Chapter 21

Nikolo chopped some carrots, working on autopilot as his mind was stuck on his conversation with his comrades a few days before. He was convinced he had said a few things he shouldn't have, but since no one had approached him yet, that probably meant that the guys hadn't gone to complain to any higher ups.

"But this certainly won't make the nickname "Eldian sympathizer" go away" he sighed. He didn't mind the name itself, but if wrong people hear it… "Chill, Nikolo, you got this."

He'd been in worse places after all.

"Again, sir?" Nikolo was jolted out of his thoughts by the actual cook's voice "You are aware that this is my job, right? I'll be unemployed at this rate!"

He wasn't serious about the later part, the younger cook knew, so he chuckled.

"Everyone needs a hobby" he said "Surely there's something you do to relax as well?"

"I do some gardening; nothing beats self-raised vegetables" the cook said "You have your own greenroom as well, no?"

"Naturally" Nikolo said, mentally noting that he'd need to take better care of it and not just leave everything to the gardeners "How about I take charge this one time? I don't think you're familiar with this recipe."

"Really now? You do know I'm a professional cook, right?" the man seemed a little insulted. Chuckling, Nikolo told: "No offence meant; this just happens to be a dish I learned in Eldia. I don't think there are too many people here who'd know it."

"Eldian dish?" the disgust in the cook's voice was clear as day "Are you sure you want to make something like that?"

"Indeed, I am; I learned a few quite good ones during my stay" mostly from the Blouse family "I assure you, despite being quite simple, they are delicious."

"…Well, whatever suits your tastes" the cook finally said "What do you need me to do?"

Nikolo showed him, and the two of them worked in silence, only speaking when communicating was necessary for the job. It reminded him of working with Grior; he'd always preferred silence as well. Unlike Sasha.

Flashback

"The soup yesterday was so amazing!" Sasha gushed as she chopped up some carrots. Blushing at the compliment, Nikolo tried to hide it with a scowl as he asked: "How could you even taste it when you gulped it down so fast? It's a miracle you didn't burn your tongue!"

"I've had a lot of practice!" Sasha said, sounding like it was something to be proud of. Little pig.

"I don't doubt that" Nikolo muttered, his eyes going over the girl quickly "It's a miracle you still look like that with the amount of food you eat."

He expected her to give him a jab back or just laugh, but instead he was met with silence. Knowing that it wasn't like her, he turned to look at the girl, only to find her staring at him with a blush on her face. Wheels turning in his head, Nikolo started to understand what it may have sounded like and blushed furiously as well.

Turning back to his work, the man decided not to say anything, least he makes even more of a fool of himself.

Flashback

"That was one of the very few times things got so awkward that she didn't keep up her chatter" Nikolo thought with a chuckle "One other time was when- "

Suddenly Nikolo shook his head rapidly, coming to the conclusion that this was a bad time and place to remember that. Or actually, it wasn't proper of him to be remembering it at all. It was better not to think about it.

"Easier said than done"

XXXXX

"Whoah!" Sasha yelped as Kaya stumbled with a water bucket, soaking her sister's shirt as she was right in the harm's way. For a moment she just stood there in shock, staring at Kaya who was lying on the ground, staring right back, before they broke in to laughter as one.

"Sorry sis" Kaya said after she calmed down, but Sasha just waived it off "No worries; that has happened to me too."

It was true; it had happened a lot to her in her training days before her balance and muscle got to the point they were now. And honestly, even after that on times she was simply being careless. Like that one time in the restaurant…

Flashback

"Do you really have time for this?" Nikolo asked Sasha as she offered to help him in the kitchen once again "You're a soldier; surely you have your hands full."

"I have a day off" Sasha answered with a shrug "Besides, I'm not nearly as busy as those who have to do all the thinking with that diplomacy stuff and such. I just do what I'm told when I'm told."

"Excluding kitchen raids" Nikolo said, making Sasha blush "Or did the crazy commander order you to do that? I wouldn't put it past her."

Sasha blinked, her face suddenly forming in to a grin as she got a brilliant idea. Yeah, she could work with that.

"She did actually, so you shouldn't be going around stopping me anymore!" Sasha felt like cheering, but her smile dropped at the blank stare Nikolo gave her.

"That would be much more believable if your expressions weren't like an open book" he said "I know you just made that up."

Sasha pouted; so much for easy food.

"But maybe I can get Hanji to give me such an order" she said, mostly just to see how Nikolo would react. However, the guy just rolled his eyes, saying: "Right, because the commander has nothing better to do."

"Damn, looks like I can no longer fool him the way I used to" Sasha thought. In a way it made her happy as it meant they were becoming closer, but at the same time she knew it'd make it harder for her to avoid trouble when sneaking around the kitchen.

"If you're going to loiter around here anyway, give me a hand" Nikolo suddenly said. Sasha wasn't sure if he really needed help or if he just wanted to keep her busy so that she wouldn't cause trouble "Bring me the pot over there, okay?"

"Sure!" Sasha said, seeing the item in question on the counter next to the door. Skipping over, she noted that the pot was already filled with water, though fortunately not right to the brim. Not that Nikolo would be so careless when he had to move the pot later, Sasha knew.

"Hup" she lifted it up, but right as she did the door opened, knocking the pot out of her hands and soaking her in the process.

"Oops" Grior said as he looked at her, clearly having noticed the door colliding with something "Sorry."

He didn't sound or look sorry at all, and Sasha wasn't too surprised, but there was no point in making a fuss about it since it was not like he had done it on purpose.

"Though if he'd known I was here, he probably would have" the soldier thought, being fully aware that the man didn't like her.

"Are you okay, Sasha?" Nikolo asked, glaring at Grior. He came towards her, but stopped in his tracks after a few steps, his face suddenly starting to grow red. Frowning, Sasha asked: "What?"

After a few seconds of silence, Grior snorted, resulting to a glare from Sasha.

"What's so funny?" she asked defensively. Her being a little clumsy shouldn't lead to a reaction like that; was there something she was missing here?

"It's just… your…" Nikolo stuttered, but couldn't get the words out. Sasha raised an eyebrow as he raised a shaky finger, pointing at her. She blinked, looking down at herself, at her clothes, before it hit her.

Her shirt was white today, and it had just gotten soaked.

Uh oh.

"…!" her face felt hot, and Sasha was sure it was deep red. Wordlessly she drew her hands in front of her chest before running out of the room.

That was the most embarrassing moment of her life.

Flashback

"Sis? Are you okay?" Sasha was drawn out of her thoughts by Kaya's voice. Hoping that her face hadn't gone red due to the memory, she answered: "Yeah, I'm okay."

"You sure? Your face is red" damn, no luck it seems.

"I'm fine, really" she said with a laugh "I just remembered a similar incident that happened in a bit um… more embarrassing circumstances."

"You do always manage to make a fool of yourself" Kaya said, starting a series of protests from Sasha. She did not.

…Well okay, maybe she did.

XXXXX

"Morning partner!" Jonas cheered as he and Nikolo met up outside of the gates to the interment zone, slapping the blond in the back way harder than was necessary "Guess who got lucky!"

"Certainly not me with how hard you hit" Nikolo grumbled "I really don't want to know how hard you'd hit someone you actually want to harm."

"Then don't get on my bad side"

"Noted" Nikolo said dryly "So, what happened to put you in so high and violent spirits?"

"Oh, nothing nothing" the man said, and Nikolo knew Jonas was trying to bait him in to pestering out the information, which was not happening. He was not that interested, not to mention that, knowing Jonas, he'd spill the beans really quickly if Nikolo didn't show any signs of interest.

"Is that so?" he said "Well then, let's get to work."

He started walking, entering through the gates, sure that Jonas would soon follow. And follow he did.

"C'mon, this is something you want to know!"

"Is that so?" he said, but didn't even try to pry further. Jonas would manage to keep whatever it was to himself for an hour or two, three at most if he was patient.

"You really, really want to know this!" he insisted "C'mon, ask what I have to say!"

"Fine" Nikolo said with a sigh. Turning around, he asked: "What do you have to say, Jonas?"

"Guess where I'll be positioned, starting a month from now?" he asks with a grin. Nikolo raises an eyebrow, actually curious now. What kind of job would make Jonas, who can be a bit on the lazy side, so excited? And why was he bugging him about it?

…He didn't really need to ask; he'd already figured it out. Eyes wide, Nikolo said it out loud: "You're going to Paradis!?"

Jonas frowned, clearly displeased with his deduction skills.

"How did you know?! It was supposed to shock you!" he complained, and Nikolo had to admit that it had. His partner had just made it so obvious so that there was no way for him to not get it.

"No, that was a shock" he admitted "Especially since it's so sudden; just what happened?"

"I just went and volunteered for the job is all" he said with a shrug "Most people try to avoid going with all they have, so when someone volunteers, of course they're allowed to go."

Nikolo stared, mouth hanging open. He had volunteered as well, yet he had not been allowed to go. Was Jonas not telling him something, or was he not trusted? Or perhaps the higher ups thought he couldn't handle it?

Honestly, all three options felt perfectly possible.

"Are you sure that's all you did?" he asked "You don't have any hidden connections or something?"

"Not that I know of" he said with a shrug before grinning "What, don't tell me you've tried the same and not succeeded?"

"Yeah, I did" he had done so several times, but it was better not to say that "Guess they fear I'm not cut out for it yet."

"If it was up to me, I'd take you along" Jonas said with a shrug "You're clearly fine!"

"Thanks" Nikolo said "Time to get to work."

"So, acknowledging your ability to handle things doesn't save me from this shift?"

"Nope"

"Damn it"

XXXXX

As Sasha watched Connie and Kaya interact with each other at the dinner table, she couldn't help but think how obvious the girl's feelings were. And judging from the looks on their faces, her parents and Claus had all caught on, too. Connie, however, clearly had no idea. If he did, Sasha would've been able to tell.

"I wonder if all people have trouble seeing it when someone's interested in them?" Sasha thought, recalling that it took years for Eren to notice Mikasa's feelings… and that she herself had had no idea about Nikolo "Now that I think of it, were there any obvious signs that I overlooked?"

Surely the fact that he was always ready to cook for her didn't count; it was his job after all. What else could there have been?

"Wait, I think he was checking me out at that one time! Or at least the comment he made was a little…" at the moment, Sasha hoped she wasn't blushing as the embarrassing memory climbed to the top of her mind "But that's just one thing, what else?"

Aggressively munching on her bread, Sasha worked through her memory, sure that there had to be something very obvious that she had overlooked.

"Sis, if you continue eating with a speed like that you might end up in a hospital" Kaya said as she moved her attention away from Connie, and that was exactly the kind of hint that Sasha needed.

The hospital.

Flashback

As Sasha starts to regain her consciousness, pain is the first thing she takes note of. It hurt a lot. Just what had happened? Where was she? Think, Sasha, think! They… attacked Marley… and she got on the escaping airship just fine, right? With Connie and Jean by her side, as usual, and then… what? They'd been there, waiting for someone who wasn't accounted for yet, she couldn't remember who, and then… what? What had happened? The airship hadn't made a sudden crash landing, had it?!

The thought getting her to panic, she tried to open her mouth to call for Jean, Connie, anyone really, but her mouth felt dry and she couldn't get a sound out. Frustrated, she did her best to open her eyes. Her sight was blurry at first, the light blinding her, but after her sight adjusted, she realized it was night, the only light coming from a lamp nearby. There was also a roof over her head, she noted. She was inside somewhere… seems like their airship hadn't crashed after all. But where was she?

It took a few attempts, but eventually she got her very raspy voice to work.

"Hello? Is… anyone there?" she called out "Hello?"

"Sasha?" was asked in reply, but she didn't recognize the voice right away, so it wasn't Jean, Connie or Mikasa. Not Armin or Eren, either, and the voice was too soft to be the captain. The commander? No… Floch? Probably not, but she still couldn't tell who it was.

Not that she needed to wonder for long since a face entered her line of vision, and she met Nikolo's worried eyes.

That's right, Nikolo. How could she forge-

Wait, he was supposed to be back on the island, within the walls, yet her last memories were from the skies of Marley. What had she missed?

"Wha-?!" she started, but raising her voice strained her throat too much and she coughed. She tried to sit up, but it made her side hurt, not to mention it was impossible as Nikolo immediately started pushing her back down.

"Take it easy; you shouldn't move yet" he said "You got hurt pretty badly."

"What… happened?" she asked, managing to continue with her raspy voice: "Where am I? Where… is everyone?"

"This is a hospital inside Wall Rose" Nikolo told her "Everyone's fine, though they've been really worried about you."

Sasha smiled a little. So, everyone was fine, huh? Good… they'd made it. But why had she ended up in a hospital?

"What happened?" she asked, quickly clarifying: "To me. Why am I… here?"

"You don't remember?" the blond asks, and Sasha shakes her head slightly.

"An enemy snuck on the airship and shot you, or so I've been told" he replied "But they got disarmed and captured before anyone else got hurt, so don't worry."

"Okay" Sasha said, not sure what else to say.

"You're safe here" Nikolo told her, suddenly taking her hand and squeezing it "So just rest."

"Okay" she said again, squeezing back with the little strength she could muster. It was going to be fine; if Nikolo said she was safe, then she really was safe. She could think of all the complicated stuff later, after she'd rested some.

Flashback

"Only Nikolo was there" she realized "When I woke up, he was there, even though it was night time!"

How could she have been so stupid? Her family or squad she could understand, that'd make perfect sense, but instead of them, the one waiting for her to wake up had been a war prisoner. He could've gotten in trouble for it, he must've had other things to do as well, yet he'd still chosen to stay by her side. What had she been thinking back then? That he would've done it for any random friend he made from the enemy ranks? Sure, her squad had been busy with the war in their hands, but surely no one had forced Nikolo to be there.

He'd stayed by her side solely because he wanted to.

"Gosh, I'm so stupid" Sasha muttered, burying her face in her hands. That, if anything, should've gotten her to notice!

"Can't say I disagree, but what brought forth the sudden realization?" Sasha looked up at Connie's wide grin with a glare as her family chuckled around her.

"Nothing you'd be able to understand" she shot back, sticking her tongue out at him "'Cause you're an even bigger idiot than I am!"

Though in all honesty, for the first time ever, Sasha wasn't so sure if it was really true.

XXXXX

When Nikolo got home that day, he was in higher spirits than usual. There was no way he could join Jonas on his mission to Paradis, yes, but what he could do was ask the guy to deliver a message, a letter. Now he just had to write it.

Sitting at his desk, he pulled out some paper. He wasn't all that verbally talented, but it's not like Sasha would mind, for neither was she. Besides, it was the thoughts that counted, right?

Even so, he didn't want to do this halfheartedly.

Dear Sasha he started the letter. That was fine, right? It was a standard way to start; it wouldn't be awkward… and even if Sasha got the wrong idea about it, so what? It would just make clear something that had been left unsaid.

How have you been doing? Personally, I've done well and

"No" he thought, crumbling the paper and taking out another one. That just sounded stupid; he had to come up with something better than that.

Dear Sasha he started again before having to stop to think. Dear Sasha what? What should he write?

"Maybe I should first apologize for the fact that she hasn't heard anything from me until now?" Nikolo thought, nodding to himself. Yes, that was a good idea, and it'd be rude to not do so.

I'm sorry I haven't been in touch; I've been busy with work

"No, damn it" Nikolo thought, crumbling this piece of paper as well. It was stupid to add that he'd been busy with work; he was sure Sasha would get that without saying. Another try; third time's the charm, right?

Dear Sasha,

I'm sorry I haven't contacted you sooner. I hope you and everyone else are doing well.

He lifted his pen, wondering how to continue. So far it seemed good, and he wanted the rest to be like that as well.

I'm sure you must be busy with work, and I am as well, but I thank you for taking the time to read

"Oh, hell no!" Nikolo let out in frustration, banging his head on his desk as he crumbled the paper. Turns out that the third time wasn't the charm after all "That sounded way too formal!"

And just overall stupid; Sasha would just laugh at a letter like that, he was sure. She wouldn't do it to be mean; it'd be just pure amusement. Still, Nikolo didn't like the idea.

"What's getting you so worked up, Nicky?" Nikolo almost jumped at his brother's voice "New recipes not turning out all right?"

"Go away Ulrich" the soldier said with a heavy sigh; he was not in the mood for this right now.

Surprisingly, his brother didn't answer, but Nikolo knew he hadn't left, either. What was he doing?

"What's that?"

"What's what?" Nikolo asked, but realized a second too late what the other man might have meant as he snatched the crumbled letter from Nikolo's hand "Hey!"

The soldier leaped off his chair and tried to get it back, but Ulrich dodged with a practiced ease, something that his non-military brother had called an older brother's natural instinct.

"Let's see" Ulrich said as he uncrumpled the paper, his eyes widening before his face split in to a grin "You're writing a love letter!?"

"Ulrcih, give it back"

"But it's all crumbled; can't think of what to say, eh, Nicky?" Ulrich asked, giving the paper back to his brother. Not that Nikolo was surprised; with how little text was on in, he must've finished it by now.

"So, the name of your girl is Sasha" he said "Honestly, I had been thinking that you'd made the whole thing up; that there was no girl at all. Just when do I get to meet her?"

"Never if you keep that up" Nikolo hissed at him, crumbling the paper again "Unless you actually came here for a reason, leave."

"I just came to check on you" Ulrich said, dropping himself down on Nikolo's bed, clearly having no intention of leaving "You know, with your new job being- "

"My job is something I can handle just fine" Nikolo said with a glare, but Ulrich didn't pat an eyelash.

"So, you say, and I really hope you're right" he said "Just be careful, okay?"

Nikolo stared, not used to his brother acting like this. It had been a while since he'd last seen the guy all sincere and worried.

"Yeah, I will" he said with a sigh, unable to be mad at the man anymore "Anything else?"

"Well, since you asked" Ulrich started, a smile that Nikolo did not like creeping to his face "What exactly is causing you trouble with the letter?"

"Out" Nikolo deadpanned, pointing at the door. Ulrich laughed, but chose to get up anyway. At the door he paused, telling his brother: "Don't worry about it too much; if she likes you, she won't let the letter change her mind even if you make a complete fool out of yourself with it."

With that he walked away, ignoring his brother's glare, which dropped as soon as he was out. Ulrich was right, Nikolo knew, but he couldn't help himself for being self-conscious.

Sitting back at his desk, Nikolo pulled out a new sheet of paper again.

Dear Sasha,

I'm sorry I haven't contacted you sooner. I hope you and everyone else are doing well.

Yes, it was good up to that point. And then?

He had no idea.

"This is going to be a long night."