(A/N: I want to thank everyone for all the feedback that this story has been getting, I really appreciate it!)
It was had been a silent yet awkward breakfast in the Dawson household, at least in Rose's opinion. Jack had yet to even look at her, much less talk as they fed their daughter. Rose was halfway relieved, yet halfway worried. That kiss last night had left her longing for more and made her wonder if things really were over between them. Was there a chance to repair their marriage after all? Why had he kissed her like that if he didn't love her anymore? And what about Hannah? Was he going to break it off with her? Or had that kiss been a mistake? Something that happened in the heat of the moment when their emotions had been high and the attraction between them had been so strong that neither one of them could resist the urge? Gah, he hadn't even said anything afterward! He had just run away and now...he was refusing to even look at her much less acknowledge what had happened!
A laugh escaped Rose as Cora opened her tiny mouth in an exhausted yawn. Jack quickly looked up and became transfixed at just the pure happiness on her face. Again, Rose was the most beautiful thing in the room to him, next to their daughter of course. He sighed and tore his gaze away, not wanting to be caught staring or be tempted to kiss her once again.
"She's sleepy. I better take her back up to bed," Jack got to his feet, needing to keep busy so he wouldn't think too much about how pretty Rose's green eyes were and how they sparkled when she laughed and how beautiful that laugh was.
"Okay. May I come too?" Rose asked, not wanting to be parted from her daughter just yet. Spending time like this with Cora was the one bright spot in her world now. The only sure thing she could hold on to, unless Jack had changed his mind about the state of their marriage, but how he was acting now, she doubted that he had. He was a closed book to her once again.
"Sure," Jack lifted Cora out of her high chair and motioned for Rose to follow him.
Without a word, Jack and Rose took Cora up to her nursery. Jack laid her down in her bed, where the child quickly fell asleep. Rose walked up to stand next to him and watched her daughter. She couldn't believe that she had been able to forget this beautiful child who had quickly become her whole world. She reached down and gently touched the golden curls that were spread on the pillow.
"She looks so much like you when you're asleep. At peace with the world, all troubles far away," Jack sighed, remembering how he used to wake up before Rose, just to watch her sleep. He hadn't been able to help himself back then. She had been his beautiful, fiery angel and he had felt like the luckiest man in the world to have her love. Now, he didn't know how to feel. He just knew that the love was still there, but he no longer felt so lucky. He felt wretched for his feelings because it was no longer just himself and Rose.
"I doubt I still look so peaceful," Rose shrugged, not knowing how to respond.
"You did the other day...when you had fainted..."
"Jack...we need to talk about last night," Rose sighed, not able to stand it any longer. What was he thinking? How did he feel? What about Hannah? What about Cora? How was all of this going to end?
Jack stepped away from the bed and turned away from Rose, knowing that the coming conversation was needed, yet still not wanting to have it. What could he say to explain his behavior? That he was still in love with her, despite wanting to move on with Hannah? How did that work? It would just make them both confused, not that they already weren't.
"You kissed me, Jack. You kissed me like we are still together and...well...I thought that you were in love with Hannah."
Jack sighed, hating himself more and more. "I do love Hannah."
"But that kiss...it said something different. It said that you were still in love with me and...forgive me, but I am more confused about the present than I ever had been about the past."
Jack chewed on his bottom lip, knowing that there was no choice now. The kiss had been the elephant in the room that Jack had been avoiding, but now that Rose had pointed it out, there was no more hiding from it. It had to be addressed, but still, Jack had no idea how to explain himself. "Maybe we should talk outside. That way, Cora stays asleep and we'll have some privacy on the back porch."
Rose simply nodded and silently followed Jack back down the stairs, into the kitchen and out onto the back porch, where Jack stood against the railing, staring out at a path that lead into the woods. It was obvious that she was going to have to be the one to start the conversation. "Jack...what are we doing? I mean, I know that I am in love with you. I'd love it if we got back together and was a family with Cora. The question is, what are you feeling? What do you want?"
"I want the last two years never to have happened. I want it to where you had never left and we were always together and none of this would be happening because we were never apart. But, the past can't be undone, can it?"
Rose bowed her head, wishing the same thing. "No, it can't. We have to deal with the present."
"Exactly. You ask me how I feel. That is such a loaded question, Rose. I don't know if I should even answer it, because it'll open up a can of worms that shouldn't be...but I guess I had opened it already with that kiss last night."
"If I'm going by that kiss last night, I'd say that it is me that you are in love with. Not Hannah."
Jack closed his eyes, again feeling guilty for this mess that was now his life. "You are halfway right. I am still in love with you Rose...I never stopped. I tried several times, but I couldn't. What we went through...what we shared...it's as intense as it can get. I love you so much and that's why it had nearly killed me when you had disappeared."
"Oh, Jack...I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from walking out that door in Santa Monica. I wish..."
"Wishing doesn't change anything. It still happened. There's nothing that either of us can do to change it."
"So what do we do now? What about Hannah? Where does this leave things with her?"
"Well, like I said, you are halfway right about me being in love with you and not Hannah, because...I love Hannah too. She...she healed me, Rose. This past year, she made me see that I could love again. Before you came back, we were planning a future together and...that meant something...it still does...I can't just forget about that. I...I guess the whole point is that I love you both and I would rather die than see either one of you hurt."
Rose felt her heart break at this, but she wasn't really surprised. She had disappeared from his life two years ago and now that she was back, she couldn't expect him to forget or even walk away from the life he had been planning without her. "You can only be with one of us, Jack."
"I know! Don't you think I know that? Gah, I wish...I wish that the love we had on and after Titanic had faded or was gone...that it hadn't remained and is now making everything so damn confusing! Because when I'm with you, like right now...I can't even think about Hannah or that it's supposed to be only her that I want to kiss and hold and have a family with...it's only you….and it hurts because...I know that if I let myself, I will forget. And I'll hurt the one person in this mess that doesn't deserve it."
Rose could see the mixture of love, guilt, and maybe a little bit of anger in Jack's eyes. The conflict was clear in his eyes. He was torn between two women that he obviously genuinely loved and didn't know who to choose and hating that he did have to, because he didn't want to hurt either of them. She stepped closer to him and placed a gentle hand against his cheek, savoring the warmth of his skin.
"Would it be better if I leave? If I wasn't here at all? Take the choice out of your hands?" She struggled to conceal the hurt she felt at even the thought of not seeing him or Cora again, but she'd do it for him if he wanted her to. After all, this was her fault. If she had just been stronger, more able to handle the memories that had bombarded her those two years ago, none of this would be happening.
"It'd be easier if you did...but I don't want you to. Cora needs you in her life and...I don't want you to leave me again. Even if we're not together I need...I just need you here. I need to know if you'll be alright and I can't know that if you're off in the world somewhere."
"So you want me to stay?"
"Yes. I want you to stay. I can figure all of this out, I don't need you to leave. It wouldn't be right for me, or for Cora."
Rose simply nodded, again at a loss for words. She loved this man so much and to know that her feelings were returned, it gave her a little sliver of hope. Even though there was still Hannah to think about.
"I love you, Jack. No matter what you may decide," She finally spoke, her gaze meeting his as she felt the bond between them draw them together once again.
"God help me, I love you too," Jack gave in once again and kissed her, not thinking about anything else but how she made him feel at that moment.
"Jack?" Hannah gasped as she stepped out onto the back porch, having arrived for a visit just to find the man she loved kissing someone else.
