Chapter 28.

The darkness wasn't dark to Castiel, even after the candles had gone out. He could still see Jules clearly and he was not weary of the sight. Sometimes, as she dreamed, he saw a flicker of a frown and wondered if he should stop what might be a nightmare, but he didn't. Of all the things he had come to value through knowing humans, their self-sovereignty was one of his favourites. Perhaps, one day, she would ask him to fix her dreams, but she had not and it didn't feel right to do it.

Some of her dreams must be good. At times, a smile came to her lips. At times, the lips moved, as if wanting to say something and he wondered if she might be dreaming of him. It seemed unlikely. It seemed a little arrogant, but the thought gave him pleasure anyway.

"I may be in love with you." he said, the most honest declaration he could come up with, if not the most passionate, "And if so, I have excellent taste."

Her hand gripped his shirt. He wondered if that were in response to his words or if it were a mere coincidence.

He watched her in silence for a while longer, wondering whether his vessel's heart beat as loudly in her ears as it did in his. Then, suddenly, she opened her eyes. She reached out, presumably for the lamp she was used to switching on every morning. He turned on the lamp beside him.

"Cas." she said. She looked at the clock. "Wow, you really did make it through the night without dying of boredom."

"I'd ask how you slept, but you slept beautifully." he said.

"I doubt that."

"Don't doubt it. I don't have the sophistication to flatter." he said.

"I don't believe that either, because you say lovely things all the time."

He wanted to tell her what the night had meant to him, but he hesitated to speak about it in case he sounded strange or desperate or stupid. But then he thought of how much he would want to hear it if she had felt as he felt in the night and he decided that he should just say something.

"The nights get so lonely, when everyone else is asleep." he said, "And angel radio is quiet these days and when it isn't, it's mostly angry and my name gets mentioned a lot and not in a good way. But last night, I didn't feel so alone. Last night, I felt safe, at peace."

She sat up and kissed him. "I haven't slept so well in years. For the first time since the apocalypse hit, I didn't feel afraid."

"I told Jack I didn't want him and Sam to contact me unless there was an emergency." he said, "I've never done that before."

"Still available for emergencies, though. That's why I like you so much. You're so unselfish."

"No. I'm really not. I was preemptively thinking very violent thoughts about anyone who might declare an emergency." he said.

"I should get up, make myself presentable and get on with my job." she said, "But I know I will be thinking of you all day."

"The research on Rhydian ... Obviously, if Sam needs you to work on something else, it's not that much of a priority. If you do find anything, though ... "

"I'll do what I can." she said.

"I need to check on Dean and I need to ... well, angel stuff. If you need a research assistant, you know how I love to get down and dusty in the archives with you."

"Angelology fascinates me, even more so now. What angel stuff?" she said.

"Sometimes, we need to spend a little time in contemplation." he said. He chose not to tell her that he needed to consider the more disturbing thoughts of the night and decide how far he could pursue this illicit joy that Heaven would never have sanctioned.

She went over to his closet and took out three ties, a blue one and the two green ones she had given him for his birthday. "Which one?" she said.

"Green and white stripes." he said. In their secret code, that meant he was eager to talk.

"That's my favourite." she said, giving it to him.

"Good." he said. He put it on. "I wonder if the other one is still outside."

"Of course it is. Who'd steal from a seraph?"

"An archangel?"

"Unlikely one was roaming the bunker last night looking for a tie." she said, "About the tie ... I probably should have warned you. People who saw it might assume that we had sex last night."

"Oh." he said.

"But obviously, you can set them straight on that. Or I can. I know you probably don't want them talking about us."

"Does it bother you if they think that?" he said.

"No. Why would it?"

"You seem to think it should bother me." he said.

"It isn't true." she said, "And they might say things."

"Yes. They do sometimes say things, though I have implored them to stop." he said.

"I'm being serious." she said, smiling.

"If you heard the things said about me on angel radio, you wouldn't worry about a few hunters speculating about my sex life."

"So it really doesn't worry you if people think ... "

"If I weren't such a coward, it would probably be true."

"You're not a coward." she said.

"What they think about me doesn't matter. What you think about me does." he said.

"I think you're the best thing that ever happened to me." she said.

"Your life to this point must have been tragic." he said.

She kissed him again. "I hope that was another joke, Castiel."