We're really getting close to the finale here.. and I'm determined to finish this thing.
Even before he was conscious, Gakushuu was aware that he was in pain. The pounding headache, the nausea and the rawness of his throat permeated through the black void of sleep relentlessly, until finally he was dragged back into the land of the living.
He opened his eyes and found himself in a dimly lit room that was not his own, and instantly his groggy brain-mist turned into sharp, icy cold dread.
What had happened? He remembered leaving school and drinking, drinking more than he had in the rest of the week combined, probably. He was going to kill himself, that was the plan, but obviously, for whatever reason, he was still alive and he had no idea why. He propped himself up and looked around the unfamiliar room with bleary eyes.
He was in a strangers bedroom, so logically that would mean he had hooked up with someone. Gakushuu cringed at the thought, cursing his own stupidity for putting himself in such a vulnerable position. He hoped the person he'd slept with was at least someone he didn't know...
Suddenly, the bedroom door opened and Gakushuu was torn between diving under the covers to pretend to be asleep or jumping up out of bed and running straight out the door. He stayed frozen in indecision as another male walked into the room, preparing himself for awkward conversation.
Then he recognized the persona and felt as if the floor had fallen from beneath him.
"Akabane! What the hell are you doing here?" Gakushuu squawked. Akabane looked at him, faintly annoyed.
"How many times do I have to remind you that this is my house?" He said. Gakushuu's jaw literally dropped, he was suddenly very aware that he had nothing on but a pair of underwear. Instinctively, he began to pull the covers up over himself.
"No way.. We couldn't have.. " Gakushuu muttered.
"What are you even talking about?" Karma said, confused. Then the realisation of what Gakushuu had thought happened dawned on him. "Wait you think that we slept together?"
"We didn't?" Gakushuu said, sounding far too relieved. Karma rolled his eyes.
"Aside from the fact that I hate your guts and Nagisa is the only one I'm interested in, you were way too drunk to consent to anything last night." Karma said, looking a mixture of amused and annoyed.
"Oh. Good." Gakushuu replied, feeling stupid (but still relieved).
"Is getting drunk and sleeping with random people something you usually do? It's interesting that was your first assumption." Karma teased. Gakushuu felt his cheeks redden- why out of everyone on earth did he have to end up in this delinquents house? How would he ever live this down?
"Shut up." Gakushuu said through gritted teeth, given the circumstances it was the best retort he could come up with. The smile from Karma's face dropped.
"What do you remember from last night?" Karma asked. Gakushuu shrugged evasively.
"Not a lot." He said after a pause.
"You tried to jump off a bridge." Karma said, bluntly. "You would of succeeded if I didn't pull you off."
Gakushuu looked down at the floor. He vaguely remembered standing very very high up and being inches from ending everything. It was dizzying, realising how close he was to dying, to throwing everything away. He was flooded with a warm feeling in his chest.. even though his life was still a wreck and he had a hangover from hell, he felt glad to be alive. It wasn't exactly a happy feeling, but a burning in his chest- the will to live, to stay around- even if he had nothing to live for. He suddenly had an urge to thank Karma.
"Why did you try to jump?" Karma asked, this was starting to feel like an interrogation.
"I don't know." Gakushuu lied.
"You do know." Karma replied.
"What time is it? I need to call my Dad. He'll want to know where I am." Gakushuu said. He suddenly remembered his Dad and felt like throwing up.. how was he going to explain this one? He really was going to loose an eye.
"Stop changing the subject. Why did you do it?" Karma said. Gakushuu ignored him, going to get out of bed, but Karma pushed him back down onto the mattress.
"What the hell, Akabane?" Gakushuu said, pushing Karma back with force and heading for the door. "Were is my phone?"
"You lost it before you got here. Answer the question, Asano." Karma said, leaning on the door, keeping it closed. Gakushuu narrowed his eyes.
"I don't care if you stopped me from jumping, I'll knock you out if you don't let me leave." Gakushuu said. "You're not my therapist, Akabane, you aren't even my friend, it has nothing to do with you."
"Oh, doesn't it?" Karma said, and for the first time, Gakushuu noticed the look in his eyes. Karma looked downright unhinged, as if he was hardly keeping himself together. Karma reached into his pocket and pulled out a white piece of paper. "Is this true?"
"Is what true- "
"Did your father rape Nagisa?"
Gakushuu felt as if the wind was knocked out of him. He didn't realise that his legs had given out under him, but they must of done, because suddenly he was kneeling on the floor. It felt as if his brain had short-circuited.
"Tell me it's a lie." Karma was saying, somewhere very close to his face. Gakushuu was aware his shoulders were being shaken. "Please tell me it's a lie- something your drunken brain made up- "
In that moment, Gakushuu wanted to lie to him, he wanted to tell Karma that what he had written wasn't tue. Karma was crying Gakushuu realised, and suddenly, nothing mattered anymore. His embarrassment, his hangover, his stupid rivalry with Karma. It all seemed so stupid and insignificant. Gakushuu opened his mouth but no words came out. Suddenly he realised he was crying as well.
Nagisa was worried. He hadn't heard from Karma since he had hung up suddenly last night. Well. That wasn't entirely true- Karma had sent a quick text saying "have some stuff to deal with. I'll speak to you soon." But since then, radio silence. It was hardly reassuring.
He had spent the morning with his mother, doing whatever she wanted to do in an attempt to appease her fiery mood. It was exhausting, but it seemed to have worked, considering that she was currently watching TV with a smile on her face, Nagisa sat next to her. Her presence felt more smothering than reassuring; no matter how relaxed things seemed now, Nagisa was acutely aware that one wrong move would lead to the screaming and crying again. It was like sitting next to a poisons snake.
He couldn't wait for school again on Monday.
"So what? You're just going to go back to him?" Karma asked, his arms crossed, leaning on the bedroom door-frame, his eyes fixed on Gakushuu. Gakushuu didn't meet his gaze, instead focusing on buttoning up his (or rather, Karma's) shirt.
"What else should I do?" Gakushuu said defensively. Karma gritted his teeth.
"I don't know- anything else! Report him to the police for being the disgusting rapist scum he is." Karma hissed. Gakushuu flinched slightly.
"Do you seriously think that will go anywhere? The man has his hands in everyone's pockets in this town, and it's my word against his." Gakushuu huffed.
"And Nagisa's word. Nagisa deserves justice." Karma said. He could still hardly even think about what had happened to Nagisa. He didn't want to think about it, he didn't want it to be true. He could hardly wrap his mind around something so evil happening. Even now he still had the tiniest hope that Gakushuu would turn around and say he had been lying.
"Nagisa doesn't know what happened to him. It should stay like that. He shouldn't have to live with this." Like I do, was the unspoken adage. He stood up, walking past Karma, out the bedroom.
"Can you really leave him at large? He's still dangerous." Karma said, accusingly. "He could hurt someone else. He could hurt Nagisa again! He's going to carry on hurting you."
"You think I don't know that?" Gakushuu shot back. "But the more you try to oppose him, the more you try to fight him the more dangerous he is!"
Karma was silent for a moment, mulling over Gakushuu's words. He hated to admit he had a point.. it was unlikely they could convict the Chairman of anything, even he knew that. And it would give the Chairman more reason to target them.
"You should run away- do anything to avoid going back to him. I read your suicide note, I know what he does to you-" He said, following Gakushuu down the stairs. He grabbed Gakushuu by the shoulders, Gakushuu shrugged away from him. There was some pushing and pulling between the two of them for a moment; Karma grabbing Gakushuu, the other pulling away.
"Get off me."
"I'm starting to think you actually enjoy being his punching bag." Karma muttered. "Or maybe you don't have the balls to try and change things."
"You think I WANT to go back?." Gakushuu hissed, affronted. "I just know if I don't go back, things will get worse."
"You have a serious case of Stockholm syndrome, you know that?" Karma bit. "You already tried to kill yourself, how much worse can it be?"
"Do you think if I run away father will just let me go? He'll start punishing people in my place to blackmailing me into coming back. And who do you think would be at the top of his list? Who's the one person he knows I care about? Gakushuu said as he reached the front door and pulled his shoes on- still scuffed and dirty from last nights escapades. He turned around, giving Karma the most sorrowful smile he had seen, his eyes bitter and knowing. "It can always get worse."
Karma blinked in realisation, his grip on Gakushuu loosened and his hand dropped to his side. A strange desperate emptiness filled his stomach. He didn't know what to do. He simply watched as Gakushuu left through the front door, like a man walking to his own execution.
Gakushuu was right; if he ran away, Nagisa would be used like a hostage against him. But was letting things go back to usual really the right answer?
Gakushuu may allow things to carry on like nothing was wrong, pretending all the pain and abuse didn't happen, compartmentalizing until he was a broken, fractured person, but Karma couldn't. Karma knew Nagisa could still be in danger.
Karma had to do something.
Nagisa didn't hear from Karma again until evening time, after his mother had fallen into a deep benzo-aided sleep.
'Can we talk?' Karma texted
'Of course' Nagisa replied, two seconds later, they where on the phone together. Nagisa keeping his voice low, despite how unlikely it was he'd wake up his heavily sedated mother, he didn't want to risk it.
"Hey Nagisa."
"Hey Karma.. is everything alright? You sounded kind of panicked on the phone yesterday and I've hardly heard from you all day."
"I'm fine. At least now I am that I can hear your voice." Karma said, sounding sincere. Nagisa laughed.
"You're so cheesy." He said, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy it. "So what 'stuff' did you need to take care of?"
"Just some.. housework stuff." Karma said evasively. "Taking out the trash."
"That sounds like a metaphor.. have you been fighting?" Nagisa asked, concerned. Karma laughed slightly, but it sounded hollow.
"No. I haven't." Karma said. "Nagisa, I'm not sure if I've told you this yet, but I love you, I really love you. You're the most important person to me in the whole world."
Nagisa felt heat rise to his cheeks. "Karma I- I love you too." He said. And he meant it. He loved Karma more than anyone else in the world.
"And I'd do anything to keep you safe and protect you. I mean that." Karma said, sounding serious. Nagisa paused.
"Karma is everything okay?" He asked.
"It is. Or at least it's going to be." Karma said.
"Karma, what do you mean?"
"Don't worry about it. I just wanted you to know that I love you, that's all." Karma said. "Goodnight, Nagisa."
"Karma- wait, whats going on, I can tell something is up!" Nagisa whispered, hit with a sudden, unexplainable feeling of dread. Karma just laughed again, it still sounded hollow.
"I told you Nagisa, it's nothing to worry about. It'll all be over soon." Karma replied, before hanging up.
"I was this close to calling the police. Do you realise what an embarrassment that would of been?" His father said, arms crossed, glaring at him. "You aren't a child anymore. You should be able to look after yourself."
Gakushuu nodded but didn't reply, keeping his back against the wall. He'd gotten off lighter than expected. His father had somehow bought the lie that he had left school because he had been ill and then had passed out from fever on a park bench. It helped that the hangover symptoms made him seem like he was genuinely suffering from some sort of malady. Part of him wondered if his father was buying this story because it's what he wanted to believe.
"Sometimes it feels as though you are still a toddler. You are incredibly fortunate you haven't been seriously hurt by your own negligence." His father continued. "Stop wasting my time and leave my office."
Gakushuu didn't need to be told twice, walking out and heading for his bedroom as soon as he could. So his father was angry, but not to the point of wanting to mutilate him. Gakushuu was suddenly unsure if he was still on board with the whole 'staying alive' thing. Life was pretty dire when getting shouted at and slapped a few times was the best you could hope for.
He lay down on his bed, thankful for the blackout curtains.
Karma knew his darkest secret. Of course, it had to be Akabane of all people who had found out, the person who irritated him the most. Gakushu had always subconsciously thought that once someone found out what had been happening, everything would change; maybe not for the better, but things would be different.
But life just rolled on the same as ever, he was sure that soon it would be like nothing had ever happened. Akabane would realize that there's nothing he could do, and eventually his anger at the situation would fizzle out and he'd forget about it.
Gakushuu didn't remember falling asleep, but he must of done, because next thing he knew, he awoke to the sound of movement somewhere in the house. He slipped out of bed to get a glass of water- his throat still felt dry from all the alcohol.
Then he heard a tremendous crash from the kitchen.
Without even thinking about it, he hurried downstairs- non of the lights were on, but Gakushuu could still see blood splattered on the walls and door frames... blood? Blood!
He burst into the kitchen, eyes widening in horror at the sight before him- there was blood. A lot of blood- at the centre of it all was his father, he was stood over another man, mid-fight both breathing heavily, both appeared injured. The other man was all in black he was wearing balaclava that had rode up, exposing half his face.
Gakushuu's immediate thought was home invader. Then he recognised who it was. Karma Akabane.
I'm a little bit afraid that I wont end up finishing this story, so I've been cramming a lot into each chapter that I originally planned to space out a little bit more, just so it at least gets written.
My original idea was for Karma to not find Gakushuu's note for a couple of days (when he decides to tidy up his clothes from the bathroom) then he would probably confront him in school about it (in fact, part of me kind of wishes I'd gone that route now) but whatever..
Thank you for all the continued support! it honestly makes me so happy I still get so many lovely comments for such a long story in a (lets face it) kind of dead fandom.
Please comment if you want me to write more.
Also, if anyone is really interested, I wrote a few kind of 'alternative ideas' for how this chapter would go, so message me if you want to read those.. thanks!
