A/N: This is not an April Fool's prank; I got a chapter out early! I'm at home, sick (not with COVID-19). I realize this is outside the norm, and you shouldn't get used to it, but I had nothing else to do today but write. Now, I'm off to work on my NaNo project some more. For those who haven't been keeping up with Project Danger, you can find out more about it in my profile.

Chapter 20

Novels

It was two in the morning.

I should get some sleep, Muffy thought. Tomorrow is only Wednesday. Or today is Wednesday, I guess.

But it was difficult to let go, to fall under.

She and Alan had stayed up well past midnight, texting each other. Hesitant at the beginning, Alan had eventually opened up, and he was wordy once he got going. They both had been, now that she reexamined the entire conversation. First, Alan had given her the good news that his parents were giving him a trial run at his job Saturday evening. Genuine excitement was evident in his texts, though he was fairly reserved in his language.

Muffy had wondered during their exchange if Alan's hiatus was one of the things that spurred his relapse, if, in their attempt to help Alan rest, his parents had inadvertently provided him with more time to sink into restlessness. There could be something to the idea, but there was probably way more to it than just that. That was why it was important Alan go to Dr. Hartmann-Krause on his own. He could not be forced into getting well. It was a decision he would have to make for himself.

She did not mention therapy or Lydia or his problems at all for fear of him shutting down. If he wanted to bring it up, that was fine; she was willing to listen. For now, however, she was happy he was opening up to someone about life. This was a bright spot in the past few days, like a ray of sunlight slipping through the gap in a set of drapes, warming a small space in an otherwise dark room. They were conversing, and for once they weren't talking about the séance.

An unstoppable flow of words came from the two of them as they chatted about school, classmates, friends, and when Alan planned to get his learner's permit. They wrote novels to each other, and, despite the late hour, neither of them minded. The conversation eventually died about forty-five minutes ago. Alan had politely broken it off, suggesting they go to sleep and continue at lunch. He had tried to apologize for keeping her up so late, but she would have none of it.

Now Muffy lay in bed, her television long turned off, moonlight streaming into her room, as she drowsily revisited certain parts of their conversation, amazed at just how much they had written in a couple of hours. She scrolled back to the part where she herself had opened up, confessing her fears about her brother.

Maybe it was in the back of my mind. It's like I knew exactly what Chip was going to say as soon as he brought it up. I wonder how I knew that.

He's been upset about not seeing his girlfriend and afraid that he was going to lose her. I think it was in the unconscious, so, yes, the back of your mind. Not to sound insensitive, but it was inevitable that he would make sacrifices to spend more time with her if he was determined to sustain their relationship.

Even if it means spending less time with me, a blood relative.

Don't take it personally. Possibilities present themselves when you enter a relationship. You gain a new perspective; you change; everything changes. You want to discover what you can become as a couple. You want to figure things out. That was my experience, anyway, and I was only 13. Chip is 25?

Almost. OMG You're right. Chip isn't a teenager anymore. He'll be 30 freaking years old soon. Of course he's changed. It's like I've been thinking of him as a college kid who hung around during summer and holidays after all these years. His job and apartment aren't just because of what happened in Florida. That's literally his life now. I mean I KNEW that, but you know what I'm talking about. It's SINKING IN. He really will get married someday. He'll have children and his own family dinners and Christmas mornings. His own everything. He really is gone. Isn't he? We'll never get him back. I legit think I'm going to be upset.

Don't be upset. That phase of your family dynamic may be over, but that doesn't make him any less your brother. It doesn't diminish your memories or how much you care for him.

I wanted him and Daddy to make amends. What if Chip gets a new family and decides he doesn't need us? What if he forgets me?

No one who has met you has ever forgotten you. Of that I'm certain.

Was that a dig? I'm in the middle of a crisis and can't really tell.

Chip went out of his way to email you while he was away. He will not forget you.

I feel so stupid for freaking out. But I can't NOT freak out. They have to make up before it's too late.

You're not stupid. Are you afraid to let it go and allow them to live happy, separate lives?

That's what's wrong. I don't think they are happy at all. I think they hurt each other 5 years ago and they've never gotten over it.

That's on them. I know that doesn't make it easier to sit back and watch, but it isn't your fight. Sometimes I feel like you think it is, whether it's because you kept Chip's secret or for some other reason. I worry about you burdening yourself with a conflict that boils down to two people. They started everything. Your father is big on responsibility, right? It's their responsibility to repair their relationship.

You worry about me?

I don't like seeing you upset over two individuals whose actions you can't control. I'm not telling you to stop hoping for reconciliation. I'm not even telling you to stop encouraging them to talk. I just don't want you to beat yourself up if they can't forgive each other.

You really are sweet. Sometimes.

Are you all right?

I've worried about this since I was 9. I don't know if I can let it go. But maybe I should calm down at least a little. We've realistically got at least a couple of years before he marries off. After that, who knows? Maybe Catherine will be a positive influence on him.

Catherine?

Shit! OMG I wasn't supposed to tell anyone that!

Francine's sister?

I said I'd keep my mouth shut. I got carried away. OMG I'm a stupid bitch.

No, you're not! That's who he's dating?

She said she'd break my arm if I told!

Muffy, relax. Why are they keeping it a secret?

I don't know! Catherine is weird! I'm freaking out all over again.

There's no need to freak out. Who am I going to tell? Consider this text conversation an extension of the cabin. Nothing leaves it, so no one has to know we said it.

Thanks. That means a lot.

We're Team Hot Mess, aren't we? We have to help each other out.

Aww. You're warming up to the name.

Don't be so sure. It looks weird when I type it.

Muffy revisited that segment of the conversation over and over. Alan was right about both her father and her brother; she could control neither one of them. However, just as Alan could not relinquish his desire to contact Lydia, she doubted she could let this go. It was too huge, a big unanswered question. Maybe it was up to her father and Chip to settle their differences, but it did not boil down to just the two of them. It hurt the whole family, even if her brother was not a child anymore. It still hurt every single one of them.

How do you let something like that go? was the thought on which she dwelled before at last giving into exhaustion.

To be continued…