l Head Over Feet – Alanis Morissette (R/O)

Olivia looked over at the man who had wormed his way into her heart. She would never admit that out loud, even though Amanda had asked her if something was up between the two. Olivia wished Amanda's theory was right, but she couldn't do it. She had fallen for so many men at work and never worked out. She couldn't lose him and wouldn't dare to ruin their cases. She had so many close calls so many disclosures, and she, like her self Rafael Barba was married to the job.

Olivia wasn't alone with him, she couldn't put herself in that situation, because the risk was too considerable. She was with him and the rest of her team as per usual, celebrating a win in the courtroom. 3 bottles of empty wine littered the table with a 4th one coming out. They had all slowly been eating their entrees and had delved into more personal topics. She was Sandwiched between Rafael and Amanda Rafael asking about Noah, as Amanda Sonny talk about her girls. Fin was a bit of the 5th wheel but she could tell he was keeping his ears open. He didn't seem to mind that no one was asking him anything, and Olivia knew he was more private than anyone at the table. Olivia noticed the sad smile on his face as the night wore on, and she was wondering what he was hiding. Olivia had to admit the two of them had become close friends even though she had always wanted something more. Finally, she gave in to the look.

"Rafael, what's wrong?" Olivia asked.

Rafael's face twisted in confusion, surprised to know Olivia had felt him out so quickly. He was pondering if he should make the announcement or not. He had just been told after the case, and he was a bit upset by the news, but in the back of his mind, he couldn't help but think that this could be a very good thing.

Rafael, light clang on his wine glass, and everyone looked at him.

"I have an announcement," Rafael stated.

"With some regret I have to inform you all that, as of today, I will no longer be SVU's ADA. I am being transferred by the DA to Vice, this wasn't my decision and I am going to miss working with each and everyone of you."

Olivia almost lost it at the words she felt sick like the world had stopped turning, the burn in her ears sounded like a freight train, and she couldn't stop the tears from cascading down her face, but she refused to cry. Everyone stared at the man, stunned, confused, scared for the next step.

"Apparently, the ADA with Vice has retired, and I am the next senior ADA, they are months behind, and cases are being dropped because of due process. I was informed that ADA Mya Littleton will be taking my place and has experience with SVU in Queens. I don't know her personally, but I've looked her up. She's a hell of a lawyer." Rafael claimed.

"So we'll still see you around?" Amanda asked.

"Yes, I am staying on board until the rest of my cases are finished but she will be taking up the new ones. I officially start with Vice next week, picking up new cases from them." Rafael explained.

"I still have about 30 more cases on the docket for the next 6 months, so you won't be totally rid of me for a while." Rafael smiled.

Amanda nodded her head. Olivia still hadn't quite gotten over it.

"Is this what you want?" Sonny asked.

"It was a surprise. I really don't have much of a choice. It will be different, and I don't think I will ever find a squad like you guys." Rafael says, honestly.

Fin just nodded his head, confirming her heard every word out pf Rafael's mouth.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to ruin the moment, just while I had everyone together I wanted to let you know, and I didn't want the rumor mill to spill it out before I could." Rafael explained.

"We get it." Amanda agreed.

The conversation eventually picked back up, and the group ignored the fact that eventually, they would stop seeing each other. They didn't pretend they would casually hang out. They didn't ensure that they would still be best friends because they all knew it wouldn't be true . Instead, they moved on and would pick up the pieces later because that's what they always had to do.

After the news Olivia had ordered a whole bottle of scotch for the table. Rafael was surprised, but the 5 of them took multiple shots and were all highly intoxicated. She, as a captain should have known better, but the emotion took over, and she really didn't care at the moment.

They all held their liquor well, a workplace territory that she is sure shouldn't be the case. Olivia didn't dwell on the fact that they had all downed the liquor and were still sitting up straight.

Rafael had offered to pick up the tab, but the 5 decided to split it evenly. When Olivia went to stand up, her head was spinning, and although she could tell what she was doing and where she was going, she had slightly stumbled. Rafael and Fin both noticed.

"You okay, Liv?" Fin asked.

"Yeah, got up to fast with a little too much to drink, but I am fine," Olivia admitted.

She took a deep breath in and headed for the door a little more confident with each step. The night air sobered her up quickly as well. She knew though that no one should be driving. They all split an Uber XL, and although they knew it would cost more meandering throughout Manhattan, they all had felt the need to stay close as long as possible.

One by one, they got out of the Uber, leaving Olivia and Rafael alone in the back.

Olivia was heavily leaning on Rafael blaming the alcohol lowering her inhibitions, and not really caring about the fact she shouldn't be doing this. Rafael was trying to remind her of some funnier times over the years, and although she was laughing, she couldn't help but think all of this was ending.

Olivia was next to get out, and when the Uber pulled off to let her up, Rafael didn't want to let her go. He hugged her tightly.

"I'll see you Monday." He whispered.

"See you." Olivia stated.

Olivia made her way to the apartment, still feeling the slight effect of alcohol coursing through her body. She thanked the babysitter and went to check on Noah, who was sound asleep. She went to shower, feeling hot from the alcohol and tight from the emotional roller coaster the day had brought.

As the water fell on Olivia, she couldn't help but think of Rafael and how much it would hurt not to see him every day. How dreadful it would be to break in a new ADA, and how different her life would be now that Rafael Barba would no longer play a role in her day to day life.

When Olivia got out of the shower, she saw several messages in the group text that included her squad and Rafael making sure everyone got home okay, she was the only one not to respond.

She quickly typed a response saying she was fine and wished everyone a goodnight.

Weeks past and Rafael was seen less and less, just like they all knew would happen. He had fascinating stories from the Vice Squad, some more humorous than others. Olivia could tell he was uncomfortable about the new assignment but also knew it helped him to come over and talk to his friends. Rafael had admitted he got along with a few of the detective's over there but still longed to have the SVU job back.

Mya was, through, and Olivia really did like her. She was very different than Rafael Barba, she wasn't as confident, but she was more willing to take certain things to trial. She was caring and compassionate and although she was always in the best interest of the victim she tended to push more plea deals. Olivia couldn't complain. She had just met Mya, and they all seemed to be on the same page. She was no Rafael Barba, but she was strong and Olivia knew with time she would be a friend , but it still stung that she was replacing her best friend.

Rafael had walked into Olivia's office, one seemingly random day.

"You busy tonight?" Rafael asked.

"Mmm, not really but I have to be home by 5:30 for Noah." Olivia mentioned.

"Would it be a problem if I met you at your place then?" Rafael asked.

"No, is everything okay?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, of course," Rafael stated.

"Okay, see for dinner?" Rafael asked.

"Deal." Olivia smiled.

The clock couldn't move quick enough for Olivia, and although it felt like hours passed, the clock on the wall told her it was only 26 minutes since Rafael walked out of her squad room. Olivia sighed frustrated with the turn of events she had been counting down the cases, Raphael only had 18 more cases with them. Yes it was a lot, some that won't come to court for months, maybe even years but it was like a count down to the last time they would ever see each other again.

Olivia got home to Noah, telling him company was coming he loved his uncle Rafa and Olivia once again worried how he would feel when the man walked away for good. She felt a pit form in her stomach at the thought. She knew that he was still in town, and maybe from time to time, he could stop by, but she wouldn't get her hopes up. She wouldn't let herself feel anything if she was honest. She knew that Rafael Barba was a good man, one of the best. She had been burned so many times, though , and she wasn't sure if she could trust him to stick around. When she thought about that made her even more sick. She wasn't sure how to live without seeing her best friend.

Rafael knocked on the door. Olivia greeted him quickly, followed by Noah running for a hug. Rafael smiled and scooped the boy up into his arms. Olivia smiled at the interaction.

"Pizza?" Olivia asks.

"Special occasion?" Rafael asks.

"Yeah you're, here." Olivia claims.

Rafael laughed , which eased Olivia's feeling slightly. She grabbed her cell and ordered what she knew the 3 of them would agree on.

Noah had been showing "uncle Rafa" all his new toys and telling him about school. Rafael listened intently until the pizza arrived.

Noah and Rafael shared the same facial expression when Olivia opened the box of hot pizza and she couldn't suppress a giggle.

The three of them eat pizza quietly before Olivia announces to Noah it's close to bedtime. She doesn't make him bathe, and with Rafael's insistence, he reads the little boy to bed.

Olivia is cleaning up the kitchen.

"How was your day?" Rafael asks.

"Busy, as always. Mya is nice, and she is doing really well, but she isn't Rafael Barba." Olivia admitted.

"I know, but hey, we still have a few cases to go," Rafael stated.

"Then what?" Olivia questions, despite trying to keep the thought to herself.

Rafael sighed.

"Then I come over and eat pizza with you and Noah as often as you let me." Rafael answered.

Olivia looks over at him.

"We both know that isn't how this works," Olivia said flatly.

"How what works Liv?" Rafael asked.

"This, us, friendship outside the squad. You're with Vice now and despite us still having cases now. Eventually, we won't, and you'll be with Vice and I will be with SVU, and maybe we'll pass by maybe on special occasions we'll see each other, but I've been doing this a long time Barba trust me you'll leave." Olivia said, trying her best not to cry.

Rafael looked at her, his face pale with worry. His stomach in knots thinking about not seeing her anymore. He definitely didn't like her ideas of the future. They were bleak and upsetting.

"Liv, I'm not just going to leave you." Rafael insists.

"They all do." Olivia claims.

"What in the hell are you talking about, Liv?" Rafael asks sharply.

"I've dealt with a lot of people leaving over the years, and more often than not, once you leave the place, you don't come back even for your friends." Oliva stated.

Rafael couldn't help but get angry.

"I know I'm an asshole Liv, but I didn't think you thought I was so callous." Rafael stated. He was pissed that Olivia thought their friendship meant nothing to him.

"I'll see you around Olivia," Rafael called out as he walked to the door.

Olivia couldn't open her mouth to say anything and let the man walk out of her life, closing the door for what she felt was the last time.

Rafael walked into the precinct to coach Fin for an upcoming case. He hadn't talked to Olivia since that night, and although he ached to hear her voice, he was still angry. He had been talking to Fin and noticed she wasn't in her office.

"She's out on a call." Fin said as if reading Rafael's mind.

Fin went with him to an interrogation room to go over the questioning.

They had been there for about 30 minutes, when Rafael finally asked what he felt.

"Do you think after I'm done with the last case, I'll talk to you again?" Rafael asked.

Fin gave him a glare.

"Yeah, man, I'm sure our paths will cross." Fin stated.

"No, I mean invite you out," Rafael stated.

Fin eyebrows shot up.

"Who the hell hurt you all?" Rafael asks angrily.

"What is this about, Barba?" Fin asked.

Rafael licks his lips, not sure if he should confine in Fin the conversation he had with Olivia.

"I was at Liv's house the other day, and she is convinced that after our last case is over, we'll never see each other again," Rafael claimed.

Fin looked at him for a second.

"Look, man, it's not my story to tell, but she's been hurt by a lot of people, a lot of "friends," and more than friends. Don't take it personally. She has a lot of hurt and you're just going to have to show her you're a friend, no matter what." Fin claimed.

Rafael shook his head, suddenly feeling worse because despite being friends he has no idea who has hurt her. Of course he knew about the break-ups over the years and some of her childhood, but he couldn't help but wonder why no one would stay friends with Olivia Benson. It was hard not to gravitate to her.

When they come out of the interrogation rooms, he sees her back at her desk, typing away.

"Hey," Rafael says quietly.

She looked up and gave a sad smile.

"Hey," Olivia claimed.

"Can you swing by my place sometime this week?" Rafael asked.

"Sure, I'll let you know," Olivia claimed.

"I look forward too it." Rafael smiled and walked slowly out of her office and to the elevators.

Olivia was knocking on Rafael's door 3 days later. He let her come in.

"I want to apologize for a few weeks ago, but you got to know Liv, your my best friend, and there is no way I'm giving you up." Rafael claims.

Olivia doesn't know if she can entirely trust the statement, but she gives in to his words and nods.

"Okay." She stated simply and nods her head. Rafael comes and wraps his arms around her.

They both take in deep breaths and ignore the spark they feel just holding on to each other as if they would blow away.

More weeks pass, and Rafael and Olivia are talking every day either by text or video chat. They ask about each other's day. Rafael offers to take her and Noah out to dinners, which she gladly accepts, and they spend more and more time together.

Olivia can't help but feel overwhelmed by him. She definitely had feeling before but now, she felt like she was falling even more despite herself. She didn't want this to turn into a romance. She had no room, or so she thought, but Rafael Barba was proving her wrong daily.

Olivia was happy. She had loved going out with Rafael, the whole squad had been out a few times, and overall Olivia felt more balance in her life. She missed him by her side at work, but it gave them something to talk about. Vice had sounded exciting, and both were giving advice to each other about the next steps in their cases.

It was a random night when Rafael kisses Olivia goodnight at her doorstep, it was barely more than a peck on the lips but her lips were instantly on fire, Rafael blushed at his own doings and let out a raspy "goodnight" before fleeing quickly back down to his car.

The next day Olivia packs up early and goes to the DA office. She takes the familiar route to his office, he is stunned to see her there and smiles instantly.

She closes the door, notices his blinds are already closed.

"What do you need?" Rafael asked.

"You," Olivia says simply.

Rafael is not sure what to think of her simple statement and stands up confused.

She walks over to him in three steps, pulls him by his collar onto her lips, and she can't help but feel dizzy by his kiss.

"Um, uh, let me pack up here. We can go to my place?" Rafael asks.

Olivia simply nodded, stepping back, trying to give him some space. Olivia's not sure if Rafael even knows what he is packing in his briefcase, but she doesn't say a word and follows him out the door.

When they get back to his apartment, they are instantly touching. There hand all over each other.

"Liv?" Rafael asks.

"Yeah?" Olivia asks as her hand spread over his chest.

"I wasn't sure, I could win you over." Rafael says seriously.

"You already have," Olivia claims.

"I can see that," Rafael states as he lets out a deep laugh.

"But, you could have anyone, Liv," Rafael says honestly.

"Rafael Barba, you are patient, you listen, and you're easy on the eyes, you could have your pick yourself." Olivia admits.

"I want you." Rafael claims.

"Despite my best efforts, you have me, Barba," Olivia stated.

Their lips meet, and before she knows it clothes are on the floor, she is allowing him to pull her into his bedroom with her only thoughts being why she waited this long.