DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. I am a small baby bird who is still in the nest. The only thing I've ever eaten is what my mother vomits into my mouth. Heartwarming, I know.

This bit is actually the first part I wrote, and what the name is based off of. I literally copy/pasted the part in New Moon when they're in the car outside of Charlie's house after Bella jumps off the cliff and the first words were 'What if?' and I didn't bother to actually name the document, so the computer saved the first line as the title. I'm not very attached to it. If you have any suggestions, I'm more than willing to hear 'em.

I hope you like the Euripides lines. I saw it in a photoset on tumblr and honestly? Inspired me to no end. I couldn't find a source for it so if any of you know the photos I'm talking about and also the creator let me know.

Here is where shit really gets interesting (I know, I know, twenty chapters in and I'm just getting to the good stuff? Disgusting). We have finally left canon where it belongs; in the past, with the rest of our regrets. I hope you like it.

XX

The blood under my lips bubbled with excitement. I kissed her back with a vengeance, fingers knotting in her hair with an iron grip. She ran her hands down my bare chest, and though her fingers were cold, they lit a fire in my belly. I gripped her tighter, throwing one of my legs over her lap.

Finally, we pulled away from each other, panting, and I was staring into her eyes like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time when it occurred to me.

Maybe I did imprint on Bella.

Hadn't I loved Bella before shifting? And after, when I wasn't allowed to see her for her own safety, didn't it feel like an invisible thread tied to her heart was pulling me towards her with each beat?

Maybe Sam was wrong. Maybe it didn't have to be a complete one-eighty perspective change. Was it possible the impulse was always there, since the first time on the beach, and I didn't notice a change because nothing had changed?

I was always meant to be with Bella. I knew that in my gut, I felt it in my chest – the love I had for Bella had molded, changed, became stronger after the shift. Being away from her now was like trying to pull apart two magnets.

I gave Bella a kiss on the forehead. "Where did that come from?" I gasped.

She shook her head. "I'm sorry, Jake, I – "

I interrupted her with another kiss. When I pulled away, I sighed. "Don't be sorry, Bells. I know, I know," I added, rubbing her back with my hands.

She was really starting on a crying jag now. She hiccupped, the air scraping down her throat noisily. I pretended not to notice when a tear fell down my cheek, refusing to wipe it away.

"Charlie should be back soon," I reminded her softly.

She nodded. "I'm so sorry, Jake," she whispered earnestly.

"I don't mind," I replied. "You always take care of everyone, I don't mind taking care of you for once."

She scoffed, looking down at her hands, intertwined on her lap. "It's rotten work," she mumbled to herself.

"Not to me," I insisted. "Not if it's you."

I hooked my arm around her waist and walked her to the door, supporting her weight in my arms. She always felt delicate, but now she was fragile in my arms, like a porcelain teacup in mid-air after teetering off the edge of a table – seconds away from shattering in a million pieces on the floor.

I hesitated at the door, and so did she, staring up at me imploringly.

"You'll be careful tonight?" Bella pleaded.

"I will," I promised, then grinned. "We still have a leech to kill."

She made it inside okay, and I shifted into a wolf, but didn't leave the house. I ran the perimeter of Charlie's property for a while, then laid down across from Bella's window, listening to what was happening with Leah and Seth.

It's all my fault, Leah moaned, stumbling through the forest around La Push. I could see it in my mind's eye like I was there. Her grief was all-consuming; it burned through my loving musings of Bella, and I found myself sorry for feeling so happy when one of my brothers – my sister – was hurting so.

It's not your fault, Seth responded immediately, though we all heard as his mind wondered if maybe it was Leah's sudden shift that gave Harry a massive heart attack. In truth, he hadn't considered it before because he was too busy dealing with the confusing tumult of emotions associated with the first shift.

Everyone was confused. We didn't have time to wonder about it while chasing the red-headed bloodsucker, but now that we had lost the trail we could focus on other things. No one had ever heard of a female wolf, not in the whole history of the tribe. Then to top it all off, little Seth Clearwater, the boy who had hung on my every word just a month or so ago, must have been triggered into shifting early after watching his sister turn into a wolf in his living room and then seeing his father, unconscious and pale, while they waited for an ambulance.

Poor Sue would have had to lie through her tears and breaking sobs, tripping over her words, trying to explain why her living room was destroyed and claw marks were marring the coffee table, but the elders were there faster than the ambulance. Old Quil made sure there weren't any suspicions in the EMT's eyes while Billy called Charlie.

Sue was always trying to get Harry to eat something green, Paul thought flippantly, it isn't Leah's fault all the cheeseburgers caught up with him.

Leah growled something fierce, the exact words lost in the sea of her rage, but the message was clear. Paul backed down immediately, humbled by her intense and overwhelming grief. Jared and Embry shoved off when she took a swipe at them. She was too far gone for them, only Sam – with the power of his commanding Alpha's voice – could calm her down now.

As if turning into a wolf and accidentally killing her father weren't enough, Leah could now hear every thought Sam had, which often included Emily. Like kicking a wounded animal, each image of them projected into her mind stabbed at her heart, and I could feel all of it.

I didn't want to think about Leah, or Sam, or even Seth, but I couldn't help it. Even when I tried to tune them out, the shaking, screaming, sobbing pain from Leah reverberated with the thunder in the distance.

My thoughts returned to Bella, like a moth drawn to the light, and I couldn't squash the hope I felt when I thought of how connected we were, how right we were for each other.

Don't start, Jared thought, rolling his eyes at me.

What?

You didn't imprint on her, Jared responded scathingly, running towards Charlie's house as I heard the cruiser turning onto the street. You would have known the minute you saw her in the clearing.

You know better than I do what I was feeling in the clearing, I growled back as Jared ran up beside me. The bloodsucker was going in for the kill – there was no time for gawking. Besides, I already knew and loved Bella. It wasn't this huge change like it was for the rest of you – she was already the only girl I saw. And when I looked into her eyes… it was like coming home, I guess. Isn't that the way it is for you guys?

Jared, surprisingly, was turning it over in his head. I was amazed when I realized he might actually believe me.

Then, Charlie came ambling out of the cruiser, concentrating very hard on putting one foot in front of the other. Jared and I watched from the cover of the trees, listening as the front door creaked open and Bella walked out sheepishly. She wrapped a slender white arm around his midsection before he even noticed her presence.

"I'm so sorry about Harry, Dad." Bella's voice still hadn't fully recovered, though it sounded hoarser with tears than seawater now.

I worried about that for a second, and Jared heard it. He side-eyed me.

Shut up, I growled, though his thoughts had no words attached.

"I'm really going to miss him," Charlie mumbled.

"How's Sue?" Bella asked.

I shared a knowing look with Jared.

"She seems dazed, like she hasn't grasped it yet. Sam's staying with her…" I knew Sam was explaining everything to Sue, who was now supposed to take her husband's spot on the council. "Those poor kids. Leah's only a year older than you, and Seth's only fourteen…" Charlie shook his head, mirroring the pack's feelings when it came to the newest, youngest member.

They walked into the house, and we heard their footsteps in the kitchen. There was the sound of a microwave, and Bella's clumsy footsteps tripping across the kitchen. Plates and silverware clinked together, and then we heard them chewing.

I relaxed. Bella was safe, and doing what she did best; taking care of someone. Charlie was in the right hands.

You should tell Sam, Jared said pensively. About Leah and Bella. Kind of a bad time, but he'll find out one way or another.

I was reluctant to leave Bella alone, especially after the stunt she pulled. Funny how it seemed like an eon ago that I was pulling Bella out of the water, trying to beat the breath back into her lungs.

I'll stay here, Jared promised, and I knew he meant it. He understood that even if I hadn't imprinted on her, Bella had taken hold in my heart. And our brotherhood ran so deep that if she were hurt, my heartbreak would hurt the whole pack, just like Leah's.

As I ran home, Leah howled in agony, turning her emotional pain into physical sound. She really was not taking the change well at all. Sam would have to face her, eventually, and try to explain again. I howled along with her in solidarity, but she broke off abruptly.

I don't want your pity, she growled through the mind-link.

I made it to the Clearwater's in record time and changed back into a human reluctantly. I didn't like not being able to keep tabs on Bella through Jared's mind, but he wasn't paying much attention to her, anyway. He was running the perimeter of her house, restless as the rest of us.

Immediately, I regretted coming in. Sue was sitting at the handkerchief-sized kitchen table with a steaming mug that smelled like chamomile between her hands, looking shaken. Her eyes glanced up to meet mine, and they were completely empty. I knew that look. I had seen the same eyes in Sam's memory of Bella on the night he found her in the woods.

Sam seemed like he was pleading with her, but he looked up at me with a patient expression. I felt the need to update him on Seth and Leah, as second-in-command.

"Seth is calming down, despite Leah's better efforts." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. "He should be able to phase back soon, but she'll be a bit longer."

"Thank you, Jacob. Do you guys need help?"

I winced, imagining Sam confronting Leah. When did my life become a soap opera?

"Yeah, you'll need to do it sooner or later."

Sam looked at Sue, who was staring into her drink like it was a black hole trying to drag her in. He calculated for a second, then walked over and we went outside to shift.

As soon as we were wolves, we started running towards Leah. I didn't need to hear her thoughts to recognize the agonized howl hanging in the air, but still, I did.

Dad… Seth… Oh, Mom! Mom, how can you ever forgive me? Even if you could, one day, love me again – even if you love me now, how can you ever look me in the eyes?

Leah, you didn't kill Dad, Seth soothed, but it only fueled the fire.

I remembered the other reason I came to meet Sam, and immediately regretted it. He looked over at me as we raced through the forest to Leah, shaking his giant black head. I was surprised when I realized he harbored his own suspicions, but he was only focused on one thing.

Now is not the time, Jacob.

Jared, Paul, and Embry circled around in formation. Embry took my left flank, thinking about the possibility of a fight with Leah.

Would she really attack the pack?

Hello? Seth's young voice rang in all our heads at the same time. He loped along behind us, trying to keep up with our break-neck pace.

Seth, Sam stopped and turned to address the youngest member. You should go home to your mother. She needs you, son.

His voice rang true even without the added mental image of Sue hunched over her tea, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, all alone. Seth shuddered, whimpering, before shaking his head.

I can't go home without Leah.

Sam's weary shoulders rose with a deep breath before he turned back around. Let's go get her, then.

So we went to meet Leah on the edge of the cliff, staring out as the storm picked up. She was wondering whether or not Bella had the right idea by jumping.

She wasn't trying to kill herself, I rumbled before I could think better of it.

Are you sure about that? Leah hissed, turning around to face the pack. I know you're worried about that, Jacob. In fact, I really wish I didn't know how much you feel for that leech-lover – as if this isn't all their fault!

Enough, Sam commanded, and all fell silent, each of us waiting for the hammer to fall.

Leah, he continued, his thoughts becoming softer with genuine fondness. Despite everything he put her through, and the imprint bond being so strong, he truly loved Leah. What they had wasn't the sort of thing that can be erased by any magic – ancient and binding or not.

Lee-Lee, he pleaded, using an old nickname that knocked the wind out of her, twisting her intestines in pain. Now you know why I had to leave you. And how sorry I am. But this fate is not something I ever wished on you – I only hope that you can forgive me enough to let me help you.

Leah collapsed on the ground in a huff, strangled sobs coming from her muzzle. She let the deep waves of grief fall over her, drowning in sadness.

It was a long night. Eventually, we got Leah and Seth back to their house and calmed down enough to shift. Leah quickly covered herself up with her hands, but not fast enough.

Sam didn't go in the house with them, allowing the family to grieve together without intrusion. He nodded at me, then sent Jared, Paul, and Embry to run patrol on the outer perimeter. They didn't mind the chance to listen in, or insert their own opinion of my recent revelation.

Good luck with that, Embry chortled, throwing his head back as he ran.

Tell me everything, Jacob. Sam's voice was unyielding and impossible to ignore.

She kissed me tonight.

Paul and Embry were howling with laugher at my expense, but Jared was oddly quiet. I focused on Sam's reaction.

It's possible, Sam admitted with hesitation. You think it's the same, Jared?

Jared was a little confused, but he took my side. He loves her, we all know that.

Is it as strong as what you feel for Kim?

Jared paused. I'm no expert –

I decided to butt in, since they were talking about me like I wasn't even there. Seriously, guys, can't you see it? I asked rhetorically. What if it was only earth-shattering to you guys because it was such a monumental shift? Sam – you loved Leah, and Jared – you didn't even know Kim's name. I loved Bella before, and I love her still. Maybe the bond was already there before I shifted, and I didn't really notice after because nothing changed.

Does that change her feelings, then? Sam was suddenly glaring at me, and I didn't understand his anger until he continued with his train of thought. You've seen what the leeches did to her. His voice became gentler when he thought of the broken girl curled up on the forest floor, and then the image of her lying on the beach, lips blue, while I desperately tried to beat the water out of her lungs. You realize that if you haven't imprinted on her, you could be setting her up for another heartbreak. We will not hurt her the same way the cold ones did.

I would never – I began, but he interrupted.

I would never have done it to Leah, he said, an ancient sadness coloring his thoughts as his eyes met mine. I didn't have a choice.

I wouldn't have a choice. Just like I didn't have a choice in being a werewolf. If I hadn't imprinted on Bella, then there was a possibility I would hurt her in the future.

But it's rare, I argued. It doesn't happen all the time.

It's more common than we thought, I fear, Sam responded. Many of the legends have been lost. It's possible you've imprinted on her, but you need to be sure. Absolutely sure.

The only thing I was sure of was I needed to see Bella again.

Sam agreed, thinking that she probably needed more supervision after her activities today, and let me go. He shifted back to go check on the Clearwaters.

I sat outside Bella's window for a minute, listening. I heard the wind as it whipped through the trees, and the fall of rain on the roof, dripping down the gutter and making soft thuds against the grass. Charlie was snoring, but closer than that was a sharp, jagged breath being pulled in an unsteady, irregular rhythm. I whimpered with Bella, wishing more than anything to hop in through her window again.

I didn't, though, partially because I needed to process the long day behind me, and partly because Leah was hurting more than I was. She didn't spend long in her human form, turning back into a wolf and howling again. She needed someone to listen to her, and unfortunately, it was Jared, Embry, and I who got the honor. I sighed, trying very hard not to see things from her point of view.

But it was impossible. All night was a constant battle of memories and revelations from the girl. Anger at Sam versus her loyalty to the pack, mostly her brother, who embraced being 'on the team,' almost immediately. And grief, rolling in like waves ebbing and flowing on the shore, fighting with guilt. Most of her thoughts didn't even have words attached to them, just raw, unfiltered emotions and pictures swirled up like water when you flush it down the drain.

Leah's constant pain beat at me the way the ocean beats on a cliff face, and at three in the morning when I traded shifts with Sam, he heard how her grudge had rubbed off on me. Instead of getting angry like I expected, he hung his head in clear and distinct shame. It lightened Leah's mood a little to see him suffering, too, but an instant later she felt guilty for it, and howled again.

I left, grudgingly wishing Sam luck.