Author's Note: A surprise early posting!
Chapter 20
The Sickly Knight
Marian was in her chamber, trying to fix her hair. It was humid and hot outside, so her honey locks wouldn't cooperate. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and sighed, her skin was paler than usual, and her eyes looked tired. It had been a month since she and Gwaine had been captured by Morgana, but she still had nightmares every night.
The fallout from their imprisonment was heavy. Marian, who had finally fully admitted to herself, and only to herself, that she was in love with the knight, was again cautious with her heart. She wasn't sure how Morgana had found out about her love for Gwaine, but the witch had exploited Marian's emotions, and she wasn't going to let that happen again.
Because of this, Marian and Gwaine had only spoken a few times in the month since their return. She hoped that he didn't notice that she was avoiding him on purpose; the last thing she wanted was to hurt him. Thankfully, both she and Gwaine had been busy enough that they hardly felt the pain of the other's absence.
Marian sighed as she surrendered to her unruly hair. There was nothing for it. She left it down and turned to go to the physician's chambers to begin her day.
Gaius was in the middle of concocting a new potion for hives when Marian arrived. She settled on the bench next to him and began crushing the dried herbs he had set out for her. He watched her closely as she worked the mortar and pestle, taking note of her haggard appearance.
"Are you still having nightmares?" the physician asked.
Marian sighed and stopped what she was doing. "I look that bad, huh?" she asked with a wry smile. Gaius looked at her pointedly but didn't reply. "Yes, I'm still having nightmares. Nothing seems to work," she finally answered.
"About Gwaine?" he asked. When Marian nodded, he continued. "Sometimes, when science does not have the answers, a good old-fashion conversation will do the trick. Have you tried talking to him about your time in the fortress?"
Marian shook her head. How could she? Just the thought of what happened sent her into a panic. "I'm afraid to talk to him about it, Gaius."
"Whatever for, dear girl? If anyone can understand what you are going through, it's Gwaine," Gaius reasoned. "I'm sure the memory of his actions is difficult for him to live with."
"You're right, of course. It's just complicated, I guess. Gaius, I love him," she admitted. She'd not even shared this information with Merlin. "I love him with my whole heart, but I can't tell him," she told her mentor sadly.
Gaius understood her hesitance. After all, it was he that had advised her to be cautious with any relationships she had in this time, in case she was pulled back to her own time unexpectedly. Looking back, though, the older physician regretted giving her that advice. He wished that she could be free to be happy.
"You don't have to tell him you love him, though it's hard to imagine that he does not already know, but you can talk about the experience," he advised.
Marian wasn't so sure she could separate the two, but she agreed. "I'll go find him after his training."
As Marian got back to crushing her herbs, Sir Leon burst through the door in a panic. He was out of breath, and his eyes were wild. "Come quickly! Gwaine has taken ill! He passed out on the training grounds!"
Without a second thought, Marian jumped into action. She ran to the door, intending to follow the blond knight when Gaius called out to her.
"Marian! Take my bag with you!" he reminded her.
"God, yes, you're right!" she said as she hurried to fetch Gaius's medical bag. Following Leon, she left Gaius and headed to Gwaine's chambers.
When she entered the room, she saw that Percival and Elyan had already brought her patient in and had laid him on the bed. "What happened?" she asked the knights.
Percival spoke up. "I don't know. We were sparring when he started to stumble. Next thing I knew, he was laid out on the ground as if he'd been knocked out."
"He had trouble breathing," Elyan put in.
Taking charge, Marian quickly started barking out orders as she dropped the medical bag on the table in the middle of the room.
"Percival, you get his shirt off." She turned to Elyan and Leon. "Elyan, I need fresh water to boil. Leon, a fire, please."
The knights nodded and set to work. No one dared cross Marian when she was in healer-mode.
Marian went to Gwaine's bedside and laid a hand on his brow. He was hot and sweaty. It could have just been from the hot day and the exercise, but she suspected that he had a fever. She touched both sides on his neck, her cold hands rousing the ill knight. His glands were swollen. This meant that it was probably an infection that his body was fighting.
"Marian, love," he slurred as he opened his eyes. "What are you doing here? Have the lord and lady of the manor already agreed to let the court jester ride the dragon for the Samhain feast?" Gwaine asked, smiling stupidly.
Leon and Percival looked at each other in concern.
"He's hallucinating. I'll need to bring his fever down. Can you fetch a tepid bath? He'll need to soak to cool off."
Leon and Percival nodded and left quickly.
Marian looked down at Gwaine once more. His eyes were heavy, and his smile crooked.
"Oh! You've left your hair down!" he exclaimed, his voice cracking, as he reached up and caught a lock between his fingers. "You are incredibly lovely. Your hair's so beautiful down, Marian. You should wear it that way more…"
Suddenly, his eyes widened, and Gwaine turned to push his face into his pillow. "ACHOO!" he sneezed loudly. "Oh, God, my head. I think there's an army marching to battle in my skull," he complained as he rolled back to face her.
"What else hurts?" she asked him as she brushed his hair from his brow.
"My throat hurts," he answered, his voice now muffled from a stuffed nose. "And my chest. My nose feels like it's the size of a turnip. Even my little, itty-bitty pinkie fingers hurt," he pouted as he raised his hands and wiggled his pinkie fingers. Gwaine was adorable when he was sick.
Marian chuckled. "I'm going to listen to your heart, okay? Just breathe normally."
"I can't breathe normally," Gwaine whined. "My nose is blocked."
"Well, do your best," she said as she leaned down and placed her ear on his chest.
She listened to the thumps of his heart as they quickened. Her own heart began beating faster at the nearness of him, and she groaned to herself at how besotted she was with him. When she lifted her head, she managed to smile.
"All good," she said.
Marian helped Gwaine to sit up slowly. She climbed onto the bed and leaned in behind him.
"You know, beautiful," he said in a stuffy voice, "this isn't exactly how I imagined it would be with you. Usually, the woman is in front." He turned his head to look at her and wagged his eyebrows suggestively.
Marian gave him a cross look, though she was smiling inwardly. At least his sense of humor was still intact.
"I'm going to listen to your lungs, you dolt." She leaned her ear against his back. "Take a deep breath," she ordered.
Gwaine tried to breathe deeply, but his lungs itched, and he started coughing hard. Marian sat up quickly and patted his back. She reached over to the table beside his bed and pulled a cloth from the drawer for him to catch anything that came up. She got up when he was done and went to the table in the middle of the room to fetch the jug of water. She poured Gwaine a cup and brought it to him to drink.
As he sipped his water, he watched the healer go to where she had laid the medical bag. Her hips swayed from side to side as she walked and rummaged through the bag, dropping a poultice onto the floor. When she bent over to retrieve the fallen item, Gwaine choked on his water. Even as sick as he felt, the sight of her skirt covered backside drove him mad. Marian returned to Gwaine's side and handed him the poultice.
"Keep that on your chest," she told him. "It will help alleviate some of the stuffiness in your nose."
Gwaine brought the bundle to his nose and tried to sniff. The pungent odor emanating from the poultice broke through the barrier to his senses, and his eyes began to water.
"Strong," he coughed.
Marian turned to see that he had the bundle at his face. She rolled her eyes and pulled his hand down. "On your chest, Gwaine. You don't want to burn your eyes out, do you?"
Gwaine smiled stupidly at her. The fever was making him feel drunk. "Not if it means I can no longer gaze at your beautiful face," he said.
Marian smiled to herself.
Elyan returned with a pail of water and went to the fireplace to set it in the pot to boil. Just as he was about to ask Marian if she knew what was wrong with Gwaine, Percival and Leon returned with several serving boys carrying buckets of water. The knights set the bathtub down in front of the fire. The servants poured the buckets of lukewarm water into the tub and then left.
"Well, Sir Gwaine, you have a cold," Marian diagnosed.
"I don't get sick, Marian. Especially not with a cold," Gwaine protested. He looked to the others for support. Knights don't get trivial little colds.
She crossed her arms over her chest and cocked an eyebrow at him. "You have a cold, Gwaine." She shook her head and smiled fondly at him. "When you do something, you do it big, don't you?"
He looked confused. "What do you mean?"
"This is not only some trifling cold, Sir I-don't-get-sick. I suspect that you have an infection as well. You're to stay in bed for at least three days. No training. No missions," she bent low and pointed her finger at his chest. "No tavern. Got it?"
Gwaine looked stricken. No tavern? What was he supposed to do with himself for three days? "Now, see here, Marian—" he began as the others started laughing at him.
"No. Tavern," she ordered. "Gwaine, you fainted on the field today. You're not in any shape to go drinking."
Gwaine looked affronted. "I did not faint! I just passed out."
Marian tried to contain her laughter. Gwaine was full of bravado today, and she wasn't sure if it wasn't just for her benefit.
"Same thing," she countered.
"No, Marian, knights do not faint. Simpering, blonde healers faint. I passed out," he stated confidently.
"When have I ever?" she questioned.
"Well, swoon, then. But it still stands," he said as he looked up at her. She had her hands on her hips, and her eyebrow cocked.
"Swoon?" she asked him incredulously. "I know you aren't implying that you make me swoon. Because if you are, knight, you have another thing coming!"
"Oh, just go on and admit that I make your heart go all a-flitter, and you swoon in my presence. We all know it's true," he smirked at her, unable to control his mouth.
"A-flitter," she said as she moved closer to him.
She brushed his brow with the back of her hand. It was definitely a fever and not the exercise.
"A-flitter. A-flutter. Whatever you want to call it, we all know you want me, beautiful," Gwaine said, looking up at her intently.
"What I want…" Marian started breathlessly.
She leaned in close so that their faces were inches apart. Gwaine's eyes grew dark with need, and he smirked at her. Marian smiled back at him and laid her hand on his cheek, tenderly. Her bosom heaved as she took a couple of deep breaths.
Oh yes, he thought, she wants me.
"…is for you to shut your pie-hole and do as I say," she finished before patting his cheek hard and standing abruptly.
Gwaine's face fell as the men behind him laughed. She was teasing him. He'd get her back for that. When he was better, he'd find a way to get his revenge. Gwaine started plotting as soon as she stood.
Marian turned to the other three knights, who quickly sobered when she shot them a look. "Will you please help him into the bath? I need to go fetch some peppermint." Without waiting for an answer, she started to the door and turned back around. "I'll be back soon."
000
Marian returned shortly, with peppermint and a few other supplies Gaius had suggested. Gwaine was sitting in the bath, a towel folded across his lap to hide his manhood, and a scowl on his face. He was going to be a difficult patient, it would seem.
Leon, Percival, and Elyan made sure that the healer had everything she needed, and then bade their goodbyes. Gwaine may get to rest for three days, but the other knights had no such luxury.
Marian went to the fireplace and poured a cup of boiling water to steep some peppermint tea for the sick knight.
Gwaine still hadn't said a word to her. He was seething. He didn't fancy being idle, but he was especially angry because he was weakened from illness. It didn't help that he had made himself appear like a fool in front of Marian and the other knights either. They wouldn't let him live that down for a long while, he was sure.
Marian brought the cup of tea to Gwaine and handed it to him. "Pouting about it won't make it go any faster, you know."
She sat down on the floor next to the tub and faced him. Marian brought her knees up and rested her chin on top, her eyes drooping slightly as she tried to hide a small yawn.
For the first time in weeks, Gwaine looked at Marian, really looked at her. He felt guilty at throwing a temper tantrum when here she was doing her best to make him feel better.
"You look tired, love," he said as he reached out and fingered a lock of her hair.
"I am," she replied. "I'm exhausted. I'm not sleeping well because…" Her heart started beating hard. She knew Gaius was right, but she didn't want to even think about their ordeal, much less talk about it. She took a deep breath as he waited patiently for her to finish. "…because I'm having nightmares about Morgana. And about you," she finished, looking away.
Gwaine winced slightly at the memory, it had weighed heavily on his mind as well. He supposed that now would be as good a time as any to get it all out in the open.
"I'm so sorry, Marian," he told her sincerely. "I wish it had never happened. And I don't know how to fix it."
Marian grasped his hand in hers and entwined their fingers. She marveled at how small her hands looked in his. At how pale her fingers were in comparison to his tanned skin.
"Gaius seems to think that we'll feel better if we talk about it," she told him at last.
"Do you want to?" he asked her.
"No," she said quickly. "I don't want to remember any of it, but… I think we both need to."
They spent the next hour, while Gwaine soaked in the tub to cool his fever, talking about what had happened that day. Marian shed tears as she recounted the despair she had felt upon learning of Gwaine's death and the joy that turned into fear when she saw him days later, alive, but bewitched. She told him how afraid of him she was and how he had broken her heart with his words.
Gwaine spoke of the regret he felt that he couldn't control his actions or his mouth. He told her how he felt like a prisoner, betrayed by his own body, as he chased and threatened her. He promised her that nothing he had said was true. The threats and the vulgarity weren't him, they were things he'd never say, much less think about her. He told her of his desperation to save her life after Morgana had stabbed her. And how scared he was when she finally came to but was still afraid of him.
"I can never forgive myself," he said. Gaius had been right, Gwaine was also traumatized by their ordeal.
He reached out to caress her cheek when she stopped his hand and looked at it, chuckling. His fingers were wrinkled from the water.
"You're turning into a prune. We'd best get you out of there and dry."
She got up and went to fetch a couple of towels. As Gwaine stood in the bath, Marian held out one of the towels to block her view. He pulled it around his waist and stepped from the tub. Marian led him to a chair by the fire and made him sit as she took the other towel in her hands and began to dry his exposed skin.
"No point in making your cold worse," she said as she rubbed the towel over his chest and down his arms and legs.
Once his skin was dry, she took his head in the towel and rubbed his hair and scalp. He scooted forward and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her hips and resting his head just below her bosom. Gwaine's eyes closed as she combed through his wet hair with her fingers, detangling and pushing the hair from his face.
"I'm so sorry, Marian. I can't go on like this anymore. Please forgive me," he said to her.
Marian took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, squeezing him to her body. "Of course I forgive you, my dearest Gwaine. It wasn't you; it was Morgana that did those things. I… I still care for you, my darling knight."
He raised his head to look at her, his eyes wide and imploring. "And I care for you, my beautiful Marian. With all of my heart."
If only he hadn't been sick. He wanted to place light kisses down her nose and around her lips. He wanted to show her just how much he cared for her.
She dropped to the floor in front of him and held his face in her hands. He saw forgiveness and love in her eyes and sighed in relief, grinning at her.
Gwaine watched her sleepily as she felt his brow. She smiled at him, pleased that his fever had broken. Her hands made their way down his face and to the sides of his neck. His glands were still a little swollen but were better than before.
"I'll make you some more tea," she said as she made to stand.
Gwaine's hands on hers stilled her.
"Thank you for caring for me, Marian," he said with a small smile. He looked down at her and noticed the glint of metal coming from her bosom.
Marian followed his gaze. "Oh!" she said, surprised. "I meant to return this to you before now."
She reached behind her neck and unclasped the chain that hung there. She pulled the pendant and ring from under her dress and handed it to Gwaine, the metal warm from being tucked between her flesh.
He examined the small crescent pendant and gold ring that hung around a silver chain. His necklace. He had forgotten that Morgana gave it to Marian in a guise to convince her of his death. He had thought it lost in their escape, but instead, she had been wearing it this entire time.
"Here," she said as she picked up the chain and reached around Gwaine to clasp it around his neck. When she sat back, she smiled at him fondly. "You're tired. Let's get you in bed."
Gwaine smirked at her, but before he could make a lewd suggestion, Marian rolled her eyes and stood. "To sleep, loverboy," she laughed.
He stood and grasped her hands in his, bringing them to his lips, he kissed them. He pulled her close to hold her, still needing comfort.
Marian reached around to return his embrace, enjoying the feel of his skin against her. "You're going to be fine, Gwaine. We're going to be fine." She let go and led him to his bed.
Once Gwaine had put his trousers back on and was tucked safely into his bed, Marian reached down and kissed his brow.
"I'll be back later with some broth. You try to rest, Good Sir Knight," she smiled.
Gwaine's eyes drooped as she reached the chamber door. I love you. "Thank you," he whispered as he drifted off to a peaceful slumber.
