A/N: Hello again!
This one's kind of a short chapter, but I'll post again soon!
Slow It Down
Slow it down and you come back to bed,
Rest your arms and rest your legs
Everything about being with Kakashi is exciting and new.
With new developments also came new doubts and questions of which make Sakura feel a bit unsteady.
They went out to dinner the next day, a nice secluded place, and had a wonderful time. Sakura was wondering if he will want to come to her apartment afterwards. Though he informed her just then that he had been handed a mission that he had to report to that night. He told her, although he said it in an almost hesitant manner, that he wanted to spend time with her before he left.
That statement made Sakura's body temperature go up a few degrees and she wanted to ask when he would come back and if he would come to her once he did. But he did not volunteer the information and so she didn't ask.
Sakura and Kakashi are on a very different road than both are used to and very unsure. Sakura does not know where or what will happen whatever it is they are doing, because it's not just sex,but it's not a legitimate relationship either. At least not yet. If Kakashi even wants that…
Does she want that?
…
Kakashi didn't show up for two days.
During his time away, Sakura missed him and found herself thinking of him surprisingly a lot.
Her Kakashi-filled thoughts were not helped by the intense dreams she had been having about the two of them.
She found herself daydreaming when she became idle: her daydreams mostly consist of memories of his touch and how he tasted, making her body react in increasingly sensitive ways.
She had only slept with Kakashi a few times and already her body demanded him of her. How inconvenient.
Sakura was still not back to work until Monday, so she tried to occupy her mind by doing other activities such as taking a couple laps around Konoha until she was bone tired.
…
A balmy Sunday night saw Sakura freshly showered, getting ready to sleep.
She headed towards her living room to switch off the lights when there was a quiet knock at her door.
She walked over and peered through the small hole in her door, wanting to decide if the person on the other side was worth opening the door for. She didn't get her hopes up for a certain someone because for the past few days, people had been knocking, and none of those people have been Kakashi.
As she walked to the door she had already made up her mind not to open it unless there was someone from the hospital on the other side, but when she looked through…
...it was Kakashi.
Sakura wrenched the door open, completely forgetting that because of the warm weather, she had only left on a camisole and panties as pajamas.
At first, Kakashi's eyebrows shot skyward at her appearance, but his expression quickly transformed. He stared at her with the same intensity she has felt running through her body for the past two days.
"H-"
Sakura didn't finish her greeting, because Kakashi swiftly stepped in, pulled their bodies flush together, and crushed his lips to hers with vigor and obvious need.
Sakura distantly heard the door close behind them as she became completely lost, drowning in sensations. At first, she was a bit alarmed by his intensity, but then he kissed her.
His mouth tasted of mint, as if he had just brushed his teeth and when she tangled her fingers through his hair, she found it slightly damp.
Huh, she thought for a fleeting second, he must have just taken a shower.
Sakura felt the difference this time around-their movements and actions were harsher, more dominant.
More desperate.
She loved every second of it.
Kakashi maneuvered her back until they bumped against her kitchen table where this almost happened a few weeks ago. All the while he didn't stop his furious movements against her body.
He sat her quickly on the table, and Sakura, dazed from his passionate entrance, faintly heard his zipper. Her panties were practically ripped off and before she knew it, he had grabbed under her thighs to spread her wider and he was inside her with one harsh thrust. Sakura could swear that her vision went dark for a moment with overwhelming sensation.
He pumped in and out, relentless, but Sakura didn't want to ask him to stop.
She clinged to his shoulders, burying her face and hitching breath in his neck.
Her mewls and moans were muffled, but he nonetheless was encouraged by her pleasure. He tightened his grip on her thighs, burying himself deeper, breath coming out laboured.
It didn't last long-they're both too aroused for that to happen-but the end was just as sweet.
She shut her eyes, face still buried in the crook of his neck, riding the bliss that was the aftermath of their climax.
"Hi," Sakura said, finishing her greeting from earlier. She pulled her face from his shoulder and smiled softly up at him.
She stopped short when she saw the expression on his face: he looked slightly horrified and guilty.
…
"What's wrong?" Sakura asked him, worry for him displayed by the deep furrow of her brow.
Kakashi knew that he shouldn't have come to see her given the way he was feeling after his mission.
The mission hadn't been particularly harsh, but it had dragged up past horrible memories that had left him feeling tense and wired. When he was younger, and these feelings manifested, he had found that his body needed a physical release to make him feel grounded—to make him feel as if he was a human being and not just a tool to carry out the deeds of others. When he was a teen the releases had come in the form of punching things and exhausting his body to the point of fatigue. When he was older, Kakashi found that the feel of another body against his, the warmth, the slickness of heat surrounding him, also worked.
Those couplings he had found, though, were often harsh, raw, and fast, not comforting or even pleasurable for his partner. The civilians who had shared his bed would not return after such a coupling and the shinobi would plainly just not want to deal with what he was going through because, hey, they had their own problems and emotional scarring to deal with and didn't want to add on what he was going through.
He was horrified that Sakura had been at the receiving end of his dysfunctionality. This was a big reason he had fought so long against his feelings for her. He wasn't a whole man—often, parts of him felt fractured.
He had thought that he had his actions under control when he was making his way over to Sakura's, but he had been wrong.
"Kakashi?" Sakura asked again, alarmed.
"I'm sorry," Kakashi finally blurts out. "I didn't mean to…" He trailed off, not sure how to apologize for his actions.
Sakura looked at him, confused. "Sorry? I don't understand…"
Kakashi looked down at his hands, still clutched around Sakura's thighs, and realized that she would bruise from his grip.
Sakura followed his gaze and her eyes widened in realization. "Kakashi, I—are you apologizing about the sex?"
He wasn't feeling right. He should leave. "I'm leaving, Sakura. I'm sorry."
He turned, zipping himself up, in order to dash out of her apartment.
Sakura's hand was suddenly on his arm, yanking him back, "Don't you dare leave, Kakashi. I won't let you." She let go of his arm and he turned back while she bended over to pick up her underwear off the floor to hastily tug it back on.
She took his hand and led him over to her couch and forced him to sit down. Kakashi sat ramrod straight, blinking slowly, tension not making it possible for him to move a muscle. Sakura settled next to him, one knee bent beneath her opposite leg in order to face him.
He can't look at her. Can't face her.
"Kakashi," she started softly, as if she is approaching an abused animal, "will you look at me?"
He can't. He keeps his eyes straightforward.
When he didn't look at her, she moved so she was straddling his lap and therefore could look him straight in the eyes.
"What's going on?" she asked. She gently started to brush her hands across his cheeks, through his hair.
"Did I hurt you?" Kakashi finally asked, voice hoarse.
Sakura shook her head. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I don't think I can yet. I'm sorry."
Sakura shakes her head again. "Stop apologizing," she commanded. "It felt different this time, but I didn't think…Kakashi, I obviously enjoyed it. Please stop apologizing, you didn't do anything wrong." Her gaze bores into his, as if she's trying to look at him with the sincerity of her words.
He wasn't not sure he believed her, so he didn't respond.
She tried at lightheartedness, "Hey, maybe I just like rough sex?"
She smiled at him, but he didn't return it and her smile disappeared again.
"Does sex help?" she asked softly.
Well, talking about it would probably help too, but wasn't sure he was ready for that.
Sakura moved to rest her forehead against his, pressing lightly. "Tell me what you need from me," she murmured.
He reached a hand up and caressed her face somewhat astonished. No one had ever offered to help him through this before. He wasn't entirely sure how to proceed.
He started by trailing his hands around her back, pressing her closer to him. She was pliable, letting him do whatever he needed.
Sakura moved her forehead off of his and kissed him lightly. "What do you need?" She asked again.
He needed to feel her body against his again.
Kakashi slid his hands up her back and pressed her more fully to him, so their torsos were flush against each other. He concentrated on her warmth, on the solidness of her weight against him. The sweet smell of her skin.
"Just—just stay like that for a while, Sakura." Kakashi said.
She nodded her consent, the side of her face pressed up against his.
"Okay."
Her chest rose and fell against his and he focused on the small, consistent movement. He waited until he was all but washed by the tide of her breathing—until he felt somewhat like himself again and that he was back in his own body.
…
Sakura went back to work next Monday, to the rest of the hospital staff's relief. She thought that Tsunade might have been right: she did need a vacation because when she got back to work, she felt revitalized and with more energy than she had ever started a workday with—everyone even kept telling her (Ino too, when they see each other, although Ino told her in a cheeky voice) that she must have had a great vacation because she's smiling so much.
She quickly remembered one day that it was about time to receive her birth control in the form of a five year injection. Never had the matter been so important as to be as strict with her medication as it was now that she was with Kakashi, (especially since they sometimes forgot to wear a condom) even though (and she wouldn't admit this to anyone) the thought of children with fluffy white hair made her sigh wistfully.
She doesn't work as much as she used to, promising Tsunade that she would not so she would not send Sakura on another month-long vacation.
She found that she didn't want to work so much anymore anyway. She and Kakashi spent most afternoons together—eating dinner together—as well as their nights tangled with each other.
One night, she finally got the courage to ask him about that woman she had walked in on with him that day so many weeks ago. She felt guilty for not having asked before because what if they had been in a long term relationship or something? She had honestly forgotten about that woman. Kakashi only shrugged non committedly "It was a lonely day," was all he elaborated.
Kakashi didn't bring up the night he returned from the mission and so Sakura decided not to push him for an explanation. Although, she did catch him often looking at her with a soft smile on his face and when they're alone together, he took her hand in his often. Sakura was fascinated by the soft side of him.
…
One evening—two weeks after she returned to work—Sakura found herself at Kakashi's.
Kakashi had led her back to his bedroom and was slowly undressing her, kissing her in between each item of clothing being shed, until she was completely naked. He was just about to unbuckle his belt—Sakura's toes curled in anticipation—when there was a loud knock at the door.
Kakashi sighed in frustration, looked at her heaving chest, and shrugged. "Let's just ignore it."
Sakura grinned, moving back into the circle of his arms. "Sounds good to me."
The knock came again, then a loud voice, "Kakashi-sensei! Are you there?" asked Naruto.
Sakura froze against Kakashi. What a cockblocker, Sakura couldn't help but think.
"He'll go away eventually," Sakura said, and because they left the bedroom door open she was able to see that she guessed completely wrong: Kakashi's front door handle wiggled and then turned completely.
"Oh, cool it's open," Sakura heard Naruto comment cheerfully.
Kakashi freaking left the door unlocked again!
She wanted to ask him if he always left the door unlocked whenever he has sex with someone, but he was swiftly out the door, slamming it shut behind him just as Naruto would have poked his head in.
Sakura, left naked and alone in the bedroom, listened, heart beating rapidly, at the conversation through the door.
"Kakashi-sensei—" Naruto started.
"Naruto, what do you want?" Kakashi interrupted, annoyance leaching onto his tone.
"Whoa, grumpy much? I was just going to ask if you wanted to go have a drink with me and the guys? You know, like a guys night out?"
Kakashi's voice softened somewhat, but was still curt. "No, but thanks. I'm busy."
"Busy with what?" A pause, in which Sakura just knew that Naruto was taking a closer look at Kakashi. Then, in a sly voice, Naruto said, "Oh, I see, are you with a girl, Sensei?"
"Naruto, get out." She could almost see Kakashi herd Naruto to the door.
"Okay, okay, I'm leaving, jeez! So sorry to interrupt, Miss!" Naruto called back in a louder voice before Kakashi shut the door in his face.
She then heard Kakashi's footsteps coming towards the bedroom again.
Sakura moved to sit at the edge of the bed, and pulled the covers over her lap just as Kakashi entered.
He took one look at her and read the thoughts on her face.
"I don't want to feel as if we're doing something wrong so we should stop or tell everyone else. Or we should stop until we tell everyone else." But by everyone else, she really just meant Naruto. She had no idea how he was going to react and she didn't feel okay with hiding their relationship from him in such a sneaky and evasive manner.
Kakashi sat next to her, running a hand wearily down his face. "You're right."
Sakura wilted, disappointed by his agreement. She also realized that he didn't specify what they were actually going to do. At that moment, she was too much of a coward, afraid of which answer he might give, so she didn't ask him to elaborate.
Sakuara nodded absentmindedly, trying to wrap her head around what she had just said and what Kakashi had just agreed to. "Okay...okay."
She gathered her things and left.
…
A/N: Constructive and nice reviews are welcome!
