Jasper's Outtake of Chapter 18
Four months ago, my life changed for the better. I was alone for so long; I had become accustomed to walking without anyone beside me along this journey of vampirism. I was on the outside, looking in, at the love of mates. I wasn't given the luxury of a mate; I didn't have a solid structure with someone.
It was just me.
I wasn't upset about it, nor angry, I found fascination in seeing all types of love shared between mates. I never wandered too far into my thoughts when it came to how it would be like when I would have my own.
Now though, I couldn't help but feel warmth flood me entirely. My mate, my Bella, was here. She was going to stay with me through thick and thin.
She hadn't become angered, or upset, at the thought of me leaving her behind so that I could learn to control my bloodlust. She supported me in the endeavor, knowing that it not only benefitted her in the end but everyone. She didn't think about just herself, she thought about others, despite how they treated her throughout the years.
Music was playing, and I craned my head to the side as Bella thanked Rosalie for deciding to come with me to Alaska. There could not be anyone better, other than Carlisle, who could come up with me to Alaska in order to have control over my bloodlust. She had never drunk human blood, not even when she slaughtered her gang- rapists or the guards that were protecting her fiancé Royce King (the second), whom she had saved for last.
Alice was smiling at the scenery around her, she and Esme had made sure to make the first floor look even more stunning than it normally did. I knew it wasn't just a simple graduation party for me, it was a going away party for me and Rosalie. This would be the last time that I would be with Bella, in the morning I would end up leaving, but at least I could Skype with Bella.
I didn't think back too long on the ceremony, I knew Bella was adorable in her flower printed blouse. I knew that she only wore concealer and a little bit of eyeliner. Sometimes she'd wear lip gloss but other times she had her face completely covered with makeup, which in return made me know Alice had gotten to her.
Now though, as a soft melody played from the stereo closest to us, I slowly made my way towards my Bella. I bowed low, reaching my hand out so that she could put her hand in mine, "care for a dance, ma'am?"
A scarlet blush overran her face, and my throat tightened without my consent. I didn't turn and look helplessly at Rosalie, as though I was waiting to see what her verdict on the matter should be.
I was blessed enough as it was having a family member who had never drank blood, when other vampires would have slaughtered her rapists or even have an eye-for-an-eye scenario where they would make sure the rapist went through exactly what they had gone through.
I frowned, knowing that the last thing I needed to do, was to think about such morbid things. Instead I smiled brightly when Bella mumbled back, "yes, sir, I would so happen to care for one."
I was raised in Texas, where southern twangs were common—smooth and seductive like whisky. Bella was raised in Arizona; she didn't have a prominent accent, but she so easily roleplayed with me as though we were in a barn about to have our summer solstice dance.
We headed into the middle of the living room, before we began to waltz together, all the while I felt nothing more than peace wash throughout the room. Everyone was happy, knowing that a good future would happen between me and Bella. I hadn't given up on her, I would make sure that we would have a bright future together—we would make sure that we would live happily ever after (even though that just sounded very cliché).
In the corner of my eye I noted that the others began to waltz together, even Rosalie and Emmett. I was certain that they were having a moment together, so that they would soak in their company together before she would have to leave with me. I could feel the longing between the both, but I could also find that Emmett was proud of his wife and mate for doing this for me and Bella.
Leaning forward I pressed my forehead against Bella's, her warm forehead a strong contrast against my cold one. She was alive, blood was plumping through her veins. She could still have a life, she could still decide that she didn't want to be a vampire, which I was fine with. I knew though that if she decided in the end, she wanted to be a vampire I would support her one hundred percent.
She closed her eyes, while I began to hum. Everything was fine, I knew that everything would turn out good.
After a while we headed into the dining room, where Esme cut the cake and handed a piece to Bella. It was vanilla, bland, but Bella was all right with having bland cake. She wasn't ostentatious with things; she couldn't care less what flavor the cake was. Still, vanilla was a safe bet.
Sitting down, Bella began to eat her cake while Esme went into the kitchen and made some tea. She came back in and kissed Bella on the crown of her head before she sat down and took a long sip of her tea.
As always, her body loosened up, while Carlisle sat next to Bella to her left, he glanced over at me and smiled softly at me. I could tell that he was proud of me also even though I had been an outsider for the longest time, he hadn't created me. Only me and Alice had come into this family with other creators, but even then, he treated us as though we were here from the very beginning.
"How long have you known the Denali family?" Bella suddenly asked, since she knew I would be heading up there for our 'cousins', well me and Rosalie. Alice rolled her eyes at the mention of the family, though I knew she was only thinking about Tanya and her unhealthy obsession with Edward.
I didn't say anything, nor did I pay much attention to what was being said, my eyes were too caught on my mate. She looked beautiful in so many ways. She was listening with rapt attention. She was so welcoming, she made sure to let others know how she felt about them now. She had been sheltered, so weary but now she was learning how to truly be herself.
Bella let her eyes wander towards me as though she sensed me watching her and she ducked her head, blushing brightly. I softly chuckled, while Esme merely smiled over the rim of her cup of tea, she was pleased with the sight of me and Bella's shy love towards each other.
"Alice," Bella addressed my sister, causing Alice to turn her head towards Bella, allowing her to know she had her attention.
"Yes, Bella?" Alice's quiet, but captivating voice washed throughout the room. Edward had his hand in hers, as his eyes were watching his wife. Rosalie was staring off in the distance, she was thinking of anything other than what was happening in the present. She didn't want to think about leaving Emmett, nor was she thinking of teaching me how to control my bloodlust.
"Can you see how the trip to the Denali clan will be? I just want to make sure that Jasper and Rosalie get there safe." Rosalie glanced over at Bella; I could sense that she was perplexed as to why Bella still insisted on being kind towards Rosalie. She had many opportunities to loath her.
Alice faded away for a moment, imaging the path that Rosalie and I would take before she smiled and sent Bella a reassuring smile, "everything will be fine, Bella. They will not be harmed, nor will they have to be weary."
Even though Rosalie didn't show any emotions I could tell that Emmett had relief flood throughout him. I knew he wanted nothing more than to be with Rosalie, head up to Canada (if not all the way to Alaska) so that he could make sure that the trip up there would be safe for his mate and he was content with the fact that Alice had said that everything would be all right for his mate and me.
Eventually it was time for Bella to head home. I quietly went outside of the house while Bella said goodbye to the rest of the family, as though she was the one that was leaving the country. Pride took over me, she loved my family unconditionally. She was a Cullen through and through.
Heading out of the house, Bella beamed at me as she headed down the front steps. Her hand was holding the railing, like she always did. She had tripped once when she was heading up the steps of the stairs, but I had caught her before there could be damage done in the end. She had blushed and laughed nervously, apologizing to me profusely for her clumsiness.
Opening the passenger door for Bella, she leant forward and kissed me on the cheek before she slid into the passenger seat. I knew if I was still human, I would have been beet red at the affection Bella was giving me.
We hadn't kissed each other properly before nor had we said we loved each other, we both knew we loved each other but we weren't in a rush to proclaim we loved each other and kissed each other on the lips (I had a feeling that she agreed with me that we should do those things once we were certain I wouldn't attack her).
Quiet music washed throughout the car; Bella supported my brother entirely when it came to his own works of classical music. She especially loved the one that was made for Alice, the first time she had heard it she had cried and told me she was all right. The song was so powerful and sad but loving in the end, it was as though he had been there for Alice since the day she had been transformed.
He had a song for each of us, Alice's was the longest. Esme would have cried if she could in happiness at the song that he had written for her. It was soft and delicate, a song that you could close your eyes and imagine yourself in a field of flowers or sitting and drinking herbal tea.
Carlisle had clasped his son on the shoulder and told him that he was proud of him, while Rosalie had quietly told him thank you. Emmett claimed that his was the best one, though it had a more dramatic aesthetic to it.
I didn't like mine that much, it reminded me of the times that my mother would sit down in the living room and play. She was a talented pianist, one of my sisters played the violin. I faintly remembered playing the guitar though I hadn't touched one since I had been a human.
The rest of the night was spent with me soaking in all that was happening all around me peacefully. My family had never felt as complete as it did right now, everyone knew that things were going to be all right. I would go and control my bloodlust and come back to them, I would make sure I was worthy to be Bella's mate, and I was determined to not come back until I believed it myself.
Eventually it was time for Bella to return home, if my heart was still beating in my chest it would have been aching. Instead it lay dormant in my chest, though I could tell Bella was nothing more than truly nervous.
She didn't want me to feel how nervous she was but there was nothing wrong with her revealing all her emotions to me. She laid herself bare for me and all I could do was make sure that she would be all right in the end, make sure that her emotions didn't take her whole.
Charlie was in the living room; we could tell from the blue light that came through the darkness and the blinds. I leant forward and kissed Bella on the forehead, making sure to soak in her presence if I could. I didn't know how long I would be without her, I hoped that I could accomplish my goal by the end of the summer, but if not then I would like to accomplish it by the end of the year.
"I love you."
I paused, not expecting this from Bella. We hadn't said that we loved each other through the four months that we had known each other. I hadn't known when she would say this, maybe Alice had a premonition of Bella confessing her love for me, but she wouldn't tell me. It only made things better, I couldn't feel as happy as I did right now if I knew she'd say this.
A part of me wished that I could cry, she'd see how important this moment was. She would have known how much this meant for me. I couldn't help but bend my head down and press my lips against hers. She stiffened for a moment, this time she didn't expect what I would do. Then she loosened up and she threw her arms around me, pulling me against her.
It didn't last if I wanted it to, her blood was rushing so fast in her body. We were exhilarated at what was happening. I pulled away before my control would be thrown out of the window. Her eyes were closed, and her heart beat rapidly in her chest. Her lips were slightly red, and blood rushed against her cheekbones.
I gulped and closed my eyes before I whispered back to her, "I love you too, my Bella." I opened my eyes, noting that she smiled even brighter.
To others they wouldn't see her as beautiful, her scars were stretched against her features and though her right eye was blurry due to blindness it still sparkled as it hadn't lost its ability to see at all. It made this even more special, seeing her so vulnerable and happy.
I swore in the corner of my eye Charlie was looking through the blinds. I knew that he would chuckle and tease Bella when she would come inside but it would be all in good nature. I was blessed that he had given his blessing from the very beginning when it came to me dating Bella.
We were only dating for a few months, but it felt as though it was much longer. It felt as though we had been together for almost a year instead of two to three months.
Eventually I had to let her go, I knew that even though I was addicted to us being together I had to leave for us to still be together in the future. I had to be with my 'cousins' and Rosalie, if it weren't for them, I wouldn't even be able to be reassured in having a future with Bella.
I pressed another tender kiss on her forehead before I went towards the car. I kept my eyes forward, knowing that if I looked back, I wouldn't be able to leave her. I wouldn't be able go through with this.
I tried to keep my mind clear, as I drove back home. I played a random station on my radio. If there wasn't any music playing, then I was certain my mind would be going over what had happened too much.
The moment I went home, I was welcomed with everyone in the foyer of the house. Esme and Carlisle were next to each other. They had their arms looped together, Alice and Edward were peering at me with pride in their eyes. Rosalie was standing away from Emmett, I was certain she was having the same problem with Emmett that she had with me.
Esme and Carlisle were the first that came up to me. Carlisle smiled as he reached his hand up and placed it on my shoulder, "I'm proud of you son. I know that you will overcome this and be with Bella without worrying about your bloodlust."
Esme sniffled, if she could cry, she would have been sobbing, instead she lunged forward and wrapped her arms around me. She hugged me tight against her, "oh, I'm proud of you too, Jasper. Please be safe, my son. I love you so much, your father does too of course."
I smiled as I soaked in her hug, hanging onto it if possible. I didn't remember my mother's hug that well but this, right now, it was what mattered the most to me. Esme was the perfect mother that I could have, she was just like any mother was supposed to be.
I pulled away from her and watched as Alice and Edward came up to me next. Alice grinned brightly at me and threw her arms around me, "everything will be just fine, Jazz. And before you doubt me, have I ever proven myself wrong?"
I couldn't help but roll my eyes fondly at her, of course she was always right. It was always the benefit of being able to see the future. She would always be able to know what would happen and the result of it. She giggled as though she expected this from me, enough that she lightly squeezed me before she let me go.
Edward gave me a soft, half smile as he reached his hand out and placed it on my shoulder. "Be safe, Jasper. We'll make sure that Bella is safe."
"Thanks, Edward. I know you will."
Emmett was staring at me; a complexity of emotions were running through him. I couldn't pinpoint which one was the strongest but as I went up to them, he frowned slightly. Rosalie was next to him; longing was strong in her as though she wanted to bring Emmett with her, but she knew that she couldn't.
I knew that I had a better relationship with Edward than I did with Emmett. That wasn't to say that I didn't have a good relationship with Emmett, he was my youngest brother, but Edward had been there for me since the very beginning. He could read my thoughts and know that there was so much in me that he thought I deserved to have, and it meant the world to me.
Rosalie had her lips pressed tightly together, before she turned and reached her hand up to press against her mate's (and husband's) cheek. "I will be safe, Emmett. I love you."
Emmett nodded his head, "I know you will be."
Rosalie and I knew we couldn't stay that much longer, and so we both headed towards the back doors of the house. Everyone followed us and stood by the large windows that overlooked everything in the backyard, overlooked the forest that surrounded the property. They didn't say anything, knowing that they had already said their goodbyes to us.
The door opened and we went through it before we shut it behind us. Rosalie turned to me, and I nodded my head before we ran in the direction of where Alaska was. We both knew that we needed to keep our eyes forward, there would be no use to be thinking about our loved ones now.
The closer we got to Alaska the landscape became even more barren. The Denali clan didn't live in a large populated town of course, since we were vampires. They would be moving before long, since none of us could stay in one town that long since we couldn't age most of all.
The house was extravagant, nothing less than I knew it would be. Carlisle and Esme were so much simpler than them. I knew it was the sisters that had demanded the house be suited for the lifestyle that they had wanted. They were known for being succubae to men, they were alluring and slept with them before they would leave them in the middle of the night.
If it weren't for the fact that they drank animal blood like we did I wouldn't think any less of them draining their men shortly after they slept with them. Thankfully that wasn't the case for them.
We had barely entered their property when the front door opened, and we were greeted with Eleazar and Carmen standing on the front porch. Both smiled at us while we headed up to them, the snow leaving footprints in our wake.
I took a deep breath and came up to them, with Rosalie trailing behind us. She kept her bland features when she was in front of our cousins (technically these two were our aunt and uncle). Carmen reached her hands out and took mine in hers, squeezing them gently as she spoke, "welcome."
Eleazar nodded his head, he was one of few words. His wife and mate was the one that spoke more than him. I glanced over their shoulders and noted that I couldn't see the sisters anywhere near us. Garett was in the living room, he had been reading a book but he glanced up when he saw us—he gave us a curt nod and I gave one back to him as though to let him know that I shared the same energy as him.
"Where are the others?" I probed, causing Carmen to speak once more, "they are hunting right now. They'll be here soon."
I had a feeling Tanya didn't want to see me when I would arrive here. It would remind her of Edward in a way, and how he wasn't her mate. She would be sour in the knowledge that I had gotten a mate now and she hadn't gotten one. Though she never said anything about wanting one, all she wanted was Edward.
I knew she wanted him because he was someone that she couldn't have. He was a challenge and she hated how Alice had him. She wanted to be with Edward because she thought she was better than Alice, she thought that Alice was damaged, and she didn't deserve him.
I glanced over my shoulder when I could sense my cousins coming through the forest. The three blondes were here, and it would only be a matter of time before there would be a breaking point between them, Rosalie and me.
I though of Bella and knew that this was worth it, being in the presence of the three sisters that didn't care for one of my sisters was going to be hard, but I wouldn't let them determine how I would be during this time. I would be the stronger person; I would make sure that I would succeed and be with Bella again.
author's note:
A few days ago I had a Grand-Mal seizure, so I had to spend a few days resting before finishing the next chapter. The next chapter was hard enough for me to write before the seizure. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the next chapter too.
Twilight doesn't belong to me.
-Emmy
