im gonna write this story and then retire forever
"It's her birthday. It doesn't seem weird to you that we're going to her birthday?"
"It would seem weird if we didn't go to her birthday, love," Jesse said exasperatedly. Ever since the night he and Beca had done molly Olive had been less than enthused to spend time with the much smaller brunette. Not that they had ever been particularly pumped to be in the presence of Beca and her boyfriend before, but the four of them had put things to the side for the sake of the group, however it now seemed like Olive was less concerned with how the group felt and more about how she felt.
Jesse couldn't blame her, he knew why she was upset, even if nothing had happened. When she had met him Jesse had been absolutely head over heels in love with Beca and in reality that had only been five short months ago.
Olive sighed and crossed her arms tersely in front of her as they approached Beca and Stacie's apartment. Jesse stopped and rounded on her, grabbing her shoulders to center her in front of him. "Tell me, what will make this better, Olive? What will make you trust that nothing happened and nothing will happen? I'm already going to New York for you, I'm trying to make this better."
She glanced anywhere but at his face, he could see the gears grinding inside her head. She looked around for a few more seconds before finally letting her eyes come to rest on his, "I don't know, Jess, I can't exactly ask you to ditch your friends can I?"
"Well my brother is dating her best friend who also happens to be one of my best friends...so I don't really see that as an option. Plus they didn't kick Rachel out of the friend group when she and Ross broke up."
Olive stared at him with narrowed eyes, a smilie fighting to break through her scowl, "Did...did. Did you just make yourself Rachel in this scenario?"
Jesse laughed, "Ah you know, I might have." He kissed Olive lightly, "What I'm trying to say, is that just because she's still in my life, doesn't mean she's a threat. I need you to trust me." He leaned around her and knocked on the door before waiting for a response.
Almost immediately the door swung open to reveal Chloe standing flushed in the doorway, a wine glass in one hand and a blunt in the other, "Welcome in, you two, everyone else is already here." She gave them a dazzling Chloe smile and pulled them into the room. A haze of smoke hung in the air as they stepped down into the living room where everyone else was gathered. Music was playing loudly, smells of food wafted down from the kitchen, a makeshift bar had been set up on the coffee table and everyone was having a great time.
"Jesse! Olive!" Beca cheered, getting off Rhett's lap and rushing over to hug the two taken aback entrants. "Thanks for coming," she was smiling so much as she grabbed the two of them to steer them toward the table. "Take your pick, we're having fun because I'm 26."
She stopped for a moment looking confused, "Take your pick, we're having fun because I'm 26...that rhymed. Pick. Six...maybe," she laughed happily looking at the other two who finally loosened up and chuckled lightly. "I would say start here," Beca shoved a handful of shrooms at the two of them. "Join the trip," she said wiggling her eyebrows before skipping back over to Rhett and straddling his lap.
"Well, this wasn't exactly what I was expecting," Jesse mumbled, breaking up the shrooms and handing half to Olive. "No time like now, I guess," he laughed, shoving the fungi into his mouth as his girlfriend did the same.
"Did you guys just raw dog that?" Stacie asked, looking disgusted, she had just walked over to the table to take her pick from the spread before them. Her eyes were tinged red and Jesse knew she was stoned already. "I'm more of a shroom tea kind of girl," she commented without waiting for an answer. "Hey, daddy, you wanna do a rail off my ass tonight?" she called over her shoulder to Ryan who was in the middle of shoving food into his mouth.
Jesse wrinkled up his face at this and groaned, "Why did you just call my brother daddy?"
"Because we're into it, little bro," Ryan had joined them now, his hand was firmly in place on Stacie's ass. "But hell yeah, why wait, I'll do it right now."
Everyone in the room laughed loudly at this.
The evening wore on and as the group of eight got more and more intoxicated, it was quickly becoming a night most of them were going to be unable to remember.
Everyone was lounging around the living room taking a small break before they continued on with the small party they'd made in the apartment, when Aubrey got unsteadily to her feet. "Hey, you guys," she waved her hands around to get everyone else's attention. When the other seven were looking at her she threw her hair over her shoulder and picked up a beer. "I just wanted to take a minute to say how happy I am to be here for Beca on her birthday.
"I know a year ago I would never have been here, I would have rather done a lot of things before celebrating Beca Mitchell's birthday," everyone laughed. "I mean, sit for the bar, get my nipples pierced, chinese water tor-"
"Hey we get it, Bree," Beca called out, making everyone erupt into laughter.
"Oh," she looked thrown off for a second then her face split into a smile, "right. My point being in this last year I've felt really lucky to get close to not only Beca but everyone else here in this room. It's been a good year and I feel really lucky. So here's to Beca, here's to a great 26th year for you, I hope it's filled with all of the success you could ever want. Love you, Becs."
"Yeah and here's to some Grammy's this year too," Luke added to the cheers of everyone while Beca and Aubrey hugged it out. "You've done great so far, mate, but let's blow it out of the water this trip round the sun." He clapped Beca on the shoulder, "Gotta make waves in New York in two weeks."
"Jesse's going to be in New York in two weeks too," Olive piped up, Beca turned quickly on her heel to stare at the man across the living room from her for half a second before reclaiming her spot between Rhett's legs on the floor.
"Oh hell yeah, man, we'll have to meet up while we're all up there if we have time," Luke said excitedly.
"Yeah definitely, it was sort of a spur of the moment trip or I would've let you know sooner," he mumbled avoiding eye contact with Beca who's stare he could feel burning into his skin even though he wasn't looking.
Everyone had slowly dropped off over the course of the night after more drug induced speeches were made about Beca. Rhett passed out on the living room floor a bottle of jack clutched in his arms, Stacie finally slowed down at the kitchen table where she was currently fast asleep an untouched line of coke by her left hand, Ryan and Luke both fell asleep on the couch PS4 controllers clutched in their hands, Aubrey was snoozing on the floor with Olive, and Chloe and Josh were the only two who had successfully made it to a bedroom making their way to Chloe's old room with the announcement that Chloe needed Josh to put a baby in her right away.
Only Jesse and Beca found themselves awake, sitting at the kitchen table, passing a joint between them, as the clock read 5:28 on the oven. They had been talking for the last few hours, catching each other up on things they had missed over the last months, animatedly falling into a pleasant rhythm together.
"So why didn't you tell me you were going to be in New York?" Beca asked finally reaching the topic she wanted, tapping ash off the end of the joint before taking another drag. She studied Jesse carefully as she blew smoke out through her nose, she could tell he was selecting his next words wisely.
"I didn't know if I was going for sure until yesterd-"
"Bullshit," Beca cut him off, taking another puff off the joint and staring at him pointedly.
He sighed, "I'm thinking about maybe moving there." Beca's hand froze on the way to her mouth, the smoke from the joint was curling around her hand, filling the space between them with a haze. "I'm going for a few interviews with a few broadway playwrights and I also have a few things I've been working on I want to propose."
Beca stared at him silently, it felt like her chest had fallen through the ground, "Um, that's...that's great, Jesse. What about John Williams though? You just got promoted…" she trailed off, unsure what to say next as her brain was moving a million miles an hour.
"I spoke with him, he doesn't want to see me go, but he said if the opportunity presents itself I should take it. I've got his support which is massive." He was watching Beca as she busied herself with rolling a blunt as she had finished their joint, she was clearly looking at anything but him. "Bec?"
"Hm?"
"What are you thinking?"
"That northern lights isn't as good as tropic haze, but it'll do." she looked up matter-of-factly, brushing her hands off before she started to roll. She was avoiding his actual question and she knew he knew. "How about we go on a walk?" she said rising without waiting for a response when she had finished.
She walked to the front door not waiting to see if Jesse was following her as she stepped out into the hallway and headed to the elevator, but knowing he was trailing behind her. They were silent as they took the elevator up to the very top of the building and as Beca showed them down a narrow hallway to a ladder that led to the roof.
"Is this where you kill me?" Jesse asked as Beca started pulling herself up the ladder before him.
"Yeah, Jesse, I brought you to the roof of my apartment building on my birthday to off you while all our friends sleep downstairs. They'll never know it was me. Are you coming?" she called down when she had gotten to the top and realized he still hadn't left the ground.
He looked up the little hole in the ceiling and could just make out Beca's outline against the inky black sky behind her. The sun was threatening to rise soon and slowly the black was fading to deep blue. "Um, I don't know, Beca, I think maybe I should," he motioned back toward the way they came, back toward the apartment, back toward his sleeping girlfriend.
"It's my birthday, Jesse, are you really gonna let me down on my birthday?"
Her voice floated down to him, he closed his eyes briefly trying to talk himself into doing the right thing. But before he knew it his hands had grabbed cold metal and he was hoisting himself through the hole in the roof. He looked around and spotted Beca perched on the edge of the roof, her legs swinging over the side.
"Nice of you to join me, sir," she chirped happily from her perch, lighting the blunt as she spoke. "Here," she puffed on it before handing it off to him, "So New York."
He leaned against the ledge she was sitting on so he had to look up at her. Blowing smoke out of his nose he responded heavily, "New York."
"What inspired that?"
"I-I guess I wanted a change of scenery, Olive found a really good jo-"
"So you're gonna move with Olive?" Beca tilted her head to the side as she inspected the man in front of her.
"Uh, that's the plan, but I don't know, maybe I won't like any of the jobs when I get there, maybe they won't like me." He shrugged and trailed off, in the distance the sun was fighting its way up through Hollywood Hills. Los Angeles lay quietly in its path, looking innocent enough, patiently waiting for the sun's rays to fall on the smog covered air that surrounded the city.
"Don't be ridiculous, they'll love you," her voice was sharp, challenging him to disagree with her. She pulled hard on the blunt, the tip glew bright orange and crawled down the blunt as she pulled harder, taking a much larger hit than was necessary. She passed it back to Jesse as smoke poured out of her mouth and nose. "I guess I was just sort of shocked."
She watched Jesse smoke for a minute, feeling the weed creeping up on her, "I don't want you to not be here," she finally said after a minute.
Jesse was rubbing his face with his empty hand, this was not a conversation he had anticipated having, mostly because he was under the impression Beca had moved on. "What do you want me to do with that, Bec," he finally got out, handing the blunt back to her and standing up straight so he could pace around the roof.
She finished off the blunt and crushed the roach on the corner of the roof before turning around to face Jesse as he traced his path around the rooftop. "I don't know. Because I don't really know what I'm supposed to do with that either."
"Are you happy, Beca?" He had stopped pacing and was standing in front of her again, searching her face for some sign of truth.
"Yeah," she said softly, biting her lip as she looked over her shoulder at LA. The sun was just about to break the horizon. "Are you?"
"Yeah," he answered, a little more hostile than intended. "Yes," he reiterated more sternly, "I am." He stared at the back of Beca's head, she had yet to glance back from looking at the sun rise. "I shouldn't be here, Beca, I'm happy. You're happy. I shouldn't be here. And you shouldn't have said that."
Beca's heart gave a sharp pang when she turned back around to see the pain on Jesse's face. "I thought you wanted to be friends, I thought you were okay with it."
Jesse sighed heavily and sank down on the ledge beside her, his head buried in his hands. "I want, nothing more," his voice was muffled as he was talking into his chest, "than to be your friend, Beca. I want nothing more than to see you succeed and see you be happy and see you become an even more badass woman than you already are. But," he paused and lifted up his head, Beca could see he was struggling. "I don't know if I can.
"I've had it rough with Olive over the last two weeks; she was less than stoked about us doing molly together not to mention she wasn't particularly keen that you were seen all over the world with her boyfriend. And I know it was ridiculous and we just had a good night, but I can't have problems with Olive crop up over you."
Beca's mouth chose to dry itself out at that point, she felt her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth as her stomach sank. Even if she could have thought of something to say she wouldn't have been able to.
"I thought tonight would be okay, that everything would just be fun and it would work out well. And it was fun, and I'm so glad we came, but it also just made me realize I don't think I'll ever be okay being just your friend. I have something good with Olive, something I shouldn't want to accidentally mess up and I suppose what you and Rhett have is good as well. I was really on the fence about New York at the beginning of the night, but I think it's where I need to be now. Where Olive and I need to be. So I think when I go in two weeks I'm really going to try for those jobs."
"I didn't mean to cause problems for you two, I'm sorry," she mumbled. She wrung her hands awkwardly and then slid off the low wall, "I'm just gonna go."
"Wait, Beca," Jesse reached out and grabbed her wrist, spinning her back around to face him. She looked up at him, shocked he had stopped her. "Your present," he pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and pressed it into her hand, "maybe read it by yourself later." He let go of her wrist and walked back toward the ladder. Glancing back at her one more time he smiled, "Happy birthday, Bec, really."
His torso was just sinking below the lip of the door when Beca called out, "Jesse, wait." He took two steps back up the ladder as she came running over, he was at the perfect height for her. She stopped in front of him, the two of them stared at each other for a second and then Beca was kissing him or he was kissing Beca, neither was completely certain of who had initiated.
Five months apart and it still felt like they knew every inch of each other. Jesse pulled her close to him, feeling her body press into his arms, while her smell completely surrounded him. He had thought of this moment from the second she had kicked him out of the apartment all those months ago and here it finally was.
After what felt like a lifetime they pulled apart staring at each other a little breathlessly.
"I'm sorry," Beca whispered, not looking him entirely in the eye, "I-I just wanted a goodbye. While you were still here with me. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too," Jesse answered hoarsely, he felt a large lump form in his throat as he looked at the girl in front of him. "I'm really sorry for it all, Beca."
Together the two of them descended the ladder back to the real world.
"How ya holding up, champ?" Luke walked into Beca's dressing room, coming up behind her to rub her shoulders comfortingly.
"Oh I'll be better when it's over," she grimaced. It was Saturday night, she had spent almost the last week in New York rehearsing skits and both of her musical performances for the show, and now it was time to join the ranks of those who had been both the musical guest and hosted the famous program.
Luckily for her, while the show had come with its own major stress issues, it came with the added bonus of consuming so much of her time while she was in the city she barely even had time to think about Jesse wandering around the same streets she was. As she sat in the makeup chair getting various prosthetics glued to her, her mind briefly wandered to the goofy smile of her ex boyfriend, but she quickly pushed it from her mind.
They hadn't spoken since they apologized to each other on the roof. Not a single word had passed between them. And now didn't feel like the time to reflect on that.
Before she knew it she was being ushered down the hallway to the studio where the live studio audience was getting warmed up by a stand up comedian. The lights were bright, the crew was busy, Beca was motioned from place to place, everyone was on their specified mark, things were moving so quickly.
"Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!" Beca yelled at the end of the cold open to thunderous applause.
"Alright great job, everyone lets move."
Before her eyes the set was torn down and in wheeled the opening monologue set . Beca was hurried over to another chair where makeup was being changed, clothes were being pulled over her head and producers were rushing around yelling things.
"Okay," one of the producers had grabbed her, leading her to the back of the stage, "and five, four, three," she motioned with her hand for two and one before nodding Beca to take the stage.
The lights were shining brightly down on her, the audience was cheering loudly, the band played as she hit the stage and overhead "Ladies and gentleman, Beca Mitchell!"
She made her way down the steps smiling broadly, "Thank you, thank you! Thank you so much! I am so excited to be here tonight; hosting SNL has always been a dream of mine, so I am beyond happy to not only host tonight but also be the musical guest!" The audience cheered again. "That's actually a total lie, I don't think I've ever in my life hoped to be in this spot right now. Ever. And this is my very first time being on live television," Beca looked around at the band who was chuckling behind her.
Everyone laughed heartily, "If you didn't know I've spent the last three years releasing music as Mitchell Hardict," the crowd cheered, "thank you, thank you. I appreciate it. But yeah if you can't tell from that commitment, I am really into being behind the scenes. I am not a fan of being in the forefront, like at all, but with great power comes forced social interaction or something that someone said. It is a massive honor to be both the host and the musical guest for this episode, but know, from the bottom of my heart," Beca shoved the mic close to her mouth so her voice became muffled, "I hate almost every second of this."
"Not to say that I don't have experience up on a stage," she raised an eyebrow, "not only are you guys in the presence of Mitchell Hardict tonight, you're also in the presence of a four time national collegiate a cappella champion. I know, crazy that I was a huge success in both fields, but some of us are just born with that IT factor needed in competitive a cappella."
The crowd roared with laughter. "I've had to get used to some things in the last few months of my life. A lot of things have changed. Not only do I now have the obligation to host things like SNL and do interviews I've had to get used to not being able to go out in public without being recognized. You think it sounds kind of fun until it's happening to you. But listen I can do nothing wrong now. I am watched everywhere I go, I am recognized everywhere I go, which for a person like me, who constantly does wrong, is extremely difficult and a surefire way to direct humiliation.
"I've come to terms with who I am as a person, but now the rest of the world has to come to terms with who I am." Beca paused for a second to take a breath, the lights were beaming down on her and her heart was pounding in her chest. "You guys I'm a clutz, I'm gonna hit the ground, I'm gonna hit the ground often, and hard, this is just something I need the world to come to terms with now so I don't have to be emotionally traumatized later.
"So I decided to take this time to create a slideshow presentation of what the paparazzi has already caught in the three short months they've been following me. Don't worry everyone, I used transitions so it will be fun to watch. This first set of pictures is from about four days after I arrived back in LA, I was on the way into my night club in the morning, I was running late and lucky for everyone the paparazzi caught the exact moment I ran into the wall of the building I walk into every day and landed directly on my ass.
"Next up we have what's probably a real karma moment for me, in this set you'll see me jogging down the street, it sounds like I'm working out, but really I was trying to get to a taco truck before a big group of tourists I saw coming annnnd car door." The crowd laughed again as Beca picked her way through some of her worst spills that had been caught on camera.
By the end of her monologue everyone was pleased with the performance the little brunette had put on. "Stick around, we have a great show for you tonight, not to mention a fantastic musical guest coming up. Thank you so much, we'll be right back."
"Cut! Good job, Beca. Alright everyone get moving."
"Wow, Beca, really you were fantastic," she and Aubrey were wearing thick, fluffy bathrobes and were perched in the windows of Beca's hotel room looking out over the New York skyline.
"Thanks, Aubrey, that means a lot," she smiled at the blonde, "and I made it through without vomiting."
Aubrey cuffed her over the head playfully, "So, you haven't said anything in two weeks. What's going on with you and Jesse? If you think we haven't all noticed you guys absolutely not speaking to each other since your birthday-"
"Some shit happened," Beca said grumpily, glowering down at the city far below them.
"Care to elaborate?"
"He's here right now," Aubrey nodded, "we talked a month ago about being friends when we rolled together. And it felt good just to hang with him again, to talk to him. And then on my birthday, everything felt pretty normal, after everyone fell asleep we stayed up talking for a few hours. He told me he wasn't sure how he felt about New York but that maybe it would be best for him to go with Olive and start his life here. And that he wanted to be my friend, but he doesnt think that he can."
Beca stopped talking for a minute, Aubrey grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly in her own. "We kissed," Aubrey squeezed her hand even harder, "but just once. And just like a goodbye. Do you know what I mean?"
"Yeah," Aubrey whispered quietly.
"He gave me a letter, I haven't read it yet. I can't. But we haven't spoken since we kissed. And now he's out here to get a job so he and Oooolive can move together." She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the window, "It shouldn't matter, I'm with Rhett. I'm happy. I just hosted SNL and I'm in New York Fucking City with my best friends." She leaned over and grabbed an open bottle of champagne and their abandoned glasses, "Drink up, Bree!"
