Kurt by his side, he felt like they were building a strong foundation on which to raise their children together. Now he wondered how he was going to live without the two of them in his life again, if he even could.

Closing his eyes, Blaine tried to shut out everything, everything that had been said and done over the last twenty-four hours. He tried to shut out the pain, the confusion, the sense of loss and just figure out where to go from here. Snuggling more comfortably under the covers, he slowly drifted off into a dream-filled sleep, waking up at five o'clock from a wonderful dream.

In his dream he had been curled around Kurt, holding him close, soaking up his warmth. Sitting up in bed Blaine forgot for a split second where he was, and why he was there. Before he was ready to face everything again, the memories came crashing down. He fell back on the pillow closing his eyes, as the tears slowly rolled down his face. That dream had felt so real.

Blaine laid there for twenty minutes, still at a loss as to what he was going to do, before slowly crawling out of bed. He was still so tired and felt dead inside, but he needed to get up and get this day started. He stretched his arms above his head, and then headed to the restroom, deciding since he was up; he might as well take his shower and start getting ready for his day. He took his time in the shower, allowing the warm water to relax him as much as it could. Stepping out he dried himself off and got dressed in a white button-down shirt and a pair of slacks, deciding he would wait until closer to time to leave before putting his tie and coat on.

Sitting down on the couch in the living area of his room, he pulled his laptop out of his messenger bag, placed it on the table in front of him and fired it up. Once Windows had loaded, he quickly pulled up the university's website and went to his professor's pages, finding that he had only missed two assignments the day before. This made him feel better. Thankful, once again, that yesterday had been a short day and he hadn't really missed that much. He quickly finished the assignments so he would be ready for class, not wanting to get any further behind in his studies.

Once he completed the necessary assignments, Blaine switched back to the main university page. He pulled up his course study, figuring out which classes were still needed for his degree. He loved school and always had. He loved learning, loved being in a classroom, but he was just finally ready for it to be over and begin the next stage of his life.

He signed up for three more courses, so instead of having two short days a week, they would all be roughly the same, and in doing so, he would be able to graduate six months earlier than he had originally planned. Blaine knew that would mean more study time at home and less time with Ali at night, but in the long run, it would be better for both of them.

Once he graduated and got a job, he would have more consistent work times, so instead of having those days where he went straight from class to the law office he interned at, he would just have normal office hours. He also decided, when it got closer to graduation, he would check with his dad and see if there were any openings at his law firm. Michael had hinted multiple times that he would like for Blaine to join the family law firm, but Blaine had wanted to do it on his own time and set his own path. He had always been independent and hadn't really known how he would feel working for his dad. But now, thinking about it logically, it might be the best thing for him and Ali. It would be a steady job right after graduation, instead of having to apply for different law firms. His boss would definitely understand if something came up with Ali, so that might be a win-win for all concerned.

The only drawback he saw with his new plans was that with him being in classes later each day, it would mean Ali would be left in daycare longer every day. He hated that part but still thought it was a good idea overall to move forward with his plans. He needed to talk to Ms. June today about his change in schedules. He closed the lid of his laptop and slipped it back in its bag, then stood up and stretched out his back. He didn't realize until he looked at the clock how long he had been slumped over his work, it was already seven. He walked over to the nightstand and picked up his phone. He dialed a number and waited for it to be answered. He was ready for his girl to come back.

"Good morning, MopTop. How's the head?" Kara asked answering the call on the second ring.

"Not too bad, but now I know why going out drinking on a school night is such a bad idea," Blaine said with a soft laugh.

"Yeah, most people realize that when they are 21, but you have always been a little bit of a late bloomer," Kara said laughing.

"Hey, now," Blaine said laughing.

"Well, it's the truth and you know it," Kara said, and Blaine could almost see the smile on her face.

"That may be so, but a FRIEND wouldn't rub that in," Blaine said with a pout, even though she couldn't see it.

"That maybe so, but a best friend definitely would," she continued.

"How is Ali doing this morning?" Blaine asked changing the subject when he heard Ali laughing in the background.

"She is doing good. She is, of course, watching Frozen. I can tell she misses you though," Kara said, not wanting to let him know that Ali had cried herself to sleep the night before asking where her Daddy, Papa, and Brad der were.

"Can you bring her over here? I would come and pick her up, but I don't think I am ready to run into someone right now," Blaine said with a sigh. The smile he had on his face disappearing.

"Do you want me to bring her over there or just go ahead and take her to school?" Kara asked.

"Bring her here if that's ok. I need to see her, I missed her last night and I really like taking her to class," Blaine said. He really had really missed Ali and wanted to spend some time with her before having to drop her off and going to his classes all day.

"Ok, let me finish getting us dressed, and we will be on our way there," Kara said.

"Thanks, Kara. Thanks for everything," Blaine said and disconnected the call.

He next called down to room service and ordered Ali yogurt, fruit and milk for breakfast, and then a pot of coffee for himself and Kara. Walking over to where his suitcase was, he pulled out a pair of dress socks and sat on the bed to put them on. He had always hated socks, but he couldn't wear dress shoes without them. At times like this, he missed the laid back style of Harvard. The dress code there had been less strict. Right now he would love nothing more than to slip on a pair of comfortable jeans and a t-shirt, instead of a full suit.

He had just finished tying his tie when he heard a knock on the door of his room. When he opened it he saw the room service waiter standing there with the food he had ordered. He stood back and allowed him to sit the tray on the little table and had just let him back out when he heard his little girl yelling, "Daddy," and saw her running towards him. He bent down, a smile on his face and scooped her up into his arms.

"Good morning sweet girl. Did you enjoy your sleepover with Auntie Kara?" Blaine asked laughing, placing a kiss on her little cheek.

"Yes," she said with a big smile that could light up the whole room, wrapping her little arms around his neck.

"I'm glad you had fun. You ready to eat breakfast before school?" Blaine asked.

"Yes," Ali said with a giggle as Blaine sat her in the booster seat that the motel had supplied for her.

Blaine put her yogurt and fruit in front of her, before pouring himself and Kara a cup of coffee handing it to her. He waited for her to down the first cup as usual, before refilling it.

"Have a seat," Blaine said pointing to one of the empty chairs in front of the table.

"So, how did your night go?" Kara asked looking at him. She had been really worried about him.

"It went ok. I got really drunk for one. That is something I have never done, and I don't see myself doing it again. I had fun though. I actually got out on the dance floor and danced," Blaine said, smiling at her. "Annnnddd, I met someone," Blaine said.

"WHAT!" Kara said in complete shock.

"Yeah. His name was Lucas, and he was really nice. We danced several dances together. I needed that, you know KarBear? I think I just needed to feel wanted again," Blaine said with a sad smile on his face.

"Ok, so now what?" she said, still looking at him in disbelief.

"Nothing, I go back to life as usual. You know me, Kara. The bar scene isn't me. It was fun but been there, done that, got the shirt. I don't feel the need to do it again," Blaine answered.

"What about this Lucas guy though?" Kara asked.

"He was really nice. We talked, but I told him that I didn't know technically if I was free. He gave me his number and told me to call him when or if it became official," Blaine said looking at her, feeling sad just thinking about everything being over between him and Kurt. He wasn't ready for their relationship to be over, but he just couldn't see how it couldn't be.

"I'm glad you had fun Blaine, I really am. But even if you and Kurt are over, I don't see you being ready to jump into anything that soon," she said looking at Blaine with concern.

"I'm not, and I don't know if I ever will be. If we are over, then I'm going to concentrate on me and Ali. I have doubled up on some of my course studies. I'm going to graduate half a year early. I'm ready to be out of school. I have spent most of my life in one class or the other and I think I'm finally over it. I'm ready to move on with my life you know?" Blaine said, looking at her.

"I know, Blaine, I know. I'm sorry this all happened. I wish I could make it better for you, but I don't think passing you a brownie during study hall is going to fix it this time," she answered with a sad smile. When they had still been at Carson together, when she knew Blaine had had a bad day, she would make him his favorite chocolate chip brownies. They didn't stop the sting from the names Blaine was called, or the words that were thrown his way, but they had made him feel a little better, if only for a while.

"I only wish it could. I think it is beyond brownies this time, no matter how good they always were," Blaine said softly, reaching over to wipe off Ali's face.

"You ready to go to school baby girl?" Blaine asked, kissing her cheek before standing up and unbuckling the belt on the booster seat.

"See Brad der?" Ali asked with a grin.

"Yes baby, you get to see brother today," Blaine answered looking at Kara. If he and Kurt were over, they needed to figure something out, so at least the kids could still spend time together. This wasn't their fault. They had done nothing wrong and they still deserved to be in each other's lives.

"I hope you have a good day today," Kara said hugging Blaine, placing a kiss on both his and Ali's cheek.

"Thanks, Kara. Thanks for watching her last night. Thanks for being here for me as always. Thanks for being in my life," Blaine said, holding her tight for just a few minutes.

"You never have to thank me, Blaine. You have always been there for me, always. I love you, and I will always be there for you," she said wiping a tear from off her cheek.

"I know you will. I love you, too. I'll call you tonight when I get out of class. I have something I want to talk to you about," Blaine said grabbing his messenger bag. Still holding Ali he walked with Kara out the door.

Blaine put Ali in her car seat and made his way to the Primrose school ready to drop Ali off. When they got there and walked through the front door Blaine bent down and put Ali on her feet, holding her hand he walked her to her preschool classroom. When they got to the door, Blaine squatted down in front of Ali, telling her goodbye, and that he would be back to pick her up later. He was just standing up when he was almost knocked down.

Max had come running out of the classroom straight to them with a big smile on his face yelling, "Daddy, Alri," jumping into Blaine's arms.

Blaine could do nothing but smile. He picked Max up and hugged him for a few minutes. "Hey little man, how are you doing huh? Daddy misses you," Blaine said, kissing Max on his cheek before setting him back down, looking him over. He had missed that little boy so much.

"I good," Max said with a big smile before hugging Ali.

"Good. Daddy has to go, but I love you both so much. Be good today for me and Papa ok," Blaine said hugging them each one more time before standing up and watching as they both walked into class, Max holding Ali's hand like he didn't want to let her go.

On his way out of the building, he stopped by the office and talked to Ms. June, letting her know about the extra hours he would be gone for class, and letting her know that Ali would be here for a full schedule from now on.

"Will that include Max as well?" she asked looking up from where she had been making notations in Ali's file.

"Umm, that would be a question for Mr. Hummel," Blaine said softly, watching the look on her face change as she looked at him.

"Oh," she said with an understanding look on her face. "I'm sorry"

"Thank you. We are still working things through, but thank you," Blaine said before turning around and going back to his car, wanting to just break down again.

His day dragged, the classes he usually enjoyed seemed to take twice as long as usual. Tomorrow he knew would be worse since he had added three more classes to his day. Groaning he wondered if he had made the right decision, but knew he had. Walking into Ali's school, he just wanted to go home, curl up on the couch with Kurt and the kids and veg out, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. He was dreading going to the motel. No matter how comfortable it might be, it wasn't home.

Blaine had just gotten even with the door of Ali's classroom when he heard crying and knew it was Ali. She sounded so distraught. He took off running into the class, stopping when he saw his little girl crying uncontrollably while being held by her teacher, Ms. Suzie. She kept rocking Ali, rubbing her back and whispering in her ear trying to comfort her.

Blaine sat down in front of Ms. Suzie and pulled Ali into his lap. He placed her head on his shoulder, feeling her little body shake from the force of her crying.

"Ali, baby what's wrong? Talk to daddy, please sweet girl," Blaine said holding her close, rubbing his hand up and down her back, rocking with her the way he used to when she was really little. He looked up at the teacher questioningly.

"She was fine, she had a good day. About ten minutes ago, Mr. Hummel came in and picked up Max. He spent a few minutes talking to Ali, holding her, but then he told her he had to go, that you would be back to pick her up later. Her little heart broke when she saw him and Max both leave, and not take her with them. I was really surprised because when you guys come in to pick up the kids you take them both. This time, Mr. Hummel said he would only be picking up Max, that you would be picking up Ali," Ms. Suzie said softly.

"Yeah, we are working some things out right now. Thank you for your patience with her," Blaine said with a sad smile. "Let's go home baby girl. Let's go see Papa and Max ok?"

"O-hic-kay," she said hiccupping after crying so hard and so long. "Home," she said nodding her head, a small smile starting to spread across her face.

Blaine stood up, holding her. He walked over and picked up her little backpack, swinging it over his shoulder, and then headed back to his car. He might not necessarily be ready to talk to Kurt yet, but he needed to. They needed to work things out, they were not only hurting themselves, but they were also hurting their children, and that wasn't something Blaine was willing to do.