Chapter 22
Everyone froze. Nyah and Matt on the floor, Karen standing in the door covered with human ashes from the knees down, and Foggy behind her on the landing outside.
Karen was the first to recover. "Ew, ew, ew!" she said in a horrified voice, kicking her feet to rid them of the dust.
"Stop!" Nyah cried, holding her hand out imploringly. "You'll scatter him even more!"
Karen stopped kicking her feet and held still, "that is so gross!"
Foggy edged around the distraught Karen, avoiding the spilled ashes as best he could, so he could shut the door behind her.
"What the hell happened here?" he asked, looking around the destruction.
"Never mind," Matt told him as he stood up. "I'll get a broom and dustpan."
Nyah got up also and walked slowly towards Karen, "I'm sorry. Just please hold still for a few minutes and we will get the worst of it off you. Okay?"
Karen nodded wordlessly as Nyah knelt at her feet and started using her hands to gather the ashed into a bigger pile. She reached over and grabbed the urn and started scooping them into it.
"I have to get most of it back into the urn," she explained. "If more of it ends up in the trash than in the urn, the next time I come back will be in whatever landfill your garbage goes to. I don't even want to think about where I would come back if it went down the drain."
"Here," Matt said, coming up behind her and handing her the broom, "this should work better."
"Thanks."
Together, the two of them gathered up almost all of the ashes, plus a little dust, dirt, glass, and wood splinters, but that didn't matter. When they were done, Foggy had a damp towel ready to help Karen clean off her legs, feet, and shoes.
Matt came up to Nyah and held out his hand, "let me take that and put it somewhere safe for now. Please."
Her anger may have cooled down, but it hadn't burned out yet. Even though she knew he was offering her an olive branch, she clutched the urn to her chest and eyed him distrustfully.
"I think I need some time alone," she said. "I'm going to go up to my place for a little while."
She backed away from Matt, unwilling to trust him enough to turn her back on him. She siddled around Foggy and Karen.
"I'm sorry about that, Karen. We'll talk later," she said quietly, as she reached for the door.
"I'll be up in a bit," Karen told her.
"Take your time. I just need some time alone for now."
"Okay," Karen said, understanding. "I'll be here if you need anything."
With that, Nyah left the apartment and went upstairs to try to get her thoughts together.
When the door clicked shut behind Nyah, Karen turned to Matt. "What the hell just happened?"
Matt found a dining chair that was still intact, uprighted it and sat down with a long sigh. He motioned for the two of them to find chairs. Foggy drug one of the living room chairs over for Karen to sit, then grabbed another dining chair for himself.
"This place looks like you guys were attacked," he said.
Matt shook his head, "only by a couple of idiots."
"Wait," Karen said looking startled, "you mean, you guys did this? Why? How?"
"We were fighting," he said. "I got mad, then she got mad, suddenly...," he trailed off and gestured to the destruction around them.
"Matt," she said softly, "normal people do not do things like this just because they get mad at each other."
Matt jumped up from his chair, "I know!" He started agitated pacing. "We aren't exactly normal."
"You can say that again," Foggy muttered.
"Not helping, Foggy," Karen chided him.
"Matt," Karen tried again, "tell us what happened."
Matt gave them a summarized version of last night and this morning, leaving out the part where they made out. Saying it out loud made it sound even more ludicrous than it had seemed in the heat of the moment. He knew his anger had been disproportionate, and didn't know why he had reacted so strongly to something so small. He basically told Karen the same thing.
"You care about her a lot, don't you?" Karen asked.
Matt stopped his pacing and sat down again, "of course, I do. We are friends and I hate to see her hurting."
"No, it's more than that, I think, and you are kidding yourself if you think otherwise," she said.
"I'm not sure what I think," Matt said handing his head.
"Well, at least that's honest," Foggy chimed in. "Now, you need to tell her."
Karen nodded, "he's right."
Matt started shaking his head, but she stopped him. "Matt, just think about it. She has been alone all this time to deal with all this. Suddenly, she had friends, something she had never really had. She has someone that cares deeply about her. Do you think she has the social skills to know what you are feeling unless you straight up tell her?"
Foggy jumped in, "she has a point. And even if she did have the social skills, she comes from a completely different culture. And, hell, the only other person that she thinks loved her couldn't even express his love openly."
"She has no frame of reference," Karen finished.
Matt sat there and thought about what they were telling him. If they were right, then she was just as confused as he was. But what if she didn't feel the same?
"Or you can just stay there and watch her pack up her shit and leave," Foggy finished. "Your call."
Karen and Foggy helped Matt clean up most of the mess; righting the furniture, putting things back in the right place, sweeping up shards of glass and other broken bits and pieces. The furniture and items that were broken beyond repair were placed in a pile by the door to be taken out later. Together, they took the broken bed frame apart and just left the mattress on the floor.
It was mid-afternoon by the time they were through, so they ordered food and when it arrived, Karen took her and Nyah's portions and went upstairs to see if she was ready to talk.
Nyah let Karen in and thanked her for bringing food. She was starving and had nothing to eat in her apartment.
As they ate, Karen asked her, "do you want to tell me what happened?"
"Didn't Matt already tell you?" she asked in return.
Karen nodded, "yes. His version of it. I'd like to hear yours."
Nyah told her about the nightmare and waking up with Matt holding her, about him staying with her through the night. When she got to what happened that morning, she told Karen the truth.
Karen looked thoughtful, "I thought something like that had happened. People just don't go from a quiet conversation to full on hurricane mode."
"So, people go from making out to full on hurricane mode instead?" she chuckled.
"People like you and Matt do," Karen told her earnestly. "Neither of you are good at expressing your emotions. You just keep them bottled up, thinking that if you let them out, something bad is going to happen."
"Well, something bad did happen," Nyah pointed out.
"You missed the point," Karen said, impatiently. "That happened because the two of you hold everything in until it explodes on you."
She took a deep breath and exhaled. "I don't know how to be just a normal person, Matt. Not like and Foggy."
Karen laughed out loud at that. "We are far from normal," she said. "But why would you try to be normal? Why can't you just be you?"
She turned to look at Karen, "because I don't know how to do that either!" Her voice threatened to crack but she continued, "growing up in the palace as the daughter of the Great Khan, I had to play the role that was expected of me. When Lei became my teacher, everything I did was to please him. Even more so when I fell in love with him. Ever since his death, I have just lived this damn curse. Don't you see? The only time I ever did something just for me, not only did I get the man I loved killed, but I also ended up cursed!"
Karen remained silent as she continued, "I want to live for myself and actually have a life, but I don't know how, and I am scared that I will screw that up too."
"Then you aren't any different than any of the rest of us," her friend assured her. "That is what living is all about. You do the best you can, figuring it out along the way. When you screw things up, you learn from it and move on, trying not to repeat the same mistakes. If you live your life afraid to make mistakes, then you don't really live at all. You are just going through the motions."
"But people got hurt, killed because of my mistakes," she argued.
"All you can do is try to not hurt people by your actions. But you can't obsess over it. You cannot go back and change what happened. In all the years that you have beaten yourself up over it, has it changed anything?"
She just shook her head.
"I think you have punished yourself enough, don't you?"
Nyah sighed, "you are right. How did you get so smart? I've been alive for over 700 years. You would think I would be the wise woman by now."
"That's the thing," Karen pulled her in for a hug, "you haven't really been living."
"So, what now?" Nyah asked.
"You can start by coming downstairs and being social with your friends who care a lot about you. Enough to clean up the mess you and our other idiot friend made!" Karen laughed.
Nyah laughed with her, feeling freer than she had in a long time.
Matt looked up when Karen and Nyah walked in. Karen immediately walked over and sat down on the couch by Foggy, but Nyah hovered by the door, still clutching the urn to her chest. He didn't know what to expect, but he felt that he should be the one to take the first step to mend their friendship.
He stood up and walked over to her, stopping in front of her with enough space between them so she didn't feel threatened.
"I'm sorry," he simply said, extending a hand to her.
She swallowed, "so am I." Then after a slight hesitation, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head on his chest, hugging him tightly. He rested his head on the top of hers and hugged her back.
"Well," Foggy said from behind them, "Karen and I better get back to work. Someone has to earn money to pay for all this."
"You kids be good and try to leave the building standing this time," Karen said as they walked past Matt and Nyah to the door.
When the door closed behind them, Matt chuckled, "subtle."
Nyah giggled against his chest, the vibrations traveling up and down both their bodies. "They mean well."
Matt grasped her by the shoulders and leaned away from her, "are you ready to talk? I mean, you don't have to if you don't want. I was an ass for trying to force you to talk so soon after what you just went through."
She looked up at him and asked, "are you willing to talk too?"
He sighed and she tensed under his hands. He had almost automatically told her no, but he realized that she was trusting him with her secrets, so maybe he could trust her with his.
He nodded instead, "I think so." He smiled a little and qualified his answer, "at least I'll try. I'm not used to being open with anyone."
She smiled back, "I understand. This is new ground for me, too."
He dropped his hands from her shoulders and took her hand to lead her into the remains of his living room. "Then let's try together and see what happens."
